donal grant-第34章

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the　past　night　could　not　be　the　consequence　of　one　glass　of　wine。　If
he　asked　him　again；　he　would　go　to　dinner　with　him；　but　would　drink
nothing　but　water。

School　was　just　over　when　Simmons　came　from　his　lordship；　to　inquire
after　him；　and　invite　him　to　dine　with　him　that　evening。　Donald
immediately　consented。

This　time　lady　Arctura　was　not　with　the　earl。

After　as　during　dinner　Donal　declined　to　drink。　His　lordship　cast　on
him　a　keen；　searching　glance；　but　it　was　only　a　glance；　and　took　no
farther　notice　of　his　refusal。　The　conversation；　however；　which　had
not　been　brilliant　from　the　first；　now　sank　and　sank　till　it　was
not；　and　after　a　cup　of　coffee；　his　lordship；　remarking　that　he　was
not　feeling　himself；　begged　Donal　to　excuse　him；　and　proceeded　to
retire。　Donal　rose；　and　with　a　hope　that　his　lordship　would　have　a
good　night　and　feel　better　in　the　morning；　left　the　room。

The　passage　outside　was　lighted　only　by　a　rather　dim　lamp；　and　in
the　distance　Donal　saw　what　he　could　but　distinguish　as　the　form　of
a　woman；　standing　by　the　door　which　opened　upon　the　great　staircase。
He　supposed　it　at　first　to　be　one　of　the　maids；　but　the　servants
were　so　few　compared　with　the　size　of　the　castle　that　one　was　seldom
to　be　met　on　stair　or　in　passage；　and　besides；　the　form　stood　as　if
waiting　for　some　one！　As　he　drew　nearer；　he　saw　it　was　lady　Arctura；
and　would　have　passed　with　an　obeisance。　But　ere　he　could　lay　his
hand　on　the　lock；　hers　was　there　to　prevent　him。　He　then　saw　that
she　was　agitated；　and　that　she　had　stopped　him　thus　because　her
voice　had　at　the　moment　failed　her。　The　next　moment；　however；　she
recovered　it；　and　her　self…possession　as　well。

〃Mr。　Grant；〃　she　said；　in　a　low　voice；　〃I　wish　to　speak　to　youif
you　will　allow　me。〃

〃I　am　at　your　service；　my　lady；〃　answered　Donal。

〃But　we　cannot　here！　My　uncle〃

〃Shall　we　go　into　the　picture…gallery？〃　suggested　Donal；　〃there　is
moonlight　there。〃

〃No；　that　would　be　still　nearer　my　uncle。　His　hearing　is　sometimes
preternaturally　keen；　and　besides；　as　you　know；　he　often　walks　there
after　his　evening　meal。　Butexcuse　me；　Mr。　Grantyou　will
understand　me　presentlyare　youare　you　quite？〃

〃You　mean；　my　ladyam　I　quite　myself　this　evening！〃　said　Donal；
wishing　to　help　her　with　the　embarrassing　question：　〃I　have　drunk
nothing　but　water　to…night。〃

With　that　she　opened　the　door；　and　descended　the　stair；　he
following；　but　as　soon　as　the　curve　of　the　staircase　hid　the　door
they　had　left；　she　stopped；　and　turning　to　him　said；

〃I　would　not　have　you　mistake　me；　Mr。　Grant！　I　should　be　ashamed　to
speak　to　you　if〃

〃Indeed　I　am　very　sorry！〃　said　Donal；　〃though　hardly　so　much　to
blame　as　I　fear　you　think　me。〃

〃You　mistake　me　at　once！　You　suppose　I　imagine　you　took　too　much
wine　last　night！　It　would　be　absurd。　I　saw　what　you　took！　But　we
must　not　talk　here。　Come。〃

She　turned　again；　and　going　down；　led　the　way　to　the　housekeeper's
room。

They　found　her　at　work　with　her　needle。

〃Mistress　Brookes；〃　said　lady　Arctura；　〃I　want　to　have　a　little　talk
with　Mr。　Grant；　and　there　is　no　fire　in　the　library：　may　we　sit
here？〃

〃By　all　means！　Sit　doon；　my　lady！　Why；　bairn！　you　look　as　cold　as　if
you　had　been　on　the　roof！　There！　sit　close　to　the　fire；　you're　all
trem'lin'！〃

Lady　Arctura　obeyed　like　the　child　Mrs。　Brookes　called　her；　and　sat
down　in　the　chair　she　gave　up　to　her。

〃I've　something　to　see　efter　i'　the　still…room；〃　said　the
housekeeper。　〃You　sit　here　and　hae　yer　crack。　Sit　doon；　Mr。　Grant。
I'm　glad　to　see　you　an'　my　lady　come　to　word　o'　mooth　at　last。　I
began　to　think　it　wud　never　be！〃

