lavengro-第105章

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presume　to　grumble；　and　there　shall　be　bruising　of　lips　in　pulpits；　

tying　up　to　whipping…posts；　cutting　off　ears　and　noses　…　he！　he！　

the　farce　of　King　Log　has　been　acted　long　enough；　the　time　for　

Queen　Stork's　tragedy　is　drawing　nigh'；　and　the　man　in　black　sipped　

his　gin　and　water　in　a　very　exulting　manner。



'And　this　is　the　Church　which；　according　to　your　assertion　in　the　

public…house；　never　persecutes？'



'I　have　already　given　you　an　answer；'　said　the　man　in　black。　　'With　

respect　to　the　matter　of　the　public…house；　it　is　one　of　the　happy　

privileges　of　those　who　belong　to　my　Church　to　deny　in　the　public…

house　what　they　admit　in　the　dingle；　we　have　high　warranty　for　such　

double　speaking。　　Did　not　the　foundation　stone　of　our　Church；　Saint　

Peter；　deny　in　the　public…house　what　he　had　previously　professed　in　

the　valley？'



'And　do　you　think；'　said　I；　'that　the　people　of　England；　who　have　

shown　aversion　to　anything　in　the　shape　of　intolerance；　will　permit　

such　barbarities　as　you　have　described？'



'Let　them　become　Papists；'　said　the　man　in　black；　'only　let　the　

majority　become　Papists；　and　you　will　see。'



'They　will　never　become　so；'　said　I；　'the　good　sense　of　the　people　

of　England　will　never　permit　them　to　commit　such　an　absurdity。'



'The　good　sense　of　the　people　of　England！'　said　the　man　in　black；　

filling　himself　another　glass。



'Yes；'　said　I；　'the　good　sense　of　not　only　the　upper；　but　the　

middle　and　lower　classes。'



'And　of　what　description　of　people　are　the　upper　class？'　said　the　

man　in　black；　putting　a　lump　of　sugar　into　his　gin　and　water。



'Very　fine　people；'　said　I；　'monstrously　fine　people；　so；　at　least；　

they　are　generally　believed　to　be。'



'He！　he！'　said　the　man　in　black；　'only　those　think　them　so　who　

don't　know　them。　　The　male　part　of　the　upper　class　are　in　youth　a　

set　of　heartless　profligates；　in　old　age；　a　parcel　of　poor；　

shaking；　nervous　paillards。　　The　female　part；　worthy　to　be　the　

sisters　and　wives　of　such　wretches　…　unmarried；　full　of　cold　vice；　

kept　under　by　vanity　and　ambition；　but　which；　after　marriage；　they　

seek　not　to　restrain；　in　old　age；　abandoned　to　vapours　and　horrors；　

do　you　think　that　such　beings　will　afford　any　obstacle　to　the　

progress　of　the　Church　in　these　regions；　as　soon　as　her　movements　

are　unfettered？'



'I　cannot　give　an　opinion；　I　know　nothing　of　them；　except　from　a　

distance。　　But　what　think　you　of　the　middle　classes？'



'Their　chief　characteristic；'　said　the　man　in　black；　'is　a　rage　for　

grandeur　and　gentility；　and　that　same　rage　makes　us　quite　sure　of　

them　in　the　long　run。　　Everything　that's　lofty　meets　their　

unqualified　approbation；　whilst　everything　humble；　or；　as　they　call　

it；　〃low；〃　is　scouted　by　them。　　They　begin　to　have　a　vague　idea　

that　the　religion　which　they　have　hitherto　professed　is　low；　at　any　

rate；　that　it　is　not　the　religion　of　the　mighty　ones　of　the　earth；　

of　the　great　kings　and　emperors　whose　shoes　they　have　a　vast　

inclination　to　kiss；　nor　was　used　by　the　grand　personages　of　whom　

they　have　read　in　their　novels　and　romances；　their　Ivanhoes；　their　

Marmions；　and　their　Ladies　of　the　Lake。'



'Do　you　think　that　the　writings　of　Scott　have　had　any　influence　in　

modifying　their　religious　opinions？'



