three men on the bummel-第17章

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into　a　white…haired　old　chap；　who　looked　to　me　like　a　professor。
Well；　HE　never　smiled；　never　moved　a　muscle。〃

〃Maybe；　he　was　thinking　of　something　else；〃　I　suggested。

〃That　could　not　have　been　the　case　with　them　all；〃　replied　Harris；
〃and　in　the　course　of　that　journey；　I　must　have　fallen　against
every　one　of　them　at　least　three　times。　　You　see；〃　explained
Harris；　〃they　knew　when　the　corners　were　coming；　and　in　which
direction　to　brace　themselves。　　I；　as　a　stranger；　was　naturally　at
a　disadvantage。　　The　way　I　rolled　and　staggered　about　that
platform；　clutching　wildly　now　at　this　man　and　now　at　that；　must
have　been　really　comic。　　I　don't　say　it　was　high…class　humour；　but
it　would　have　amused　most　people。　　Those　Germans　seemed　to　see　no
fun　in　it　whateverjust　seemed　anxious；　that　was　all。　　There　was
one　man；　a　little　man；　who　stood　with　his　back　against　the　brake；　I
fell　against　him　five　times；　I　counted　them。　　You　would　have
expected　the　fifth　time　would　have　dragged　a　laugh　out　of　him；　but
it　didn't；　he　merely　looked　tired。　　They　are　a　dull　lot。〃

George　also　had　an　adventure　at　Dresden。　　There　was　a　shop　near　the
Altmarkt；　in　the　window　of　which　were　exhibited　some　cushions　for
sale。　　The　proper　business　of　the　shop　was　handling　of　glass　and
china；　the　cushions　appeared　to　be　in　the　nature　of　an　experiment。
They　were　very　beautiful　cushions；　hand…embroidered　on　satin。　　We
often　passed　the　shop；　and　every　time　George　paused　and　examined
those　cushions。　　He　said　he　thought　his　aunt　would　like　one。

George　has　been　very　attentive　to　this　aunt　of　his　during　the
journey。　　He　has　written　her　quite　a　long　letter　every　day；　and
from　every　town　we　stop　at　he　sends　her　off　a　present。　　To　my　mind；
he　is　overdoing　the　business；　and　more　than　once　I　have
expostulated　with　him。　　His　aunt　will　be　meeting　other　aunts；　and
talking　to　them；　the　whole　class　will　become　disorganised　and
unruly。　　As　a　nephew；　I　object　to　the　impossible　standard　that
George　is　setting　up。　　But　he　will　not　listen。

Therefore　it　was　that　on　the　Saturday　he　left　us　after　lunch；
saying　he　would　go　round　to　that　shop　and　get　one　of　those　cushions
for　his　aunt。　　He　said　he　would　not　be　long；　and　suggested　our
waiting　for　him。

We　waited　for　what　seemed　to　me　rather　a　long　time。　　When　he
rejoined　us　he　was　empty　handed；　and　looked　worried。　　We　asked　him
where　his　cushion　was。　　He　said　he　hadn't　got　a　cushion；　said　he
had　changed　his　mind；　said　he　didn't　think　his　aunt　would　care　for
a　cushion。　　Evidently　something　was　amiss。　　We　tried　to　get　at　the
bottom　of　it；　but　he　was　not　communicative。　　Indeed；　his　answers
after　our　twentieth　question　or　thereabouts　became　quite　short。

In　the　evening；　however；　when　he　and　I　happened　to　be　alone；　he
broached　the　subject　himself。　　He　said：

〃They　are　somewhat　peculiar　in　some　things；　these　Germans。〃

I　said：　　〃What　has　happened？〃

〃Well；〃　he　answered；　〃there　was　that　cushion　I　wanted。〃

〃For　your　aunt；〃　I　remarked。

〃Why　not？〃　he　returned。　　He　was　huffy　in　a　moment；　I　never　knew　a
man　so　touchy　about　an　aunt。　　〃Why　shouldn't　I　send　a　cushion　to　my
aunt？〃

〃Don't　get　excited；〃　I　replied。　　〃I　am　not　objecting；　I　respect　you
for　it。〃

He　recovered　his　temper；　and　went　on：

〃There　were　four　in　the　window；　if　you　remember；　all　very　much
alike；　and　each　one　labelled　in　plain　figures　twenty　marks。　　I
don't　pretend　to　speak　German　fluently；　but　I　can　generally　make
myself　understood　with　a　little　effort；　and　gather　the　sense　of
what　is　said　to　me；　provided　they　don't　gabble。　　I　went　into　the
shop。　　A　young　girl　came　up　to　me；　she　was　a　pretty；　quiet　little
soul；　one　might　almost　say；　demure；　not　at　all　the　sort　of　girl
from　whom　you　would　have　expected　such　a　thing。　　I　was　never　more
surprised　in　all　my　life。〃

