a hero of our time-第25章

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ty。　　I　wanted　to　see　how　she　would　extricate　herself　from　that　em…　barrassing　position。

〃Either　you　despise　me；　or　you　love　me　very　much！〃　she　said　at　length；　and　there　were　tears　in　her　voice。　　〃Perhaps　you　want　to　laugh　at　me；　to　excite　my　soul　and　then　to　abandon　me。　。　。　That　would　be　so　base；　so　vile；　that　the　mere　supposition　。　。　。　Oh；　no！〃　she　added；　in　a　voice　of　tender　trustfulness；　〃there　is　nothing　in　me　which　would　preclude　respect；　is　it　not　so？　Your　presumptuous　action　。　。　。　I　must；　I　must　forgive　you　for　it；　because　I　permitted　it。　。　。　Answer；　speak；　I　want　to　hear　your　voice！〃　。　。　。

There　was　such　womanly　impatience　in　her　last　words　that；　involuntarily；　I　smiled；　happily　it　was　beginning　to　grow　dusk。　。　。　　I　made　no　answer。

〃You　are　silent！〃　she　continued；　〃you　wish；　perhaps；　that　I　should　be　the　first　to　tell　you　that　I　love　you。〃　。　。　。

I　remained　silent。

〃Is　that　what　you　wish？〃　she　continued；　turning　rapidly　towards　me。　。　。　。　　There　was　something　terrible　in　the　determination　of　her　glance　and　voice。

〃Why？〃　I　answered；　shrugging　my　shoulders。

She　struck　her　horse　with　her　riding…whip　and　set　off　at　full　gallop　along　the　narrow；　dangerous　road。　　It　all　happened　so　quickly　that　I　was　scarcely　able　to　overtake　her；　and　then　only　by　the　time　she　had　joined　the　rest　of　the　company。

All　the　way　home　she　was　continually　talk…　ing　and　laughing。　　There　was　something　feverish　in　her　movements；　not　once　did　she　look　in　my　direction。　　Everybody　observed　her　unusual　gaiety。　　Princess　Ligovski　rejoiced　inwardly　as　she　looked　at　her　daughter。　　However；　the　latter　simply　has　a　fit　of　nerves：　she　will　spend　a　sleep…　less　night；　and　will　weep。

This　thought　affords　me　measureless　delight：　there　are　moments　when　I　understand　the　Vam…　pire。　。　。　　And　yet　I　am　reputed　to　be　a　good　fellow；　and　I　strive　to　earn　that　designation！

On　dismounting；　the　ladies　went　into　Princess　Ligovski's　house。　　I　was　excited；　and　I　galloped　to　the　mountains　in　order　to　dispel　the　thoughts　which　had　thronged　into　my　head。　　The　dewy　evening　breathed　an　intoxicating　coolness。　　The　moon　was　rising　from　behind　the　dark　summits。　Each　step　of　my　unshod　horse　resounded　hollowly　in　the　silence　of　the　gorges。　　I　watered　the　horse　at　the　waterfall；　and　then；　after　greedily　inhaling　once　or　twice　the　fresh　air　of　the　southern　night；

I　set　off　on　my　way　back。　　I　rode　through　the　village。　　The　lights　in　the　windows　were　begin…　ning　to　go　out；　the　sentries　on　the　fortress…　rampart　and　the　Cossacks　in　the　surrounding　pickets　were　calling　out　in　drawling　tones　to　one　another。

In　one　of　the　village　houses；　built　at　the　edge　of　a　ravine；　I　noticed　an　extraordinary　illumina…　tion。　　At　times；　discordant　murmurs　and　shouting　could　be　heard；　proving　that　a　military　carouse　was　in　full　swing。　　I　dismounted　and　crept　up　to　the　window。　　The　shutter　had　not　been　made　fast；　and　I　could　see　the　banqueters　and　catch　what　they　were　saying。　　They　were　talking　about　me。

The　captain　of　dragoons；　flushed　with　wine；　struck　the　table　with　his　fist；　demanding　attention。

〃Gentlemen！〃　he　said；　〃this　won't　do！　Pechorin　must　be　taught　a　lesson！　　These　Peters…　burg　fledglings　always　carry　their　heads　high　until　they　get　a　slap　in　the　face！　　He　thinks　that　be…　cause　he　always　wears　clean　gloves　and　polished　boots　he　is　the　only　one　who　has　ever　lived　in　society。　　And　what　a　haughty　smile！　　All　the　same；　I　am　convinced　that　he　is　a　coward　　yes；　a　coward！〃

〃I　think　so　too；〃　said　Grushnitski。　　〃He　is　fond　of　getting　himself　out　of　trouble　by　pre…　tending　to　be　only　having　a　joke。　　I　once　gave　him　such　a　talking　to　that　anyone　else　in　his　place　would　have　cut　me　to　pieces　on　the　spot。　　But　Pechorin　turned　it　all　to　the　ridiculous　side。　　I；　of　course；　did　not　call　him　out　because　that　was　his　business；　but　he　did　not　care　to　have　anything　more　to　do　with　it。〃