'Most　certainly　I　do；'　said　the　man　in　black。　　'The　writings　of　

that　man　have　made　them　greater　fools　than　they　were　before。　　All　

their　conversation　now　is　about　gallant　knights；　princesses；　and　

cavaliers；　with　which　his　pages　are　stuffed　…　all　of　whom　were　

Papists；　or　very　High　Church；　which　is　nearly　the　same　thing；　and　

they　are　beginning　to　think　that　the　religion　of　such　nice　sweet…

scented　gentry　must　be　something　very　superfine。　　Why；　I　know　at　

Birmingham　the　daughter　of　an　ironmonger；　who　screeches　to　the　

piano　the　Lady　of　the　Lake's　hymn　to　the　Virgin　Mary；　always　weeps　

when　Mary　Queen　of　Scots　is　mentioned；　and　fasts　on　the　anniversary　

of　the　death　of　that　very　wise　martyr；　Charles　the　First。　　Why；　I　

would　engage　to　convert　such　an　idiot　to　popery　in　a　week；　were　it　

worth　my　trouble。　　O　Cavaliere　Gualtiero；　avete　fatto　molto　in　

favore　della　Santa　Sede！'



'If　he　has；'　said　I；　'he　has　done　it　unwittingly；　I　never　heard　

before　that　he　was　a　favourer　of　the　popish　delusion。'



'Only　in　theory；'　said　the　man　in　black。　　'Trust　any　of　the　clan　

Mac…Sycophant　for　interfering　openly　and　boldly　in　favour　of　any　

cause　on　which　the　sun　does　not　shine　benignantly。　　Popery　is　at　

present；　as　you　say；　suing　for　grace　in　these　regions　IN　FORMA　

PAUPERIS；　but　let　royalty　once　take　it　up；　let　old　gouty　George　

once　patronise　it；　and　I　would　consent　to　drink　puddle…water　if；　

the　very　next　time　the　canny　Scot　was　admitted　to　the　royal　

symposium；　he　did　not　say；　〃By　my　faith；　yere　Majesty；　I　have　

always　thought；　at　the　bottom　of　my　heart；　that　popery；　as　ill…

scrapit　tongues　ca'　it；　was　a　very　grand　religion；　I　shall　be　proud　

to　follow　your　Majesty's　example　in　adopting　it。〃'



'I　doubt　not；'　said　I；　'that　both　gouty　George　and　his　devoted　

servant　will　be　mouldering　in　their　tombs　long　before　Royalty　in　

England　thinks　about　adopting　popery。'



'We　can　wait；'　said　the　man　in　black；　'in　these　days　of　rampant　

gentility；　there　will　be　no　want　of　kings　nor　of　Scots　about　them。'



'But　not　Walters；'　said　I。



'Our　work　has　been　already　tolerably　well　done　by　one；'　said　the　

man　in　black；　'but　if　we　wanted　literature；　we　should　never　lack　in　

these　regions　hosts　of　literary　men　of　some　kind　or　other　to　

eulogise　us；　provided　our　religion　were　in　the　fashion；　and　our　

popish　nobles　chose　…　and　they　always　do　our　bidding　…　to　admit　the　

canaille　to　their　tables　…　their　kitchen　tables。　　As　for　literature　

in　general；'　said　he；　'the　Santa　Sede　is　not　particularly　partial　

to　it；　it　may　be　employed　both　ways。　　In　Italy；　in　particular；　it　

has　discovered　that　literary　men　are　not　always　disposed　to　be　

lickspittles。'



'For　example；　Dante；'　said　I。



'Yes；'　said　the　man　in　black；　'a　dangerous　personage；　that　poem　of　

his　cuts　both　ways；　and　then　there　was　Pulci；　that　MORGANTE　of　his　

cuts　both　ways；　or　rather　one　way；　and　that　sheer　against　us；　and　

then　there　was　Aretino；　who　dealt　so　hard　with　the　POVERI　FRATI；　

all　writers；　at　least　Italian　ones；　are　not　lickspittles。　　And　then　

in　Spain；　…　'tis　true；　Lope　de　Vega　and　Calderon　were　most　

inordinate　lickspittles；　the　PRINCIPE　CONSTANTE　of　the　last　is　a　

curiosity　in　its　way；　and　then　the　MARY　STUART　of　Lope；　I　think　I　

shall　recommend　the　perusal　of　that　work　to　the　Birmingham　

ironmonger's　daughter　…　she　has　been　lately　thinking　of　adding　〃a　

slight　knowledge　of　the　magneeficent　language　of　the　Peninsula〃　to　

the　rest　of　her　accomplishments；　he！　he！　he！　　But　then　there　was　

Cervantes；　starving；　but　straight；　he　deals　us　some　hard　knocks　in　

that　second　part　of　his　QUIXOTE。　　Then　there　were　some　of　the　

writers　of　the　picaresque　novels。　　No；　all　literary　men　are　not　

lickspittles；　whether　in　Italy　or　Spain；　or；　indeed；　upon　the　

Continent；　it　is　only　in　England　that　all　…　'



'Come；'　said　I；　'Mind　what　you　are　about　to　say　of　English　literary　

men。'



