the ways of men-第33章

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down　the　block　in　pursuit　　of　a　receding　trolley。

To　any　one　fresh　from　the　Continent；　where　the　entire　　machinery　of　trade　comes　to　a　stand…still　from　eleven　to　one　　o'clock；　that　DEJEUNER　may　be　taken　in　somnolent　tranquillity；　　the　nervous　tension　pervading　a　restaurant　here　is　prodigious；　　and　what　is　worse　…　catching！　　During　recent　visits　to　the　　business　centres　of　our　city；　I　find　that　the　idea　of　eating　　is　repugnant。　　It　seems　to　be　wrong　to　waste　time　on　anything　　so　unproductive。　　Last　week　a　friend　offered　me　a　〃luncheon　　tablet〃　from　a　box　on　his　desk。　　〃It's　as　good　as　a　meal；〃　he　　said；　〃and　so　much　more　expeditious！〃

The　proprietor　of　one　down…town　restaurant　has　the　stock　　quotations　exhibited　on　a　black…board　at　the　end　of　his　room；　　in　this　way　his　patrons　can　keep　in　touch　with　the　〃Street〃　as　　they　hurriedly　stoke　up。

A　parlor　car；　toward　a　journey's　end；　is　another　excellent　　place　to　observe　our　native　ways。　　Coming　from　Washington　the　　other　day　my　fellow…passengers　began　to　show　signs　of　　restlessness　near　Newark。　　Books　and　papers　were　thrown　aside；　　a　general　〃uprising；　unveiling〃　followed；　accompanied　by　our　　objectionable　custom　of　having　our　clothes　brushed　in　each　　other's　faces。　　By　the　time　Jersey　City　appeared　on　the　　horizon；　every　man；　woman；　and　child　in　that　car　was　jammed；　　baggage　in　hand；　into　the　stuffy　little　passage　which　precedes　　the　entrance；　swaying　and　staggering　about　while　the　train　　backed　and　delayed。

The　explanation　of　this　is　quite　simple。　　The　〃influence〃　was　　at　work；　preventing　those　people　from　acting　like　other　　civilized　mortals；　and　remaining　seated　until　their　train　had　　come　to　a　standstill。

Being　fresh　from　the　〃other　side；〃　and　retaining　some　of　my　　acquired　calm；　I　sat　in　my　chair！　　The　surprise　on　the　faces　　of　the　other　passengers　warned　me；　however；　that　it　would　not　　be　safe　to　carry　this　pose　too　far。　　The　porter；　puzzled　by　　the　unaccustomed　sight；　touched　me　kindly　on　the　shoulder；　and　　asked　if　I　〃felt　sick〃！　　So　now；　to　avoid　all　affectation　of　　superiority；　I　struggled　into　my　great…coat；　regardless　of　　eighty　degrees　temperature　in　the　car；　and　meekly　joined　the　　standing　army　of　martyrs；　to　hurry；　scampering　with　them　from　　the　still…moving　car　to　the　boat；　and　on　to　the　trolley　before　　the　craft　had　been　moored　to　its　landing　pier。

In　Paris；　on　taking　an　omnibus；　you　are　given　a　number　and　the　　right　to　the　first　vacant　seat。　　When　the　places　in　a　〃bus〃　　are　all　occupied　it　receives　no　further　occupants。　　Imagine　a　　traction　line　attempting　such　a　reform　here！　　There　would　be　a　　riot；　and　the　conductors　hanged　to　the　nearest　trolley…poles　　in　an　hour！

To　prevent　a　citizen　from　crowding　into　an　over…full　vehicle；　　and　stamping　on　its　occupants　in　the　process；　would　be　to　　infringe　one　of　his　dearest　privileges；　not　to　mention　his　　chance　of　riding　free。

A　small　boy　of　my　acquaintance　tells　me　he　rarely　finds　it　　necessary　to　pay　in　a　New　York　car。　　The　conductors　are　too　　hurried　and　too　preoccupied　pocketing　their　share　of　the　　receipts　to　keep　count。　　〃When　he　passes；　I　just　look　blank！〃　　remarked　the　ingenious　youth。

Of　all　the　individuals；　however；　in　the　community；　our　idle　　class　suffer　the　most　acutely　from　lack　of　time；　though；　like　　Charles　Lamb's　gentleman；　they　have　all　there　is。

From　the　moment　a　man　of　leisure；　or　his　wife；　wakens　in　the　　morning　until　they　drop　into　a　fitful　slumber　at　night；　their　　day　is　an　agitated　chase。　　No　matter　where　or　when　you　meet　　them；　they　are　always　on　the　wing。

