three men on the bummel-第14章

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of　English　philological　education。　　If　it　no　longer　retains　its
ubiquity；　it　is　because　something　even　less　adaptable　to　the　object
in　view　has　been　since　invented。

Lest；　in　spite　of　all；　the　British　schoolboy　should　obtain；　even
from　the　like　of　〃Ahn；〃　some　glimmering　of　French；　the　British
educational　method　further　handicaps　him　by　bestowing　upon　him　the
assistance　of；　what　is　termed　in　the　prospectus；　〃A　native
gentleman。〃　　This　native　French　gentleman；　who；　by…the…by；　is
generally　a　Belgian；　is　no　doubt　a　most　worthy　person；　and　can；　it
is　true；　understand　and　speak　his　own　language　with　tolerable
fluency。　　There　his　qualifications　cease。　　Invariably　he　is　a　man
with　a　quite　remarkable　inability　to　teach　anybody　anything。
Indeed；　he　would　seem　to　be　chosen　not　so　much　as　an　instructor　as
an　amuser　of　youth。　　He　is　always　a　comic　figure。　　No　Frenchman　of
a　dignified　appearance　would　be　engaged　for　any　English　school。　　If
he　possess　by　nature　a　few　harmless　peculiarities；　calculated　to
cause　merriment；　so　much　the　more　is　he　esteemed　by　his　employers。
The　class　naturally　regards　him　as　an　animated　joke。　　The　two　to
four　hours　a　week　that　are　deliberately　wasted　on　this　ancient
farce；　are　looked　forward　to　by　the　boys　as　a　merry　interlude　in　an
otherwise　monotonous　existence。　　And　then；　when　the　proud　parent
takes　his　son　and　heir　to　Dieppe　merely　to　discover　that　the　lad
does　not　know　enough　to　call　a　cab；　he　abuses　not　the　system；　but
its　innocent　victim。

I　confine　my　remarks　to　French；　because　that　is　the　only　language
we　attempt　to　teach　our　youth。　　An　English　boy　who　could　speak
German　would　be　looked　down　upon　as　unpatriotic。　　Why　we　waste　time
in　teaching　even　French　according　to　this　method　I　have　never　been
able　to　understand。　　A　perfect　unacquaintance　with　a　language　is
respectable。　　But　putting　aside　comic　journalists　and　lady
novelists；　for　whom　it　is　a　business　necessity；　this　smattering　of
French　which　we　are　so　proud　to　possess　only　serves　to　render　us
ridiculous。

In　the　German　school　the　method　is　somewhat　different。　　One　hour
every　day　is　devoted　to　the　same　language。　　The　idea　is　not　to　give
the　lad　time　between　each　lesson　to　forget　what　he　learned　at　the
last；　the　idea　is　for　him　to　get　on。　　There　is　no　comic　foreigner
provided　for　his　amusement。　　The　desired　language　is　taught　by　a
German　school…master　who　knows　it　inside　and　out　as　thoroughly　as
he　knows　his　own。　　Maybe　this　system　does　not　provide　the　German
youth　with　that　perfection　of　foreign　accent　for　which　the　British
tourist　is　in　every　land　remarkable；　but　it　has　other　advantages。
The　boy　does　not　call　his　master　〃froggy；〃　or　〃sausage；〃　nor
prepare　for　the　French　or　English　hour　any　exhibition　of　homely　wit
whatever。　　He　just　sits　there；　and　for　his　own　sake　tries　to　learn
that　foreign　tongue　with　as　little　trouble　to　everybody　concerned
as　possible。　　When　he　has　left　school　he　can　talk；　not　about
penknives　and　gardeners　and　aunts　merely；　but　about　European
politics；　history；　Shakespeare；　or　the　musical　glasses；　according
to　the　turn　the　conversation　may　take。

Viewing　the　German　people　from　an　Anglo…Saxon　standpoint；　it　may　be
that　in　this　book　I　shall　find　occasion　to　criticise　them：　　but　on
the　other　hand　there　is　much　that　we　might　learn　from　them；　and　in
the　matter　of　common　sense；　as　applied　to　education；　they　can　give
us　ninety…nine　in　a　hundred　and　beat　us　with　one　hand。

The　beautiful　wood　of　the　Eilenriede　bounds　Hanover　on　the　south
and　west；　and　here　occurred　a　sad　drama　in　which　Harris　took　a
prominent　part。

