donal grant-第35章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


capable　of　learning　moreelse　how　should　he　desire　him？　Made　in　the
image　of　God；　his　idea　of　him　cannot　be　all　wrong。　That　does　not
make　him　fit　to　teach　othersonly　fit　to　go　on　learning　for
himself。　But　in　Jesus　Christ　I　see　the　very　God　I　want。　I　want　a
father　like　him。　He　reproaches　some　of　those　about　him　for　not
knowing　himfor；　if　they　had　known　God；　they　would　have　known　him：
they　were　to　blame　for　not　knowing　God。　No　other　than　the　God
exactly　like　Christ　can　be　the　true　God。　It　is　a　doctrine　of　devils
that　Jesus　died　to　save　us　from　our　father。　There　is　no　safety；　no
good；　no　gladness；　no　purity；　but　with　the　Father；　his　father　and
our　father；　his　God　and　our　God。〃

〃But　God　hates　sin　and　punishes　it！〃

〃It　would　be　terrible　if　he　did　not。　All　hatred　of　sin　is　love　to
the　sinner。　Do　you　think　Jesus　came　to　deliver　us　from　the
punishment　of　our　sins？　He　would　not　have　moved　a　step　for　that。　The
horrible　thing　is　being　bad；　and　all　punishment　is　help　to　deliver
us　from　that；　nor　will　punishment　cease　till　we　have　ceased　to　be
bad。　God　will　have　us　good；　and　Jesus　works　out　the　will　of　his
father。　Where　is　the　refuge　of　the　child　who　fears　his　father？　Is　it
in　the　farthest　corner　of　the　room？　Is　it　down　in　the　dungeon　of　the
castle；　my　lady？〃

〃No；　no！〃　cried　lady　Arctura；　〃in　his　father's　arms！〃

〃There！〃　said　Donal；　and　was　silent。

〃I　hold　by　Jesus！〃　he　added　after　a　pause；　and　rose　as　he　said　it；
but　stood　where　he　rose。

Lady　Arctura　sat　motionless；　divided　between　reverence　for　distorted
and　false　forms　of　truth　taught　her　from　her　earliest　years；　and
desire　after　a　God　whose　very　being　is　the　bliss　of　his　creatures。

Some　time　passed　in　silence；　and　then　she　too　rose　to　depart。　She
held　out　her　hand　to　Donal　with　a　kind　of　irresolute　motion；　but
withdrawing　it；　smiled　almost　beseechingly；　and　said；

〃I　wish　I　might　ask　you　something。　I　know　it　is　a　rude　question；　but
if　you　could　see　all；　you　would　answer　me　and　let　the　offence　go。〃

〃I　will　answer　you　anything　you　choose　to　ask。〃

〃That　makes　it　the　more　difficult；　but　I　willI　cannot　bear　to
remain　longer　in　doubt：　did　you　really　write　that　poem　you　gave　to
Kate　Graemecompose　it；　I　mean；　your　own　self？〃

〃I　made　no　secret　of　that　when　I　gave　it　her；〃　said　Donal；　not
perceiving　her　drift。

〃Then　you　did　really　write　it？〃

Donal　looked　at　her　in　perplexity。　Her　face　grew　very　red；　and　tears
began　to　come　in　her　eyes。

〃You　must　pardon　me！〃　she　said：　〃I　am　so　ignorant！　And　we　live　in
such　an　out…of…the…way　place　thatthat　it　seems　very　unlikely　a
real　poet！　And　then　I　have　been　told　there　are　people　who　have　a
passion　for　appearing　to　do　the　thing　they　are　not　able　to　do；　and　I
was　anxious　to　be　quite　sure！　My　mind　would　keep　brooding　over　it；
and　wondering；　and　longing　to　know　for　certain！So　I　resolved　at
last　that　I　would　be　rid　of　the　doubt；　even　at　the　risk　of　offending
you。　I　know　I　have　been　rudeunpardonably　rude；　but〃

〃But；〃　supplemented　Donal；　with　a　most　sympathetic　smile；　for　he
understood　her　as　his　own　thought；　〃you　do　not　feel　quite　sure　yet！
What　a　priori　reason　do　you　see　why　I　should　not　be　able　to　write
verses？　There　is　no　rule　as　to　where　poetry　grows：　one　place　is　as
good　as　another　for　that！〃

〃I　hope　you　will　forgive　me！　I　hope　I　have　not　offended　you　very
much！〃

〃Nobody　in　such　a　world　as　this　ought　to　be　offended　at　being　asked
for　proof。　If　there　are　in　it　rogues　that　look　like　honest　men；　how
is　any　one；　without　a　special　gift　of　insight；　to　be　always　sure　of
the　honest　man？　Even　the　man　whom　a　woman　loves　best　will　sometimes
tear　her　heart　to　pieces！　I　will　give　you　all　the　proof　you　can
desire。And　lest　the　tempter　should　say　I　made　up　the　proof　itself
between　now　and　to…morrow　morning；　I　will　fetch　it　at　once。〃