〃Surprised　about　what？〃　I　said。

George　always　assumes　you　know　the　end　of　the　story　while　he　is
telling　you　the　beginning；　it　is　an　annoying　method。

〃At　what　happened；〃　replied　George；　〃at　what　I　am　telling　you。　　She
smiled　and　asked　me　what　I　wanted。　　I　understood　that　all　right；
there　could　have　been　no　mistake　about　that。　　I　put　down　a　twenty
mark　piece　on　the　counter　and　said：

〃Please　give　me　a　cushion。〃

〃She　stared　at　me　as　if　I　had　asked　for　a　feather　bed。　　I　thought；
maybe；　she　had　not　heard；　so　I　repeated　it　louder。　　If　I　had
chucked　her　under　the　chin　she　could　not　have　looked　more　surprised
or　indignant。

〃She　said　she　thought　I　must　be　making　a　mistake。

〃I　did　not　want　to　begin　a　long　conversation　and　find　myself
stranded。　　I　said　there　was　no　mistake。　　I　pointed　to　my　twenty
mark　piece；　and　repeated　for　the　third　time　that　I　wanted　a
cushion；　'a　twenty　mark　cushion。'

〃Another　girl　came　up；　an　elder　girl；　and　the　first　girl　repeated
to　her　what　I　had　just　said：　　she　seemed　quite　excited　about　it。
The　second　girl　did　not　believe　herdid　not　think　I　looked　the
sort　of　man　who　would　want　a　cushion。　　To　make　sure；　she　put　the
question　to　me　herself。

〃'Did　you　say　you　wanted　a　cushion？'　she　asked。

〃'I　have　said　it　three　times；'　I　answered。　　'I　will　say　it　againI
want　a　cushion。'

〃She　said：　　'Then　you　can't　have　one。'

〃I　was　getting　angry　by　this　time。　　If　I　hadn't　really　wanted　the
thing　I　should　have　walked　out　of　the　shop；　but　there　the　cushions
were　in　the　window；　evidently　for　sale。　　I　didn't　see　WHY　I
couldn't　have　one。

〃I　said：　　'I　will　have　one！'　　It　is　a　simple　sentence。　　I　said　it
with　determination。

〃A　third　girl　came　up　at　this　point；　the　three　representing；　I
fancy；　the　whole　force　of　the　shop。　　She　was　a　bright…eyed；　saucy…
looking　little　wench；　this　last　one。　　On　any　other　occasion　I　might
have　been　pleased　to　see　her；　now；　her　coming　only　irritated　me。　　I
didn't　see　the　need　of　three　girls　for　this　business。

〃The　first　two　girls　started　explaining　the　thing　to　the　third
girl；　and　before　they　were　half…way　through　the　third　girl　began　to
giggleshe　was　the　sort　of　girl　who　would　giggle　at　anything。
That　done；　they　fell　to　chattering　like　Jenny　Wrens；　all　three
together；　and　between　every　half…dozen　words　they　looked　across　at
me；　and　the　more　they　looked　at　me　the　more　the　third　girl　giggled；
and　before　they　had　finished　they　were　all　three　giggling；　the
little　idiots；　you　might　have　thought　I　was　a　clown；　giving　a
private　performance。

〃When　she　was　steady　enough　to　move；　the　third　girl　came　up　to　me；
she　was　still　giggling。　　She　said：

〃'If　you　get　it；　will　you　go？'

〃I　did　not　quite　understand　her　at　first；　and　she　repeated　it。

〃'This　cushion。　　When　you've　got　it；　will　you　goawayat　once？'

〃I　was　only　too　anxious　to　go。　　I　told　her　so。　　But；　I　added　I　was
not　going　without　it。　　I　had　made　up　my　mind　to　have　that　cushion
now　if　I　stopped　in　the　shop　all　night　for　it。

〃She　rejoined　the　other　two　girls。　　I　thought　they　were　going　to
get　me　the　cushion　and　have　done　with　the　business。　　Instead　of
that；　the　strangest　thing　possible　happened。　　The　two　other　girls
got　behind　the　first　girl；　all　three　still　giggling；　Heaven　knows
what　about；　and　pushed　her　towards　me。　　They　pushed　her　close　up　to
me；　and　then；　before　I　knew　what　was　happening；　she　put　her　hands
on　my　shoulders；　stood　up　on　tiptoe；　and　kissed　me。　　After　which；
burying　her　face　in　her　apron；　she　ran　off；　followed　by　the　second
girl。　　The　third　girl　opened　the　door　for　me；　and　so　evidently
expected　me　to　go；　that　in　my　confusion　I　went；　leaving　my　twenty
marks　behind　me。　　I　don't　say　I　minded　the　kiss；　though　I　did　not
particularly　want　it；　while　I　did　want　the　cushion。　　I　don't　like
to　go　back　to　the　shop。　　I　cannot　understand　the　thing　at　all。〃

