°®°®Ð¡ËµÍø > ÆäËûµç×ÓÊé > the complete works of artemus ward, part 2 >

µÚ3ÕÂ

the complete works of artemus ward, part 2-µÚ3ÕÂ

С˵£º the complete works of artemus ward, part 2 ×ÖÊý£º ÿҳ3500×Ö

°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡û »ò ¡ú ¿É¿ìËÙÉÏÏ·­Ò³£¬°´¼üÅÌÉ쵀 Enter ¼ü¿É»Øµ½±¾ÊéĿ¼ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡ü ¿É»Øµ½±¾Ò³¶¥²¿£¡
¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªÎ´ÔĶÁÍꣿ¼ÓÈëÊéÇ©ÒѱãÏ´μÌÐøÔĶÁ£¡



there¡¡vote¡¡jest¡¡as¡¡you¡¡darn¡¡please¡£¡¡¡¡This¡¡is¡¡a¡¡privilege¡¡we
all¡¡persess£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡is¡¡1¡¡of¡¡the¡¡booties¡¡of¡¡this¡¡grate¡¡and¡¡free
land¡£

I¡¡see¡¡mutch¡¡to¡¡admire¡¡in¡¡New¡¡Englan¡£¡¡¡¡Your¡¡gals¡¡in¡¡partickular
air¡¡abowt¡¡as¡¡snug¡¡bilt¡¡peaces¡¡of¡¡Calliker¡¡as¡¡I¡¡ever¡¡saw¡£¡¡¡¡They
air¡¡fully¡¡equal¡¡to¡¡the¡¡corn¡¡fed¡¡gals¡¡of¡¡Ohio¡¡and¡¡Injianny¡¡and
will¡¡make¡¡the¡¡bestest¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡wives¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡sets¡¡my¡¡Buzzum¡¡on
fire¡¡to¡¡look¡¡at¡¡'em¡£

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Be¡¡still£»¡¡my¡¡sole£»¡¡be¡¡still£»
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡&¡¡you£»¡¡Hart£»¡¡stop¡¡cuttin¡¡up£¡

I¡¡like¡¡your¡¡skool¡¡houses£»¡¡your¡¡meetin¡¡houses£»¡¡your¡¡enterprise£»
gumpshun¡¡&c¡££»¡¡but¡¡your¡¡favorit¡¡Bevridge¡¡I¡¡disgust¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡allude
to¡¡New¡¡England¡¡Rum¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡is¡¡wuss¡¡nor¡¡the¡¡korn¡¡whisky¡¡of
Injianny£»¡¡which¡¡eats¡¡threw¡¡stone¡¡jugs¡¡&¡¡will¡¡turn¡¡the¡¡stummuck
of¡¡the¡¡most¡¡shiftliss¡¡Hog¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡seldom¡¡seek¡¡consolashun¡¡in¡¡the
flowin¡¡Bole£»¡¡but¡¡tother¡¡day¡¡I¡¡wurrid¡¡down¡¡some¡¡of¡¡your¡¡Rum¡£
The¡¡fust¡¡glass¡¡indused¡¡me¡¡to¡¡sware¡¡like¡¡a¡¡infooriated¡¡trooper¡£
On¡¡takin¡¡the¡¡secund¡¡glass¡¡I¡¡was¡¡seezed¡¡with¡¡a¡¡desire¡¡to¡¡break
winders£»¡¡&¡¡arter¡¡imbibin¡¡the¡¡third¡¡glass¡¡I¡¡knockt¡¡a¡¡small¡¡boy
down£»¡¡pickt¡¡his¡¡pocket¡¡of¡¡a¡¡New¡¡York¡¡Ledger£»¡¡and¡¡wildly
commenced¡¡readin¡¡Sylvanus¡¡Kobb's¡¡last¡¡Tail¡£¡¡¡¡Its¡¡drefful
stuffa¡¡sort¡¡of¡¡lickwid¡¡litenin£»¡¡gut¡¡up¡¡under¡¡the¡¡personal
supervishun¡¡of¡¡the¡¡deviltears¡¡men's¡¡inards¡¡all¡¡to¡¡peaces¡¡and
makes¡¡their¡¡noses¡¡blossum¡¡as¡¡the¡¡Lobster¡£¡¡¡¡Shun¡¡it¡¡as¡¡you
would¡¡a¡¡wild¡¡hyeny¡¡with¡¡a¡¡firebrand¡¡tied¡¡to¡¡his¡¡tale£»¡¡and
while¡¡you¡¡air¡¡abowt¡¡it¡¡you¡¡will¡¡do¡¡a¡¡first¡­rate¡¡thing¡¡for
yourself¡¡and¡¡everybody¡¡abowt¡¡you¡¡by¡¡shunnin¡¡all¡¡kinds¡¡of
intoxicatin¡¡lickers¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡don't¡¡need¡¡'em¡¡no¡¡more'n¡¡a¡¡cat¡¡needs
2¡¡tales£»¡¡sayin¡¡nothin¡¡abowt¡¡the¡¡trubble¡¡and¡¡sufferin¡¡they
cawse¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡unless¡¡your¡¡inards¡¡air¡¡cast¡¡iron£»¡¡avoid¡¡New
England's¡¡favorite¡¡Bevrige¡£

