youth-第29章

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this　critical　moment；　Woloda；　who　had　remarked　that　I　was

conversing　with　great　animation；　and　probably　was　curious　to　know

what　excuses　I　was　making　for　not　dancing；　approached　us　with

Dubkoff。　Seeing；　however；　my　smiling　face　and　the　Princess's

frightened　mien；　as　well　as　overhearing　the　appalling　rubbish

with　which　I　concluded　my　speech；　he　turned　red　in　the　face；　and

wheeled　round　again。　The　Princess　also　rose　and　left　me。　I

continued　to　smile；　but　in　such　a　state　of　agony　from　the

consciousness　of　my　stupidity　that　I　felt　ready　to　sink　into　the

floor。　Likewise　I　felt　that；　come　what　might；　I　must　move　about

and　say　something；　in　order　to　effect　a　change　in　my　position。

Accordingly　I　approached　Dubkoff；　and　asked　him　if　he　had　danced

many　waltzes　with　her　that　night。　This　I　feigned　to　say　in　a　gay

and　jesting　manner；　yet　in　reality　I　was　imploring　help　of　the

very　Dubkoff　to　whom　I　had　cried　〃Hold　your　tongue！〃　on　the

night　of　the　matriculation　dinner。　By　way　of　answer；　he　made　as

though　he　had　not　heard　me；　and　turned　away。　Next；　I　approached

Woloda；　and　said　with　an　effort　and　in　a　similar　tone　of　assumed

gaiety：　〃Hullo；　Woloda！　Are　you　played　out　yet？〃　He　merely　looked

at　me　as　much　as　to　say；　〃You　wouldn't　speak　to　me　like　that　if

we　were　alone；〃　and　left　me　without　a　word；　in　the　evident　fear

that　I　might　continue　to　attach　myself　to　his　person。



〃My　God！　Even　my　own　brother　deserts　me！〃　I　thought　to　myself。



Yet　somehow　I　had　not　the　courage　to　depart；　but　remained

standing　where　I　was　until　the　very　end　of　the　evening。　At

length；　when　every　one　was　leaving　the　room　and　crowding　into　the

hall；　and　a　footman　slipped　my　greatcoat　on　to　my　shoulders　in

such　a　way　as　to　tilt　up　my　cap；　I　gave　a　dreary；　half…lachrymose

smile；　and　remarked　to　no　one　in　particular：　〃Comme　c'est

gracieux！〃



XXXIX



THE　STUDENTS'　FEAST



NOTWITHSTANDING　that；　as　yet；　Dimitri's　influence　had　kept　me

from　indulging　in　those　customary　students'　festivities　known　as

kutezhi　or　〃wines；〃　that　winter　saw　me　participate　in　such　a

function；　and　carry　away　with　me　a　not　over…pleasant　impression

of　it。　This　is　how　it　came　about。



At　a　lecture　soon　after　the　New　Year；　Baron　Z。a　tall；　light…

haired　young　fellow　of　very　serious　demeanour　and　regular

featuresinvited　us　all　to　spend　a　sociable　evening　with　him。　By

〃us　all〃；　I　mean　all　the　men　more　or　less　〃comme　il　faut〃；　of　our

course；　and　exclusive　of　Grap；　Semenoff；　Operoff；　and　commoners

of　that　sort。　Woloda　smiled　contemptuously　when　he　heard　that　I

was　going　to　a　〃wine〃　of　first　course　men；　but　I　looked　to　derive

great　and　unusual　pleasure　from　this；　to　me；　novel　method　of

passing　the　time。　Accordingly；　punctually　at　the　appointed　hour

of　eight　I　presented　myself　at　the　Baron's。



Our　host；　in　an　open　tunic　and　white　waistcoat；　received　his

guests　in　the　brilliantly　lighted　salon　and　drawing…room　of　the

small　mansion　where　his　parents　livedthey　having　given　up　their

reception　rooms　to　him　for　the　evening　for　purposes　of　this

party。　In　the　corridor　could　be　seen　the　heads　and　skirts　of

inquisitive　domestics；　while　in　the　dining…room　I　caught　a

glimpse　of　a　dress　which　I　imagined　to　belong　to　the　Baroness

herself。　The　guests　numbered　a　score；　and　were　all　of　them

students　except　Herr　Frost　（in　attendance　upon　Iwin）　and　a　tall；

red…faced　gentleman　who　was　superintending　the　feast　and　who　was

introduced　to　every　one　as　a　relative　of　the　Baron's　and　a　former

student　of　the　University　of　Dorpat。　At　first；　the　excessive

brilliancy　and　formal　appointments　of　the　reception…rooms　had