〃Grushnitski　is　angry　with　him　for　having　captured　Princess　Mary　from　him；〃　somebody　said。

〃That's　a　new　idea！　　It　is　true　I　did　run　after　Princess　Mary　a　little；　but　I　left　off　at　once　be…　cause　I　do　not　want　to　get　married；　and　it　is　against　my　rules　to　compromise　a　girl。〃

〃Yes；　I　assure　you　that　he　is　a　coward　of　the　first　water；　I　mean　Pechorin；　not　Grushnitski　　but　Grushnitski　is　a　fine　fellow；　and；　besides；　he　is　my　true　friend！〃　the　captain　of　dragoons　went　on。

〃Gentlemen！　　Nobody　here　stands　up　for　him？　　Nobody？　　So　much　the　better！　　Would　you　like　to　put　his　courage　to　the　test？　　It　would　be　amusing〃　。　。　。

〃We　would；　but　how？〃

〃Listen　here；　then：　Grushnitski　in　particular　is　angry　with　him　　therefore　to　Grushnitski　falls　the　chief　part。　　He　will　pick　a　quarrel　over　some　silly　trifle　or　other；　and　will　challenge　Pechorin　to　a　duel。　。　。　　Wait　a　bit；　here　is　where　the　joke　comes　in。　。　。　　He　will　challenge　him　to　a　duel；　very　well！　　The　whole　proceed…　ing　　challenge；　preparations；　conditions　　will　be　as　solemn　and　awe…inspiring　as　possible　　I　will　see　to　that。　　I　will　be　your　second；　my　poor　friend！　　Very　well！　　Only　here　is　the　rub；　we　will　put　no　bullets　in　the　pistols。　　I　can　answer　for　it　that　Pechorin　will　turn　coward　　I　will　place　them　six　paces　apart；　devil　take　it！　　Are　you　agreed；　gentlemen？〃

〃Splendid　idea！　。　。　。　　Agreed！　。　。　。　　And　why　not？〃　。　。　。　came　from　all　sides。

〃And　you；　Grushnitski？〃

Tremblingly　I　awaited　Grushnitski's　answer。　　I　was　filled　with　cold　rage　at　the　thought　that；　but　for　an　accident；　I　might　have　made　myself　the　laughing…stock　of　those　fools。　　If　Grushnitski　had　not　agreed；　I　should　have　thrown　myself　upon　his　neck；　but；　after　an　interval　of　silence；　he　rose　from　his　place；　extended　his　hand　to　the　captain；　and　said　very　gravely：

〃Very　well；　I　agree！〃

It　would　be　difficult　to　describe　the　enthusiasm　of　that　honourable　company。

I　returned　home；　agitated　by　two　different　feel…　ings。　　The　first　was　sorrow。

〃Why　do　they　all　hate　me？〃　I　thought　　〃why？　　Have　I　affronted　anyone？　　No。　　Can　it　be　that　I　am　one　of　those　men　the　mere　sight　of　whom　is　enough　to　create　animosity？〃

And　I　felt　a　venomous　rage　gradually　filling　my　soul。

〃Have　a　care；　Mr。　Grushnitski！〃　I　said；　walk…　ing　up　and　down　the　room：　〃I　am　not　to　be　jested　with　like　this！　　You　may　pay　dearly　for　the　approbation　of　your　foolish　comrades。　　I　am　not　your　toy！〃　。　。　。

I　got　no　sleep　that　night。　　By　daybreak　I　was　as　yellow　as　an　orange。

In　the　morning　I　met　Princess　Mary　at　the　well。

〃You　are　ill？〃　she　said；　looking　intently　at　me。

〃I　did　not　sleep　last　night。〃

〃Nor　I　either。　。　。　　I　was　accusing　you　。　。　。　perhaps　groundlessly。　　But　explain　yourself；　I　can　forgive　you　everything〃　。　。　。

〃Everything？〃　。　。　。

〃Everything　。　。　。　only　speak　the　truth　。　。　。　and　be　quick。　。　。　　You　see；　I　have　been　thinking　a　good　deal；　trying　to　explain；　to　justify；　your　be…　haviour。　　Perhaps　you　are　afraid　of　opposition　on　the　part　of　my　relations　。　。　。　that　will　not　matter。　　When　they　learn〃　。　。　。

Her　voice　shook。

〃I　will　win　them　over　by　entreaties。　　Or；　is　it　your　own　position？　。　。　。　　But　you　know　that　I　can　sacrifice　everything　for　the　sake　of　the　man　I　love。　。　。　　Oh；　answer　quickly　　have　pity。　。　。　You　do　not　despise　me　　do　you？〃

She　seized　my　hand。

Princess　Ligovski　was　walking　in　front　of　us　with　Vera's　husband；　and　had　not　seen　anything；　but　we　might　have　been　observed　by　some　of　the　invalids　who　were　strolling　about　　the　most　in…　quisitive　gossips　of　all　inquisitive　folk　　and　I　rapidly　disengaged　my　hand　from　her　passionate　pressure。

