three men on the bummel-第13章

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that　run　up　trees？〃

We　thought　for　a　while；　then　one　of　us　suggested　cats。

This　was　an　error；　the　poet　had　said　nothing　about　cats；　squirrels
was　what　the　Professor　was　trying　to　get。

I　do　not　recall　much　more　about　this　wood　in　detail。　　I　only
recollect　that　the　sky　was　introduced　into　it。　　In　places　where
there　occurred　an　opening　among　the　trees　you　could　by　looking　up
see　the　sky　above　you；　very　often　there　were　clouds　in　this　sky；
and　occasionally；　if　I　remember　rightly；　the　girl　got　wet。

I　have　dwelt　upon　this　incident；　because　it　seems　to　me　suggestive
of　the　whole　question　of　scenery　in　literature。　　I　could　not　at　the
time；　I　cannot　now；　understand　why　the　top　boy's　summary　was　not
sufficient。　　With　all　due　deference　to　the　poet；　whoever　he　may
have　been；　one　cannot　but　acknowledge　that　his　wood　was；　and　could
not　be　otherwise　than；　〃the　usual　sort　of　a　wood。〃

I　could　describe　the　Black　Forest　to　you　at　great　length。　　I　could
translate　to　you　Hebel；　the　poet　of　the　Black　Forest。　　I　could
write　pages　concerning　its　rocky　gorges　and　its　smiling　valleys；
its　pine…clad　slopes；　its　rock…crowned　summits；　its　foaming
rivulets　（where　the　tidy　German　has　not　condemned　them　to　flow
respectably　through　wooden　troughs　or　drainpipes）；　its　white
villages；　its　lonely　farmsteads。

But　I　am　haunted　by　the　suspicion　you　might　skip　all　this。　　Were
you　sufficiently　conscientiousor　weak…minded　enoughnot　to　do
so；　I　should；　all　said　and　done；　succeed　in　conveying　to　you　only
an　impression　much　better　summed　up　in　the　simple　words　of　the
unpretentious　guide　book：

〃A　picturesque；　mountainous　district；　bounded　on　the　south　and　the
west　by　the　plain　of　the　Rhine；　towards　which　its　spurs　descend
precipitately。　　Its　geological　formation　consists　chiefly　of
variegated　sandstone　and　granite；　its　lower　heights　being　covered
with　extensive　pine　forests。　　It　is　well　watered　with　numerous
streams；　while　its　populous　valleys　are　fertile　and　well
cultivated。　　The　inns　are　good；　but　the　local　wines　should　be
partaken　of　by　the　stranger　with　discretion。〃



CHAPTER　VI



Why　we　went　to　HanoverSomething　they　do　better　abroadThe　art　of
polite　foreign　conversation；　as　taught　in　English　schoolsA　true
history；　now　told　for　the　first　timeThe　French　joke；　as　provided
for　the　amusement　of　British　youthFatherly　instincts　of　Harris
The　road…waterer；　considered　as　an　artistPatriotism　of　George
What　Harris　ought　to　have　doneWhat　he　didWe　save　Harris's　life…
…A　sleepless　cityThe　cab…horse　as　a　critic。

We　arrived　in　Hamburg　on　Friday　after　a　smooth　and　uneventful
voyage；　and　from　Hamburg　we　travelled　to　Berlin　by　way　of　Hanover。
It　is　not　the　most　direct　route。　　I　can　only　account　for　our　visit
to　Hanover　as　the　nigger　accounted　to　the　magistrate　for　his
appearance　in　the　Deacon's　poultry…yard。

〃Well？〃

〃Yes；　sar；　what　the　constable　sez　is　quite　true；　sar；　I　was　dar；
sar。〃

〃Oh；　so　you　admit　it？　　And　what　were　you　doing　with　a　sack；　pray；
in　Deacon　Abraham's　poultry…yard　at　twelve　o'clock　at　night？〃

〃I'se　gwine　ter　tell　yer；　sar；　yes；　sar。　　I'd　been　to　Massa
Jordan's　wid　a　sack　of　melons。　　Yes；　sar；　an'　Massa　Jordan　he　wuz
very　'greeable；　an'　axed　me　for　ter　come　in。〃

〃Yes；　sar；　very　'greeable　man　is　Massa　Jordan。　　An'　dar　we　sat　a
talking　an'　a　talking〃

〃Very　likely。　　What　we　want　to　know　is　what　you　were　doing　in　the
Deacon's　poultry…yard？〃

〃Yes；　sar；　dat's　what　I'se　cumming　to。　　It　wuz　ver'　late　'fore　I
left　Massa　Jordan's；　an'　den　I　sez　ter　mysel'；　sez　I；　now　yer　jest
step　out　with　yer　best　leg　foremost；　Ulysses；　case　yer　gets　into
trouble　wid　de　ole　woman。　　Ver'　talkative　woman　she　is；　sar；　very
〃