We　were　riding　our　machines　through　this　wood　on　the　Monday
afternoon　in　the　company　of　many　other　cyclists；　for　it　is　a
favourite　resort　with　the　Hanoverians　on　a　sunny　afternoon；　and　its
shady　pathways　are　then　filled　with　happy；　thoughtless　folk。　　Among
them　rode　a　young　and　beautiful　girl　on　a　machine　that　was　new。
She　was　evidently　a　novice　on　the　bicycle。　　One　felt　instinctively
that　there　would　come　a　moment　when　she　would　require　help；　and
Harris；　with　his　accustomed　chivalry；　suggested　we　should　keep　near
her。　　Harris；　as　he　occasionally　explains　to　George　and　to　myself；
has　daughters　of　his　own；　or；　to　speak　more　correctly；　a　daughter；
who　as　the　years　progress　will　no　doubt　cease　practising　catherine
wheels　in　the　front　garden；　and　will　grow　up　into　a　beautiful　and
respectable　young　lady。　　This　naturally　gives　Harris　an　interest　in
all　beautiful　girls　up　to　the　age　of　thirty…five　or　thereabouts；
they　remind　him；　so　he　says；　of　home。

We　had　ridden　for　about　two　miles；　when　we　noticed；　a　little　ahead
of　us　in　a　space　where　five　ways　met；　a　man　with　a　hose；　watering
the　roads。　　The　pipe；　supported　at　each　joint　by　a　pair　of　tiny
wheels；　writhed　after　him　as　he　moved；　suggesting　a　gigantic…worm；
from　whose　open　neck；　as　the　man；　gripping　it　firmly　in　both　hands；
pointing　it　now　this　way；　and　now　that；　now　elevating　it；　now
depressing　it；　poured　a　strong　stream　of　water　at　the　rate　of　about
a　gallon　a　second。

〃What　a　much　better　method　than　ours；〃　observed　Harris；
enthusiastically。　　Harris　is　inclined　to　be　chronically　severe　on
all　British　institutions。　　〃How　much　simpler；　quicker；　and　more
economical！　　You　see；　one　man　by　this　method　can　in　five　minutes
water　a　stretch　of　road　that　would　take　us　with　our　clumsy
lumbering　cart　half　an　hour　to　cover。〃

George；　who　was　riding　behind　me　on　the　tandem；　said；　〃Yes；　and　it
is　also　a　method　by　which　with　a　little　carelessness　a　man　could
cover　a　good　many　people　in　a　good　deal　less　time　than　they　could
get　out　of　the　way。〃

George；　the　opposite　to　Harris；　is　British　to　the　core。　　I　remember
George　quite　patriotically　indignant　with　Harris　once　for
suggesting　the　introduction　of　the　guillotine　into　England。

〃It　is　so　much　neater；〃　said　Harris。

〃I　don't　care　if　it　is；〃　said　George；　〃I'm　an　Englishman；　hanging
is　good　enough　for　me。〃

〃Our　water…cart　may　have　its　disadvantages；〃　continued　George；　〃but
it　can　only　make　you　uncomfortable　about　the　legs；　and　you　can
avoid　it。　　This　is　the　sort　of　machine　with　which　a　man　can　follow
you　round　the　corner　and　upstairs。〃

〃It　fascinates　me　to　watch　them；〃　said　Harris。　　〃They　are　so
skilful。　　I　have　seen　a　man　from　the　corner　of　a　crowded　square　in
Strassburg　cover　every　inch　of　ground；　and　not　so　much　as　wet　an
apron　string。　　It　is　marvellous　how　they　judge　their　distance。
They　will　send　the　water　up　to　your　toes；　and　then　bring　it　over
your　head　so　that　it　falls　around　your　heels。　　They　can〃

〃Ease　up　a　minute；〃　said　George。　　I　said：　　〃Why？〃

He　said：　　〃I　am　going　to　get　off　and　watch　the　rest　of　this　show
from　behind　a　tree。　　There　may　be　great　performers　in　this　line；　as
Harris　says；　this　particular　artist　appears　to　me　to　lack
something。　　He　has　just　soused　a　dog；　and　now　he's　busy　watering　a
sign…post。　　I　am　going　to　wait　till　he　has　finished。〃

〃Nonsense；〃　said　Harris；　〃he　won't　wet　you。〃

〃That　is　precisely　what　I　am　going　to　make　sure　of；〃　answered
George；　saying　which　he　jumped　off；　and；　taking　up　a　position
behind　a　remarkably　fine　elm；　pulled　out　and　commenced　filling　his
pipe。

I　did　not　care　to　take　the　tandem　on　by　myself；　so　I　stepped　off
and　joined　him；　leaving　the　machine　against　a　tree。　　Harris　shouted
something　or　other　about　our　being　a　disgrace　to　the　land　that　gave
us　birth；　and　rode　on。

