donal grant-第66章

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must　have　been　used　later　than　the　chapel；　for　this　desk　is　not
older　than　the　one　at　The　Mains；　which　mistress　Jean　said　was　made
for　her　grandmother！〃

Then　how　did　it　get　into　the　place？　There　was　no　other　door！　Above
the　bureau　was　a　small　window；　or　what　seemed　a　window　doubtful　with
dirt；　but　door　there　was　not！　It　was　not　too　large　to　enter　by　the
oak　door；　but　it　could　not　have　got　to　it　along　any　of　the　passages
he　had　come　through！　It　followed　that　there　must；　and　that　not　so
very　long　ago；　have　been　another　entrance　to　the　place　in　which　he
stood！

He　turned　to　look　at　the　way　he　had　himself　come：　it　was　through　a
common　press　of　painted　deal；　filling　the　end　of　the　little　room；
there　narrowed　to　about　five　feet。　When　the　door　in　the　back　of　it
was　shut；　it　looked　merely　a　part　of　the　back　of　the　press。

He　turned　again　to　the　bureau；　with　a　strange　feeling　at　his　heart。
The　cover　was　down；　and　on　it　lay　some　sheets　of　paper；　discoloured
with　dust　and　age。　A　pen　lay　with　them；　and　beside　was　an　ink…bottle
of　the　commonest　type；　the　ink　in　powder　and　flakes。　He　took　up　one
of　the　sheets。　It　had　a　great　stain　on　it。　The　bottle　must　have　been
overturned！　But　was　it　ink？　No；　it　stood　too　thick　on　the　paper。
With　a　gruesome　shiver　Donal　wetted　his　finger　and　tried　the　surface
of　it：　a　little　came　off；　a　tinge　of　suspicious　brown。　There　was
writing　on　the　paper！　What　was　it？　He　held　the　faded　lines　close　to
the　candle。　They　were　not　difficult　to　decipher。　He　sat　down　on　the
stool；　and　read　thushis　reading　broken　by　the　stain：　there　was　no
date：

〃My　husband　for　such　I　willblotare　in　the　sight　of
Godblotmen　why　are　you　so　cruel　whatblotdeserve　these
terrorsblotin　thought　have　Iblothard　upon　me　to　think　of
another。〃

Here　the　writing　came　below　the　blot；　and　went　on　unbroken。

〃My　little　one　is　gone　and　I　am　left　lonely　oh　so　lonely。　I　cannot
but　think　that　if　you　had　loved　me　as　you　once　did　I　should　yet　be
clasping　my　little　one　to　my　bosom　and　you　would　have　a　daughter　to
comfort　you　after　I　am　gone。　I　feel　sure　I　cannot　long　survive
thisah　there　my　hand　has　burst　out　bleeding　again；　but　do　not
think　I　mind　it；　I　know　it　was　only　an　accident；　you　never　meant　to
do　it；　though　you　teased　me　by　refusing　to　say　sobesides　it　is
nothing。　You　might　draw　ever　drop　of　blood　from　my　body　and　I　would
not　care　if　only　you　would　not　make　my　heart　bleed　so。　Oh；　it　is
gone　all　over　my　paper　and　you　will　think　I　have　done　it　to　let　you
see　how　it　bleedsbut　I　cannot　write　it　all　over　again　it　is　too
great　a　labour　and　too　painful　to　write；　so　you　must　see　it　just　as
it　is。　I　dare　not　think　where　my　baby　is；　for　if　I　should　be　doomed
never　to　see　her　because　of　the　love　I　have　borne　to　you　and
consented　to　be　as　you　wished　if　I　am　cast　out　from　God　because　I
loved　you　more　than　him　I　shall　never　see　you　againfor　to　be　where
I　could　see　you　would　never　be　punishment　enough　for　my　sins。〃

Here　the　writing　stopped：　the　bleeding　of　the　hand　had　probably
brought　it　to　a　close。　The　letter　had　never　been　folded；　but　lying
there；　had　lain　there。　He　looked　if　he　could　find　a　date；　there　was
none。　He　held　the　sheet　up　to　the　light；　and　saw　a　paper　mark；　while
close　by　lay　another　sheet　with　merely　a　datein　the　same　hand；　as
if　the　writer　had　been　about　to　commence　another　in　lieu　of　the
letter　spoiled。

〃Strange！〃　thought　Donal　with　himself；　〃an　old　withered　grief　looks
almost　as　pitiful　as　an　old　withered　joy！But　who　is　to　say　either
is　withered？　Those　who　look　upon　death　as　an　evil；　yet　regard　it　as
the　healer　of　sorrows！　Is　it　such？　No　one　can　tell　how　long　a　grief
may　last　unwithered！　Surely　till　the　life　heals　it！　He　is　a　coward
who　would　be　cured　of　his　sorrow　by　mere　lapse　of　time；　by　the　mere
forgetting　of　a　brain　that　grows　musty　with　age。　It　is　God　alone　who
can　healthe　God　of　the　dead　and　of　the　living！　and　the　dead　must
find　him；　or　be　miserable　for　evermore！〃

