donal grant-第40章

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seems　right　to　me　is　not　right　to　God；　I　must　wrong　my　conscience
and　be　a　sinner　in　order　to　serve　him！　Then　my　conscience　is　not　the
voice　of　God　in　me！　How　then　am　I　made　in　his　image？　What　does　it
mean？　Ah；　but　that　image　has　been　defaced　by　the　fall！　So　I　cannot
tell　a　bit　what　God　is　like？　Then　how　am　I　to　love　him？　I　never　can
love　him！　I　am　very　miserable！　I　am　not　God's　child！

Thus；　long　after　Miss　Carmichael　had　taken　a　coldly　sorrowful
farewell　of　her；　Arctura　went　round　and　round　the　old　mill…horse
rack　of　her　self…questioning：　God　was　not　to　be　trusted　in　until　she
had　done　something　she　could　not　do；　upon　which　he　would　take　her
into　his　favour；　and　then　she　could　trust　him！　What　a　God　to　give
all　her　heart　to；　to　long　for；　to　dream　of　being　at　home　with！　Then
she　compared　Miss　Carmichael　and　Donal　Grant；　and　thought　whether
Donal　might　not　be　as　likely　to　be　right　as　she。　Oh；　where　was
assurance；　where　was　certainty　about　anything！　How　was　she　ever　to
know？　What　if　the　thing　she　came　to　know　for　certain　should　bea
God　she　could　not　love！

The　next　day　was　Sunday。　Davie　and　his　tutor　overtook　her　going　home
from　church。　It　came　as　of　itself　to　her　lips；　and　she　said；

〃Mr。　Grant；　how　are　we　to　know　what　God　is　like？〃

〃'Philip　saith　unto　him；　Lord；　show　us　the　Father　and　it　sufficeth
us。　Jesus　saith　unto　him；　Have　I　been　so　long　time　with　you；　and　yet
hast　thou　not　known　me；　Philip？　He　that　hath　seen　me　hath　seen　the
father；　and　how　sayest　thou　then；　Show　us　the　father？'〃

Thus　answered　Donal；　without　a　word　of　his　own；　and　though　the　three
walked　side　by　side；　it　was　ten　minutes　before　another　was　spoken。
Then　at　last　said　Arctura；

〃If　I　could　but　see　Christ！〃

〃It　is　not　necessary　to　see　him　to　know　what　he　is　like。　You　can
read　what　those　who　knew　him　said　he　was　like；　that　is　the　first
step　to　understanding　him；　which　is　the　true　seeing；　the　second　is；
doing　what　he　tells　you：　when　you　understand　himthere　is　your
God！〃

》From　that　day　Arctura's　search　took　a　new　departure。　It　is　strange
how　often　one　may　hear　a　thing；　yet　never　have　really　heard　it！　The
heart　can　hear　only　what　it　is　capable　of　hearing；　therefore　〃the
times　of　this　ignorance　God　winked　at；〃　but　alas　for　him　who　will
not　hear　what　he　is　capable　of　hearing！

His　failure　to　get　word　or　even　sight　of　Eppy；　together　with　some
uneasiness　at　the　condition　in　which　her　grandfather　continued；
induced　lord　Forgue　to　accept　the　invitationwhich　his　father　had
taken　pains　to　have　sent　himto　spend　three　weeks　or　a　month　with　a
relative　in　the　north　of　England。　He　would　gladly　have　sent　a
message　to　Eppy　before　he　went；　but　had　no　one　he　could　trust　with
it：　Davie　was　too　much　under　the　influence　of　his　tutor！　So　he
departed　without　sign；　and　Eppy　soon　imagined　he　had　deserted　her。
For　a　time　her　tears　flowed　yet　more　freely；　but　by　and　by　she　began
to　feel　something　of　relief　in　having　the　matter　settled；　for　she
could　not　see　how　they　were　ever　to　be　married。　She　would　have　been
content　to　love　him　always；　she　said　to　herself；　were　there　no
prospect　of　marriage；　or　even　were　there　no　marriage　in　question；
but　would　he　continue　to　care　for　her　love？　She　did　not　think　she
could　expect　that。　So　with　many　tears　she　gave　him　upor　thought
she　did。　He　had　loved　her；　and　that　was　a　grand　thing！

There　was　much　that　was　good；　and　something　that　was　wise　in　the
girl；　notwithstanding　her　folly　in　allowing　such　a　lover。　The
temptation　was　great：　even　if　his　attentions　were　in　their　nature
but　transient；　they　were　sweet　while　they　passed。　I　doubt　if　her
love　was　of　the　deepest　she　had　to　give；　but　who　can　tell？　A　woman
will　love　where　a　man　can　see　nothing　lovely。　So　long　as　she　is　able
still　to　love；　she　is　never　quite　to　be　pitied；　but　when　the
reaction　comes？