〃Yes；　never　mind　her；　there　are　other　people　very　talkative　in　this
town　besides　your　wife。　　Deacon　Abraham's　house　is　half　a　mile　out
of　your　way　home　from　Mr。　Jordan's。　　How　did　you　get　there？〃

〃Dat's　what　I'm　a…gwine　ter　explain；　sar。〃

〃I　am　glad　of　that。　　And　how　do　you　propose　to　do　it？〃

〃Well；　I'se　thinkin'；　sar；　I　must　ha'　digressed。〃

I　take　it　we　digressed　a　little。

At　first；　from　some　reason　or　other；　Hanover　strikes　you　as　an
uninteresting　town；　but　it　grows　upon　you。　　It　is　in　reality　two
towns；　a　place　of　broad；　modern；　handsome　streets　and　tasteful
gardens；　side　by　side　with　a　sixteenth…century　town；　where　old
timbered　houses　overhang　the　narrow　lanes；　where　through　low
archways　one　catches　glimpses　of　galleried　courtyards；　once　often
thronged；　no　doubt；　with　troops　of　horse；　or　blocked　with　lumbering
coach　and　six；　waiting　its　rich　merchant　owner；　and　his　fat　placid
Frau；　but　where　now　children　and　chickens　scuttle　at　their　will；
while　over　the　carved　balconies　hang　dingy　clothes　a…drying。

A　singularly　English　atmosphere　hovers　over　Hanover；　especially　on
Sundays；　when　its　shuttered　shops　and　clanging　bells　give　to　it　the
suggestion　of　a　sunnier　London。　　Nor　was　this　British　Sunday
atmosphere　apparent　only　to　myself；　else　I　might　have　attributed　it
to　imagination；　even　George　felt　it。　　Harris　and　I；　returning　from
a　short　stroll　with　our　cigars　after　lunch　on　the　Sunday　afternoon；
found　him　peacefully　slumbering　in　the　smoke…room's　easiest　chair。

〃After　all；〃　said　Harris；　〃there　is　something　about　the　British
Sunday　that　appeals　to　the　man　with　English　blood　in　his　veins。　　I
should　be　sorry　to　see　it　altogether　done　away　with；　let　the　new
generation　say　what　it　will。〃

And　taking　one　each　end　of　the　ample　settee；　we　kept　George
company。

To　Hanover　one　should　go；　they　say；　to　learn　the　best　German。　　The
disadvantage　is　that　outside　Hanover；　which　is　only　a　small
province；　nobody　understands　this　best　German。　　Thus　you　have　to
decide　whether　to　speak　good　German　and　remain　in　Hanover；　or　bad
German　and　travel　about。　　Germany　being　separated　so　many　centuries
into　a　dozen　principalities；　is　unfortunate　in　possessing　a　variety
of　dialects。　　Germans　from　Posen　wishful　to　converse　with　men　of
Wurtemburg；　have　to　talk　as　often　as　not　in　French　or　English；　and
young　ladies　who　have　received　an　expensive　education　in　Westphalia
surprise　and　disappoint　their　parents　by　being　unable　to　understand
a　word　said　to　them　in　Mechlenberg。　　An　English…speaking　foreigner；
it　is　true；　would　find　himself　equally　nonplussed　among　the
Yorkshire　wolds；　or　in　the　purlieus　of　Whitechapel；　but　the　cases
are　not　on　all　fours。　　Throughout　Germany　it　is　not　only　in　the
country　districts　and　among　the　uneducated　that　dialects　are
maintained。　　Every　province　has　practically　its　own　language；　of
which　it　is　proud　and　retentive。　　An　educated　Bavarian　will　admit
to　you　that；　academically　speaking；　the　North　German　is　more
correct；　but　he　will　continue　to　speak　South　German　and　to　teach　it
to　his　children。