Had　Donal　been　in　the　way　of　looking　to　faces　for　the　interpretation
of　words　and　thoughts；　he　would　have　seen　a　shadow　sweep　over　lady
Arctura's；　followed　by　a　flush；　which　he　would　have　attributed　to
displeasure　at　this　utterance　of　the　housekeeper。　But；　with　all　his
experience　of　the　world　within；　and　all　his　unusually　developed
power　of　entering　into　the　feelings　of　others；　he　had　never　come　to
pry　into　those　feelings；　or　to　study　their　phenomena　for　the　sake　of
possessing　himself　of　them。　Man　was　by　no　means　an　open　book　to
him〃no；　nor　woman　neither；〃　but　he　would　have　scorned　to
supplement　by　such　investigation　what　a　lady　chose　to　tell　him。　He
sat　looking　into　the　fire；　with　an　occasional　upward　glance；　waiting
for　what　was　to　come；　and　saw　neither　shadow　nor　flush。　Lady　Arctura
sat　also　gazing　into　the　fire；　and　seemed　in　no　haste　to　begin。

〃You　are　so　good　to　Davie！〃　she　said　at　length；　and　stopped。

〃No　better　than　I　have　to　be；〃　returned　Donal。　〃Not　to　be　good　to
Davie　would　be　to　be　a　wretch。〃

〃You　know；　Mr。　Grant；　I　cannot　agree　with　you！〃

〃There　is　no　immediate　necessity；　my　lady。〃

〃But　I　suppose　one　may　be　fair　to　another！〃　she　went　on；　doubtingly；
〃and　it　is　only　fair　to　confess　that　he　is　much　more　manageable
since　you　came。　Only　that　is　no　good　if　it　does　not　come　from　the
right　source。〃

〃Grapes　do　not　come　from　thorns；　my　lady。　We　must　not　allow　in　evil
a　power　of　good。〃

She　did　not　reply。

〃He　minds　everything　I　say　to　him　now；〃　she　resumed。　〃What　is　it
makes　him　so　good？I　wish　I　had　had　such　a　tutor！〃

She　stopped　again：　she　had　spoken　out　of　the　simplicity　of　her
thought；　but　the　words　when　said　looked　to　her　as　if　they　ought　not
to　have　been　said。

〃Something　is　working　in　her！〃　thought　Donal。　〃She　is　so　different！
Her　voice　is　different！〃

〃But　that　is　not　what　I　wanted　to　speak　to　you　about；　Mr。　Grant；〃
she　re…commenced；　〃though　I　did　want　you　to　know　I　was　aware　of
the　improvement　in　Davie。　I　wished　to　say　something　about　my　uncle。〃

Here　followed　another　pause。

〃You　may　have　remarked；〃　she　said　at　length；　〃that；　though　we　live
together；　and　he　is　my　guardian；　and　the　head　of　the　house；　there　is
not　much　communication　between　us。〃

〃I　have　gathered　as　much：　I　ask　no　questions；　but　I　cannot　tell
Davie　not　to　talk　to　me！〃

〃Of　course　not。Lord　Morven　is　a　strange　man。　I　do　not　understand
him；　and　I　do　not　want　to　judge　him；　or　make　you　judge　him。　But　I
must　speak　of　a　fact；　concerning　yourself；　which　I　have　no　right　to
keep　from　you。〃

Once　more　a　pause　followed。　There　was　nothing　now　of　the　grand　dame
about　Arctura。

〃Has　nothing　occurred　to　wake　a　doubt　in　you？〃　she　said　at　last；
abruptly。　〃Have　you　not　suspected　him　ofof　using　you　in　any　way？〃

〃I　have　had　an　undefined　ghost　of　a　suspicion；〃　answered　Donal。
〃Please　tell　me　what　you　know。〃

〃I　should　know　nothingalthough；　my　room　being　near　his；　I　should
have　been　the　more　perplexed　about　some　thingshad　he　not　made　an
experiment　upon　myself　a　year　ago。〃

〃Is　it　possible？〃

〃I　sometimes　fancy　I　have　not　been　so　well　since。　It　was　a　great
shock　to　me　when　I　came　to　myself：you　see　I　am　trusting　you；　Mr。
Grant！〃

〃I　thank　you　heartily；　my　lady；〃　said　Donal。

〃I　believe；〃　continued　lady　Arctura；　gathering　courage；　〃that　my
uncle　is　in　the　habit　of　taking　some　horrible　drug　for　the　sake　of
its　effect　on　his　brain。　There　are　people　who　do　so！　What　it　is　I
don't　know；　and　I　would　rather　not　know。　It　is　just　as　bad；　surely；
as　taking　too　much　wine！　I　have　heard　himself　remark　to　Mr。
Carmichael　that　opium　was　worse　than　wine；　for　it　destroyed　the
moral　sense　more。　Mind　I　don't　say　it　is　opium　he　takes！〃

〃There　are　other　things；〃　said　Donal；　〃even　worse！But　surely　you
do　not　mean　he　dared　try　anything　of　the　sort　on　you！〃

