black rock-第22章

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You　are　good；　you　are　wise；　you　shall　tell　me。'

She　could　not　have　recalled　him　better。　　He　stood　silent　some
moments；　then　burst　out　passionately

'Why　then　has　love　come　to　us？　　We　did　not　seek　it。　　Surely　love　is
of　God。　　Does　God　mock　us？'

He　threw　himself　into　his　chair；　pouring　out　his　words　of
passionate　protestation。　　She　listened；　smiling；　then　came　to　him
and；　touching　his　hair　as　a　mother　might　her　child's；　said

'Oh；　I　am　very　happy！　　I　was　afraid　you　would　not　care；　and　I　could
not　bear　to　go　that　way。'

'You　shall　not　go；'　he　cried　aloud；　as　if　in　pain。　　'Nothing　can
make　that　right。'

But　she　only　said；　'You　shall　tell　me　to…morrow。　　You　cannot　see
to…night；　but　you　will　see；　and　you　will　tell　me。'

He　stood　up　and；　holding　both　her　hands；　looked　long　into　her　eyes；
then　turned　abruptly　away　and　went　out。

She　stood　where　he　left　her　for　some　moments；　her　face　radiant；　and
her　hands　pressed　upon　her　heart。　　Then　she　came　toward　my　room。
She　found　me　busy　with　my　painting；　but　as　I　looked　up　and　met　her
eyes　she　flushed　slightly；　and　said

'I　quite　forgot　you。'

'So　it　appeared　to　me。'

'You　heard？'

'And　saw；'　I　replied　boldly。　　'It　would　have　been　rude　to
interrupt；　you　see。'

'Oh；　I　am　so　glad　and　thankful。'

'Yes；　it　was　rather　considerate　of　me。'

'Oh；　I　don't　mean　that；'　the　flush　deepening；　'I　am　glad　you　know。'

'I　have　known　some　time。'

'How　could　you？　　I　only　knew　to…day　myself。'

'I　have　eyes。'　　She　flushed　again。

'Do　you　mean　that　people'　she　began　anxiously。

'No；　I　am　not　〃people。〃　　I　have　eyes；　and　my　eyes　have　been
opened。'

'Opened？'

'Yes；　by　love。'

Then　I　told　her　openly　how；　weeks　ago；　I　struggled　with　my　heart
and　mastered　it；　for　I　saw　it　was　vain　to　love　her；　because　she
loved　a　better　man　who　loved　her　in　return。　　She　looked　at　me　shyly
and　said

'I　am　sorry。'

'Don't　worry；'　I　said　cheerfully。　　'I　didn't　break　my　heart；　you
know；　I　stopped　it　in　time。'

'Oh！'　she　said；　slightly　disappointed；　then　her　lips　began　to
twitch；　and　she　went　off　into　a　fit　of　hysterical　laughter。

'Forgive　me；'　she　said　humbly；　'but　you　speak　as　if　it　had　been　a
fever。'

'Fever　is　nothing　to　it；'　I　said　solemnly。　　'It　was　a　near　thing。'
At　which　she　went　off　again。　　I　was　glad　to　see　her　laugh。　　It　gave
me　time　to　recover　my　equilibrium；　and　it　relieved　her　intense
emotional　strain。　　So　I　rattled　on　some　nonsense　about　Craig　and
myself　till　I　saw　she　was　giving　no　heed；　but　thinking　her　own
thoughts：　and　what　these　were　it　was　not　hard　to　guess。

Suddenly　she　broke　in　upon　my　talk

'He　will　tell　me　that　I　must　go　from　him。'

'I　hope　he　is　no　such　fool；'　I　said　emphatically　and　somewhat
rudely；　I　fear；　for　I　confess　I　was　impatient　with　the　very
possibility　of　separation　for　these　two；　to　whom　love　meant　so
much。　　Some　people　take　this　sort　of　thing　easily　and　some　not　so
easily；　but　love　for　a　woman　like　this　comes　once　only　to　a　man；
and　then　he　carries　it　with　him　through　the　length　of　his　life；　and
warms　his　heart　with　it　in　death。　　And　when　a　man　smiles　or　sneers
at　such　love　as　this；　I　pity　him；　and　say　no　word；　for　my　speech
would　be　in　an　unknown　tongue。　　So　my　heart　was　sore　as　I　sat
looking　up　at　this　woman　who　stood　before　me；　overflowing　with　the
joy　of　her　new　love；　and　dully　conscious　of　the　coming　pain。　　But　I
soon　found　it　was　vain　to　urge　my　opinion　that　she　should　remain
and　share　the　work　and　life　of　the　man　she　loved。　　She　only
answered

'You　will　help　him　all　you　can；　for　it　will　hurt　him　to　have　me
go。'

The　quiver　in　her　voice　took　out　all　the　anger　from　my　heart；　and
before　I　knew　I　had　pledged　myself　to　do　all　I　could　to　help　him。