such　a　chilling　effect　upon　this　youthful　company　that　every　one

involuntarily　hugged　the　walls；　except　a　few　bolder　spirits　and

the　ex…Dorpat　student；　who；　with　his　waistcoat　already

unbuttoned；　seemed　to　be　in　every　room；　and　in　every　corner　of

every　room；　at　once；　and　filled　the　whole　place　with　his

resonant；　agreeable；　never…ceasing　tenor　voice。　The　remainder　of

the　guests　preferred　either　to　remain　silent　or　to　talk　in

discreet　tones　of　professors；　faculties；　examinations；　and　other

serious　and　interesting　matters。　Yet　every　one；　without

exception；　kept　watching　the　door　of　the　dining…room；　and；　while

trying　to　conceal　the　fact；　wearing　an　expression　which　said：

〃Come！　It　is　time　to　begin。〃　I　too　felt　that　it　was　time　to

begin；　and　awaited　the　beginning　with　pleasurable　impatience。



After　footmen　had　handed　round　tea　among　the　guests；　the　Dorpat

student　asked　Frost　in　Russian：



〃Can　you　make　punch；　Frost？〃



〃Oh　ja！〃　replied　Frost　with　a　joyful　flourish　of　his　heels；　and

the　other　went　on：



〃Then　do　you　set　about　it〃　（they　addressed　each　other　in　the

second　person　singular；　as　former　comrades　at　Dorpat）。　Frost

accordingly　departed　to　the　dining…room；　with　great　strides　of

his　bowed；　muscular　legs；　and；　after　some　walking　backwards　and

forwards；　deposited　upon　the　drawing…room　table　a　large

punchbowl；　accompanied　by　a　ten…pound　sugar　loaf　supported　on

three　students'　swords　placed　crosswise。　Meanwhile；　the　Baron　had

been　going　round　among　his　guests　as　they　sat　regarding　the

punch…bowl；　and　addressing　them；　with　a　face　of　immutable

gravity；　in　the　formula：　〃I　beg　of　you　all　to　drink　of　this

loving…cup　in　student　fashion；　that　there　may　be　good…fellowship

among　the　members　of　our　course。　Unbutton　your　waistcoats；　or

take　them　off　altogether；　as　you　please。〃　Already　the　Dorpat

student　had　divested　himself　of　his　tunic　and　rolled　up　his

white　shirt…sleeves　above　his　elbows；　and　now；　planting　his

feet　firmly　apart；　he　proceeded　to　set　fire　to　the　rum　in　the

punch…bowl。



〃Gentlemen；　put　out　the　candles！〃　he　cried　with　a　sudden　shout　so

loud　and　insistent　that　we　seemed　all　of　us　to　be　shouting　at

once。　However；　we　still　went　on　silently　regarding　the　punch…bowl

and　the　white　shirt　of　the　Dorpat　student；　with　a　feeling　that　a

moment　of　great　solemnity　was　approaching。



〃Put　out　the　lights；　Frost；　I　tell　you！〃　the　Dorpat　student

shouted　again。　Evidently　the　punch　was　now　sufficiently　burnt。

Accordingly　every　one　helped　to　extinguish　the　candles；　until　the

room　was　in　total　darkness　save　for　a　spot　where　the　white　shirts

and　hands　of　the　three　students　supporting　the　sugarloaf　on　their

crossed　swords　were　lit　up　by　the　lurid　flames　from　the　bowl。　Yet

the　Dorpat　student's　tenor　voice　was　not　the　only　one　to　be

heard；　for　in　different　quarters　of　the　room　resounded　chattering

and　laughter。　Many　had　taken　off　their　tunics　（especially

students　whose　garments　were　of　fine　cloth　and　perfectly　new）；

and　I　now　did　the　same；　with　a　consciousness　that　〃IT〃　was

〃beginning。〃　There　had　been　no　great　festivity　as　yet；　but　I　felt

assured　that　things　would　go　splendidly　when　once　we　had　begun

drinking　tumblers　of　the　potion　that　was　now　in　course　of

preparation。



At　length；　the　punch　was　ready；　and　the　Dorpat　student；　with　much

bespattering　of　the　table　as　he　did　so；　ladled　the　liquor　into

tumblers；　and　cried：　〃Now；　gentlemen；　please！〃　When　we　had　each

of　us　taken　a　sticky　tumbler　of　the　stuff　into　our　hands；　the

Dorpat　student　and　Frost　sang　a　German　song　in　which　the　word

〃Hoch！〃　kept　occurring　again　and　again；　while　we　joined；　in

haphazard　fashion；　in　the　chorus。　Next　we　clinked　glasses