In　the　course　of　the　century；　I　am　inclined　to　think　that　Germany
will　solve　her　difficulty　in　this　respect　by　speaking　English。
Every　boy　and　girl　in　Germany；　above　the　peasant　class；　speaks
English。　　Were　English　pronunciation　less　arbitrary；　there　is　not
the　slightest　doubt　but　that　in　the　course　of　a　very　few　years；
comparatively　speaking；　it　would　become　the　language　of　the　world。
All　foreigners　agree　that；　grammatically；　it　is　the　easiest
language　of　any　to　learn。　　A　German；　comparing　it　with　his　own
language；　where　every　word　in　every　sentence　is　governed　by　at
least　four　distinct　and　separate　rules；　tells　you　that　English　has
no　grammar。　　A　good　many　English　people　would　seem　to　have　come　to
the　same　conclusion；　but　they　are　wrong。　　As　a　matter　of　fact；
there　is　an　English　grammar；　and　one　of　these　days　our　schools　will
recognise　the　fact；　and　it　will　be　taught　to　our　children；
penetrating　maybe　even　into　literary　and　journalistic　circles。　　But
at　present　we　appear　to　agree　with　the　foreigner　that　it　is　a
quantity　neglectable。　　English　pronunciation　is　the　stumbling…block
to　our　progress。　　English　spelling　would　seem　to　have　been　designed
chiefly　as　a　disguise　to　pronunciation。　　It　is　a　clever　idea；
calculated　to　check　presumption　on　the　part　of　the　foreigner；　but
for　that　he　would　learn　it　in　a　year。

For　they　have　a　way　of　teaching　languages　in　Germany　that　is　not
our　way；　and　the　consequence　is　that　when　the　German　youth　or
maiden　leaves　the　gymnasium　or　high　school　at　fifteen；　〃it〃　（as　in
Germany　one　conveniently　may　say）　can　understand　and　speak　the
tongue　it　has　been　learning。　　In　England　we　have　a　method　that　for
obtaining　the　least　possible　result　at　the　greatest　possible
expenditure　of　time　and　money　is　perhaps　unequalled。　　An　English
boy　who　has　been　through　a　good　middle…class　school　in　England　can
talk　to　a　Frenchman；　slowly　and　with　difficulty；　about　female
gardeners　and　aunts；　conversation　which；　to　a　man　possessed　perhaps
of　neither；　is　liable　to　pall。　　Possibly；　if　he　be　a　bright
exception；　he　may　be　able　to　tell　the　time；　or　make　a　few　guarded
observations　concerning　the　weather。　　No　doubt　he　could　repeat　a
goodly　number　of　irregular　verbs　by　heart；　only；　as　a　matter　of
fact；　few　foreigners　care　to　listen　to　their　own　irregular　verbs；
recited　by　young　Englishmen。　　Likewise　he　might　be　able　to　remember
a　choice　selection　of　grotesquely　involved　French　idioms；　such　as
no　modern　Frenchman　has　ever　heard　or　understands　when　he　does
hear。

The　explanation　is　that；　in　nine　cases　out　of　ten；　he　has　learnt
French　from　an　〃Ahn's　First…Course。〃　　The　history　of　this　famous
work　is　remarkable　and　instructive。　　The　book　was　originally
written　for　a　joke；　by　a　witty　Frenchman　who　had　resided　for　some
years　in　England。　　He　intended　it　as　a　satire　upon　the
conversational　powers　of　British　society。　　From　this　point　of　view
it　was　distinctly　good。　　He　submitted　it　to　a　London　publishing
firm。　　The　manager　was　a　shrewd　man。　　He　read　the　book　through。
Then　he　sent　for　the　author。

〃This　book　of　yours；〃　said　he　to　the　author；　〃is　very　clever。　　I
have　laughed　over　it　myself　till　the　tears　came。〃

〃I　am　delighted　to　hear　you　say　so；〃　replied　the　pleased　Frenchman。
〃I　tried　to　be　truthful　without　being　unnecessarily　offensive。〃

〃It　is　most　amusing；〃　concurred　the　manager；　〃and　yet　published　as
a　harmless　joke；　I　feel　it　would　fail。〃

The　author's　face　fell。

〃Its　humour；〃　proceeded　the　manager；　〃would　be　denounced　as　forced
and　extravagant。　　It　would　amuse　the　thoughtful　and　intelligent；
but　from　a　business　point　of　view　that　portion　of　the　public　are
never　worth　considering。　　But　I　have　an　idea；〃　continued　the
manager。　　He　glanced　round　the　room　to　be　sure　they　were　alone；
and　leaning　forward　sunk　his　voice　to　a　whisper。　　〃My　notion　is　to
publish　it　as　a　serious　work　for　the　use　of　schools！〃

The　author　stared；　speechless。

〃I　know　the　English　schoolman；〃　said　the　manager；　〃this　book　will
appeal　to　him。　　It　will　exactly　fit　in　with　his　method。　　Nothing
sillier；　nothing　more　useless　for　the　purpose　will　he　ever
discover。　　He　will　smack　his　lips　over　the　book；　as　a　puppy　licks
up　blacking。〃

The　author；　sacrificing　art　to　greed；　consented。　　They　altered　the
title　and　added　a　vocabulary；　but　left　the　book　otherwise　as　it
was。

The　result　is　known　to　every　schoolboy。　　〃Ahn〃　became　the　palladium
of　English　philological　education。　　If　it　no　longer　retains　its
ubiqui