My¡¡frends£»¡¡I'm¡¡dun¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡tear¡¡myself¡¡away¡¡from¡¡you¡¡with¡¡tears¡¡in
my¡¡eyes¡¡&¡¡a¡¡pleasant¡¡oder¡¡of¡¡Onyins¡¡abowt¡¡my¡¡close¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡the
langwidge¡¡of¡¡Mister¡¡Catterline¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Rummuns£»¡¡I¡¡go£»¡¡but
perhaps¡¡I¡¡shall¡¡cum¡¡back¡¡agin¡£¡¡¡¡Adoo£»¡¡people¡¡of¡¡Weathersfield¡£
Be¡¡virtoous¡¡&¡¡you'll¡¡be¡¡happy£¡


2¡£4¡£¡¡¡¡THE¡¡WAR¡¡FEVER¡¡IN¡¡BALDINSVILLE¡£

As¡¡soon¡¡as¡¡I'd¡¡recooperated¡¡my¡¡physikil¡¡system£»¡¡I¡¡went¡¡over
into¡¡the¡¡village¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡peasantry¡¡was¡¡glad¡¡to¡¡see¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡The
skoolmaster¡¡sed¡¡it¡¡was¡¡cheerin¡¡to¡¡see¡¡that¡¡gigantic¡¡intelleck
among¡¡'em¡¡onct¡¡more¡£¡¡¡¡That's¡¡what¡¡he¡¡called¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡like¡¡the
skoolmaster£»¡¡and¡¡allers¡¡send¡¡him¡¡tobacker¡¡when¡¡I'm¡¡off¡¡on¡¡a
travelin¡¡campane¡£¡¡¡¡Besides£»¡¡he¡¡is¡¡a¡¡very¡¡sensible¡¡man¡£¡¡¡¡Such
men¡¡must¡¡be¡¡encouraged¡£

They¡¡don't¡¡git¡¡news¡¡very¡¡fast¡¡in¡¡Baldinsville£»¡¡as¡¡nothin¡¡but¡¡a
plank¡¡road¡¡runs¡¡in¡¡there¡¡twice¡¡a¡¡week£»¡¡and¡¡that's¡¡very¡¡much
out¡¡of¡¡repair¡£¡¡¡¡So¡¡my¡¡nabers¡¡wasn't¡¡much¡¡posted¡¡up¡¡in¡¡regard
to¡¡the¡¡wars¡£¡¡¡¡'Squire¡¡Baxter¡¡sed¡¡he'd¡¡voted¡¡the¡¡dimicratic
ticket¡¡for¡¡goin¡¡on¡¡forty¡¡year£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡war¡¡was¡¡a¡¡dam¡¡black
republican¡¡lie¡£¡¡¡¡Jo¡£¡¡Stackpole£»¡¡who¡¡kills¡¡hogs¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Squire£»
and¡¡has¡¡got¡¡a¡¡powerful¡¡muscle¡¡into¡¡his¡¡arms£»¡¡sed¡¡he'd¡¡bet¡¡5
dollars¡¡he¡¡could¡¡lick¡¡the¡¡Crisis¡¡in¡¡a¡¡fair¡¡stand¡­up¡¡fight£»¡¡if
he¡¡wouldn't¡¡draw¡¡a¡¡knife¡¡on¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡So¡¡it¡¡wentsum¡¡was¡¡for¡¡war£»
and¡¡sum¡¡was¡¡for¡¡peace¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡skoolmaster£»¡¡however£»¡¡sed¡¡the
Slave¡¡Oligarky¡¡must¡¡cower¡¡at¡¡the¡¡feet¡¡of¡¡the¡¡North¡¡ere¡¡a¡¡year
had¡¡flowed¡¡by£»¡¡or¡¡pass¡¡over¡¡his¡¡dead¡¡corpse¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Esto¡¡perpetua£¡¡¨
he¡¡added£¡¡¡¡¡¡¨And¡¡sine¡¡qua¡¡non¡¡also£¡¡¨¡¡sed¡¡I£»¡¡sternly£»¡¡wishing¡¡to
make¡¡a¡¡impression¡¡onto¡¡the¡¡villagers¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Requiescat¡¡in¡¡pace£¡¡¨
sed¡¡the¡¡skoolmaster£»¡¡¡¨Too¡¡troo£»¡¡too¡¡troo£¡¡¨¡¡I¡¡anserd£»¡¡¡¨it's¡¡a
scanderlus¡¡fact£¡¡¨