I　said：　　〃What　did　you　ask　for？〃

He　said：　　〃A　cushion〃

I　said：　　〃That　is　what　you　wanted；　I　know。　　What　I　mean　is；　what
was　the　actual　German　word　you　said。〃

He　replied：　　〃A　kuss。〃

I　said：　　〃You　have　nothing　to　complain　of。　　It　is　somewhat
confusing。　　A　'kuss'　sounds　as　if　it　ought　to　be　a　cushion；　but　it
is　not；　it　is　a　kiss；　while　a　'kissen'　is　a　cushion。　　You　muddled
up　the　two　wordspeople　have　done　it　before。　　I　don't　know　much
about　this　sort　of　thing　myself；　but　you　asked　for　a　twenty　mark
kiss；　and　from　your　description　of　the　girl　some　people　might
consider　the　price　reasonable。　　Anyhow；　I　should　not　tell　Harris。
If　I　remember　rightly；　he　also　has　an　aunt。〃

George　agreed　with　me　it　would　be　better　not。



CHAPTER　VIII



Mr。　and　Miss　Jones；　of　ManchesterThe　benefits　of　cocoaA　hint　to
the　Peace　SocietyThe　window　as　a　mediaeval　argumentThe
favourite　Christian　recreationThe　language　of　the　guideHow　to
repair　the　ravages　of　timeGeorge　tries　a　bottleThe　fate　of　the
German　beer　drinkerHarris　and　I　resolve　to　do　a　good　actionThe
usual　sort　of　statueHarris　and　his　friendsA　pepperless
ParadiseWomen　and　towns。

We　were　on　our　way　to　Prague；　and　were　waiting　in　the　great　hall　of
the　Dresden　Station　until　such　time　as　the　powers…that…be　should
permit　us　on　to　the　platform。　　George；　who　had　wandered　to　the
bookstall；　returned　to　us　with　a　wild　look　in　his　eyes。　　He　said：

〃I've　seen　it。〃

I　said；　〃Seen　what？〃

He　was　too　excited　to　answer　intelligently。　　He　said

〃It's　here。　　It's　coming　this　way；　both　of　them。　　If　you　wait；
you'll　see　it　for　yourselves。　　I'm　not　joking；　it's　the　real
thing。〃

As　is　usual　about　this　period；　some　paragraphs；　more　or　less
serious；　had　been　appearing　in　the　papers　concerning　the　sea…
serpent；　and　I　thought　for　the　moment　he　must　be　referring　to　this。
A　moment's　reflection；　however；　told　me　that　here；　in　the　middle　of
Europe；　three　hundred　miles　from　the　coast；　such　a　thing　was
impossible。　　Before　I　could　question　him　further；　he　seized　me　by
the　arm。

〃Look！〃　he　said；　〃now　am　I　exaggerating？〃

I　turned　my　head　and　saw　what；　I　suppose；　few　living　Englishmen
have　ever　seen　beforethe　travelling　Britisher　according　to　the
Continental　idea；　accompanied　by　his　daughter。　　They　were　coming
towards　us　in　the　flesh　and　blood；　unless　we　were　dreaming；　alive
and　concretethe　English　〃Milor〃　and　the　English　〃Mees；〃　as　for
generations　they　have　been　portrayed　in　the　Continental　comic　press
and　upon　the　Continental　stage。　　They　were　perfect　in　every　detail。
The　man　was　tall　and　thin；　with　sandy　hair；　a　huge　nose；　and　long
Dundreary　whiskers。　　Over　a　pepper…and…salt　suit　he　wore　a　light
overcoat；　reaching　almost　to　his　heels。　　His　white　helmet　was
ornamented　with　a　green　veil；　a　pair　of　opera…glasses　hung　at　his
side；　and　in　his　lavender…gloved　hand　he　carried　an　alpenstock　a
little　taller　than　himself。　　His　daughter　was　long　and　angular。
Her　dress　I　cannot　describe：　　my　grandfather；　poor　gentleman；　might
have　been　able　to　do　so；　it　would　have　been　more　familiar　to　him。
I　can　only　say　that　it　appeared　to　me　unnecessarily　short；
exhibiting　a　pair　of　anklesif　I　may　be　permitted　to　refer　to　such
pointsthat；　from　an　artistic　point　of　view；　called　rather　for
concealment。　　Her　hat　made　me　think　of　Mrs。　Hemans；　but　why　I
cannot　explain。　　She　wore　side…spring　boots〃prunella；〃　I　believe；
used　to　be　the　trade　namemittens；　and　pince…nez。　　She　also
carried　an　alpenstock　（there　is　not　a　mountain　within　a　hundred
miles　of　Dresden）　and　a　black　bag　strapped　to　her　waist。　　He