from this world to the next-第3章

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the　windows；　and　in　the　latter　were　visibly　exposed　all　kinds　of

the　richest　dainties；　but　on　our　entering　the　city　we　found；

contrary　to　all　we　had　seen　in　the　other　world；　that　the　suburbs

were　infinitely　pleasanter　than　the　city　itself。　　It　was　indeed　a

very　dull；　dark；　and　melancholy　place。　　Few　people　appeared　in

the　streets；　and　these；　for　the　most　part；　were　old　women；　and

here　and　there　a　formal　grave　gentleman；　who　seemed

to　be　thinking；　with　large　tie…wigs　on；　and　amber…headed　canes　in

their　hands。　　We　were　all　in　hopes　that　our　vehicle　would　not

stop　here；　but；　to　our　sorrow；　the　coach　soon　drove　into　an　inn；

and　we　were　obliged　to　alight。





CHAPTER　III　



The　adventures　we　met　with　in　the　City　of　Diseases。　　



We　had　not　been　long　arrived　in　our　inn；　where　it　seems　we　were

to　spend　the　remainder　of　the　day；　before　our　host　acquainted　us

that　it　was　customary　for　all　spirits；　in　their　passage　through

that　city；　to　pay　their　respects　to　that　lady　Disease；　to　whose

assistance　they　had　owed　their　deliverance　from　the　lower　world。　

We　answered　we　should　not　fail　in　any　complacence　which　was　usual

to　others；　upon　which　our　host　replied　he　would　immediately　send

porters　to　conduct　us。　　He　had　not　long　quitted　the　room　before

we　were　attended　by　some　of　those　grave　persons　whom　I　have

before　described　in　large　tie…wigs　with　amber…headed　canes。　

These　gentlemen　are　the　ticket…porters　in　the　city；　and　their

canes　are　the　insignia；　or　tickets；　denoting　their　office。　　We

informed　them　of　the　several　ladies　to　whom　we　were　obliged；　and

were　preparing　to　follow　them；　when　on　a　sudden　they　all　stared

at　one　another；　and　left　us　in　a　hurry；　with　a　frown　on　every

countenance。　　We　were　surprised　at　this　behavior；　and　presently

summoned　the　host；　who　was　no　sooner　acquainted　with　it　than　he

burst　into　an　hearty　laugh；　and　told　us　the　reason　was；　because

we　did　not　fee　the　gentlemen　the　moment　they　came　in；　according

to　the　custom　of　the　place。　　We　answered；　with　some　confusion；　we

had　brought　nothing　with　us　from　the　other　world；　which　we　had

been　all　our　lives　informed　was　not　lawful　to　do。　　〃No；　no；

master；〃　replied　the　host；　〃I　am　apprised　of　that；　and　indeed　it

was　my　fault。　　I　should　have　first　sent　you　to　my　lord　Scrape；＇7＇

who　would　have　supplied　you　with　what　you　want。〃　　〃My　lord　Scrape

supply　us！〃　said　I；　with　astonishment：　　〃sure　you　must　know　we

cannot　give　him　security；　and　I　am　convinced　he　never　lent　a

shilling　without　it　in　his　life。〃　　〃No；　sir；〃　answered　the　host；

〃and　for　that　reason　he　is　obliged　to　do　it　here；　where　he　is

sentenced　to　keep　a　bank；　and　to　distribute　money　gratis　to　all

passengers。　　This　bank　originally　consisted　of　just　that　sum；

which　he　had　miserably　hoarded　up　in　the　other　world；　and　he　is

to　perceive　it　decrease　visibly　one　shilling　a…day；　till　it　is

totally　exhausted；　after　which　he　is　to　return　to　the　other

world；　and　perform　the　part　of　a　miser　for　seventy　years；　then；

being　purified　in　the　body　of　a　hog；　he　is　to　enter　the　human

species　again；　and　take　a　second　trial。〃　　〃Sir；〃　said　I；　〃you

tell　me　wonders：　　but　if　his　bank　be　to　decrease　only　a　shilling

a　day；　how　can　he　furnish　all　passengers？〃　　〃The　rest；〃　answered

the　host；　〃is　supplied　again；　but　in　a　manner　which　I　cannot

easily　explain　to　you。〃　　〃I　apprehend；〃　said　I；　〃this

distribution　of　his　money　is　inflicted　on　him　as　a　punishment；

but　I　do　not　see　how　it　can　answer　that　end；　when　he　knows　it　is

to　be　restored　to　him　again。　　Would　it　not　serve　the　purpose　as