So　the　dull　days　went　by。

But　for　lady　Arctura　a　great　hope　had　begun　to　dawnthe　hope；
namely；　that　the　world　was　in　the　hand；　yea　in　the　heart　of　One　whom
she　herself　might　one　day　see；　in　her　inmost　soul；　and　with　clearest
eyes；　to　be　Love　itselfnot　a　love　she　could　not　care　for；　but　the
very　heart；　generating　centre；　embracing　circumference；　and　crown　of
all　loves。

Donal　prayed　to　God　for　lady　Arctura；　and　waited。　Her　hour　was　not
yet　come；　but　was　coming！　Everyone　that　is　ready　the　Father　brings
to　Jesus：　the　disciple　is　not　greater　than　his　master；　and　must　not
think　to　hasten　the　hour；　or　lead　one　who　is　not　yet　taught　of　God；
he　must　not　be　miserable　about　another　as　if　God　had　forgotten　him。
Strange　helpers　of　God　we　shall　be；　if；　thinking　to　do　his　work；　we
act　as　if　he　were　neglecting　it！　To　wait　for　God；　believing　it　his
one　design　to　redeem　his　creatures；　ready　to　put　the　hand　to；　the
moment　his　hour　strikes；　is　the　faith　fit　for　a　fellow…worker　with
him！




CHAPTER　XXXIX。

THE　CASTLE…ROOF。

One　stormy　Friday　night　in　the　month　of　March；　when　a　bitter　east
wind　was　blowing；　Donal；　seated　at　the　plain　deal…table　he　had　got
Mrs。　Brookes　to　find　him　that　he　might　use　it　regardless　of　ink；　was
drawing　upon　it　a　diagram；　in　quest　of　a　simplification　for　Davie；
when　a　sudden　sense　of　cold　made　him　cast　a　glance　at　his　fire。　He
had　been　aware　that　it　was　sinking；　but；　as　there　was　no　fuel　in　the
room；　had　forgotten　it　again：　it　was　very　low；　and　he　must　at　once
fetch　both　wood　and　coal！　In　certain　directions　and　degrees　of　wind
this　was　rather　a　ticklish　task；　but　he　had　taken　the　precaution　of
putting　up　here　and　there　a　bit　of　rope。　Closing　the　door　behind　him
to　keep　in　what　warmth　he　might；　and　ascending　the　stairs　a　few　feet
higher；　he　stepped　out　on　the　bartizan；　and　so　round　the　tower　to
the　roof。　There　he　stood　for　a　moment　to　look　about　him。

It　was　a　moonlit　night；　so　far　as　the　clouds；　blown　in　huge　and
almost　continuous　masses　over　the　heavens；　would　permit　the　light　of
the　moon　to　emerge。　The　roaring　of　the　sea　came　like　a　low　rolling
mist　across　the　flats。　The　air　gloomed　and　darkened　and　lightened
again　around　him；　as　the　folds　of　the　cloud…blanket　overhead　were
torn；　or　dropped　trailing；　or　gathered　again　in　the　arms　of　the
hurrying　wind。　As　he　stood；　it　seemed　suddenly　to　change；　and　take　a
touch　of　south　in　its　blowing。　The　same　instant　came　to　his　ear　a
loud　wail：　it　was　the　ghost…music！　There　was　in　it　the　cry　of　a
discord；　mingling　with　a　wild　rolling　change　of　harmonies。　He　stood
〃like　one　forbid；〃　and　listened　with　all　his　power。　It　came　again；
and　again；　and　was　more　continuous　than　he　had　ever　heard　it　before。
Here　was　now　a　chance　indeed　of　tracing　it　home！　As　a　gaze…hound
with　his　eyes；　as　a　sleuth…hound　with　his　nose；　he　stood　ready　to
start　hunting　with　his　listing　listening　ear。　The　seeming　approach
and　recession　of　the　sounds　might　be　occasioned　by　changes　in　their
strength；　not　by　any　change　of　position！

〃It　must　come　from　somewhere　on　the　roof！〃　he　said；　and　setting　down
the　pail　he　had　brought；　he　got　on　his　hands　and　knees；　first　to
escape　the　wind　in　his　ears；　and　next　to　diminish　its　hold　on　his
person。　Over　roof　after　roof　he　crept　like　a　cat；　stopping　to　listen
every　time　a　new　gush　of　the　sound　came；　then　starting　afresh　in　the
search　for　its　source。　Upon　a　great　gathering　of　roofs　like　these；
erected　at　various　times　on　various　levels；　and　with　all　kinds　of
architectural　accommodations　of　one　part　to　another；　sound　would　be
variously　deflected；　and　as　difficult　to　trace　as　inside　the　house！
Careless　of　cold　or　danger；　he　persisted；　creeping　up；　creeping
down；　over　flat　leads；　over　sloping　slates；　over　great　roofing
stones；　along　low　parapets；　and　round　ticklish　cornersfollowing
the　sound　ever；　as　a　cat　a　flitting　unconscious　bird：　when　it
ceased；　he　would　keep　slowly　on　in　the　direction　last　chosen。
Sometimes；　when　the　moon　was　more　profoundly　obscured；　he　would　have
to　stop　altogether；　unable　to　get　a　peep　of　his　way。