The　next　moment　I　heard　a　woman's　cry　of　distress。　　Glancing　round
the　stem　of　the　tree；　I　perceived　that　it　proceeded　from　the　young
and　elegant　lady　before　mentioned；　whom；　in　our　interest　concerning
the　road…waterer；　we　had　forgotten。　　She　was　riding　her　machine
steadily　and　straightly　through　a　drenching　shower　of　water　from
the　hose。　　She　appeared　to　be　too　paralysed　either　to　get　off　or
turn　her　wheel　aside。　　Every　instant　she　was　becoming　wetter；　while
the　man　with　the　hose；　who　was　either　drunk　or　blind；　continued　to
pour　water　upon　her　with　utter　indifference。　　A　dozen　voices　yelled
imprecations　upon　him；　but　he　took　no　heed　whatever。

Harris；　his　fatherly　nature　stirred　to　its　depths；　did　at　this
point　what；　under　the　circumstances；　was　quite　the　right　and　proper
thing　to　do。　　Had　he　acted　throughout　with　the　same　coolness　and
judgment　he　then　displayed；　he　would　have　emerged　from　that
incident　the　hero　of　the　hour；　instead　of；　as　happened；　riding　away
followed　by　insult　and　threat。　　Without　a　moment's　hesitation　he
spurted　at　the　man；　sprang　to　the　ground；　and；　seizing　the　hose　by
the　nozzle；　attempted　to　wrest　it　away。

What　he　ought　to　have　done；　what　any　man　retaining　his　common　sense
would　have　done　the　moment　he　got　his　hands　upon　the　thing；　was　to
turn　off　the　tap。　　Then　he　might　have　played　foot…ball　with　the
man；　or　battledore　and　shuttlecock　as　he　pleased；　and　the　twenty　or
thirty　people　who　had　rushed　forward　to　assist　would　have　only
applauded。　　His　idea；　however；　as　he　explained　to　us　afterwards；
was　to　take　away　the　hose　from　the　man；　and；　for　punishment；　turn
it　upon　the　fool　himself。　　The　waterman's　idea　appeared　to　be　the
same；　namely；　to　retain　the　hose　as　a　weapon　with　which　to　soak
Harris。　　Of　course；　the　result　was　that；　between　them；　they　soused
every　dead　and　living　thing　within　fifty　yards；　except　themselves。
One　furious　man；　too　drenched　to　care　what　more　happened　to　him；
leapt　into　the　arena　and　also　took　a　hand。　　The　three　among　them
proceeded　to　sweep　the　compass　with　that　hose。　　They　pointed　it　to
heaven；　and　the　water　descended　upon　the　people　in　the　form　of　an
equinoctial　storm。　　They　pointed　it　downwards；　and　sent　the　water
in　rushing　streams　that　took　people　off　their　feet；　or　caught　them
about　the　waist　line；　and　doubled　them　up。

Not　one　of　them　would　loosen　his　grip　upon　the　hose；　not　one　of
them　thought　to　turn　the　water　off。　　You　might　have　concluded　they
were　struggling　with　some　primeval　force　of　nature。　　In　forty…five
seconds；　so　George　said；　who　was　timing　it；　they　had　swept　that
circus　bare　of　every　living　thing　except　one　dog；　who；　dripping
like　a　water　nymph；　rolled　over　by　the　force　of　water；　now　on　this
side；　now　on　that；　still　gallantly　staggered　again　and　again　to　its
feet　to　bark　defiance　at　what　it　evidently　regarded　as　the　powers
of　hell　let　loose。

Men　and　women　left　their　machines　upon　the　ground；　and　flew　into
the　woods。　　From　behind　every　tree　of　importance　peeped　out　wet；
angry　heads。

At　last；　there　arrived　upon　the　scene　one　man　of　sense。　　Braving
all　things；　he　crept　to　the　hydrant；　where　still　stood　the　iron
key；　and　screwed　it　down。　　And　then　from　forty　trees　began　to　creep
more　or　less　soaked　human　beings；　each　one　with　something　to　say。

At　first　I　fell　to　wondering　whether　a　stretcher　or　a　clothes
basket　would　be　the　more　useful　for　the　conveyance　of　Harris's
remains　back　to　the　hotel。　　I　consider　that　George's　promptness　on
that　occasion　saved　Harris's　life。　　Being　dry；　and　therefore　able
to　run　quicker；　he　was　there　before　the　crowd。　　Harris　was　for
explaining　things；　but　George　cut　him　short。

〃You　get　on　that；〃　said　George；　handing　him　his　bicycle；　〃and　go。
They　don't　know　we　belong　to　you；　and　you　may　trust　us　implicitly
not　to　reveal　the　secret。　　We'll　hang　a