well　if　he　parted　only　with　the　single　shilling；　which　it　seems

is　all　he　is　really　to　lose？〃　　〃Sir；〃　cries　the　host；　〃when　you

observe　the　agonies　with　which　he　parts　with　every　guinea；　you

will　be　of　another　opinion。　　No　prisoner　condemned　to　death　ever

begged　so　heartily　for　transportation　as　he；　when　he　received　his

sentence；　did　to　go　to　hell；　provided　he　might　carry　his　money

with　him。　　But　you　will　know　more　of　these　things　when　you　arrive

at　the　upper　world；　and　now；　if　you　please；　I　will　attend　you　to

my　lord's；　who　is　obliged　to　supply　you　with　whatever　you

desire。〃



＇7＇　That　we　may　mention　it　once　for　all；　in　the　panegyrical　part

of　this　work　some　particular　person　is　always　meant：　　but；　in　the

satirical；　nobody。





We　found　his　lordship　sitting　at　the　upper　end　of　a　table；　on

which　was　an　immense　sum　of　money；　disposed　in　several　heaps；

every　one　of　which　would　have　purchased　the　honor　of　some

patriots　and　the　chastity　of　some　prudes。　　The　moment　he　saw　us

he　turned　pale；　and　sighed；　as　well　apprehending　our　business。　

Mine　host　accosted　him　with　a　familiar　air；　which　at　first

surprised　me；　who　so　well　remembered　the　respect　I　had　formerly

seen　paid　this　lord　by　men　infinitely　superior　in　quality　to　the

person　who　now　saluted　him　in　the　following　manner：　　〃Here；　you

lord；　and　be　damd　to　your　little　sneaking　soul；　tell　out　your

money；　and　supply　your　betters　with　what　they　want。　　Be　quick；

sirrah；　or　I'll　fetch　the　beadle　to　you。　　Don't　fancy　yourself　in

the　lower　world　again；　with　your　privilege　at　your　a。〃　　He　then

shook　a　cane　at　his　lordship；　who　immediately　began　to　tell　out

his　money；　with　the　same　miserable　air　and　face　which　the　miser

on　our　stage　wears　while　he　delivers　his　bank…bills。　　This

affected　some　of　us　so　much　that　we　had　certainly　returned　with

no　more　than　what　would　have　been　sufficient　to　fee　the　porters；

had　not　our　host；　perceiving　our　compassion；　begged　us　not　to

spare　a　fellow　who；　in　the　midst　of　immense　wealth；　had　always

refused　the　least　contribution　to　charity。　　Our　hearts　were

hardened　with　this　reflection；　and　we　all　filled　our　pockets　with

his　money。　　I　remarked　a　poetical　spirit；　in　particular；　who

swore　he　would　have　a　hearty　gripe　at　him：　　〃For；〃　says　he；　〃the

rascal　not　only　refused　to　subscribe　to　my　works；　but　sent　back

my　letter　unanswered；　though　I　am　a　better　gentleman　than

himself。〃　　We　now　returned　from　this　miserable　object；　greatly

admiring　the　propriety　as　well　as　justice　of　his　punishment；

which　consisted；　as　our　host　informed　us；　merely　in　the

delivering　forth　his　money；　and；　he　observed；　we　could　not　wonder

at　the　pain　this　gave　him；　since　it　was　as　reasonable　that　the

bare　parting　with　money　should　make　him　miserable　as　that　the

bare　having　money　without　using　it　should　have　made　him　happy。　

Other　tie…wig　porters　（for　those　we　had　summoned　before　refused

to　visit　us　again）　now　attended　us；　and　we　having　fee'd　them　the

instant　they　entered　the　room；　according　to　the　instructions　of

our　host；　they　bowed　and　smiled；　and　offered　to　introduce　us　to

whatever　disease　we　pleased。



We　set　out　several　ways；　as　we　were　all　to　pay　our　respects　to

different　ladies。　　I　directed　my　porter　to　show　me　to　the　Fever

on　the　Spirits；　being　the　disease　which　had　delivered　me　from　the

flesh。　　My　guide　and　I　traversed　many　streets；　and　knocked　at

several　doors；　but　to　no　purpose。　　At　one；　we　were　told；　lived

the　Consumption；　at　another；　the　Maladie　Alamode；　a　French　lady；

at　the　third；　the　Dropsy；　at　the　fourth；　the　Rheumatism；　at　the

fifth；　Intemperance；　at　the　sixth；　Misfortune。　　I　was　tired；　and

had　exhausted　my　patience；　and　almost　my　purse；　for　I　gave　my

