autobiography of a pocket-handkerchief-第15章

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〃Foolish！　Do　you　call　a　handkerchief　with　such　lace；　and　all　this
magnificent　work　on　it；　and　which　cost　a　HUNDRED　DOLLARS；
foolish？　Is　it　foolish　to　have　money；　or　to　be　thought　rich？〃

〃Certainly　not　the　first；　though　it　may　be　better　not　to　be　thought　rich。　I
wish　to　see　you　always　dressed　with　propriety；　for　you　do　credit　to
your　dress；　but　this　handkerchief　is　out　of　place。〃

〃Out　of　place！　Now；　hear　me；　Clara；　though　it　is　to　be　a　great　secret。
What　do　you　think　Pa　is　worth？〃

〃Bless　me；　these　are　things　I　never　think　of。　I　do　not　even　know　how
much　my　own　father　is　worth。　Mother　tells　me　how　much　I　may　spend；
and　I　can　want　to　learn　no　more。〃

〃Well；　Mr。　Murray　dined　with　Pa　last　week；　and　they　sat　over　their
wine　until　near　ten。　I　overheard　them　talking；　and　got　into　this　room　to
listen；　for　I　thought　I　should　get　something　new。　At　first　they　said　nothing
but　'lotslotsup　towndown　towntwenty…five　feet　frontdollar；
dollar；　dollar。'　La！　child；　you　never　heard　such　stuff　in　your　life！〃

〃One　gets　used　to　these　things；　notwithstanding；〃　observed　Clara；　drily。

〃Yes；　one　DOES　hear　a　great　deal　of　it。　I　shall　be　glad　when　the
gentlemen　learn　to　talk　of　something　else。　But　the　best　is　to　come。　At
last；　Pa　asked　Mr。　Murray　if　he　had　inventoried　lately。〃

〃Did　he？〃

〃Yes；　he　did。　Of　course　you　know　what　that　means？〃

〃It　meant　to　FILL；　as　they　call　it；　does　it　not？〃

〃So　I　thought　at　first；　but　it　means　no　such　thing。　It　means　to　count　up；
and　set　down　how　much　one　is　worth。　Mr。　Murray　said　he　did　THAT
every　month；　and　of　course　he　knew　very　well　what　HE　was　worth。　I
forget　how　much　it　was；　for　I　didn't　care；　you　know　George　Murray　is
not　as　old　as　I　am；　and　so　I　listened　to　what　Pa　had　inventoried。　Now；
how　much　do　you　guess？〃

〃Really；　my　dear；　I　haven't　the　least　idea；〃　answered　Clara；　slightly
gaping〃a　thousand　dollars；　perhaps。〃

〃A　thousand　dollars！　What；　for　a　gentleman　who　keeps　his　coachlives
in　Broadwaydresses　his　daughter　as　I　dress；　and　gives　her　hundred…
dollar　handkerchiefs。　Two　hundred　million；　my　dear；　two　hundred
million！〃

Eudosia　had　interpolated　the　word　〃hundred；〃　quite　innocently；　for；　as
usually　happens　with　those　to　whom　money　is　new；　her　imagination　ran
ahead　of　her　arithmetic。　〃Yes；〃　she　added；　〃two　hundred　millions；
besides　sixty　millions　of　odd　money！〃

〃That　sounds　like　a　great　deal；〃　observed　Clara　quietly；　for；　besides
caring　very　little　for　these　millions；　she　had　not　a　profound　respect　for
her　friend's　accuracy　on　such　subjects。

〃It　IS　a　great　deal。　Ma　says　there　are　not　ten　richer　men　than　Pa　in　the
state。　Now；　does　not　this　alter　the　matter　about　the　pocket…
handkerchief？　It　would　be　mean　in　me　not　to　have　a　hundred…dollar
handkerchief；　when　I　could　get　one。〃

〃It　may　alter　the　matter　as　to　the　extravagance；　but　it　does　not　alter　it　as
to　the　fitness。　Of　what　USE　is　a　pocket…handkerchief　like　this？　A
pocket…handkerchief　is　made　for　USE；　my　dear；　not　for　show。〃

〃You　would　not　have　a　young　lady　use　her　pocket…handkerchief　like　a
snuffy　old　nurse；　Clara？〃

〃I　would　have　her　use　it　like　a　young　lady；　and　in　no　other　way。　But　it
always　strikes　me　as　a　proof　of　ignorance　and　a　want　of　refinement
when　the　uses　of　things　are　confounded。　A　pocket…handkerchief；　at　the
best；　is　but　a　menial　appliance；　and　it　is　bad　taste　to　make　it　an　object　of
attraction。　FINE；　it　may　be；　for　that　conveys　an　idea　of　delicacy　in　its
owner；　but　ornamented　beyond　reason；　never。　Look　what　a　tawdry　and
vulgar　thing　an　embroidered　slipper　is　on　a　woman's　foot。〃

