autobiography of a pocket-handkerchief-第12章

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cannot　add　that　I　was　perfectly　well　during　any　part　of　the　passage。　The
pent　air　of　the　state…room；　and　a　certain　heaviness　about　the　brain；　quite
incapacitated　me　from　enjoying　any　thing　that　passed；　and　that　was　a
happy　moment　when　our　trunk　was　taken　on　deck　to　be　examined。　The
custom…house　officers　at　New　York　were　not　men　likely　to　pick　out　a
pocket…handkerchief　from　a　gentleman'sI　beg　pardon；　from　a
colonel'swardrobe；　and　I　passed　unnoticed　among　sundry　other　of　my
employer's　speculations。　I　call　the　colonel　my　EMPLOYER；　though　this
was　not　strictly　true；　for；　Heaven　be　praised！　he　never　did　employ　me；
but　ever　since　my　arrival　in　America；　my　gorge　has　so　risen　against　the
word　〃master；〃　that　I　cannot　make　up　my　mind　to　write　it。　I　know　there
is　an　ingenious　substitute；　as　the　following　little　dialogue　will　show；　but
my　early　education　under　the　astronomer　and　the　delicate　minded
Adrienne；　has　rendered　me　averse　to　false　taste；　and　I　find　the　substitute
as　disagreeable　as　the　original。　The　conversation　to　which　I　allude；
occurred　between　me　and　a　very　respectable　looking　shirt；　that　I
happened　to　be　hanging　next　to　on　a　line；　a　few　days　after　my　arrival；
the　colonel　having　judged　it　prudent　to　get　me　washed　and　properly
ironed；　before　he　carried　me　into　the　〃market。〃

〃Who　is　your　BOSS；　pocket…handkerchief？〃　demanded　the　shirt；　a
perfect　stranger　to　me；　by　the　way；　for　I　had　never　seen　him　before　the
accidents　of　the　wash…tub　brought　us　in　collision；　〃who　is　your　boss；
pocket…handkerchief；　I　say？you　are　so　very　fine；　I　should　like　to
know　something　of　your　history。〃

》From　all　I　had　heard　and　read；　I　was　satisfied　my　neighbor　was　a
Yankee　shirt；　both　from　his　curiosity　and　from　his　abrupt　manner　of
asking　questions；　still　I　was　at　a　loss　to　know　the　meaning　of　the　word
BOSS；　my　clairvoyance　being　totally　at　fault。　It　belongs　to　no　language
known　to　the　savans　or　academicians。

｛savans　=　scholars｝

〃I　am　not　certain；　sir；〃　I　answered；　〃that　I　understand　your　meaning。
What　is　a　BOSS？〃

｛boss　=　Cooper　was　annoyed　by　American　euphemisms；　such　as　using
the　Dutch　word　〃boss〃　in　place　of　〃master〃a　custom　he　blamed　largely
on　New　England　〃Yankees〃｝

〃Oh！　that's　only　a　republican　word　for　'master。'　Now；　Judge　Latitat　is
MY　boss；　and　a　very　good　one　he　is；　with　the　exception　of　his　sitting　so
late　at　night　at　his　infernal　circuits；　by　the　light　of　miserable　tallow
candles。　But　all　the　judges　are　alike　for　that；　keeping　a　poor　shirt　up
sometimes　until　midnight；　listening　to　cursed　dull　lawyers；　and　prosy；
caviling　witnesses。〃

｛circuits　=　　American　〃circuit　judges〃　travelled　from　town　to　town；
holding　court　in　each　and　sleeping　at　local　inns　and　taverns｝

〃I　beg　you　to　recollect；　sir；　that　I　am　a　female　pocket…handkerchief；　and
persons　of　your　sex　are　bound　to　use　temperate　and　proper　language　in
the　presence　of　ladies。

〃Yes；　I　see　you　are　feminine；　by　your　ornamentsstill；　you　might　tell　a
fellow　who　is　your　boss？〃

〃I　belong；　at　present；　to　Colonel　Silky；　if　that　is　what　you　mean；　but　I
presume　some　fair　lady　will　soon　do　me　the　honor　of　transferring　me　to
her　own　wardrobe。　No　doubt　my　future　employeris　not　that　the
word？will　be　one　of　the　most　beautiful　and　distinguished　ladies　of
New　York。〃

〃No　question　of　that；　as　money　makes　both　beauty　and　distinction　in　this
part　of　the　world；　and　it's　not　a　dollar　that　will　buy　you。　COLONEL
Silky？　I　don't　remember　the　namewhich　of　OUR　editors　is　he？〃

｛Cooper　is　ridiculing　the　habit　of　newspaper　editors　of　seeking
popularity　by　serving　in　the　militia　and　thus　receiving　the　title　of
〃Colonel〃｝

