three men in a boat-第2章

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place　I　meant；　where　everybody　went　to　bed　at　eight　o'clock；　and　you　

couldn't　get　a　REFEREE　for　love　or　money；　and　had　to　walk　ten　miles　to　

get　your　baccy。



〃No；〃　said　Harris；　〃if　you　want　rest　and　change；　you　can't　beat　a　sea　

trip。〃



I　objected　to　the　sea　trip　strongly。　　A　sea　trip　does　you　good　when　you　

are　going　to　have　a　couple　of　months　of　it；　but；　for　a　week；　it　is　

wicked。



You　start　on　Monday　with　the　idea　implanted　in　your　bosom　that　you　are　

going　to　enjoy　yourself。　　You　wave　an　airy　adieu　to　the　boys　on　shore；　

light　your　biggest　pipe；　and　swagger　about　the　deck　as　if　you　were　

Captain　Cook；　Sir　Francis　Drake；　and　Christopher　Columbus　all　rolled　into　

one。　　On　Tuesday；　you　wish　you　hadn't　come。　　On　Wednesday；　Thursday；　and　

Friday；　you　wish　you　were　dead。　　On　Saturday；　you　are　able　to　swallow　a　

little　beef　tea；　and　to　sit　up　on　deck；　and　answer　with　a　wan；　sweet　

smile　when　kind…hearted　people　ask　you　how　you　feel　now。　　On　Sunday；　you　

begin　to　walk　about　again；　and　take　solid　food。　　And　on　Monday　morning；　

as；　with　your　bag　and　umbrella　in　your　hand；　you　stand　by　the　gunwale；　

waiting　to　step　ashore；　you　begin　to　thoroughly　like　it。



I　remember　my　brother…in…law　going　for　a　short　sea　trip　once；　for　the　

benefit　of　his　health。　　He　took　a　return　berth　from　London　to　Liverpool；　

and　when　he　got　to　Liverpool；　the　only　thing　he　was　anxious　about　was　to　

sell　that　return　ticket。



It　was　offered　round　the　town　at　a　tremendous　reduction；　so　I　am　told；　

and　was　eventually　sold　for　eighteenpence　to　a　bilious…looking　youth　who　

had　just　been　advised　by　his　medical　men　to　go　to　the　sea…side；　and　take　

exercise。



〃Sea…side！〃　said　my　brother…in…law；　pressing　the　ticket　affectionately　

into　his　hand；　〃why；　you'll　have　enough　to　last　you　a　lifetime；　and　as　

for　exercise！　why；　you'll　get　more　exercise；　sitting　down　on　that　ship；　

than　you　would　turning　somersaults　on　dry　land。〃



He　himself　…　my　brother…in…law　…　came　back　by　train。　　He　said　the　North…

Western　Railway　was　healthy　enough　for　him。



Another　fellow　I　knew　went　for　a　week's　voyage　round　the　coast；　and；　

before　they　started；　the　steward　came　to　him　to　ask　whether　he　would　pay　

for　each　meal　as　he　had　it；　or　arrange　beforehand　for　the　whole　series。



The　steward　recommended　the　latter　course；　as　it　would　come　so　much　

cheaper。　　He　said　they　would　do　him　for　the　whole　week　at　two　pounds　

five。　　He　said　for　breakfast　there　would　be　fish；　followed　by　a　grill。　　

Lunch　was　at　one；　and　consisted　of　four　courses。　　Dinner　at　six　…　soup；　

fish；　entree；　joint；　poultry；　salad；　sweets；　cheese；　and　dessert。　　And　a　

light　meat　supper　at　ten。



My　friend　thought　he　would　close　on　the　two…pound…five　job　（he　is　a　

hearty　eater）；　and　did　so。



Lunch　came　just　as　they　were　off　Sheerness。　　He　didn't　feel　so　hungry　as　

he　thought　he　should；　and　so　contented　himself　with　a　bit　of　boiled　beef；　

and　some　strawberries　and　cream。　　He　pondered　a　good　deal　during　the　

afternoon；　and　at　one　time　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　had　been　eating　