〃Am　I　late　again？〃　gasped　a　thin　little　woman　to　me　the　other　　evening；　as　she　hurried　into　the　drawing…room；　where　she　had　　kept　her　guests　and　dinner　waiting。　　〃I've　been　so　driven　all　　day；　I'm　a　wreck！〃　　A　glance　at　her　hatchet…faced　husband　　revealed　the　fact　that　he；　too；　was　chasing　after　a　stray　　half…hour　lost　somewhere　in　his　youth。　　His　color　and　most　of　　his　hair　had　gone　in　its　pursuit；　while　his　hands　had　acquired　　a　twitch；　as　though　urging　on　a　tired　steed。

Go　and　ask　that　lady　for　a　cup　of　tea　at　twilight；　ten　to　one　　she　will　receive　you　with　her　hat　on；　explaining　that　she　has　　not　had　time　to　take　it　off　since　breakfast。　　If　she　writes　to　　you；　her　notes　are　signed；　〃In　great　haste；〃　or　〃In　a　tearing　　hurry。〃　　She　is　out　of　her　house　by　half…past　eight　on　most　　mornings；　yet　when　calling　she　sits　on　the　edge　of　her　chair；　　and　assures　you　that　she　has　not　a　moment　to　stay；　〃has　only　　run　in；〃　etc。

Just　what　drives　her　so　hard　is　a　mystery；　for　beyond　a　vague　　charity　meeting　or　two　and　some　calls；　she　accomplishes　　little。　　Although　wealthy　and　childless；　with　no　cares　and　few　　worries；　she　succumbs　to　nervous　prostration　every　two　or　　three　years；　〃from　overwork。〃

Listen　to　a　compatriot's　account　of　his　European　trip！　　He　　will　certainly　tell　you　how　short　the　ocean　crossing　was；　　giving　hours　and　minutes　with　zest；　as　though　he　had　got　ahead　　of　Father　Time　in　a　transaction。　　Then　follows　a　list　of　the　　many　countries　seen　during　his　tour。

I　know　a　lady　lying　ill　to…day　because　she　would　hurry　herself　　and　her　children；　in　six　weeks　last　summer；　through　a　　Continental　tour　that　should　have　occupied　three　months。　　She　　had　no　particular　reason　for　hurrying；　indeed；　she　got　ahead　　of　her　schedule；　and　had　to　wait　in　Paris　for　the　steamer；　a　　detail；　however；　that　in　no　way　diminished　madame's　pleasure　　in　having　done　so　much　during　her　holiday。　　This　same　lady　　deplores　lack　of　leisure　hours；　yet　if　she　finds　by　her　　engagement　book　that　there　is　a　free　week　ahead；　she　will　run　　to　Washington　or　Lakewood；　〃for　a　change；〃　or　organize　a　party　　to　Florida。

To　realize　how　our　upper　ten　scramble　through　existence；　one　　must　also　contrast　their　fidgety　way　of　feeding　with　the　　bovine　calm　in　which　a　German　absorbs　his　nourishment　and　the　　hours　Italians　can　pass　over　their　meals；　an　American　dinner　　party　affords　us　the　opportunity。

There　is　an　impression　that　the　fashion　for　quickly　served　　dinners　came　to　us　from　England。　　If　this　is　true　（which　I　　doubt；　it　fits　too　nicely　with　our　temperament　to　have　been　　imported）；　we　owe　H。R。H。　a　debt　of　gratitude；　for　nothing　is　　so　tiresome　as　too　many　courses　needlessly　prolonged。

Like　all　converts；　however；　we　are　too　zealous。　　From　oysters　　to　fruit；　dinners　now　are　a　breathless　steeplechase；　during　　which　we　take　our　viand　hedges　and　champagne　ditches　at　a　dead　　run；　with　conversation　pushed　at　much　the　same　speed。　　To　be　　silent　would　be　to　imply　that　one　was　not　having　a　good　time；　　so　we　rattle　and　gobble　on　toward　the　finger…bowl　winning…　post；　only　to　find　that　rest　is　not　there！

As　the　hostess　pilots　the　ladies　away　to　the　drawing…room；　she　　whispers　to　her　spouse；　〃You　won't　smoke　long；　will　you？〃　　So　　we　are　mulcted　in　the　enjoyment　of　even　that　last　resource　of　　weary　humanity；　the　cigar；　and　are　hustled　away　from　that　and　　our　coffee；　only　to　find　that　our　appearance　is　a　signal　for　a　　general　move。

One　of　the　older　ladies　rises；　the　next　moment　the　whole　　circle；　like　a　flock　of　frightened　birds；　are　up　and　off；　　crowding　each　other　in　the　hallway；　calling　for　their　　carriages；　and　confusing　the　unfortunate　servants；　who　are　　trying　to　help　them　into　their　cloaks　and　overshoes。

Bearing　in　mind　that　the　guests　come　as　late　as　they　dare；　　without　being　absolutely　uncivil；　that　dinners　are　served　as　　rapidly　as　is　physically　possible；　and　that　the　circle　breaks　　up　as　soon　as　the　meal　ends；　one　asks　one's　self　in　wonder　　why；　if　a　dinner　party　is　such　a　bore　that　it　has　to　be　　scrambled　through；　COUTE　QUE　COUTE；　we　continue　to　dine　out？