He　had　not　a　doubt　that　the　letter　he　had　read　was　in　the　writing　of
the　mother　of　the　present　earl's　children。

What　was　he　to　do？　He　had　thought　he　was　looking　into　matters　much
olderthings　over　which　the　permission　of　lady　Arctura　extended；
and　in　truth　what　he　had　discovered；　or　seen　corroborated；　was　a
thing　she　had　a　right　to　know！　but　whether　he　ought　to　tell　her　at
once　he　did　not　yet　see。　He　took　up　his　candle；　and　with　a　feeling
of　helpless　dismay；　withdrew　to　his　chamber。　But　when　he　reached　the
door　of　it；　yielding　to　a　sudden　impulse；　he　turned　away；　and　went
farther　up　the　stair；　and　out　upon　the　bartizan。

It　was　a　frosty　night；　and　the　stars　were　brilliant。　He　looked　up
and　said；

〃Oh　Saviour　of　men；　thy　house　is　vaulted　with　light；　thy　secret
places　are　secret　from　excess　of　light；　in　thee　is　no　darkness　at
all；　thou　hast　no　terrible　crypts　and　built…up　places；　thy　light　is
the　terror　of　those　who　love　the　darkness！　Fill　my　heart　with　thy
light；　let　me　never　hunger　or　thirst　after　anything　but　thy
willthat　I　may　walk　in　the　light；　and　light　not　darkness　may　go
forth　from　me。〃

As　he　turned　to　go　in；　came　a　faint　chord　from　the　aeolian　harp。

〃It　sings；　brooding　over　the　very　nest　of　evil　deeds！〃　he　thought。
〃The　light　eternal；　with　keen　arrows　of　radiant　victory；　will　yet　at
last　rout　from　the　souls　of　his　creatures　the　demons　that　haunt
them！

〃But　if　there　be　creatures　of　God　that　have　turned　to　demons；　may
not　human　souls　themselves　turn　to　demons？　Would　they　then　be
victorious　over　God；　too　strong　for　him　to　overcomebeyond　the
reach　of　repentance？

〃How　would　they　live？　By　their　own　power？　Then　were　they　Gods！But
they　did　not　make　themselves；　and　could　not　live　of　themselves。　If
not；　then　they　must　live　by　God's　power。　How　then　should　they　be
beyond　his　reach？

〃If　the　demons　can　never　be　brought　back；　then　the　life　of　God；　the
all…pure；　goes　out　to　keep　alive；　in　and　for　evil；　that　which　is
essentially　bad；　for　that　which　is　irredeemable　is　essentially　bad。〃

Thus　reasoned　Donal　with　himself；　and　his　reasoning；　instead　of
troubling　his　faith；　caused　him　to　cling　the　more　to　the　only　One；
the　sole　hope　and　saviour　of　the　hearts　of　his　men　and　women；
without　whom　the　whole　universe　were　but　a　charnel　house　in　which
the　ghosts　of　the　dead　went　about　crying；　not　over　the　life　that　was
gone　from　them；　but　its　sorrows。

He　stood　and　gazed　out　over　the　cold　sea。　And　as　he　gazed；　a
shivering　surge　of　doubt；　a　chill　wave　of　negation；　came　rolling
over　him。　He　knew　that　in　a　moment　he　would　strike　out　with　the
energy　of　a　strong　swimmer；　and　rise　to　the　top　of　it；　but　now　it
was　tumbling　him　about　at　its　evil　will。　He　stood　and　gazedwith　a
dull　sense　that　he　was　waiting　for　his　will。　Suddenly　came　the
consciousness　that　he　and　his　will　were　one；　that　he　had　not　to　wait
for　his　will；　but　had　to　waketo　will；　that　is；　and　do；　and　so　be。
And　therewith　he　said　to　himself：

〃It　is　neither　time；　nor　eternity；　nor　human　consolation；　nor
everlasting　sleep；　nor　the　satisfied　judgment；　nor　attained
ambition；　even　in　love　itself；　that　is　the　cure　for　things；　it　is
the　heart；　the　will；　the　being　of　the　Father。　While　that　remains；
the　irremediable；　the　irredeemable　cannot　be。　If　there　arose　a　grief
in　the　heart　of　one　of　his　creatures　not　otherwise　to　be　destroyed；
he　would　take　it　into　himself；　there　consume　it　in　his　own　creative
firehimself　bearing　the　grief；　carrying　the　sorrow。　Christ
diedand　would　die　again　rather　than　leave　one　heart…ache　in　the
realms　of　his　lovethat　is；　of　his　creation。　'Blessed　are　they　who
have　not　seen　and　yet　have　believed！'〃