〃I　will　tell　you　the　whole　truth；〃　I　answered。　〃I　will　not　justify　myself；　nor　explain　my　ac…　tions：　I　do　not　love　you。〃

Her　lips　grew　slightly　pale。

〃Leave　me；〃　she　said；　in　a　scarcely　audible　voice。

I　shrugged　my　shoulders；　turned　round；　and　walked　away。



CHAPTER　XVI

25th　June。

I　SOMETIMES　despise　myself。　。　。　　Is　not　that　the　reason　why　I　despise　others　also？　。　。　。　I　have　grown　incapable　of　noble　impulses；　I　am　afraid　of　appearing　ridiculous　to　myself。　　In　my　place；　another　would　have　offered　Princess　Mary　son　coeur　et　sa　fortune；　but　over　me　the　word　〃marry〃　has　a　kind　of　magical　power。　However　passionately　I　love　a　woman；　if　she　only　gives　me　to　feel　that　I　have　to　marry　her　　then　farewell；　love！　　My　heart　is　turned　to　stone；　and　nothing　will　warm　it　anew。　　I　am　prepared　for　any　other　sacrifice　but　that；　my　life　twenty　times　over；　nay；　my　honour　I　would　stake　on　the　for…　tune　of　a　card　。　。　。　but　my　freedom　I　will　never　sell。　　Why　do　I　prize　it　so　highly？　　What　is　there　in　it　to　me？　　For　what　am　I　preparing　myself？　What　do　I　hope　for　from　the　future？　。　。　。　　In　truth；　absolutely　nothing。　　It　is　a　kind　of　innate　dread；　an　inexplicable　prejudice。　。　。　　There　are　people；　you　know；　who　have　an　unaccountable　dread　of　spiders；　beetles；　mice。　。　。　　Shall　I　con…　fess　it？　　When　I　was　but　a　child；　a　certain　old　woman　told　my　fortune　to　my　mother。　　She　pre…　dicted　for　me　death　from　a　wicked　wife。　　I　was　profoundly　struck　by　her　words　at　the　time：　an　irresistible　repugnance　to　marriage　was　born　with…　in　my　soul。　。　。　　Meanwhile；　something　tells　me　that　her　prediction　will　be　realized；　I　will　try；　at　all　events；　to　arrange　that　it　shall　be　realized　as　late　in　life　as　possible。



CHAPTER　XVII

26th　June。

YESTERDAY；　the　conjurer　Apfelbaum　ar…　rived　here。　　A　long　placard　made　its　appear…　ance　on　the　door　of　the　restaurant；　informing　the　most　respected　public　that　the　above…mentioned　marvellous　conjurer；　acrobat；　chemist；　and　opti…　cian　would　have　the　honour　to　give　a　magnificent　performance　on　the　present　day　at　eight　o'clock　in　the　evening；　in　the　saloon　of　the　Nobles'　Club　（in　other　words；　the　restaurant）；　tickets　　two　rubles　and　a　half　each。

Everyone　intends　to　go　and　see　the　marvellous　conjurer；　even　Princess　Ligovski　has　taken　a　ticket　for　herself；　in　spite　of　her　daughter　being　ill。

After　dinner　to…day；　I　walked　past　Vera's　win…　dows；　she　was　sitting　by　herself　on　the　balcony。　A　note　fell　at　my　feet：

〃Come　to　me　at　ten　o'clock　this　evening　by　the　large　staircase。　　My　husband　has　gone　to　Pyati…　gorsk　and　will　not　return　before　to…morrow　morn…　ing。　　My　servants　and　maids　will　not　be　at　home；　I　have　distributed　tickets　to　all　of　them；　and　to　the　princess's　servants　as　well。　　I　await　you；　come　without　fail。〃

〃Aha！〃　I　said　to　myself；　〃so　then　it　has　turned　out　at　last　as　I　thought　it　would。〃

At　eight　o'clock　I　went　to　see　the　conjurer。　The　public　assembled　before　the　stroke　of　nine。　The　performance　began。　　On　the　back　rows　of　chairs　I　recognized　Vera's　and　Princess　Ligovski's　menservants　and　maids。　　They　were　all　there；　every　single　one。　　Grushnitski；　with　his　lorgnette；　was　sitting　in　the　front　row；　and　the　conjurer　had　recourse　to　him　every　time　he　needed　a　hand…　kerchief；　a　watch；　a　ring　and　so　forth。

For　some　time　past；　Grushnitski　has　ceased　to　bow　to　me；　and　to…day　he　has　looked　at　me　rather　insolently　once　or　twice。　　It　will　all　be　remem…　bered　to　him　when　we　come　to　settle　our　scores。

Before　ten　o'clock　had　struck；　I　stood　up　and　went　out。

It　was　dark　outside；　pitch　dark。　　Cold；　heavy　clouds　were　lying　on　the　summit　of　the　surround…　ing　mountains；　and　only　at　rare　intervals　did　the　dying　breeze　rustle　the　tops　of　the　poplars　which　surrounded　the　restaurant。　　People　were　crowd…　ing　at　the　windo