少年维特之烦恼(英文版)-第7章

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when　she　speaks　of　her　betrothed　with　so　much　warmth　and　affection，　I
feel　like　the　soldier　who　has　been　stripped　of　his　honours　and　titles　，
and　deprived　of　his　sword。

　　JULY　16。　How　my　heart　beats　when　by　accident　I　touch　her　finger　，
or　my　feet　meet　hers　under　the　table！　I　draw　back　as　if　from　a　furnace
；　but　a　secret　force　impels　me　forward　again　，　and　my　senses　bee
disordered。　Her　innocent，　unconscious　heart　never　knows　what　agony　these
little　familiarities　inflict　upon　me。　Sometimes　when　we　are　talking　she
Iays　her　hand　upon　mine　，　and　in　the　eagerness　of　conversation　es
closer　to　me，　and　her　balmy　breath　reaches　my　lips　，——　when　I　feel
as　if　lightning　had　struck　me　，　and　that　I　could　sink　into　the　earth。
And　yet　，　Wilhelm，　with　all　this　heavenly　confidence，——　if　I　know
myself，　and　should　ever　dare　——　you　understand　me。　No，　no　！　my　heart
is　not　so　corrupt　，　it　is　weak　，　weak　enough　but　is　not　that　a　degree
of　corruption　？

　　She　is　to　me　a　sacred　being。　All　passion　is　still　in　her　presence
：　I　cannot　express　my　sensations　when　I　am　near　her。　I　feel　as　if　my
soul　beat　in　every　nerve　of　my　body。　There　is　a　melody　which　she　plays
on　the　piano　with　angelic　skill　，——　so　simple　is　it，　and　yet　so　spiritual！
It　is　her　favourite　air　；　and，　when　she　plays　the　first　note，　all　pain，
care，　and　sorrow　disappear　from　me　in　a　moment。

　　I　believe　every　word　that　is　said　of　the　magic　of　ancient　music。　How
her　simple　song　enchants　me　！　Sometimes，　when　I　am　ready　to　mit　suicide，
she　sings　that　air；　and　instantly　the　gloom　and　madness　which　hung　over
me　are　dispersed，　and　I　breathe　freely　again。

　　JULY　18。　Wilhelm，　what　is　the　world　to　our　hearts　without　love　？
What　is　a　magic…lantern　without　light　？　You　have　but　to　kindle　the　flame
within，　and　the　brightest　figures　shine　on　the　white　wall；　and，　if
love　only　show　us　fleeting　shadows，　we　are　yet　happy　，　when　，　like
mere　children　，　we　behold　them　，　and　are　transported　with　the　splendid
phantoms。　I　have　not　been　able　to　see　Charlotte　to…day。　I　was　prevented
by　pany　from　which　I　could　not　disengage　myself。　What　was　to　be　done？
I　sent　my　servant　to　her　house，　that　I　might　at　least　see　somebody　to…day
who　had　been　near　her。　Oh　，　the　impatience　with　which　I　waited　for　his
return！　the　joy　with　which　I　weled　him！　I　should　certainly　have　caught
him　in　my　arms，　and　kissed　him　，　if　I　had　not　been　ashamed。

　　It　is　said　that　the　Bonona　stone，　when　placed　in　the　sun　，　attracts
the　rays，　and　for　a　time　appears　luminous　in　the　dark。　So　was　it　with
me　and　this　servant。　The　idea　that　Charlotte's　eyes　had　dwelt　on　his　countenance，
his　cheek　，　his　very　apparel　，　endeared　them　all　inestimably　to　me，
so　that　at　the　moment　I　would　not　have　parted　from　him　for　a　thousand
crowns。　His　presence　made　me　so　happy　！　Beware　of　laughing　at　me　，　Wilhelm。
Can　that　be　a　delusion　which　makes　us　happy　？

　　JULY　19。　〃I　shall　see　her　today　！〃　I　exclaim　with　delight，　when
I　rise　in　the　morning　，　and　look　out　with　gladness　of　heart　at　the　bright，
beautiful　sun。　〃I　shall　see　her　today　！〃　And　then　I　have　no　further　wish
to　form　：　all，　all　is　included　in　that　one　thought。

　　JULY　2O。　I　cannot　assent　to　your　proposal　that　I　should　acpany
the　ambassador　to　_______。　I　do　not　love　subordination；　and　we　all　know
that　he　is　a　rough，　disagreeable　person　to　be　connected　with。　You　say
my　mother　wishes　me　to　be　employed。　I　could　not　help　laughing　at　that。
Am　I　not　sufficiently　employed？　And　is　it　not　in　reality　the　same，　whether
I　shell　peas　or　count　lentils　？　The　world　runs　on　from　one　folly　to　another
；　and　the　man　who，　solely　from　regard　to　the　opinion　of　others，　and
without　any　wish　or　necessity　of　his　own，　toils　after　gold　，　honour　，
or　any　other　phantom，　is　no　better　than　a　fool。