But　when　I　came　upon　him　that　night；　sitting　in　the　light　of　his
fire；　I　saw　he　must　be　let　alone。　　Some　battles　we　fight　side　by
side；　with　comrades　cheering　us　and　being　cheered　to　victory；　but
there　are　fights　we　may　not　share；　and　these　are　deadly　fights
where　lives　are　lost　and　won。　　So　I　could　only　lay　my　hand　upon　his
shoulder　without　a　word。　　He　looked　up　quickly；　read　my　face；　and
said；　with　a　groan

'You　know？'

'I　could　not　help　it。　　But　why　groan？'

'She　will　think　it　right　to　go；'　he　said　despairingly。

'Then　you　must　think　for　her；　you　must　bring　some　common…sense　to
bear　upon　the　question。'

'I　cannot　see　clearly　yet；'　he　said；　'the　light　will　come。'

'May　I　show　you　how　I　see　it？'　I　asked。

'Go　on；'　he　said。

For　an　hour　I　talked；　eloquently；　even　vehemently　urging　the　reason
and　right　of　my　opinion。　　She　would　be　doing　no　more　than　every
woman　does；　no　more　than　she　did　before；　her　mother…in…law　had　a
comfortable　home；　all　that　wealth　could　procure；　good　servants；　and
friends；　the　estates　could　be　managed　without　her　personal
supervision；　after　a　few　years'　work　here　they　would　go　east　for
little　Majorie's　education；　why　should　two　lives　be　broken？and　so
I　went　on。

He　listened　carefully；　even　eagerly。

'You　make　a　good　case；'　he　said；　with　a　slight　smile。　　'I　will　take
time。　　Perhaps　you　are　right。　　The　light　will　come。　　Surely　it　will
come。　　But；'　and　here　he　sprang　up　and　stretched　his　arms　to　full
length　above　his　head；　'I　am　not　sorry；　whatever　comes　I　am　not
sorry。　　It　is　great　to　have　her　love；　but　greater　to　love　her　as　I
do。　　Thank　God！　nothing　can　take　that　away。　　I　am　willing；　glad　to
suffer　for　the　joy　of　loving　her。'

Next　morning；　before　I　was　awake；　he　was　gone；　leaving　a　note　for
me：


'MY　DEAR　CONNOR；I　am　due　at　the　Landing。　　When　I　see　you　again　I
think　my　way　will　be　clear。　　Now　all　is　dark。　　At　times　I　am　a
coward；　and　often；　as　you　sometimes　kindly　inform　me；　an　ass；　but　I
hope　I　may　never　become　a　mule。

I　am　willing　to　be　led；　or　want　to　be；　at　any　rate。　　I　must　do　the
bestnot　second　bestfor　her；　for　me。　　The　best　only　is　God's
will。　　What　else　would　you　have？　　Be　good　to　her　these　days；　dear
old　fellow。Yours；　CRAIG。'


How　often　those　words　have　braced　me　he　will　never　know；　but　I　am　a
better　man　for　them：　'The　best　only　is　God's　will。　　What　else　would
you　have？'　　I　resolved　I　would　rage　and　fret　no　more；　and　that　I
would　worry　Mrs。　Mavor　with　no　more　argument　or　expostulation；　but；
as　my　friend　had　asked；　'Be　good　to　her。'


CHAPTER　XII

LOVE　IS　NOT　ALL


Those　days　when　we　were　waiting　Craig's　return　we　spent　in　the
woods　or　on　the　mountain　sides；　or　down　in　the　canyon　beside　the
stream　that　danced　down　to　meet　the　Black　Rock　river；　I　talking　and
sketching　and　reading；　and　she　listening　and　dreaming；　with　often　a
happy　smile　upon　her　face。　　But　there　were　moments　when　a　cloud　of
shuddering　fear　would　sweep　the　smile　away；　and　then　I　would　talk
of　Craig　till　the　smile　came　back　again。

But　the　woods　and　the　mountains　and　the　river　were　her　best；　her
wisest；　friends　during　those　days。　　How　sweet　the　ministry　of　the
woods　to　her！　　The　trees　were　in　their　new　summer　leaves；　fresh　and
full　of　life。　　They　swayed　and　rustled　above　us；　flinging　their
interlacing　shadows　upon　us；　and　their　swaying　and　their　rustling
soothed　and　comforted　like　the　voice　and　touch　of　a　mother。　　And
the　mountains；　too；　in　all　the　glory　of　their　varying　robes　of
blues　and　purples；　stood　calmly；　solemnly　about　us；　uplifting　our
souls　into　regions　of　rest。　　The　changing　lights　and　shadows
flitted　swiftly　over　their　rugged　fronts；　but　left　them　ever　as
before　in　their　steadfast　majesty。　　'God's　in　His　heaven。'　　What
would　you　have？　　And　ever　the　little　river　sang　its　cheerful
courage；　fearing　not　the　great　mountains　that　threatened　to　bar　its
passage　to　the　sea。　　Mrs。　Mavor　heard　the　song　and　her　courage
rose。