Over　his　head　the　sky　was　full　of　shining　worldsmansions　in　the
Father's　house；　built　or　building。

〃We　are　not　at　the　end　of　things；〃　he　thought；　〃but　in　the
beginnings　and　on　the　threshold　of　creation！　The　Father　is　as　young
as　when　first　the　stars　of　the　morning　sangthe　Ancient　of　Days　who
can　never　grow　old！　He　who　has　ever　filled　the　dull　unbelieving
nations　with　food　and　gladness；　has　a　splendour　of　delight　for　the
souls　that　believe；　ever　as　by　their　obedience　they　become　capable
of　receiving　it。〃




CHAPTER　LXII。

THE　CRYPT。

〃When　are　you　going　down　again　to　the　chapel；　Mr。　Grant？〃　said　lady
Arctura：　she　was　better　now；　and　able　to　work。

〃I　was　down　last　night；　and　want　to　go　again　this　evening　by
myselfif　you　don't　mind；　my　lady；〃　he　answered。　〃I　am　sure　it　will
be　better　for　you　not　to　go　down　till　you　are　ready　to　give　your
orders　to　have　everything　cleared　away　for　the　light　and　air　to
enter。　The　damp　and　closeness　of　the　place　are　too　much　for　you。〃

〃I　think　it　was　rather　the　want　of　sleep　that　made　me　ill；〃　she
answered；　〃but　you　can　do　just　as　you　please。〃

〃I　thank　you　for　your　confidence；　my　lady；〃　returned　Donal。　〃I　do
not　think　you　will　repent　it。〃

〃I　know　I　shall　not。〃

Having　some　things　to　do　first；　it　was　late　before　Donal　went
downintent　on　learning　the　former　main　entrance；　and　verifying　the
position　of　the　chapel　in　the　castle。

He　betook　himself　to　the　end　of　the　passage　under　the　little
gallery；　and　there　examined　the　signs　he　had　observed：　those　must　be
the　outer　ends　of　two　of　the　steps　of　the　great　staircase！　they　came
through；　resting　on　the　wall。　That　end　of　the　chapel；　then；　adjoined
the　main　stair。　Evidently；　too；　a　door　had　been　built　up　in　the
process　of　constructing　the　stair。　The　chapel　then　had　not　been
entered　from　that　level　since　the　building　of　the　stair。　Originally
there　had；　most　likely；　been　an　outside　stair　to　this　door；　in　an
open　court。

After　a　little　more　examination；　partial　of　necessity；　from　lack　of
light；　he　was　on　his　way　out；　and　already　near　the　top　of　the　mural
stair；　thinking　of　the　fresh　observations　he　would　take　outside　in
the　morning；　when　behind；　overtaking　him　from　the　regions　he　had
left；　came　a　blast　of　air；　and　blew　out　his　candle。　He　shiverednot
with　the　cold　of　it；　though　it　did　breathe　of　underground　damps　and
doubtful　growths；　but　from　a　feeling　of　its　having　been　sent　after
him　to　make　him　go　down　againfor　did　it　not　indicate　some　opening
to　the　outer　air？　He　relighted　his　candle　and　descended；　carefully
guarding　it　with　one　hand。　The　cold　sigh　seemed　to　linger　about　him
as　he　wentgruesome　as　from　a　closed　depth；　the　secret　bosom　of　the
castle；　into　which　the　light　never　entered。　But；　wherever　it　came
from　last；　however　earthy　and　fearful；　it　came　first　from　the　open
regions　of　life；　and　had　but　passed　through　a　gloom　that　life　itself
must　pass！　Could　it　have　been　a　draught　down　the　pipe　of　the
music…chords？　No；　for　they　would　have　loosed　some　light…winged
messenger　with　it！　He　must　search　till　he　found　its　entrance　below！

He　crossed　the　little　gallery；　descended；　and　went　again　into　the
chapel：　it　lay　as　still　as　the　tomb　which　it　was　no　more。　He　seemed
to　miss　the　presence　of　the　dead；　and　feel　the　place　deserted。　All
round　its　walls；　as　far　as　he　could　reach　or　see；　he　searched
carefully；　but　could　perceive　no　sign　of　possible　entrance　for　the
messenger　blast。　It　came　again！plainly　through　the　open　door　under
the　windows。　He　went　again　into　the　passage　outside　the　wall；　and
the　moment　he　turned　into　it；　the　draught　seemed　to　come　from
beneath；　blowin