　　JULY　24。　You　insist　so　much　on　my　not　neglecting　my　drawing　，　that
it　would　be　as　well　for　me　to　say　nothing　as　to　confess　how　little　I　have
lately　done。

　　I　never　felt　happier，　I　never　understood　nature　better　，　even　down
to　the　veriest　stem　or　smallest　blade　of　grass；　and　yet　I　am　unable　to
express　myself：　my　powers　of　execution　are　so　weak　，　everything　seems
to　swim　and　float　before　me　，　so　that　I　cannot　make　a　clear，　bold　outline。
But　I　fancy　I　should　succeed　better　if　I　had　some　clay　or　wax　to　model。
I　shall　try　，　if　this　state　of　mind　continues　much　longer，　and　will
take　to　modelling　，　if　I　only　knead　dough。

　　I　have　menced　Charlotte's　portrait　three　times　，　and　have　as　often
disgraced　myself。　This　is　the　more　annoying　，　as　I　was　formerly　very
happy　in　taking　likenesses。　I　have　since　sketched　her　profile　，　and　must
content　myself　with　that。

　　JULY　25。　Yes，　dear　Charlotte　！　I　will　order　and　arrange　everything。
Only　give　me　more　missions　，　the　more　the　better。　One　thing　，　however，
I　must　request：　use　no　more　writing…sand　with　the　dear　notes　you　send
me。　Today　I　raised　your　letter　hastily　to　my　lips　，　and　it　set　my　teeth
on　edge。

　　JULY　26。　I　have　often　determined　not　to　see　her　so　frequently。　But
who　could　keep　such　a　resolution？　Every　day　I　am　exposed　to　the　temptation，
and　promise　faithfully　that　to…morrow　I　will　really　stay　away　：　but，
when　tomorrow　es　，　I　find　some　irresistible　reason　for　seeing　her
；　and，　before　I　can　account　for　it，　I　am　with　her　again。　Either　she
has　said　on　the　previous　evening　〃You　will　be　sure　to　call　to…morrow，
〃　——　and　who　could　stay　away　then　？——or　she　gives　me　some　mission，
and　I　find　it　essential　to　take　her　the　answer　in　person；　or　the　day
is　fine　，　and　I　walk　to　Walheim；　and，　when　I　am　there，　it　is　only
half　a　league　farther　to　her。　I　am　within　the　charmed　atmosphere，　and
soon　find　myself　at　her　side。　My　grandmother　used　to　tell　us　a　story　of
a　mountain　of　loadstone。　When　any　vessels　came　near　it，　they　were　instantly
deprived　of　their　ironwork：　the　nails　flew　to　the　mountain　，　and　the
unhappy　crew　perished　amidst　the　disjointed　planks。

　　JULY　30。　Albert　is　arrived，　and　I　must　take　my　departure。　Were　he
the　best　and　noblest　of　men　，　and　I　in　every　respect　his　inferior，　I
could　not　endure　to　see　him　in　possession　of　such　a　perfect　being。　Possession！
——　enough　，　Wilhelm：　her　betrothed　is　here，——　a　fine　，　worthy
fellow，　whom　one　cannot　help　liking。　Fortunately　I　was　not　present　at
their　meeting。　It　would　have　broken　my　heart！　And　he　is　so　considerate
：　he　has　not　given　Charlotte　one　kiss　in　my　presence。　Heaven　reward　him
for　it！　I　must　love　him　for　the　respect　with　which　he　treats　her。　He
shows　a　regard　for　me　，　but　for　this　I　suspect　I　am　more　indebted　to
Charlotte　than　to　his　own　fancy　for　me。　Women　have　a　delicate　tact　in
such　matters，　and　it　should　be　so。　They　cannot　always　succeed　in　keeping
two　rivals　on　terms　with　each　other　；　but，　when　they　do　，　they　are
the　only　gainers。

　　I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts
strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine　，　which　I　cannot　conceal。　He　has
a　great　deal　of　feeling　，　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the　treasure　he　possesses
in　Charlotte。　He　is　free　from　ill…humour，　which　you　know　is　the　fault
I　detest　most。

