three men on the bummel-第19章

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the　young　men　with　their　fierce　moustachesas　pictured　on　the
label。

Unconsciously；　in　his　own　mind；　he　had　divided　the　world　into　two
sections。　　The　Past　（〃Before　Use〃）；　a　sickly；　disagreeable…looking；
uninteresting　world。　　The　Future　（〃After　Use〃）　a　fat；　jolly；　God…
bless…everybody　sort　of　world；　and　this　unfitted　him　as　a　guide　to
scenes　of　mediaeval　history。

He　sent　us　each　a　bottle　of　the　stuff　to　our　hotel。　　It　appeared
that　in　the　early　part　of　our　converse　with　him　we　had；
unwittingly；　clamoured　for　it。　　Personally；　I　can　neither　praise　it
nor　condemn　it。　　A　long　series　of　disappointments　has　disheartened
me；　added　to　which　a　permanent　atmosphere　of　paraffin；　however
faint；　is　apt　to　cause　remark；　especially　in　the　case　of　a　married
man。　　Now；　I　never　try　even　the　sample。

I　gave　my　bottle　to　George。　　He　asked　for　it　to　send　to　a　man　he
knew　in　Leeds。　　I　learnt　later　that　Harris　had　given　him　his　bottle
also；　to　send　to　the　same　man。

A　suggestion　of　onions　has　clung　to　this　tour　since　we　left　Prague。
George　has　noticed　it　himself。　　He　attributes　it　to　the　prevalence
of　garlic　in　European　cooking。

It　was　in　Prague　that　Harris　and　I　did　a　kind　and　friendly　thing　to
George。　　We　had　noticed　for　some　time　past　that　George　was　getting
too　fond　of　Pilsener　beer。　　This　German　beer　is　an　insidious　drink；
especially　in　hot　weather；　but　it　does　not　do　to　imbibe　too　freely
of　it。　　It　does　not　get　into　your　head；　but　after　a　time　it　spoils
your　waist。　　I　always　say　to　myself　on　entering　Germany：

〃Now；　I　will　drink　no　German　beer。　　The　white　wine　of　the　country；
with　a　little　soda…water；　perhaps　occasionally　a　glass　of　Ems　or
potash。　　But　beer；　neveror；　at　all　events；　hardly　ever。〃

It　is　a　good　and　useful　resolution；　which　I　recommend　to　all
travellers。　　I　only　wish　I　could　keep　to　it　myself。　　George；
although　I　urged　him；　refused　to　bind　himself　by　any　such　hard　and
fast　limit。　　He　said　that　in　moderation　German　beer　was　good。

〃One　glass　in　the　morning；〃　said　George；　〃one　in　the　evening；　or
even　two。　　That　will　do　no　harm　to　anyone。〃

Maybe　he　was　right。　　It　was　his　half…dozen　glasses　that　troubled
Harris　and　myself。

〃We　ought　to　do　something　to　stop　it；〃　said　Harris；　〃it　is　becoming
serious。〃

〃It's　hereditary；　so　he　has　explained　to　me；〃　I　answered。　　〃It
seems　his　family　have　always　been　thirsty。〃

〃There　is　Apollinaris　water；〃　replied　Harris；　〃which；　I　believe；
with　a　little　lemon　squeezed　into　it；　is　practically　harmless。
What　I　am　thinking　about　is　his　figure。　　He　will　lose　all　his
natural　elegance。〃

We　talked　the　matter　over；　and；　Providence　aiding　us；　we　fixed　upon
a　plan。　　For　the　ornamentation　of　the　town　a　new　statue　had　just
been　cast。　　I　forget　of　whom　it　was　a　statue。　　I　only　remember　that
in　the　essentials　it　was　the　usual　sort　of　street　statue；
representing　the　usual　sort　of　gentleman；　with　the　usual　stiff
neck；　riding　the　usual　sort　of　horsethe　horse　that　always　walks
on　its　hind　legs；　keeping　its　front　paws　for　beating　time。　　But　in
detail　it　possessed　individuality。　　Instead　of　the　usual　sword　or
baton；　the　man　was　holding；　stretched　out　in　his　hand；　his　own
plumed　hat；　and　the　horse；　instead　of　the　usual　waterfall　for　a
tail；　possessed　a　somewhat　attenuated　appendage　that　somehow
appeared　out　of　keeping　with　his　ostentatious　behaviour。　　One　felt
that　a　horse　with　a　tail　like　that　would　not　have　pranced　so　much。