〃I　don't　think　he　is　an　editor　at　all。　At　least；　I　never　heard　he　was
employed　about　any　publication；　and；　to　own　the　truth；　he　does　not
appear　to　me　to　be　particularly　qualified　for　such　a　duty；　either　by　native
capacity；　or；　its　substitute；　education。〃

〃Oh！　that　makes　no　great　differencehalf　the　corps　is　exactly　in　the
same　predicament。　I'fegs！　if　we　waited　for　colonels；　or　editors　either；　in
this　country；　until　we　got　such　as　were　qualified；　we　should　get　no　news；
and　be　altogether　without　politics；　and　the　militia　would　soon　be　in　an
awful　state。〃

｛I'fegs！　=　an　obsolete；　essentially　meaningless　exclamation；　like　〃I
swear！〃；　deriving　from　〃In　faith！〃｝

〃This　is　very　extraordinary！　So　you　do　not　wait；　but　take　them　as　they
come。　And　what　state　is　your　militia　actually　in？〃

〃Awful！　It　is　what　my　boss；　the　judge；　sometimes　calls　a　'statu　quo。'〃

｛'statu　quo'　=　in　the　same　state　as　always　（Latin）｝

〃And　the　newspapersand　the　newsand　the　politics？〃

〃Why；　they　are　NOT　in　'statu　quo'but　in　a　'semper　eadem'I　beg
pardon；　do　you　understand　Latin？〃

〃No；　sirladies　do　not　often　study　the　dead　languages。〃

〃If　they　did　they　would　soon　bring　'em　to　life！　'Semper　eadem'　is　Latin
for　'worse　and　worse。'　The　militia　is　drilling　into　a　'statu　quo；'　and　the
press　is　enlightening　mankind　with　a　'semper　eadem。'　〃

｛'Semper　eadem'　=　the　usual　meaning　is　〃ever　the　same〃　（Latin）
presumably　Cooper's　talking　shirt　is　being　ironical；　suggesting　that　that
〃worse　and　worse〃　is　the　constant　condition　of　the　press｝

After　properly　thanking　my　neighbor　for　these　useful　explanations；　we
naturally　fell　into　discourse　about　matters　and　things　in　general；　the
weather　in　America　being　uniformly　too　fine　to　admit　of　discussion。

〃Pray；　sir；〃　said　I；　trembling　lest　my　BOSS　might　be　a　colonel　of　the
editorial　corps；　after　all〃pray；　sir；〃　said　I；　〃is　it　expected　in　this　country
that　the　wardrobe　should　entertain　the　political　sentiments　of　its　boss？〃

〃I　rather　think　not；　unless　it　might　be　in　high　party　times；　or；　in　the　case
of　editors；　and　such　extreme　patriots。　I　have　several　relatives　that
belong　to　the　corps；　and　they　all　tell　me　that　while　their　bosses　very
frequently　change　their　coats；　they　are　by　no　means　so　particular　about
changing　their　shirts。　But　you　are　of　foreign　birth；　ma'am；　I　should　think
by　your　dress　and　appearance？〃

｛change　their　coats。。。。　=　i。e。；　editors　frequently　change　political　sides；
but　they　are　not　very　careful　about　their　personal　hygiene｝

〃Yes；　sir；　I　came　quite　recently　from　France；　though；　my　employer　being
American；　I　suppose　I　am　entitled　to　the　rights　of　citizenship。　Are　you
European；　also？〃

〃No；　ma'am；　I　am　native　and　to　the　'MANOR　born；'　as　the　modern
Shakspeare　has　it。　Is　Louis　Philippe　likely　to　maintain　the　throne；　in
France？〃

｛'manor　born'　=　from　〃to　the　manner　born〃　Shakespeare；　　Hamlet；　Act
I；　Scene　4；　line　2frequently　misquoted　in　popular　speech　as　〃to　the
manor　born〃｝

〃That　is　not　so　certain；　sir；　by　what　I　learn；　as　that　the　throne　is　likely　to
maintain　Louis　Philippe。　To　own　the　truth　to　you；　I　am　a　Carlist；　as　all
genteel　articles　are；　and　I　enter　but　little　into　the　subject　of　Louis
Philippe's　reign。〃

｛Carlist　=　supporter　of　King　Charles　X　of　France；　who　was　deposed　in
1830　by　King　Louis　Philippe｝

This　remark　made　me　melancholy；　by　reviving　the　recollection　of
Adrienne；　and　the　conversation　ceased。　An　hour　or　two　later；　I　was
removed　from　the　line；　properly　ironed；　and　returned　to　my　boss。　The
same　day　I　was　placed　in　a　shop　in　Broadway；　belonging　to　a　firm　of
which　I　now　understood　the　colonel　was　a　sleeping　partner。　A　suitable
entry　was　made　against　me；　in　a　private　memorandum　book；　which；　as　I
once　had　an　opportunity　of　seeing　it；　I　will　give　here。