The¡¡newspapers¡¡got¡¡along¡¡at¡¡last£»¡¡chock¡¡full¡¡of¡¡war£»¡¡and¡¡the
patriotic¡¡fever¡¡fairly¡¡bust¡¡out¡¡in¡¡Baldinsville¡£¡¡¡¡'Squire
Baxter¡¡sed¡¡he¡¡didn't¡¡b'lieve¡¡in¡¡Coercion£»¡¡not¡¡one¡¡of¡¡'em£»¡¡and
could¡¡prove¡¡by¡¡a¡¡file¡¡of¡¡¡¨Eagles¡¡of¡¡Liberty¡¨¡¡in¡¡his¡¡garrit£»
that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡all¡¡a¡¡Whig¡¡lie£»¡¡got¡¡up¡¡to¡¡raise¡¡the¡¡price¡¡of
whisky¡¡and¡¡destroy¡¡our¡¡other¡¡liberties¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡the¡¡old¡¡'Squire
got¡¡putty¡¡riley£»¡¡when¡¡he¡¡heard¡¡how¡¡the¡¡rebels¡¡was¡¡cuttin¡¡up£»
and¡¡he¡¡sed¡¡he¡¡reckoned¡¡he¡¡should¡¡skour¡¡up¡¡his¡¡old¡¡muskit¡¡and
do¡¡a¡¡little¡¡square¡¡fitin¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Old¡¡Flag£»¡¡which¡¡had¡¡allers
bin¡¡on¡¡the¡¡ticket¡¡HE'D¡¡voted£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡was¡¡too¡¡old¡¡to¡¡Bolt¡¡now¡£
The¡¡'Squire¡¡is¡¡all¡¡right¡¡at¡¡heart£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡takes¡¡longer¡¡for¡¡him
to¡¡fill¡¡his¡¡venerable¡¡Biler¡¡with¡¡steam¡¡than¡¡it¡¡used¡¡to¡¡when¡¡he
was¡¡young¡¡and¡¡frisky¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡I¡¡previously¡¡informed¡¡you£»¡¡I¡¡am
Captin¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Baldinsville¡¡Company¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡riz¡¡gradooally¡¡but
majestically¡¡from¡¡drummer's¡¡Secretary¡¡to¡¡my¡¡present¡¡position¡£
But¡¡I¡¡found¡¡the¡¡ranks¡¡wasn't¡¡full¡¡by¡¡no¡¡means£»¡¡and¡¡commenced
for¡¡to¡¡recroot¡£¡¡¡¡Havin¡¡notist¡¡a¡¡gineral¡¡desire¡¡on¡¡the¡¡part¡¡of
young¡¡men¡¡who¡¡are¡¡into¡¡the¡¡crisis¡¡to¡¡wear¡¡eppylits£»¡¡I
detarmined¡¡to¡¡have¡¡my¡¡company¡¡composed¡¡excloosviely¡¡of
offissers£»¡¡everybody¡¡to¡¡rank¡¡as¡¡Brigadeer¡­Ginral¡£¡¡¡¡The
follerin¡¡was¡¡among¡¡the¡¡varis¡¡questions¡¡which¡¡I¡¡put¡¡to
recroots£º