〃Oh；　Mr。　Grant；　spare　me！　I　am　not；　indeed　I　am　not　so　bad　as　that！〃

〃Who　can　tell　when　or　whence　the　doubt　may　wake　again；　or　what　may
wake　it！〃

〃At　least　let　me　explain　a　little　before　you　go；〃　she　said。

〃Certainly；〃　he　answered；　reseating　himself；　in　compliance　with　her
example。

〃Miss　Graeme　told　me　that　you　had　never　seen　a　garden　like　theirs
before！〃

〃I　never　did。　There　are　none　such；　I　fancy；　in　our　part　of　the
country。〃

〃Nor　in　our　neighbourhood　either。〃

〃Then　what　is　surprising　in　it？〃

〃Nothing　in　that。　But　is　there　not　something　in　your　being　able　to
write　a　poem　like　that　about　a　garden　such　as　you　had　never　seen？
One　would　say　you　must　have　been　familiar　with　it　from　childhood　to
be　able　so　to　enter　into　the　spirit　of　the　place！〃

〃Perhaps　if　I　had　been　familiar　with　it　from　childhood；　that　might
have　disabled　me　from　feeling　the　spirit　of　it；　for　then　might　it
not　have　looked　to　me　as　it　looked　to　those　in　whose　time　such
gardens　were　the　fashion？　Two　things　are　necessaryfirst；　that
there　should　be　a　spirit　in　a　place；　and　next　that　the　place　should
be　seen　by　one　whose　spirit　is　capable　of　giving　house…room　to　its
spirit。By　the　way；　does　the　ghost…lady　feel　the　place　all　right？〃

〃I　am　not　sure　that　I　know　what　you　mean；　but　I　felt　the　grass　with
her　feet　as　I　read；　and　the　wind　lifting　my　hair。　I　seemed　to　know
exactly　how　she　felt！〃

〃Now　tell　me；　were　you　ever　a　ghost？〃

〃No；〃　she　answered；　looking　in　his　face　like　a　childwithout　even　a
smile。

〃Did　you　ever　see　a　ghost？〃

〃No；　never。〃

〃Then　how　should　you　know　how　a　ghost　would　feel？〃

〃I　see！　I　cannot　answer　you。〃

Donal　rose。

〃I　am　indeed　ashamed！〃　said　lady　Arctura。

〃Ashamed　of　giving　me　the　chance　of　proving　myself　a　true　man？〃

〃That；　at　least；　is　no　longer　necessary！〃

〃But　I　want　my　revenge。　As　a　punishment　for　doubting　one　whom　you
had　so　little　ground　for　believing；　you　shall　be　compelled　to　see
the　proofthat　is；　if　you　will　do　me　the　favour　to　wait　here　till　I
come　back。　I　shall　not　be　long；　though　it　is　some　distance　to　the
top　of　Baliol's　tower。〃

〃Davie　told　me　your　room　was　there：　do　you　not　find　it　cold？　It　must
be　very　lonely！　I　wonder　why　mistress　Brookes　put　you　there！〃

Donal　assured　her　he　could　not　have　had　a　place　more　to　his　mind；
and　before　she　could　well　think　he　had　reached　the　foot　of　his
stair；　was　back　with　a　roll　of　papers；　which　he　laid　on　the　table。

〃There！〃　he　said；　opening　it　out；　〃if　you　will　take　the　trouble　to
go　over　these；　you　may　read　the　growth　of　the　poem。　Here　first　you
see　it　blocked　out　rather　roughly；　and　much　blotted　with　erasures
and　substitutions。　Here　next　you　see　the　result　copiedclean　to
begin　with；　but　afterwards　scored　and　scored。　You　see　the　words　I
chose　instead　of　the　first；　and　afterwards　in　their　turn　rejected；
until　in　the　proofs　I　reached　those　which　I　have　as　yet　let　stand。　I
do　not　fancy　Miss　Graeme　has　any　doubt　the　verses　are　mine；　for　it
was　plain　she　thought　them　rubbish。　From　your　pains　to　know　who
wrote　them；　I　believe　you　do　not　think　so　badly　of　them！〃

She　thought　he　was　satirical；　and　gave　a　slight　sigh　as　of　pain。　It
went　to　his　heart。