It　is　within　the　bounds　of　possibility　that　people　may　have　　reasons　for　hurrying　through　their　days；　and　that　dining　out　A　　LA　LONGUE　becomes　a　weariness。

The　one　place；　however；　where　you　might　expect　to　find　people　　reposeful　and　calm　is　at　the　theatre。　　The　labor　of　the　day　is　　then　over；　they　have　assembled　for　an　hour　or　two　of　　relaxation　and　amusement。　　Yet　it　is　at　the　play　that　our　　restlessness　is　most　apparent。　　Watch　an　audience　（which；　be　　it　remarked　in　passing；　has　arrived　late）　during　the　last　ten　　minutes　of　a　performance。　　No　sooner　do　they　discover　that　the　　end　is　drawing　near　than　people　begin　to　struggle　into　their　　wraps。　　By　the　time　the　players　have　lined　up　before　the　　footlights　the　house　is　full　of　disappearing　backs。

Past；　indeed；　are　the　unruffled　days　when　a　heroine　was　　expected　（after　the　action　of　a　play　had　ended）　to　deliver　the　　closing　ENVOI　dear　to　the　writers　of　Queen　Anne's　day。　　　Thackeray　writes：…


THE　PLAY　IS　DONE！　　THE　CURTAIN　DROPS；　SLOW　FALLING　TO　THE　PROMPTER'S　BELL！　A　MOMENT　YET　THE　ACTOR　STOPS；　AND　LOOKS　AROUND；　TO　SAY　FAREWELL！


A　comedian　who　attempted　any　such　abuse　of　the　situation　to…　day　would　find　himself　addressing　empty　benches。　　Before　he　　had　finished　the　first　line　of　his　epilogue；　most　of　his　　public　would　be　housed　in　the　rapid　transit　cars。　　No　talent；　　no　novelty　holds　our　audiences　to　the　end　of　a　performance。

On　the　opening　night　of　the　opera　season　this　winter；　one　　third　of　the　〃boxes〃　and　orchestra　stalls　were　vacant　before　　Romeo　（who；　being　a　foreigner；　was　taking　his　time）　had　　expired。

One　overworked　matron　of　my　acquaintance　has　perfected　an　　ingenious　and　time…saving　combination。　　By　signalling　from　a　　window　near　her　opera　box　to　a　footman　below；　she　is　able　to　　get　her　carriage　at　least　two　minutes　sooner　than　her　　neighbors。

During　the　last　act　of　an　opera　like　TANN…HAUSER　or　FAUST；　in　　which　the　inconsiderate　composer　has　placed　a　musical　gem　at　　the　end；　this　lady　is　worth　watching。　　After　getting　into　her　　wraps　and　overshoes　she　stands；　hand　on　the　door；　at　the　back　　of　her　box；　listening　to　the　singers；　at　a　certain　moment　she　　hurries　to　the　window；　makes　her　signal；　scurries　back；　hears　　Calve　pour　her　soul　out　in　ANGES　PURS；　ANGES　RADIEUX；　yet　　manages　to　get　down　the　stairs　and　into　her　carriage　before　　the　curtain　has　fallen。

We　deplore　the　prevailing　habit　of　〃slouch〃；　yet　if　you　think　　of　it；　this　universal　hurry　is　the　cause　of　it。　　Our　cities　　are　left　unsightly；　because　we　cannot　spare　time　to　beautify　　them。　　Nervous　diseases　are　distressingly　prevalent；　still　we　　hurry！　hurry！！　hurry！！！　until；　as　a　diplomatist　recently　　remarked　to　me；　the　whole　nation　seemed　to　him　to　be　but　five　　minutes　ahead　of　an　apoplectic　fit。

The　curious　part　of　the　matter　is　that　after　several　weeks　at　　home；　much　that　was　strange　at　first　becomes　quite　natural　to　　the　traveller；　who　finds　himself　thinking　with　pity　of　　benighted　foreigners　and　their　humdrum　ways；　and　would　resent　　any　attempts　at　reform。

What；　for　instance；　would　replace　for　enterprising　souls　the　　joy　of　taking　their　matutinal　car　at　a　flying　leap；　or　the　　rapture　of　being　first　out　of　a　theatre？　　What　does　part　of　a　　last　act　or　the　〃star　song〃　matter　in　comparison　with　five　　minutes　of　valuable　time　to　the　good？　　Like　the　river　　captains；　we　propose　to　run　under　full　head　of　steam　and　get　　there；　or　b…　explode！




Chapter　33　…　The　Spirit　of　History


BUILDINGS　become　tombs　when　the　race　that　constructed　them　has　　disappeared。　　Libraries　and　manuscripts　are　catacombs　where　　most　of　us　might　wander　in　the　dark　forever；　f