porter　a　new　fee　at　every　blunder　he　made：　　when　my　guide；　with　a

solemn　countenance；　told　me　he　could　do　no　more；　and　marched　off

without　any　farther　ceremony。



He　was　no　sooner　gone　than　I　met　another　gentleman　with　a　ticket；

i。　e。；　an　amber…headed　cane　in　his　hand。　　I　first　fee'd　him；　and

then　acquainted　him　with　the　name　of　the　disease。　　He　cast

himself　for　two　or　three　minutes　into　a　thoughtful　posture；　then

pulled　a　piece　of　paper　out　of　his　pocket；　on　which　he　wrote

something　in　one　of　the　Oriental　languages；　I　believe；　for　I

could　not　read　a　syllable：　　he　bade　me　carry　it　to　such　a

particular　shop；　and；　telling　me　it　would　do　my　business；　he　took

his　leave。



Secure；　as　I　now　thought　myself；　of　my　direction；　I　went　to　the

shop；　which　very　much　resembled　an　apothecary's。　　The　person　who

officiated；　having　read　the　paper；　took　down　about　twenty

different　jars；　and；　pouring　something　out　of　every　one　of　them；

made　a　mixture；　which　he　delivered　to　me　in　a　bottle；　having

first　tied　a　paper　round　the　neck　of　it；　on　which　were　written

three　or　four　words；　the　last　containing　eleven　syllables。　　I

mentioned　the　name　of　the　disease　I　wanted　to　find　out；　but

received　no　other　answer　than　that　he　had　done　as　he　was　ordered；

and　the　drugs　were　excellent。　　I　began　now　to　be　enraged；　and；

quitting　the　shop　with　some　anger　in　my　countenance；　I　intended

to　find　out　my　inn；　but；　meeting　in　the　way　a　porter　whose

countenance　had　in　it　something　more　pleasing　than　ordinary；　I

resolved　to　try　once　more；　and　clapped　a　fee　into　his　hand。　　As

soon　as　I　mentioned　the　disease　to　him　he　laughed　heartily；　and

told　me　I　had　been　imposed　on；　for　in　reality　no　such　disease　was

to　be　found　in　that　city。　　He　then　inquired　into　the　particulars

of　my　case；　and　was　no　sooner　acquainted　with　them　than　he

informed　me　that　the　Maladie　Alamode　was　the　lady　to　whom　I　was

obliged。　　I　thanked　him；　and　immediately　went　to　pay　my　respects

to　her。　　The　house；　or　rather　palace；　of　this　lady　was　one　of　the

most　beautiful　and　magnificent　in　the　city。　　The　avenue　to　it　was

planted　with　sycamore　trees；　with　beds　of　flowers　on　each　side；

it　was　extremely　pleasant　but　short。　　I　was　conducted　through　a

magnificent　hall；　adorned　with　several　statues　and　bustoes；　most

of　them　maimed；　whence　I　concluded　them　all　to　be　true　antiques；

but　was　informed　they　were　the　figures　of　several　modern　heroes；

who　had　died　martyrs　to　her　ladyship's　cause。　　I　next　mounted

through　a　large　painted　staircase；　where　several　persons　were

depicted　in　caricatura；　and；　upon　inquiry；　was　told　they　were　the

portraits　of　those　who　had　distinguished　themselves　against　the

lady　in　the　lower　world。　　I　suppose　I　should　have　known　the　faces

of　many　physicians　and　surgeons；　had　they　not　been　so　violently

distorted　by　the　painter。　　Indeed；　he　had　exerted　so　much　malice

in　his　work；　that　I　believe　he　had　himself　received　some

particular　favors　from　the　lady　of　this　mansion：　　it　is　difficult

to　conceive　a　group　of　stranger　figures。　　I　then　entered　a　long

room；　hung　round　with　the　pictures　of　women　of　such　exact　shapes

and　features　that　I　should　have　thought　myself　in　a　gallery　of

beauties；　had　not　a　certain　sallow　paleness　in　their　complexions

given　me　a　more　distasteful　idea。　　Through　this　I　proceeded　to　a

second　apartment；　adorned；　if　I　may　so　call　it；　with　the　figures

of　old　ladies。　　Upon　my　seeming　to　admire　at　this　furniture；　the

servant　told　me　with　a　smile　that　these　had　been　very　good

friends　of　his　lady；　and　had　done　her　eminent　service　in　the

lower　world。　　I　immediately　recollected　the　faces　of　one　or　two

of　my　acquaintance；　who　had　f