nothing　but　boiled　beef　for　weeks；　and　at　other　times　it　seemed　that　he　

must　have　been　living　on　strawberries　and　cream　for　years。



Neither　the　beef　nor　the　strawberries　and　cream　seemed　happy；　either　…　

seemed　discontented　like。



At　six；　they　came　and　told　him　dinner　was　ready。　　The　announcement　

aroused　no　enthusiasm　within　him；　but　he　felt　that　there　was　some　of　that　

two…pound…five　to　be　worked　off；　and　he　held　on　to　ropes　and　things　and　

went　down。　　A　pleasant　odour　of　onions　and　hot　ham；　mingled　with　fried　

fish　and　greens；　greeted　him　at　the　bottom　of　the　ladder；　and　then　the　

steward　came　up　with　an　oily　smile；　and　said：



〃What　can　I　get　you；　sir？〃



〃Get　me　out　of　this；〃　was　the　feeble　reply。



And　they　ran　him　up　quick；　and　propped　him　up；　over　to　leeward；　and　left　

him。



For　the　next　four　days　he　lived　a　simple　and　blameless　life　on　thin　

captain's　biscuits　（I　mean　that　the　biscuits　were　thin；　not　the　captain）　

and　soda…water；　but；　towards　Saturday；　he　got　uppish；　and　went　in　for　

weak　tea　and　dry　toast；　and　on　Monday　he　was　gorging　himself　on　chicken　

broth。　　He　left　the　ship　on　Tuesday；　and　as　it　steamed　away　from　the　

landing…stage　he　gazed　after　it　regretfully。



〃There　she　goes；〃　he　said；　〃there　she　goes；　with　two　pounds'　worth　of　

food　on　board　that　belongs　to　me；　and　that　I　haven't　had。〃



He　said　that　if　they　had　given　him　another　day　he　thought　he　could　have　

put　it　straight。



So　I　set　my　face　against　the　sea　trip。　　Not；　as　I　explained；　upon　my　own　

account。　　I　was　never　queer。　　But　I　was　afraid　for　George。　　George　said　

he　should　be　all　right；　and　would　rather　like　it；　but　he　would　advise　

Harris　and　me　not　to　think　of　it；　as　he　felt　sure　we　should　both　be　ill。　　

Harris　said　that；　to　himself；　it　was　always　a　mystery　how　people　managed　

to　get　sick　at　sea　…　said　he　thought　people　must　do　it　on　purpose；　from　

affectation　…　said　he　had　often　wished　to　be；　but　had　never　been　able。



Then　he　told　us　anecdotes　of　how　he　had　gone　across　the　Channel　when　it　

was　so　rough　that　the　passengers　had　to　be　tied　into　their　berths；　and　he　

and　the　captain　were　the　only　two　living　souls　on　board　who　were　not　ill。　　

Sometimes　it　was　he　and　the　second　mate　who　were　not　ill；　but　it　was　

generally　he　and　one　other　man。　　If　not　he　and　another　man；　then　it　was　

he　by　himself。



It　is　a　curious　fact；　but　nobody　ever　is　sea…sick　…　on　land。　　At　sea；　you　

come　across　plenty　of　people　very　bad　indeed；　whole　boat…loads　of　them；　

but　I　never　met　a　man　yet；　on　land；　who　had　ever　known　at　all　what　it　was　

to　be　sea…sick。　　Where　the　thousands　upon　thousands　of　bad　sailors　that　

swarm　in　every　ship　hide　themselves　when　they　are　on　land　is　a　mystery。



If　most　men　were　like　a　fellow　I　saw　on　the　Yarmouth　boat　one　day；　I　

could　account　for　the　seeming　enigma　easily　enough。　　It　was　just　off　

Southend　Pier；　I　recollect；　and　he　was　leaning　out　through　one　of　the　

port…holes　in　a　very　dangerous　position。　　I　went　up　to　him　to　try　and　

save　him。



〃Hi！　come　further　in；〃　I　said；　shaking　him　by　the　shoulder。　　〃You'll　be　

overboard。〃



〃Oh　my！　　I　wish　I　was；〃　was　the　only　answer　I　could　get；　and　there　I　had　

to　leave　him。



Three　weeks　afterwards；　I　met　him　in　the　coffee…room　of　a　Bath　hotel；　

talking　about　his　voyages；　and　explaining；　with　enthusiasm；　how　he　loved　

the　sea。



〃Good　sailor！〃　he　replied　in　answer　to　a　mild　young　man's　envious　query；　

〃well；　I　did　feel　a　little　queer　ONCE；　I　confess。　　It　was　off　Cape　Horn。　　

The　vessel　was　wrecked　the　next　morning。〃



I　said：



〃Weren't　you　a　little　shaky　by　Southend　Pier　one　day；　and　wanted　to　be　

thrown　overboard？〃



〃Southend　Pier！〃　he　replied；　with　a　puzzled　expression。



〃Yes；　going　down　to　Yarmouth；　last　Friday　three　weeks。〃



〃Oh；　ah　…　yes；〃　he　answered；　brightening　up；　〃I　remember　now。　　I　did　have　

a　headache　that　afternoon。　　It　was　the　pickles；　you　know。　　They　were　the　