¡¡¡¡Do¡¡you¡¡know¡¡a¡¡masked¡¡battery¡¡from¡¡a¡¡hunk¡¡of¡¡gingerbread£¿

¡¡¡¡Do¡¡you¡¡know¡¡a¡¡eppylit¡¡from¡¡a¡¡piece¡¡of¡¡chalk£¿

¡¡¡¡If¡¡I¡¡trust¡¡you¡¡with¡¡a¡¡real¡¡gun£»¡¡how¡¡many¡¡men¡¡of¡¡your¡¡own
company¡¡do¡¡you¡¡speck¡¡you¡¡can¡¡manage¡¡to¡¡kill¡¡durin¡¡the¡¡war£¿

¡¡¡¡Hav¡¡you¡¡ever¡¡heard¡¡of¡¡Ginral¡¡Price¡¡of¡¡Missouri£»¡¡and¡¡can¡¡you
avoid¡¡simler¡¡accidents¡¡in¡¡case¡¡of¡¡a¡¡battle£¿

¡¡¡¡Have¡¡you¡¡ever¡¡had¡¡the¡¡measles£»¡¡and¡¡if¡¡so£»¡¡how¡¡many£¿

¡¡¡¡How¡¡air¡¡you¡¡now£¿

¡¡¡¡Show¡¡me¡¡your¡¡tongue£»¡¡&c¡££»¡¡&c¡£¡¡¡¡Sum¡¡of¡¡the¡¡questions¡¡was
sarcusstical¡£

The¡¡company¡¡filled¡¡up¡¡rapid£»¡¡and¡¡last¡¡Sunday¡¡we¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the
meetin¡¡house¡¡in¡¡full¡¡uniform¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡had¡¡a¡¡seris¡¡time¡¡gittin¡¡into
my¡¡military¡¡harness£»¡¡as¡¡it¡¡was¡¡bilt¡¡for¡¡me¡¡many¡¡years¡¡ago£»¡¡but
I¡¡finally¡¡got¡¡inside¡¡of¡¡it£»¡¡tho'¡¡it¡¡fitted¡¡me¡¡putty¡¡clost¡£
Howsever£»¡¡onct¡¡into¡¡it£»¡¡I¡¡lookt¡¡finein¡¡fact£»¡¡aw¡­inspirin¡£
¡¨Do¡¡you¡¡know¡¡me£»¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Ward£¿¡¨¡¡sed¡¡I£»¡¡walking¡¡into¡¡the¡¡kitchin¡£

¡¨Know¡¡you£»¡¡you¡¡old¡¡fool£¿¡¡¡¡Of¡¡course¡¡I¡¡do¡£¡¨

I¡¡saw¡¡at¡¡once¡¡she¡¡did¡£

I¡¡started¡¡for¡¡the¡¡meetin¡¡house£»¡¡and¡¡I'm¡¡afraid¡¡I¡¡tried¡¡to¡¡walk
too¡¡strate£»¡¡for¡¡I¡¡cum¡¡very¡¡near¡¡fallin¡¡over¡¡backards£»¡¡and¡¡in
attemptin¡¡to¡¡recover¡¡myself£»¡¡my¡¡sword¡¡got¡¡mixed¡¡up¡¡with¡¡my
legs£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡fell¡¡in¡¡among¡¡a¡¡choice¡¡collection¡¡of¡¡young¡¡ladies£»
who¡¡was¡¡standin¡¡near¡¡the¡¡church¡¡door¡¡a¡­seein¡¡the¡¡sojer¡¡boys
come¡¡up¡£¡¡¡¡My¡¡cockt¡¡hat¡¡fell¡¡off£»¡¡and¡¡sumhow¡¡my¡¡coat¡¡tales¡¡got
twisted¡¡round¡¡my¡¡neck¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡young¡¡ladies¡¡put¡¡their
handkerchers¡¡to¡¡their¡¡mouths¡¡and¡¡remarked£º¡¡¡¡¡¨Te¡¡he£»¡¨¡¡while¡¡my
ancient¡¡female¡¡single¡¡friend£»¡¡Sary¡¡Peasley£»¡¡bust¡¡out¡¡in¡¡a¡¡loud
larf¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡exercised¡¡her¡¡mouth¡¡so¡¡vilently¡¡that¡¡her¡¡new¡¡false
teeth¡¡fell¡¡out¡¡onto¡¡the¡¡ground¡£