〃Yes；　I　grant　you　that；　but　everybody　cannot　have　hundred…dollar
handkerchiefs；　though　they　may　have　embroidered　slippers。　I　shall　wear
my　purchase　at　Miss　Trotter's　ball　to…night。〃

To　this　Clara　made　no　objection；　though　she　still　looked　disapprobation
of　her　purchase。　Now；　the　lovely　Eudosia　had　not　a　bad　heart；　she　had
only　received　a　bad　education。　Her　parents　had　given　her　a　smattering
of　the　usual　accomplishments；　but　here　her　superior　instruction　ended。
Unable　to　discriminate　themselves；　for　the　want　of　this　very　education；
they　had　been　obliged　to　trust　their　daughter　to　the　care　of　mercenaries；
who　fancied　their　duties　discharged　when　they　had　taught　their　pupil　to
repeat　like　a　parrot。　All　she　acquired　had　been　for　effect；　and　not　for
the　purpose　of　every…day　use；　in　which　her　instruction　and　her　pocket…
handkerchief　might　be　said　to　be　of　a　piece。



CHAPTER　XI。

And　here　I　will　digress　a　moment　to　make　a　single　remark　on　a　subject
of　which　popular　feeling；　in　America；　under　the　influence　of　popular
habits；　is　apt　to　take　an　exparte　view。　Accomplishments　are　derided　as
useless；　in　comparison　with　what　is　considered　household　virtues。　The
accomplishment　of　a　cook　is　to　make　good　dishes；　of　a　seamstress　to
sew　well；　and　of　a　lady　to　possess　refined　tastes；　a　cultivated　mind；　and
agreeable　and　intellectual　habits。　The　real　VIRTUES　of　all　are　the　same；
though　subject　to　laws　peculiar　to　their　station；　but　it　is　a　very　different
thing　when　we　come　to　the　mere　accomplishments。　To　deride　all　the
refined　attainments　of　human　skill　denotes　ignorance　of　the　means　of
human　happiness；　nor　is　it　any　evidence　of　acquaintance　with　the
intricate　machinery　of　social　greatness　and　a　lofty　civilization。　These
gradations　in　attainments　are　inseparable　from　civilized　society；　and　if
the　skill　of　the　ingenious　and　laborious　is　indispensable　to　a　solid
foundation；　without　the　tastes　and　habits　of　the　refined　and　cultivated；　it
never　can　be　graceful　or　pleasing。

｛exparte　=　should　be　〃ex　parte〃one…sided　（Latin）｝

Eudosia　had　some　indistinct　glimmerings　of　this　fact；　though　it　was　not
often　that　she　came　to　sound　and　discriminating　decisions　even　in
matters　less　complicated。　In　the　present　instance　she　saw　this　truth　only
by　halves；　and　that；　too；　in　its　most　commonplace　aspect；　as　will　appear
by　the　remark　she　made　on　the　occasion。

〃Then；　Clara；　as　to　the　PRICE　I　have　paid　for　this　handkerchief；〃　she
said；　〃you　ought　to　remember　what　the　laws　of　political　economy　lay
down　on　such　subjects。　I　suppose　your　Pa　makes　you　study　political
economy；　my　dear？〃

〃Indeed　he　does　not。　I　hardly　know　what　it　means。〃

〃Well；　that　is　singular；　for　Pa　says；　in　this　age　of　the　world；　it　is　the　only
way　to　be　rich。　Now；　it　is　by　means　of　a　trade　in　lots；　and　political
economy；　generally；　that　he　has　succeeded　so　wonderfully；　for；　to　own
the　truth　to　you；　Clara；　Pa　hasn't　always　been　rich。〃

〃No？〃　answered　Clara；　with　a　half…suppressed　smile；　she　knowing　the
fact　already　perfectly　well。

〃Oh；　nofar　from　itbut　we　don't　speak　of　this　publicly；　it　being　a　sort
of　disgrace　in　New　York；　you　know；　not　to　be　thought　worth　at　least
half　a　million。　I　dare　say　your　Pa　is　worth　as　much　as　that？〃

〃I　have　not　the　least　idea　he　is　worth　a　fourth　of　it；　though　I　do　not
pretend　to　know。　To　me　half　a　million　of　dollars　seems　a　great　deal　of
money；　and　I　know　my　father　considers　himself　poorpoor；　at　least；　for
one　of　his　station。　But　what　were　you　about　to　say　of　political
economy？　I　am　curious　to　hear　how　THAT　can　have　any　thing　to　do
with　your　handkerchief。〃

〃Why；　my　dear；　in　this　manner。　You　know　a　distribution　of　labor　is　the
source　of　all　civilizationthat　trade　is　an　exchange　of　equivalentsthat
custom…houses　fetter　these　equivalentsthat　nothing　which　is　fettered　is
free〃

〃My　dear　Eudosia；　what　IS　your　tongue　running　on？〃

〃You　will　not　deny；　Clara；　that　any　thing　which　is　fettered　is　not　free？
And　that　freedom　is　the　greatest　blessing　of　this　happy　country；　and　that
trade　ought　to　be　as　free　as　any　thing　else？〃