Super…extraordinary　Pocket…Handkerchief；　French　cambric；　trimmed
and　worked；　in　account　with　Bobbinet　&　Gull。

DR。
To　money　paid　first　costfrancs　100；　at　5。25；　　　19。04
To　interest　on　same　for　　00。00
To　portion　of　passage　money；　　00。04
To　porterage；　　00。00　1/4
To　washing　and　making　up；　　00。25
（Mem。See　if　a　deduction　cannot　be　made　from　this　charge。）

CR。
By　cash；　for　allowing　Miss　Thimble　to　copy　patternnot　to　be　worked
until　our　article　is　sold；　　1。　00
By　cash　for　sale；　&c。　

｛in　account　with。。。。　=　this　and　subsequent　〃accounts〃　are　presented　by
Cooper　in　tabular　form；　generally　without　decimal　points　in　the　figures；
we　have　inserted　decimals　and　omitted　zeros　to　make　them　more
readable｝

Thus　the　account　stood　the　day　I　was　first　offered　to　the　admiration　of
the　fair　of　New　York。　Mr。　Bobbinet；　however；　was　in　no　hurry　to
exhibit　me；　having　several　articles　of　less　beauty；　that　he　was　anxious　to
get　off　first。　For　my　part；　I　was　as　desirous　of　being　produced；　as　ever　a
young　lady　was　to　come　out；　and　then　my　companions　in　the　drawer
were　not　of　the　most　agreeable　character。　We　were　all　pocket…
handkerchiefs；　together；　and　all　of　French　birth。　Of　the　whole　party；　I
was　the　only　one　that　had　been　worked　by　a　real　lady；　and
consequently　my　education　was　manifestly　superior　to　those　of　my
companions。　THEY　could　scarcely　be　called　comme　il　faut；　at　all；
though；　to　own　the　truth；　I　am　afraid　there　is　tant　soit　peu　de　vulgarity
about　all　WORKED　pocket…handkerchiefs。　I　remember　that；　one　day；
when　Madame　de　la　Rocheaimard　and　Adrienne　were　discussing　the
expediency　of　buying　our　whole　piece；　with　a　view　of　offering　us　to　their
benefactress；　the　former；　who　had　a　fine　tact　in　matters　of　this　sort；
expressed　a　doubt　whether　the　dauphine　would　be　pleased　with　such　an
offering。

｛comme　il　faut　=　proper；　tant　soit　peu　de　=　ever　so　little　of；　｛worked　=
embroidered｝

〃Her　Royal　Highness；　like　all　cultivated　minds；　looks　for　fitness　in　her
ornaments　and　tastes。　What　fitness　is　there；　ma　chere；　in　converting　an
article　of　real　use；　and　which　should　not　be　paraded　to　one's　associates；
into　an　article　of　senseless　luxury。　I　know　there　are　two　doctrines　on　this
important　point〃

｛ma　chere　=　my　dear｝

But；　as　I　shall　have　occasion；　soon；　to　go　into　the　whole　philosophy　of
this　matter；　when　I　come　to　relate　the　manner　of　my　next　purchase；　I
will　not　stop　here　to　relate　all　that　Madame　de　la　Rocheaimard　said。　It　is
sufficient　that　she；　a　woman　of　tact　in　such　matters　at　least；　had　strong
doubts　concerning　the　TASTE　and　propriety　of　using　worked　pocket…
handkerchiefs；　at　all。

My　principal　objection　to　my　companions　in　the　drawer　was　their
incessant　senseless　repinings　about　France；　and　their　abuse　of　the
country　in　which　they　were　to　pass　their　lives。　I　could　see　enough　in
America　to　find　fault　with；　through　the　creaks　of　the　drawer；　and　if　an
American；　I　might　have　indulged　a　little　in　the　same　way　myself；　for　I　am
not　one　of　those　who　think　fault…finding　belongs　properly　to　the
stranger；　and　not　to　the　native。　It　is　the　proper　office　of　the　latter；　as　it　is
his　duty　to　amend　these　faults；　the　traveler　being　bound　in　justice　to　look
at　the　good　as　well　as　the　evil。　But；　according　to　my　companions；　there
was　NOTHING　good　in　Americathe　climate；　the　people；　the　food；
the　morals；　the　laws；　the　dress；　the　manners；　and　the　tastes；　were　all
infinitely　worse　than　those　they　had　been　accustomed　to。　Even　the
physical　proportions　of　the　population　were　condemned；　without　mercy。
I　confess　I　was　surprised　at　hearing　the　SIZE　of　the　Americans　sneered
at　by　POCKET…HANDKERCHIEFS；　as　I　remember　to　have　read　that
the　NOSES　of　the　New　Yorkers；　in　particular；　were　materially　larger
than　common。　When　the　supercilious　and　vapid　point　out　faults；　they
ever　run　into