'Why　should　I　mind？'　said　the　man　in　black；　'there　are　no　literary　

men　here。　　I　have　heard　of　literary　men　living　in　garrets；　but　not　

in　dingles；　whatever　philologists　may　do；　I　may；　therefore；　speak　

out　freely。　　It　is　only　in　England　that　literary　men　are　invariably　

lickspittles；　on　which　account；　perhaps；　they　are　so　despised；　even　

by　those　who　benefit　by　their　dirty　services。　　Look　at　your　

fashionable　novel…writers；　he！　he！　…　and；　above　all；　at　your　

newspaper　editors；　ho！　ho！'



'You　will；　of　course；　except　the　editors　of　the　…　from　your　censure　

of　the　last　class？'　said　I。



'Them！'　said　the　man　in　black；　'why；　they　might　serve　as　models　in　

the　dirty　trade　to　all　the　rest　who　practise　it。　　See　how　they　

bepraise　their　patrons；　the　grand　Whig　nobility；　who　hope；　by　

raising　the　cry　of　liberalism　and　by　putting　themselves　at　the　head　

of　the　populace；　to　come　into　power　shortly。　　I　don't　wish　to　be　

hard；　at　present；　upon　those　Whigs；'　he　continued；　'for　they　are　

playing　our　game；　but　a　time　will　come　when；　not　wanting　them；　we　

will　kick　them　to　a　considerable　distance：　　and　then；　when　

toleration　is　no　longer　the　cry；　and　the　Whigs　are　no　longer　backed　

by　the　populace；　see　whether　the　editors　of　the　…　will　stand　by　

them；　they　will　prove　themselves　as　expert　lickspittles　of　

despotism　as　of　liberalism。　　Don't　think　they　will　always　bespatter　

the　Tories　and　Austria。'



'Well；'　said　I；　'I　am　sorry　to　find　that　you　entertain　so　low　an　

opinion　of　the　spirit　of　English　literary　men；　we　will　now　return；　

if　you　please；　to　the　subject　of　the　middle　classes；　I　think　your　

strictures　upon　them　in　general　are　rather　too　sweeping　…　they　are　

not　altogether　the　foolish　people　which　you　have　described。　　Look；　

for　example；　at　that　very　powerful　and　numerous　body　the　

Dissenters；　the　descendants　of　those　sturdy　Patriots　who　hurled　

Charles　the　Simple　from　his　throne。'



'There　are　some　sturdy　fellows　amongst　them；　I　do　not　deny；'　said　

the　man　in　black；　'especially　amongst　the　preachers；　clever　withal　

…　two　or　three　of　that　class　nearly　drove　Mr。　Platitude　mad；　as　

perhaps　you　are　aware；　but　they　are　not　very　numerous；　and　the　old　

sturdy　sort　of　preachers　are　fast　dropping　off；　and；　as　we　observe　

with　pleasure；　are　generally　succeeded　by　frothy　coxcombs；　whom　it　

would　not　be　very　difficult　to　gain　over。　　But　what　we　most　rely　

upon　as　an　instrument　to　bring　the　Dissenters　over　to　us　is　the　

mania　for　gentility；　which　amongst　them　has　of　late　become　as　

great；　and　more　ridiculous　than　amongst　the　middle　classes　

belonging　to　the　Church　of　England。　　All　the　plain　and　simple　

fashions　of　their　forefathers　they　are　either　about　to　abandon；　or　

have　already　done　so。　　Look　at　the　most　part　of　their　chapels　…　no　

longer　modest　brick　edifices；　situated　in　quiet　and　retired　

streets；　but　lunatic…looking　erections；　in　what　the　simpletons　call　

the　modern　Gothic　taste；　of　Portland　stone；　with　a　cross　upon　the　

top；　and　the　site　generally　the　most　conspicuous　that　can　be　found。　　

And　look　at　the　manner　in　which　they　educate　their　children　…　I　

mean　those　that　are　wealthy。　　They　do　not　even　wish　them　to　be　

Dissenters　…　〃the　sweet　dears　shall　enjoy　the　advantages　of　good　

society；　of　which　their　parents　were　debarred。〃　　So　the　girls　are　

sent　to　tip…top　boarding…schools；　where　amongst　other　trash　they　

read　ROKEBY；　and　are　taught　to　sing　snatches　from　that　high…flying　

ditty；　the　〃Cavalier〃　…





'Would　you　match　the　base　Skippon；　and　Massey；　and　Brown；

With　the　barons　of　England；　who　fight　for　the　crown？　…





he！　he！　their　own　names。　　Whilst　the　lads　are　sent　to　those　hotbeds　

of　pride　and　folly　…　c