All　this　was　gibberish　to　Clara　Caverly；　who　understood　the　phrases；
notwithstanding；　quite　as　well　as　the　friend　who　was　using　them。　Political
economy　is　especially　a　science　of　terms；　and　free　trade；　as　a　branch　of
it　is　called；　is　just　the　portion　of　it　which　is　indebted　to　them　the　most。
But　Clara　had　not　patience　to　hear　any　more　of　the　unintelligible　jargon
which　has　got　possession　of　the　world　to…day；　much　as　Mr。　Pitt's
celebrated　sinking…fund　scheme　for　paying　off　the　national　debt　of　Great
Britain　did；　half　a　century　since；　and　under　very　much　the　same
influences；　and　she　desired　her　friend　to　come　at　once　to　the　point；　as
connected　with　the　pocket…handkerchief。

｛Mr。　Pitt's　celebrated　sinking…fund　=　Sir　William　Pitt　〃the　younger〃
（1759…1806）；　when　he　became　Prime　Minister　in　1784；　sought　to　raise
taxes　in　order　to　pay　off　the　British　national　debt｝

〃Well；　then；〃　resumed　Eudosia；　〃it　is　connected　in　this　way。　The　luxuries
of　the　rich　give　employment　to　the　poor；　and　cause　money　to　circulate。
Now　this　handkerchief　of　mine；　no　doubt；　has　given　employment　to
some　poor　French　girl　for　four　or　five　months；　and；　of　course；　food　and
raiment。　She　has　earned；　no　doubt；　fifty　of　the　hundred　dollars　I　have
paid。　Then　the　custom…houseah；　Clara；　if　it　were　not　for　that　vile
custom…house；　I　might　have　had　the　handkerchief　for　at　least　five…and…
twenty　dollars　lower！〃

〃In　which　case　you　would　have　prized　it　five…and…twenty　times　less；〃
answered　Clara；　smiling　archly。

〃THAT　is　true；　yes；　free　trade；　after　all；　does　NOT　apply　to　pocket…
handkerchiefs。〃

〃And　yet；〃　interrupted　Clara；　laughing；　〃if　one　can　believe　what　one
reads；　it　applies　to　hackney…coaches；　ferry…boats；　doctors；　lawyers；　and
even　the　clergy。　My　father　says　it　is〃

〃What？　I　am　curious　to　know；　Clara；　what　as　plain　speaking　a　man　as
Mr。　Caverly　calls　it。〃

〃He　is　plain　speaking　enough　to　call　it　a　…　HUMBUG；〃　said　the
daughter；　endeavoring　to　mouth　the　word　in　a　theatrical　manner。　〃But；
as　Othello　says；　the　handkerchief。〃

｛Othello　says。。。　=　〃Fetch　me　the　handkerchief；〃　Shakespeare；　〃Othello；〃
Act　III；　Scene　4；　line　98｝

〃Oh！　Fifty　dollars　go　to　the　poor　girl　who　does　the　work；　twenty…five
more　to　the　odious　custom…house；　some　fifteen　to　rent；　fuel；　lights；　and
ten；　perhaps；　to　Mr。　Bobbinet；　as　profits。　Now　all　this　is　very　good；　and
very　useful　to　society；　as　you　must　own。〃

Alas；　poor　Adrienne！　Thou　didst　not　receive　for　me　as　many　francs　as
this　fair　calculation　gave　thee　dollars；　and　richer　wouldst　thou　have
been；　and；　oh；　how　much　happier；　hadst　thou　kept　the　money　paid　for
me；　sold　the　lace　even　at　a　loss；　and　spared　thyself　so　many；　many
hours　of　painful　and　anxious　toil！　But　it　is　thus　with　human　calculations；
The　propositions　seem　plausible；　and　the　reasoning　fair；　while　stern　truth
lies　behind　all　to　level　the　pride　of　understanding；　and　prove　the　fallacy
of　the　wisdom　of　men。　The　reader　may　wish　to　see　how　closely
Eudosia's　account　of　profit　and　loss　came　to　the　fact；　and　I　shall；
consequently；　make　up　the　statement　from　the　private　books　of　the　firm
that　had　the　honor　of　once　owning　me；　viz。：

Super…extraordinary　Pocket…handkerchief；　&c。；　in　account　with
Bobbinet　&　Co。

DR。
To　money　paid；　first　cost；　francs　100；　at　5。25；　　19。04
To　interest　on　same　for　ninety　days；　at　7　per　cent。；　　　00。33
To　portion　of　passage　money；　　00。04
To　porterage；　　00。00　1/4
To　washing　and　making　up；　　00。25
…
19　66　1/4

CR。
By　cash　paid　by　Miss　Thimble；　　1。00
By　cash　paid　for　article；　　100。00
By　washerwoman's　deduction；　　00。05
　
101。05