It　stood　in　a　small　square　not　far　from　the　further　end　of　the
Karlsbrucke；　but　it　stood　there　only　temporarily。　　Before　deciding
finally　where　to　fix　it；　the　town　authorities　had　resolved；　very
sensibly；　to　judge　by　practical　test　where　it　would　look　best。
Accordingly；　they　had　made　three　rough　copies　of　the　statuemere
wooden　profiles；　things　that　would　not　bear　looking　at　closely；　but
which；　viewed　from　a　little　distance；　produced　all　the　effect　that
was　necessary。　　One　of　these　they　had　set　up　at　the　approach　to　the
Franz…Josefsbrucke；　a　second　stood　in　the　open　space　behind　the
theatre；　and　the　third　in　the　centre　of　the　Wenzelsplatz。

〃If　George　is　not　in　the　secret　of　this　thing；〃　said　Harriswe
were　walking　by　ourselves　for　an　hour；　he　having　remained　behind　in
the　hotel　to　write　a　letter　to　his　aunt；〃if　he　has　not　observed
these　statues；　then　by　their　aid　we　will　make　a　better　and　a
thinner　man　of　him；　and　that　this　very　evening。〃

So　during　dinner　we　sounded　him；　judiciously；　and　finding　him
ignorant　of　the　matter；　we　took　him　out；　and　led　him　by　side…
streets　to　the　place　where　stood　the　real　statue。　　George　was　for
looking　at　it　and　passing　on；　as　is　his　way　with　statues；　but　we
insisted　on　his　pulling　up　and　viewing　the　thing　conscientiously。
We　walked　him　round　that　statue　four　times；　and　showed　it　to　him
from　every　possible　point　of　view。　　I　think；　on　the　whole；　we
rather　bored　him　with　the　thing；　but　our　object　was　to　impress　it
upon　him。　　We　told　him　the　history　of　the　man　who　rode　upon　the
horse；　the　name　of　the　artist　who　had　made　the　statue；　how　much　it
weighed；　how　much　it　measured。　　We　worked　that　statue　into　his
system。　　By　the　time　we　had　done　with　him　he　knew　more　about　that
statue；　for　the　time　being；　than　he　knew　about　anything　else。　　We
soaked　him　in　that　statue；　and　only　let　him　go　at　last　on　the
condition　that　he　would　come　again　with　us　in　the　morning；　when　we
could　all　see　it　better；　and　for　such　purpose　we　saw　to　it　that　he
made　a　note　in　his　pocket…book　of　the　place　where　the　statue　stood。

Then　we　accompanied　him　to　his　favourite　beer　hall；　and　sat　beside
him；　telling　him　anecdotes　of　men　who；　unaccustomed　to　German　beer；
and　drinking　too　much　of　it；　had　gone　mad　and　developed　homicidal
mania；　of　men　who　had　died　young　through　drinking　German　beer；　of
lovers　that　German　beer　had　been　the　means　of　parting　for　ever　from
beautiful　girls。

At　ten　o'clock　we　started　to　walk　back　to　the　hotel。　　It　was　a
stormy…looking　night；　with　heavy　clouds　drifting　over　a　light　moon。
Harris　said：

〃We　won't　go　back　the　same　way　we　came；　we'll　walk　back　by　the
river。　　It　is　lovely　in　the　moonlight。〃

Harris　told　a　sad　history；　as　we　walked；　about　a　man　he　once　knew；
who　is　now　in　a　home　for　harmless　imbeciles。　　He　said　he　recalled
the　story　because　it　was　on　just　such　another　night　as　this　that　he
was　walking　with　that　man　the　very　last　time　he　ever　saw　the　poor
fellow。　　They　were　strolling　down　the　Thames　Embankment；　Harris
said；　and　the　man　frightened　him　then　by　persisting　that　he　saw　the
statue　of　the　Duke　of　Wellington　at　the　corner　of　Westminster
Bridge；　when；　as　everybody　knows；　it　stands　in　Piccadilly。

It　was　at　this　exact　instant　that　we　came　in　sight　of　the　first　of
these　wooden　copies。　　It　occupied　the　centre　of　a　small；　railed…in
square　a　little　above　us　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　way。　　George
suddenly　stood　still　and　leant　against　the　wall　of　the　quay。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　I　said；　〃feeling　giddy？〃

He　said：　　〃I　do；　a　little。　　Let's　rest　here　a　moment。〃

He　stood　there　with　his　eyes　glued　to　the　thing。

He　said；　speaking　huskily：

〃Talking　of　statues；　what　always　strikes　me　is　how　very　much　one
statue　is　like　another　statue。〃

Harris　said：　　〃I　cannot　agree　with　you　therepictures；　if　you
like。　　Some　pictures　are　very　like　other　pictures；　but　with　a
statue　there　is　always　something　distinctive。　　Take　that　statue　we
saw　early　in　the　evening；〃　continued　Harris；　〃before　we　went　into
the　concert　hall。　　It　represented　a　man　sitting　on　a　horse。　　In
Prague　you　will　see　other　statues　of　men　on　horses；　but　nothing　at
all　like　that　one。〃