together；　shouted　something　in　praise　of　punch；　crossed　hands；

and　took　our　first　drink　of　the　sweet；　strong　mixture。　After　that

there　was　no　further　waiting；　the　〃wine〃　was　in　full　swing。　The

first　glassful　consumed；　a　second　was　poured　out。　Yet；　for　all

that　I　began　to　feel　a　throbbing　in　my　temples；　and　that　the

flames　seemed　to　be　turning　purple；　and　that　every　one　around　me

was　laughing　and　shouting；　things　seemed　lacking　in　real　gaiety；

and　I　somehow　felt　that；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　we　were　all　of　us

finding　the　affair　rather　dull；　and　only　PRETENDING　to　be

enjoying　it。　The　Dorpat　student　may　have　been　an　exception；　for

he　continued　to　grow　more　and　more　red　in　the　face　and　more　and

more　ubiquitous　as　he　filled　up　empty　glasses　and　stained　the

table　with　fresh　spots　of　the　sweet；　sticky　stuff。　The　precise

sequence　of　events　I　cannot　remember；　but　I　can　recall　feeling

strongly　attracted　towards　Frost　and　the　Dorpat　student　that

evening；　learning　their　German　song　by　heart；　and　kissing　them

each　on　their　sticky…sweet　lips；　also　that　that　same　evening　I

conceived　a　violent　hatred　against　the　Dorpat　student；　and　was

for　pushing　him　from　his　chair；　but　thought　better　of　it；　also

that；　besides　feeling　the　same　spirit　of　independence　towards　the

rest　of　the　company　as　I　had　felt　on　the　night　of　the

matriculation　dinner；　my　head　ached　and　swam　so　badly　that　I

thought　each　moment　would　be　my　last；　also　that；　for　some　reason

or　another；　we　all　of　us　sat　down　on　the　floor　and　imitated　the

movements　of　rowers　in　a　boat　as　we　sang　in　chorus；　〃Down　our

mother　stream　the　Volga；〃　also　that　I　conceived　this　procedure　on

our　part　to　be　uncalled　for；　also　that；　as　I　lay　prone　upon　the

floor；　I　crossed　my　legs　and　began　wriggling　about　like　a

tsigane；　＇Gipsy　dancer。＇　also　that　I　ricked　some　one's　neck；　and

came　to　the；　conclusion　that　I　should　never　have　done　such　a

thing　if　I　had　not　been　drunk；　also　that　we　had　some　supper　and

another　kind　of　liquor；　and　that　I　then　went　to　the　door　to　get

some　fresh　air；　also　that　my　head　seemed　suddenly　to　grow　chill；

and　that　I　noticed；　as　I　drove　away；　that　the　scat　of　the　vehicle

was　so　sharply　aslant　and　slippery　that　for　me　to　retain　my

position　behind　Kuzma　was　impossible；　also　that　he　seemed　to　have

turned　all　flabby；　and　to　be　waving　about　like　a　dish　clout。　But

what　I　remember　best　is　that　throughout　the　whole　of　that　evening

I　never　ceased　to　feel　that　I　was　acting　with　excessive　stupidity

in　pretending　to　be　enjoying　myself；　to　like　drinking　a　great

deal；　and　to　be　in　no　way　drunk；　as　well　as　that　every　one　else

present　was　acting　with　equal　stupidity　in　pretending　those　same

things。　All　the　time　I　had　a　feeling　that　each　one　of　my

companions　was　finding　the　festivities　as　distasteful　as　I　was

myself；　but；　in　the　belief　that　he　was　the　only　one　doing　so；

felt　himself　bound　to　pretend　that　he　was　very　merry；　in　order

not　to　mar　the　general　hilarity。　Also；　strange　to　state；　I　felt

that　I　ought　to　keep　up　this　pretence　for　the　sole　reason　that

into　a　punch…bowl　there　had　been　poured　three　bottles　of

champagne　at　nine　roubles　the　bottle　and　ten　bottles　of　rum　at

fourmaking　seventy　roubles　in　all；　exclusive　of　the　supper。　So

convinced　of　my　folly　did　I　feel　that；　when；　at　next　day's

lecture；　those　of　my　comrades　who　had　been　at　Baron　Z。's　party

seemed　not　only　in　no　way　ashamed　to　remember　what　they　had　done；

but　even　talked　about　it　so　that　other　students　might　hear　of

their　doings；　I　felt　greatly　astonished。　They　all　declared　that

it　had　been　a　splendid　〃wine；〃　that　Dorpat　students　were　just　t