¡¨Miss¡¡Peaseley£»¡¨¡¡sed¡¡I£»¡¡gittin¡¡up¡¡and¡¡dustin¡¡myself£»¡¡¡¨you¡¡must
be¡¡more¡¡careful¡¡with¡¡them¡¡store¡¡teeth¡¡of¡¡your'n¡¡or¡¡you'll¡¡have
to¡¡gum¡¡it¡¡agin£¡¡¨

Methinks¡¡I¡¡had¡¡her¡£

I'd¡¡bin¡¡to¡¡work¡¡hard¡¡all¡¡the¡¡week£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡felt¡¡rather¡¡snoozy¡£
I'm¡¡'fraid¡¡I¡¡did¡¡git¡¡half¡¡asleep£»¡¡for¡¡on¡¡hearin¡¡the¡¡minister
ask£»¡¡¡¨Why¡¡was¡¡man¡¡made¡¡to¡¡mourn£¿¡¨¡¡I¡¡sed£»¡¡¡¨I¡¡giv¡¡it¡¡up£»¡¨¡¡havin
a¡¡vague¡¡idee¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡a¡¡condrum¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡a¡¡onfortnit
remark£»¡¡for¡¡the¡¡whole¡¡meetin¡¡house¡¡lookt¡¡at¡¡me¡¡with¡¡mingled
surprise¡¡and¡¡indignation¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡was¡¡about¡¡risin¡¡to¡¡a¡¡pint¡¡of
order£»¡¡when¡¡it¡¡suddenly¡¡occurd¡¡to¡¡me¡¡whare¡¡I¡¡was£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡kept
my¡¡seat£»¡¡blushin¡¡like¡¡the¡¡red£»¡¡red¡¡roseso¡¡to¡¡speak¡£

The¡¡next¡¡mornin¡¡I¡¡'rose¡¡with¡¡the¡¡lark¡¡£¨N¡£B¡£I¡¡don't¡¡sleep
with¡¡the¡¡lark£»¡¡tho¡£'¡¡¡¡A¡¡goak£©¡£

My¡¡little¡¡dawter¡¡was¡¡execootin¡¡ballids£»¡¡accompanyin¡¡herself
with¡¡the¡¡Akordeon£»¡¡and¡¡she¡¡wisht¡¡me¡¡to¡¡linger¡¡and¡¡hear¡¡her
sing£º¡¡¡¡¡¨Hark¡¡I¡¡hear¡¡a¡¡angel¡¡singin£»¡¡a¡¡angel¡¡now¡¡is¡¡onto¡¡the
wing¡£¡¨

¡¨Let¡¡him¡¡fly£»¡¡my¡¡child£¡¡¨¡¡sed¡¡I£»¡¡a¡­bucklin¡¡on¡¡my¡¡armer£»¡¡¡¨I¡¡must
forth¡¡to¡¡my¡¡Biz¡£¡¨

We¡¡air¡¡progressin¡¡pretty¡¡well¡¡with¡¡our¡¡drill¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡all¡¡air
commandin¡¡offissers£»¡¡there¡¡ain't¡¡no¡¡jelusy£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡we¡¡air¡¡all
exceedin¡¡smart£»¡¡it¡¡t'aint¡¡worth¡¡while¡¡to¡¡try¡¡to¡¡outstrip¡¡each
other¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡idee¡¡of¡¡a¡¡company¡¡composed¡¡excloosively¡¡of
Commanders¡­in¡­Chiefs£»¡¡orriggernated£»¡¡I¡¡spose¡¡I¡¡skurcely¡¡need
say£»¡¡in¡¡these¡¡Brane¡£¡¡¡¡Considered¡¡AS¡¡a¡¡idee£»¡¡I¡¡flatter¡¡myself
it¡¡is¡¡putty¡¡hefty¡£¡¡¡¡We've¡¡got¡¡all¡¡the¡¡tackticks¡¡at¡¡our¡¡tongs'
ends£»¡¡but¡¡what¡¡we¡¡particly¡¡excel¡¡in¡¡is¡¡restin¡¡muskits¡£¡¡¡¡We¡¡can
rest¡¡muskits¡¡with¡¡anybody¡£

Our¡¡corpse¡¡will¡¡do¡¡its¡¡dooty¡£¡¡¡¡We¡¡go¡¡to¡¡the¡¡aid¡¡of¡¡Columbywe
fight¡¡for¡¡the¡¡stars£¡

We'll¡¡be¡¡chopt¡¡into¡¡sassige¡¡meat¡¡before¡¡we'll¡¡exhibit¡¡our
cote¡­tales¡¡to¡¡the¡¡foe¡£