most　disgraceful　pickles　I　ever　tasted　in　a　respectable　boat。　　Did　you　

have　any？〃



For　myself；　I　have　discovered　an　excellent　preventive　against　sea…

sickness；　in　balancing　myself。　　You　stand　in　the　centre　of　the　deck；　and；　

as　the　ship　heaves　and　pitches；　you　move　your　body　about；　so　as　to　keep　

it　always　straight。　　When　the　front　of　the　ship　rises；　you　lean　forward；　

till　the　deck　almost　touches　your　nose；　and　when　its　back　end　gets　up；　

you　lean　backwards。　　This　is　all　very　well　for　an　hour　or　two；　but　you　

can't　balance　yourself　for　a　week。



George　said：



〃Let's　go　up　the　river。〃



He　said　we　should　have　fresh　air；　exercise　and　quiet；　the　constant　change　

of　scene　would　occupy　our　minds　（including　what　there　was　of　Harris's）；　

and　the　hard　work　would　give　us　a　good　appetite；　and　make　us　sleep　well。



Harris　said　he　didn't　think　George　ought　to　do　anything　that　would　have　a　

tendency　to　make　him　sleepier　than　he　always　was；　as　it　might　be　

dangerous。



He　said　he　didn't　very　well　understand　how　George　was　going　to　sleep　any　

more　than　he　did　now；　seeing　that　there　were　only　twenty…four　hours　in　

each　day；　summer　and　winter　alike；　but　thought　that　if　he　DID　sleep　any　

more；　he　might　just　as　well　be　dead；　and　so　save　his　board　and　lodging。



Harris　said；　however；　that　the　river　would　suit　him　to　a　〃T。〃　　I　don't　

know　what　a　〃T〃　is　（except　a　sixpenny　one；　which　includes　bread…and…

butter　and　cake　AD　LIB。；　and　is　cheap　at　the　price；　if　you　haven't　had　

any　dinner）。　　It　seems　to　suit　everybody；　however；　which　is　greatly　to　

its　credit。



It　suited　me　to　a　〃T〃　too；　and　Harris　and　I　both　said　it　was　a　good　idea　

of　George's；　and　we　said　it　in　a　tone　that　seemed　to　somehow　imply　that　

we　were　surprised　that　George　should　have　come　out　so　sensible。



The　only　one　who　was　not　struck　with　the　suggestion　was　Montmorency。　　He　

never　did　care　for　the　river；　did　Montmorency。



〃It's　all　very　well　for　you　fellows；〃　he　says；　〃you　like　it；　but　I　don't。　　

There's　nothing　for　me　to　do。　　Scenery　is　not　in　my　line；　and　I　don't　

smoke。　　If　I　see　a　rat；　you　won't　stop；　and　if　I　go　to　sleep；　you　get　

fooling　about　with　the　boat；　and　slop　me　overboard。　　If　you　ask　me；　I　

call　the　whole　thing　bally　foolishness。〃



We　were　three　to　one；　however；　and　the　motion　was　carried。









CHAPTER　II。





PLANS　DISCUSSED。　…　PLEASURES　OF　〃CAMPING…OUT；〃　ON　FINE　NIGHTS。　…　DITTO；　

WET　NIGHTS。　…　COMPROMISE　DECIDED　ON。　…　MONTMORENCY；　FIRST　IMPRESSIONS　OF。　

…　FEARS　LEST　HE　IS　TOO　GOOD　FOR　THIS　WORLD；　FEARS　SUBSEQUENTLY　DISMISSED　

AS　GROUNDLESS。　…　MEETING　ADJOURNS。



WE　pulled　out　the　maps；　and　discussed　plans。



We　arranged　to　start　on　the　following　Saturday　from　Kingston。　　Harris　and　

I　would　go　down　in　the　morning；　and　take　the　boat　up　to　Chertsey；　and　

George；　who　would　not　be　able　to　get　away　from　the　City　till　the　

afternoon　（George　goes　to　sleep　at　a　bank　from　ten　to　four　each　day；　

except　Saturdays；　when　they　wake　him　up　and　put　him　outside　at　two）；　

would　meet　us　there。



Should　we　〃camp　out〃　or　sleep　at　inns？



George　and　I　were　for　camping　out。　　We　said　it　would　be　so　wild　and　free；　

so　patriarchal　like。



Slowly　the　golden　memory　of　the　dead　sun　fades　from　the　hearts　of　the　

cold；　sad　clouds。　　Silent；　like　sorrowing　children；　the　birds　have　ceased　

their　song；　and　only　the　moorhen's　plaintive　cry　and　the　harsh　croak　of　

the　corncrake　stirs　the　awed　hush　around　the　couch　of　waters；　where　the　

dying　day　breathes　out　her　last。



From　the　dim　woods　on　either　bank；　Night's　ghostly　army；　the　grey　

shadows；　creep　out　with　noiseless　tread　to　chase　away　the　lingering　rear…

guard　of　the　light；　and　pass；　with　noiseless；　unseen　feet；　above　the　

waving　river…grass；　and　through　the　sighing　rushes；　and　Night；　upon　her　

sombre　throne；　folds　her　black　wings　above　the　darkening　world；　and；　from