〃I　am　sure　he　gave　me　something！　For；　once　that　I　dined　with
him；but　I　cannot　describe　the　effect　it　had　upon　me！　I　think　he
wanted　to　see　its　operation　on　one　who　did　not　even　know　she　had
taken　anything。　The　influence　of　such　things　is　a　pleasant　one；　they
say；　at　first；　but　I　would　not　go　through　such　agonies　as　I　had　for
the　world！〃

She　ceased；　evidently　troubled　by　the　harassing　remembrance。　Donal
hastened　to　speak。

〃It　was　because　of　such　a　suspicion；　my　lady；　that　this　evening　I
would　not　even　taste　his　wine。　I　am　safe　to…night；　I　trust；　from　the
insanityI　can　call　it　nothing　elsethat　possessed　me　the　last　two
nights。〃

〃Was　it　very　dreadful？〃　asked　lady　Arctura。

〃On　the　contrary；　I　had　a　sense　of　life　and　power　such　as　I　could
never　of　myself　have　imagined！〃

〃Oh；　Mr。　Grant；　do　take　care！　Do　not　be　tempted　to　take　it　again。　I
don't　know　where　it　might　not　have　led　me　if　I　had　found　it　as
pleasant　as　it　was　horrible；　for　I　am　sorely　tried　with　painful
thoughts；　and　feel　sometimes　as　if　I　would　do　almost　anything　to　get
rid　of　them。〃

〃There　must　be　a　good　way　of　getting　rid　of　them！　Think　it　of　God's
mercy；〃　said　Donal；　〃that　you　cannot　get　rid　of　them　the　other　way。〃

〃I　do；　I　do！〃

〃The　shield　of　his　presence　was　over　you。〃

〃How　glad　I　should　be　to　think　so！　But　we　have　no　right　to　think　he
cares　for　us　till　we　believe　in　ChristandandI　don't　know　that
I　do　believe　in　him！〃

〃Wherever　you　learned　that；　it　is　a　terrible　lie；〃　said　Donal。　〃Is
not　Christ　the　same　always；　and　is　he　not　of　one　mind　with　God？　Was
it　not　while　we　were　yet　sinners　that　he　poured　out　his　soul　for　us？
It　is　a　fearful　thing　to　say　of　the　perfect　Love；　that　he　is　not
doing　all　he　can；　with　all　the　power　of　a　maker　over　the　creature　he
has　made；　to　help　and　deliver　him！〃

〃I　know　he　makes　his　sun　to　shine　and　his　rain　to　fall　upon　the　evil
and　the　good；　but　those　good　things　are　only　of　this　world！〃

〃Are　those　the　good　things　then　that　the　Lord　says　the　Father　will
give　to　those　that　ask　him？　How　can　you　worship　a　God　who　gives　you
all　the　little　things　he　does　not　care　much　about；　but　will　not　do
his　best　for　you？〃

〃But　are　there　not　things　he　cannot　do　for　us　till　we　believe　in
Christ？〃

〃Certainly　there　are。　But　what　I　want　you　to　see　is　that　he　does　all
that　can　be　done。　He　finds　it　very　hard　to　teach　us；　but　he　is　never
tired　of　trying。　Anyone　who　is　willing　to　be　taught　of　God；　will　by
him　be　taught；　and　thoroughly　taught。〃

〃I　am　afraid　I　am　doing　wrong　in　listening　to　you；　Mr。　Grantand
the　more　that　I　cannot　help　wishing　what　you　say　might　be　true！　But
are　you　not　in　dangeryou　will　pardon　me　for　saying　itof
presumption？How　can　all　the　good　people　be　wrong？〃

〃Because　the　greater　part　of　their　teachers　have　set　themselves　to
explain　God　rather　than　to　obey　and　enforce　his　will。　The　gospel　is
given　to　convince；　not　our　understandings；　but　our　hearts；　that
done；　and　never　till　then；　our　understandings　will　be　free。　Our　Lord
said　he　had　many　things　to　tell　his　disciples；　but　they　were　not
able　to　hear　them。　If　the　things　be　true　which　I　have　heard　from
Sunday　to　Sunday　since　I　came　here；　the　Lord　has　brought　us　no
salvation　at　all；　but　only　a　change　of　shape　to　our　miseries。　They
have　not　redeemed　you；　lady　Arctura；　and　never　will。　Nothing　but
Christ　himself；　your　lord　and　friend　and　brother；　not　all　the
doctrines　about　him；　even　if　every　one　of　them　were　true；　can　save
you。　Poor　orphan　children；　we　cannot　find　our　God；　and　they　would
have　us　take　instead　a　shocking　caricature　of　him！〃

〃But　how　should　sinners　know　what　is　or　is　not　like　the　true　God？〃

〃If　a　man　desires　God；　he　cannot　help　knowing　enough　of　him　to　be
capable　of　learning　moreelse　how　should　he　desire　him？　Made　in　the
image　of　God；　h