We'll¡¡fight¡¡till¡¡there's¡¡nothin¡¡left¡¡of¡¡us¡¡but¡¡our¡¡little¡¡toes
and¡¡even¡¡they¡¡shall¡¡defiantly¡¡wiggle£¡

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¨Ever¡¡of¡¡thee£»¡¨
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡A¡£¡¡Ward¡£


2¡£5¡£¡¡¡¡A¡¡WAR¡¡MEETING¡£

Our¡¡complaint¡¡just¡¡now¡¡is¡¡war¡¡meetin's¡£¡¡¡¡They've¡¡bin¡¡havin¡¡'em
bad¡¡in¡¡varis¡¡parts¡¡of¡¡our¡¡cheerful¡¡Republic£»¡¡and¡¡nat'rally¡¡we
caught¡¡'em¡¡here¡¡in¡¡Baldinsville¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡broke¡¡out¡¡all¡¡over¡¡us¡£
They're¡¡better¡¡attended¡¡than¡¡the¡¡Eclipse¡¡was¡£

I¡¡remember¡¡how¡¡people¡¡poured¡¡into¡¡our¡¡town¡¡last¡¡Spring¡¡to¡¡see
the¡¡Eclipse¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡labored¡¡into¡¡a¡¡impression¡¡that¡¡they
couldn't¡¡see¡¡it¡¡to¡¡home£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡they¡¡cum¡¡up¡¡to¡¡our¡¡place¡£¡¡¡¡I
cleared¡¡a¡¡very¡¡handsome¡¡amount¡¡of¡¡money¡¡by¡¡exhibitin'¡¡the
Eclipse¡¡to¡¡'em£»¡¡in¡¡an¡¡open¡­top¡¡tent¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡the¡¡crowds¡¡is¡¡bigger
now¡£¡¡¡¡Posey¡¡County¡¡is¡¡aroused¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡may¡¡say£»¡¡indeed£»¡¡that¡¡the
pra¡­hay¡­ories¡¡of¡¡Injianny¡¡is¡¡on¡¡fire¡£

Our¡¡big¡¡meetin'¡¡came¡¡off¡¡the¡¡other¡¡night£»¡¡and¡¡our¡¡old¡¡friend
of¡¡the¡¡¡¨Bugle¡¨¡¡was¡¡elected¡¡Cheerman¡£

The¡¡¡¨Bugle¡­Horn¡¡of¡¡Liberty¡¨¡¡is¡¡one¡¡of¡¡Baldinsville's¡¡most
eminentest¡¡institootions¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡advertisements¡¡are¡¡well¡­
written£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡deaths¡¡and¡¡marriages¡¡are¡¡conducted¡¡with
signal¡¡ability¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡editor£»¡¡MR¡£¡¡SLINKERS£»¡¡is¡¡a¡¡polish'd£»
skarcastic¡¡writer¡£¡¡¡¡Folks¡¡in¡¡these¡¡parts¡¡will¡¡not¡¡soon¡¡forgit
how¡¡he¡¡used¡¡up¡¡the¡¡¡¨Eagle¡¡of¡¡Freedom£»¡¨¡¡a¡¡family¡¡journal
published¡¡at¡¡Snootville£»¡¡near¡¡here¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡controversy¡¡was¡¡about
a¡¡plank¡¡road¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨The¡¡road¡¡may¡¡be£»¡¡as¡¡our¡¡cotemporary¡¡says£»¡¡a
humbug£»¡¡but¡¡OUR¡¡aunt¡¡isn't¡¡bald¡­heded£»¡¡and¡¡WE¡¡haven't¡¡got¡¡a
one¡­eyed¡¡sister¡¡Sal£¡¡¡¡¡Wonder¡¡if¡¡the¡¡Editor¡¡of¡¡the¡¡¡¨Eagle¡¡of
Freedom¡¨¡¡sees¡¡it£¿¡¨¡¡¡¡This¡¡used¡¡up¡¡the¡¡¡¨Eagle¡¡of¡¡Freedom¡¨
feller£»¡¡because¡¡his¡¡aunt's¡¡head¡¡does¡¡present¡¡a¡¡skinn'd
appearance£»¡¡and¡¡his¡¡sister¡¡SARAH¡¡is¡¡very¡¡much¡¡one¡­eyed¡£¡¡¡¡For¡¡a
genteel¡¡home¡­thrust£»¡¡MR¡£¡¡SLINKERS¡¡has¡¡few¡¡ekals¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡is¡¡a¡¡man
of¡¡great¡¡pluck¡¡likewise¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡has¡¡a¡¡fierce¡¡nostril£»¡¡and¡¡I
believe¡¡upon¡¡my¡¡soul¡¡that¡¡if¡¡it¡¡wasn't¡¡absolootly¡¡necessary
for¡¡him¡¡to¡¡remain¡¡here¡¡and¡¡announce¡¡in¡¡his¡¡paper£»¡¡from¡¡week¡¡to
week£»¡¡that¡¡¡¨our¡¡Gov'ment¡¡is¡¡about¡¡to¡¡take¡¡vig'rous¡¡measures¡¡to
put¡¡down¡¡the¡¡rebellion¡¨I¡¡b'lieve£»¡¡upon¡¡my¡¡soul£»¡¡this
illustris¡¡man¡¡would¡¡enlist¡¡as¡¡a¡¡Brigadier¡¡Gin'ral£»¡¡and¡¡git¡¡his
Bounty¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡£¡¡¡¡¡£¡¡¡¡¡£¡¡¡¡¡£