〃Yes　they　are；〃　said　George；　〃they　are　all　alike。　　It's　always　the
same　horse；　and　it's　always　the　same　man。　　They　are　all　exactly
alike。　　It's　idiotic　nonsense　to　say　they　are　not。〃

He　appeared　to　be　angry　with　Harris。

〃What　makes　you　think　so？〃　I　asked。

〃What　makes　me　think　so？〃　retorted　George；　now　turning　upon　me。
〃Why；　look　at　that　damned　thing　over　there！〃

I　said：　　〃What　damned　thing？〃

〃Why；　that　thing；〃　said　George；　〃look　at　it！　　There　is　the　same
horse　with　half　a　tail；　standing　on　its　hind　legs；　the　same　man
without　his　hat；　the　same〃

Harris　said：　　〃You　are　talking　now　about　the　statue　we　saw　in　the
Ringplatz。〃

〃No；　I'm　not；〃　replied　George；　〃I'm　talking　about　the　statue　over
there。〃

〃What　statue？〃　said　Harris。

George　looked　at　Harris；　but　Harris　is　a　man　who　might；　with　care；
have　been　a　fair　amateur　actor。　　His　face　merely　expressed　friendly
sorrow；　mingled　with　alarm。　　Next；　George　turned　his　gaze　on　me。　　I
endeavoured；　so　far　as　lay　with　me；　to　copy　Harris's　expression；
adding　to　it　on　my　own　account　a　touch　of　reproof。

〃Will　you　have　a　cab？〃　I　said　as　kindly　as　I　could　to　George。
〃I'll　run　and　get　one。〃

〃What　the　devil　do　I　want　with　a　cab？〃　he　answered；　ungraciously。
〃Can't　you　fellows　understand　a　joke？　　It's　like　being　out　with　a
couple　of　confounded　old　women；〃　saying　which；　he　started　off
across　the　bridge；　leaving　us　to　follow。

〃I　am　so　glad　that　was　only　a　joke　of　yours；〃　said　Harris；　on　our
overtaking　him。　　〃I　knew　a　case　of　softening　of　the　brain　that
began〃

〃Oh；　you're　a　silly　ass！〃　said　George；　cutting　him　short；　〃you　know
everything。〃

He　was　really　most　unpleasant　in　his　manner。

We　took　him　round　by　the　riverside　of　the　theatre。　　We　told　him　it
was　the　shortest　way；　and；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　it　was。　　In　the
open　space　behind　the　theatre　stood　the　second　of　these　wooden
apparitions。　　George　looked　at　it；　and　again　stood　still。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　said　Harris；　kindly。　　〃You　are　not　ill；　are
you？〃

〃I　don't　believe　this　is　the　shortest　way；〃　said　George。

〃I　assure　you　it　is；〃　persisted　Harris。

〃Well；　I'm　going　the　other；〃　said　George；　and　he　turned　and　went；
we；　as　before；　following　him。

Along　the　Ferdinand　Strasse　Harris　and　I　talked　about　private
lunatic　asylums；　which；　Harris　said；　were　not　well　managed　in
England。　　He　said　a　friend　of　his；　a　patient　in　a　lunatic　asylum　…

George　said；　interrupting：　　〃You　appear　to　have　a　large　number　of
friends　in　lunatic　asylums。〃

He　said　it　in　a　most　insulting　tone；　as　though　to　imply　that　that
is　where　one　would　look　for　the　majority　of　Harris's　friends。　　But
Harris　did　not　get　angry；　he　merely　replied；　quite　mildly：

〃Well；　it　really　is　extraordinary；　when　one　comes　to　think　of　it；
how　many　of　them　have　gone　that　way　sooner　or　later。　　I　get　quite
nervous　sometimes；　now。〃

At　the　corner　of　the　Wenzelsplatz；　Harris；　who　was　a　few　steps
ahead　of　us；　paused。

〃It's　a　fine　street；　isn't　it？〃　he　said；　sticking　his　hands　in　his
pockets；　and　gazing　up　at　it　admiringly。

George　and　I　followed　suit。　　Two　hundred　yards　away　from　us；　in　its
very　centre；　was　the　third　of　these　ghostly　statues。　　I　think　it
was　the　best　of　the　threethe　most　like；　the　most　deceptive。　　It
stood　boldly　outlined　against　the　wild　sky：　　the　horse　on　its　hind
legs；　with　its　curiously　attenuated　tail；　the　man　bareheaded；
pointing　with　his　plumed　hat　to　the　now　entirely　visible　moon。

〃I　think；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　said　Georgehe　spoke　with　almost　a
pathetic　ring　in　his　voice；　his　aggressiveness　had　completely
fallen　from　him；〃that　I　will　have　that　cab；　if　there's　one
handy。〃

〃I