'We　too　shall　find　our　way；'　she　said；　and　I　believed　her。

But　through　these　days　I　could　not　make　her　out；　and　I　found　myself
studying　her　as　I　might　a　new　acquaintance。　　Years　had　fallen　from
her；　she　was　a　girl　again；　full　of　young　warm　life。　　She　was　as
sweet　as　before；　but　there　was　a　soft　shyness　over　her；　a　half…
shamed；　half…frank　consciousness　in　her　face；　a　glad　light　in　her
eyes　that　made　her　all　new　to　me。　　Her　perfect　trust　in　Craig　was
touching　to　see。

'He　will　tell　me　what　to　do；'　she　would　say；　till　I　began　to
realise　how　impossible　it　would　be　for　him　to　betray　such　trust；
and　be　anything　but　true　to　the　best。

So　much　did　I　dread　Craig's　home…coming；　that　I　sent　for　Graeme　and
old　man　Nelson；　who　was　more　and　more　Graeme's　trusted　counsellor
and　friend。　　They　were　both　highly　excited　by　the　story　I　had　to
tell；　for　I　thought　it　best　to　tell　them　all；　but　I　was　not　a
little　surprised　and　disgusted　that　they　did　not　see　the　matter　in
my　light。　　In　vain　I　protested　against　the　madness　of　allowing
anything　to　send　these　two　from　each　other。　　Graeme　summed　up　the
discussion　in　his　own　emphatic　way；　but　with　an　earnestness　in　his
words　not　usual　with　him。

'Craig　will　know　better　than　any　of　us　what　is　right　to　do；　and　he
will　do　that；　and　no　man　can　turn　him　from　it；　and；'　he　added；　'I
should　be　sorry　to　try。'

Then　my　wrath　rose；　and　I　cried

'It's　a　tremendous　shame！　　They　love　each　other。　　You　are　talking
sentimental　humbug　and　nonsense！'

'He　must　do　the　right；'　said　Nelson　in　his　deep；　quiet　voice。

'Right！　　Nonsense！　　By　what　right　does　he　send　from　him　the　woman
he　loves？'

'〃He　pleased　not　Himself；〃'　quoted　Nelson　reverently。

'Nelson　is　right；'　said　Graeme。　　'I　should　not　like　to　see　him
weaken。'

'Look　here；'　I　stormed；　'I　didn't　bring　you　men　to　back　him　up　in
his　nonsense。　　I　thought　you　could　keep　your　heads　level。'

'Now；　Connor；'　said　Graeme；　'don't　rageleave　that　for　the
heathen；　it's　bad　form；　and　useless　besides。　　Craig　will　walk　his
way　where　his　light　falls；　and　by　all　that's　holy；　I　should　hate　to
see　him　fail；　for　if　he　weakens　like　the　rest　of　us　my　North　Star
will　have　dropped　from　my　sky。'

'Nice　selfish　spirit；'　I　muttered。

'Entirely　so。　　I'm　not　a　saint；　but　I　feel　like　steering　by　one
when　I　see　him。'

When　after　a　week　had　gone；　Craig　rode　up　one　early　morning　to　his
shack　door；　his　face　told　me　that　he　had　fought　his　fight　and　had
not　been　beaten。　　He　had　ridden　all　night　and　was　ready　to　drop
with　weariness。

'Connor；　old　boy；'　he　said；　putting　out　his　hand；　'I'm　rather
played。　　There　was　a　bad　row　at　the　Landing。　　I　have　just　closed
poor　Colley's　eyes。　　It　was　awful。　　I　must　get　sleep。　　Look　after
Dandy；　will　you；　like　a　good　chap？'

'Oh；　Dandy　be　hanged；！'　I　said；　for　I　knew　it　was　not　the　fight；
nor　the　watching；　nor　the　long　ride　that　had　shaken　his　iron　nerve
and　given　him　that　face。　　'Go　in　and　lie　down　I'll　bring　you
something。'

'Wake　me　in　the　afternoon；'　he　said；　'she　is　waiting。　　Perhaps　you
will　go　to　her'his　lips　quivered'my　nerve　is　rather　gone。'
Then　with　a　very　wan　smile　he　added；　'I　am　giving　you　a　lot　of
trouble。'

'You　go　to　thunder！'　I　burst　out；　for　my　throat　was　hot　and　sore
with　grief　for　him。

'I　think　I'd　rather　go　to　sleep；'　he　replied；　still　smiling。　　I
could　not　speak；　and　was　glad　of　the　chance　of　being　alone　with
Dandy。

When　I　came　in　I　found　him　sitting　with　his　head　in　his　arms　upon
the　table　fast　asleep。　　I　made　him　tea；　forced　him　to　take　a　warm
bath；　and　sent　him　to　bed；　while　I　went　to　Mrs。　Mavor