I¡¡was¡¡fixin¡¡myself¡¡up¡¡to¡¡attend¡¡the¡¡great¡¡war¡¡meetin'£»¡¡when¡¡my
daughter¡¡entered¡¡with¡¡a¡¡young¡¡man¡¡who¡¡was¡¡evijently¡¡from¡¡the
city£»¡¡and¡¡who¡¡wore¡¡long¡¡hair£»¡¡and¡¡had¡¡a¡¡wild¡¡expression¡¡into
his¡¡eye¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡one¡¡hand¡¡he¡¡carried¡¡a¡¡port¡­folio£»¡¡and¡¡his¡¡other
paw¡¡claspt¡¡a¡¡bunch¡¡of¡¡small¡¡brushes¡£¡¡¡¡My¡¡daughter¡¡introduced
him¡¡as¡¡MR¡£¡¡SWEIBIER£»¡¡the¡¡distinguished¡¡landscape¡¡painter¡¡from
Philadelphy¡£

¡¨He¡¡is¡¡a¡¡artist£»¡¡papa¡£¡¡¡¡Here¡¡is¡¡one¡¡of¡¡his¡¡master¡­piecesa
young¡¡mother¡¡gazin'¡¡admirin'ly¡¡upon¡¡her¡¡first¡­born£»¡¨¡¡and¡¡my
daughter¡¡showed¡¡me¡¡a¡¡really¡¡pretty¡¡picter£»¡¡done¡¡in¡¡ile¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Is
it¡¡not¡¡beautiful£»¡¡papa£¿¡¡¡¡He¡¡throws¡¡so¡¡much¡¡soul¡¡into¡¡his
work¡£¡¨

¡¨Does¡¡he£¿¡¡does¡¡he£¿¡¨¡¡said¡¡I¡¨well£»¡¡I¡¡reckon¡¡I'd¡¡better¡¡hire
him¡¡to¡¡whitewash¡¡our¡¡fence¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡needs¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡What¡¡will¡¡you
charge£»¡¡sir£»¡¨¡¡I¡¡continued£»¡¡¡¨to¡¡throw¡¡some¡¡soul¡¡into¡¡my¡¡fence£¿¡¨

My¡¡daughter¡¡went¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡room¡¡in¡¡very¡¡short¡¡meeter£»¡¡takin'
the¡¡artist¡¡with¡¡her£»¡¡and¡¡from¡¡the¡¡emphatical¡¡manner¡¡in¡¡which
the¡¡door¡¡slam'd£»¡¡I¡¡concluded¡¡she¡¡was¡¡summat¡¡disgusted¡¡at¡¡my
remarks¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡closed¡¡the¡¡door£»¡¡I¡¡may¡¡say£»¡¡in¡¡ITALICS¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡went
into¡¡the¡¡closet¡¡and¡¡larfed¡¡all¡¡alone¡¡by¡¡myself¡¡for¡¡ov

·µ»ØĿ¼ ÉÏÒ»Ò³ ÏÂÒ»Ò³ »Øµ½¶¥²¿ ÔÞ£¨0£© ²È£¨0£©

Äã¿ÉÄÜϲ»¶µÄ