　　He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense　；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte　，
and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her，　augment　his　triumph
and　his　love。　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at　times　tease　her
with　some　little　jealousies　；　as　I　know，　that　，　were　I　in　his　place，
I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

　　But　，　be　that　as　it　may，　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　Call
it　folly　or　infatuation　，　what　signifies　a　name？　The　thing　speaks　for
itself。　Before　Albert　came，　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　I　knew　I　could
make　no　pretensions　to　her，　nor　did　I　offer　any，　that　is，　as　far　as
it　was　possible　，　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness，　not　to　pant
for　its　enjoyment。　And　now，　behold　me　like　a　silly　fellow，　staring　with
astonishment　when　another　es　in，　and　deprives　me　of　my　love。

　　I　bite　my　lips，　and　feel　infinite　scorn　for　those　who　tell　me　to
be　resigned　，　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。　Let　me　escape　from　the
yoke　of　such　silly　subterfuges！　I　ramble　through　the　woods　；　and　when
I　return　to　Charlotte　，　and　find　Albert　sitting　by　her　side　in　the　summer…house
in　the　garden　，　I　am　unable　to　bear　it　，　behave　like　a　fool　，　and　mit
a　thousand　extravagances。　〃For　Heaven's　sake，〃　said　Charlotte　today，
〃let　us　have　no　more　scenes　like　those　of　last　night！　You　terrify　me
when　you　are　so　violent。〃　Between　ourselves　，　I　am　always　away　now　when
he　visits　her　：　and　I　feel　delighted　when　I　find　her　alone。

　　AUGUST　8。　Believe　me，　dear　Wilhelm　，　I　did　not　allude　to　you　when
I　spoke　so　severely　of　those　who　advise　resignation　to　inevitable　fate。
I　did　not　think　it　possible　for　you　to　indulge　such　a　sentiment。　But　in
fact　you　are　right。　I　only　suggest　one　objection。　In　this　world　one　is
seldom　reduced　to　make　a　selection　between　two　alternatives。　There　are
as　many　varieties　of　conduct　and　opinion　as　there　are　turns　of　feature
between　an　aquiline　nose　and　a　flat　one。

　　You　will，　therefore，　permit　me　to　concede　your　entire　argument，
and　yet　contrive　means　to　escape　your　dilemma。

　　Your　position　is　this　，　I　hear　you　say　：　〃Either　you　have　hopes
of　obtaining　Charlotte，　or　you　have　none。　Well　，　in　the　first　case，
pursue　your　course，　and　press　on　to　the　fulfilment　of　your　wishes。　In
the　second，　be　a　man　，　and　shake　off　a　miserable　passion，　which　will
enervate　and　destroy　you。〃　My　dear　friend　，　this　is　well　and　easily　said。

　　But　would　you　require　a　wretched　being，　whose　life　is　slowly　wasting
under　a　lingering　disease　，　to　despatch　himself　at　once　by　the　stroke
of　a　dagger　？　Does　not　the　very　disorder　which　consumes　his　strength
deprive　him　of　the　courage　to　effect　his　deliverance？

　　You　may　answer　me　，　if　you　please，　with　a　similar　analogy　，　〃Who
would　not　prefer　the　amputation　of　an　arm　to　the　periling　of　life　by　doubt
and　procrastination　！〃　But　I　know　not　if　I　am　right，　and　let　us　leave
these　parisons。

　　Enough！　There　are　moments，　Wilhelm，　when　I　could　rise　up　and　shake
it　all　off，　and　when　，　if　I　only　knew　where　to　go　，　I　could　fly　from
this　place。

　　THE　SAME　EVENING。

　　My　diary，　which　I　have　for　some　time　neglected　，　came　before　me
today　；　and　I　am　amazed　to　see　how　deliberately　I　have　entangled　myself
step　by　step。　To　have　seen　my　position　so　clearly　，　and　yet　to　have　acted
so　like　a　child　！　Even　still　I　behold　the　result　plainly　，　and　yet　have
no　thought　of　acting　with　greater　prudence。

　　AUGUST　lO。　If　I　were　not　a　fool　，　I　could　spend　the　happiest　and
most　delightful　life　here。　So　many　agreeable　circumstances，　and　of　a
kind　to　ensure　a　worthy　man's　happiness　，　are　seldom　united。　Alas！　I
feel　it　too　sensibly，——　the　heart　alone　makes　our　happiness！　To　be
admitted　into　this　most　charming　family　，　to　be　loved　by　the　father　as
a　son　，　by　the　children　as　a　father，　and　by　Charlotte　！　then　the　noble
Albert，　who　never　disturbs　my　happiness　by　any　appearance　of　ill…humour，
receiv