〃I　did　not　mean　the　smallest　reflection；　my　lady；　on　your　desire　for
satisfaction；〃　he　said；　〃rather；　indeed；　it　flatters　me。　But　is　it
not　strange　the　heart　should　be　less　ready　to　believe　what　seems
worth　believing？　Something　must　be　true：　why　not　the　worthyoftener
at　least　than　the　unworthy？　Why　should　it　be　easier　to　believe　hard
things　of　God；　for　instance；　than　lovely　things？or　that　one　man
copied　from　another；　than　that　he　should　have　made　the　thing
himself？　Some　would　yet　say　I　contrived　all　this　semblance　of
composition　in　order　to　lay　the　surer　claim　to　that　to　which　I　had
nonenor　would　take　the　trouble　to　follow　the　thing　through　its
development！　But　it　will　be　easy　for　you；　my　lady；　and　no　bad
exercise　in　logic　and　analysis；　to　determine　whether　the　genuine
growth　of　the　poem　be　before　you　in　these　papers　or　not。〃

〃I　shall　find　it　most　interesting；〃　said　lady　Arctura：　〃so　much　I
can　tell　already！　I　never　saw　anything　of　the　kind　before；　and　had
no　idea　how　poetry　was　made。　Does　it　always　take　so　much　labour？〃

〃Some　verses　take　much　more；　some　none　at　all。　The　labour　is　in
getting　the　husks　of　expression　cleared　off；　so　that　the　thought　may
show　itself　plainly。〃

At　this　point　Mrs。　Brookes；　thinking　probably　the　young　people　had
had　long　enough　conference；　entered；　and　after　a　little　talk　with
her；　lady　Arctura　kissed　her　and　bade　her　good　night。　Donal　retired
to　his　aerial　chamber；　wondering　whether　the　lady　of　the　house　had
indeed　changed　as　much　as　she　seemed　to　have　changed。

》From　that　time；　whether　it　was　that　lady　Arctura　had　previously
avoided　meeting　him　and　now　did　not；　or　from　other　causes；　Donal　and
she　met　much　oftener　as　they　went　about　the　place；　nor　did　they　ever
pass　without　a　mutual　smile　and　greeting。

The　next　day　but　one；　she　brought　him　his　papers　to　the　schoolroom。
She　had　read　every　erasure　and　correction；　she　told　him；　and　could
no　longer　have　had　a　doubt　that　the　writer　of　the　papers　was　the
maker　of　the　verses；　even　had　she　not　previously　learned　thorough
confidence　in　the　man　himself。

〃They　would　possibly　fail　to　convince　a　jury　though！〃　he　said；　as　he
rose　and　went　to　throw　them　in　the　fire。

Divining　his　intent；　Arctura　darted　after　him；　and　caught　them　just
in　time。

〃Let　me　keep　them；〃　she　pleaded；　〃for　my　humiliation！〃

〃Do　with　them　what　you　like；　my　lady；〃　said　Donal。　〃They　are　of　no
value　to　meexcept　that　you　care　for　them。〃




CHAPTER　XXXIV。

COBBLER　AND　CASTLE。

In　the　bosom　of　the　family　in　which　the　elements　seem　most　kindly
mixed；　there　may　yet　lie　some　root　of　discord　and　disruption；　upon
which　the　foreign　influence　necessary　to　its　appearance　above
ground；　has　not　yet　come　to　operate。　That　things　are　quiet　is　no
proof；　only　a　hopeful　sign　of　harmony。　In　a　family　of　such　poor
accord　as　that　at　the　castle；　the　peace　might　well　at　any　moment　be
broken。

Lord　Forgue　had　been　for　some　time　on　a　visit　to　Edinburgh；　had
doubtless　there　been　made　much　of；　and　had　returned　with　a
considerable　development　of　haughtiness；　and　of　that　freedom　which
means　subjugation　to　self；　and　freedom　from　the　law　of　liberty。　It
is　often　when　a　man　is　least　satisfiednot　with　himself　but　with
his　immediate　doingsthat　he　is　most　ready　to　assert　his
superiority　to　the　restraints　he　might　formerly　have　grumbled
against；　but　had　not　dared　to　disputeand　to　claim　from　others　such
consideration　as　accords　with　a　false　idea　of　his　personal　standing。
But　for　a　while　Donal　and　he　barely　saw　each　other；　Donal　had　no
occasion　to　regard　him；　and　lord　Forgue　kept　so　much　to　himself　that
Davie　made　lamentation：　Percy　was　not　half　so　jolly　as　he　used　to
be！

For　a　fortnight　Eppy　had　not　been　to　see　her　grand…parents；　and　as
the　last　week　something　had　prevented　Donal　also　from　paying　them
his　customary　visit；　the　old　people　had　naturally　become　uneasy；　and
one　frosty　twilight；　when　the　last　of　the　sunlight　had　turned　to
cold　green　in　the　west；　Andrew　Comin　appeared　in　the　castle　kitchen；
asking　to　see　mistress　Brookes。　He　was　kindly　received　by　the
servants；　among　whom　Eppy　was　not　present；　and　Mrs。　Brookes；　who　had
a　genuine　respect　for　the　cobbler；　soon　came　to　greet　him。　She　told
him　she　knew　no　reason