On　one　such　occasion；　when　it　was　nearly　pitch…dark；　and　the　sound
had　for　some　time　ceased；　he　was　crouching　upon　a　high…pitched　roof
of　great　slabs；　his　fingers　clutched　around　the　edges　of　one　of
them；　and　his　mountaineering　habits　standing　him　in　good　stead；
protected　a　little　from　the　force　of　the　blast　by　a　huge　stack　of
chimneys　that　rose　to　windward：　while　he　clung　thus　waitinglouder
than　he　had　yet　heard　it；　almost　in　his　very　ear；　arose　the　musical
ghost…crythis　time　like　that　of　a　soul　in　torture。　The　moon　came
out；　as　at　the　cry；　to　see；　but　Donal　could　spy　nothing　to　suggest
its　origin。　As　if　disappointed；　the　moon　instantly　withdrew；　the
darkness　again　fell；　and　the　wind　rushed　upon　him　full　of　keen
slanting　rain；　as　if　with　fierce　intent　of　protecting　the　secret：
there　was　little　chance　of　success　that　night！　he　must　break　off　the
hunt　till　daylight！　If　there　was　any　material　factor　in　the　sound；
he　would　be　better　able　to　discover　it　then！　By　the　great
chimney…stack　he　could　identify　the　spot　where　he　had　been　nearest
to　it！　There　remained　for　the　present　but　the　task　of　finding　his
way　back　to　his　tower。

A　difficult　task　it　wasmore　difficult　than　he　anticipated。　He　had
not　an　idea　in　what　direction　his　tower　layhad　not　an　idea　of　the
track；　if　track　it　could　be　called；　by　which　he　had　come。　One　thing
only　was　clearit　was　somewhere　else　than　where　he　was。　He　set　out
therefore；　like　any　honest　pilgrim　who　knows　only　he　must　go
somewhere　else；　and　began　his　wanderings。　He　found　himself　far　more
obstructed　than　in　coming。　Again　and　again　he　could　go　no　farther　in
the　direction　he　was　trying；　again　and　again　had　to　turn　and　try
another。　It　was　half…an…hour　at　least　before　he　came　to　a　spot　he
knew；　and　by　that　time；　with　the　rain　the　wind　had　fallen　a　little。
Against　a　break　in　the　clouds　he　saw　the　outline　of　one　of　his
store…sheds；　and　his　way　was　thenceforward　plain。　He　caught　up　his
pail；　filled　it　with　coal　and　wood；　and　hastened　to　his　nest　as
quickly　as　cramped　joints　would　carry　him；　hopeless　almost　of
finding　his　fire　still　alive。

But　when　he　reached　the　stair；　and　had　gone　down　a　few　steps；　he　saw
a　strange　sight：　below　him；　at　his　door；　with　a　small　wax…taper　in
her　hand；　stood　the　form　of　a　woman；　in　the　posture　of　one　who　had
just　knocked；　and　was　hearkening　for　an　answer。　So　intent　was　she；
and　so　loud　was　the　wind　among　the　roofs；　that　she　had　not　heard　his
step；　and　he　stood　a　moment　afraid　to　speak　lest　he　should　startle
her。　Presently　she　knocked　again。　He　made　an　attempt　at　ventriloquy；
saying　in　a　voice　to　sound　farther　off　than　it　was；　〃Come　in。〃　A
hand　rose　to　the　latch；　and　opened　the　door。　By　the　hand　he　knew　it
was　lady　Arctura。

〃Welcome　to　the　stormy　sky；　my　lady！〃　he　said；　as　he　entered　the
room　after　hera　pleasant　object　after　his　crawling　excursion！

She　started　a　little　at　his　voice　behind　her；　and　turning　was　more
startled　still。

Donal　was　more　like　a　chimney…sweep　than　a　tutor　in　a　lord's　castle。
He　was　begrimed　and　blackened　from　head　to　foot；　and　carried　a
pailful　of　coals　and　wood。　Reading　readily　her　look；　he　made　haste
to　explain。

〃I　have　been　on　the　roof　for　the　last　hour；〃　he　said。

〃What　were　you　doing　there；〃　she　asked；　with　a　strange　mingling　of
expressions；　〃in　such　a　night？〃

〃I　heard　the　music；