the crime of sylvestre bonnard-第13章

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That　nose　of　mine；　remarkable　for　its　size；　its　shape；　and　its　coloration；　legitimately　attracted　the　attention　of　the　fairy；　for　she　seized　my　goose…quill　pen；　which　was　sticking　up　from　the　ink…　bottle　like　a　plume；　and　she　began　to　pass　the　feather…end　of　that　pen　over　my　nose。　　I　had　had　more　than　once；　in　company；　occasion　to　suffer　cheerfully　from　the　innocent　mischief　of　young　ladies；　who　made　me　join　their　games；　and　would　offer　me　their　cheeks　to　kiss　through　the　back　of　a　chair；　or　invite　me　to　blow　out　a　candle　which　they　would　lift　suddenly　above　the　range　of　my　breath。　　But　until　that　moment　no　person　of　the　fair　sex　had　ever　subjected　me　to　such　a　whimsical　piece　of　familiarity　as　that　of　tickling　my　nose　with　my　own　feather　pen。　　Happily　I　remembered　the　maxim　of　my　late　grandfather；　who　was　accustomed　to　say　that　everything　was　permissible　on　the　part　of　ladies；　and　that　whatever　they　do　to　us　is　to　be　regarded　as　a　grace　and　a　favour。　　Therefore；　as　a　grace　and　a　favour　I　received　the　nutshells　and　the　titillations　with　my　own　pen；　and　I　tried　to　smile。　　Much　more！I　even　found　speech。

〃Madame；〃　I　said；　with　dignified　politeness；　〃you　accord　the　honour　of　a　visit　not　to　a　silly　child；　not　to　a　boor；　but　to　a　bibliophile　who　is　very　happy　to　make　your　acquaintance；　and　who　knows　that　long　ago　you　used　to　make　elf…knots　in　the　manes　of　mares　at　the　crib；　drink　the　milk　from　the　skimming…pails；　slip　graines…a…gratter　down　the　backs　of　our　great…grandmothers；　make　the　hearth　sputter　in　the　faces　of　the　old　folks；　and；　in　short；　fill　the　house　with　disorder　and　gaiety。　　You　can　also　boast　of　giving　the　nicest　frights　in　the　world　to　lovers　who　stayed　out　in　the　woods　too　late　of　evenings。　But　I　thought　you　had　vanished　out　of　existence　at　least　three　centuries　ago。　　Can　it　really　be；　Madame；　that　you　are　still　to　be　seen　in　this　age　of　railways　and　telegraphs？　　My　concierge；　who　used　to　be　a　nurse　in　her　young　days；　does　not　know　your　story；　and　my　little　boy…neighbour；　whose　nose　is　still　wiped　for　him　by　his　bonne；　declares　that　you　do　not　exist。〃

〃What　do　you　yourself　think　about　it？〃　she　cried；　in　a　silvery　voice；　straightening　up　her　royal　little　figure　in　a　very　haughty　fashion；　and　whipping　the　back　of　the　〃Cosmography　of　Munster〃　as　though　it　were　a　hippogriff。

〃I　don't　really　know；〃　I　answered　rubbing　my　eyes。

This　reply；　indicating　a　deeply　scientific　scepticism；　had　the　most　deplorable　effect　upon　my　questioner。

〃Monsieur　Sylvestre　Bonnard；〃　she　said　to　me；　〃you　are　nothing　but　an　old　pedant。　　I　always　suspected　as　much。　　The　smallest　little　ragamuffin　who　goes　along　the　road　with　his　shirt…tail　sticking　out　through　a　hole　in　his　pantaloons　knows　more　about　me　than　all　the　old　spectacled　folks　in　your　Institutes　and　your　Academies。　　To　know　is　nothing　at　all；　to　imagine　is　everything。　　Nothing　exists　except　that　which　is　imagined。　　I　am　imaginary。　　That　is　what　it　is　to　exist；　I　should　think！　　I　am　dreamed　of；　and　I　appear。　　Everything　is　only　dream；　and　as　nobody　ever　dreams　about　you；　Sylvestre　Bonnard；　it　is　YOU　who　do　not　exist。　　I　charm　the　world；　I　am　everywhereon　a　moon…beam；　in　the　trembling　of　a　hidden　spring；　in　the　moving　of　leaves　that　murmur；　in　the　white　vapours　that　rise　each　morning　from　the　hollow　meadow；　in　the　thickets　of　pink　briereverywhere！。。。　I　am　seen；　I　am　loved。　　There　are　sighs　uttered；　weird　thrills　of　pleasure　felt　by　those　who　follow　the　light　print　of　my　feet；　as　I　make　the　dead　leaves　whisper。　　I　make　the　little　children　smile；　I　give　wit　to　the　dullest…minded　nurses。　　Leaning　above　the　cradles；　I　play；　I　comfort；　I　lull　to　sleepand　you　doubt　whether　I　exist！　Sylvestre　Bonnard；　your　warm　coat　covers　the　hide　of　an　ass！〃

She　ceased　speaking；　her　delicate　nostrils　swelled　with　indignation；　and　while　I　admired；　despite　my　vexation；　the　heroic　anger　of　this　little　person；　hse　pushed　my　pen　about　in　the　ink…bottle；　backward　and　forward；　like　an　oar；　and　then　suddenly　threw　it　at　my　nose；　point　first。

I　rubbed　by　face；　and　felt　it　all　covered　with　ink。　　She　had　disappeared。　　My　lamp　was　extinguished。　　A　ray　of　moonlight　streamed　down　through　a　window　and　descended　upon　the　〃Cosmography　of　Munster。〃　A　strong　cool　wind；　which　had　arisen　very　suddenly　without　my　knowledge；　was　blowing　my　papers；　pens；　and　wafers　about。　　My　table　was　all　stained　with　ink。　　I　had　left　my　window　open　during　the　storm。　What　an　imprudence！




Chapter　III


I　wrote　to　my　housekeeper；　as　I　promised；　that　I　was　safe　and　sound。　But　I　took　good　care　not　to　tell　her　that　I　had　caught　a　cold　from　going　to　sleep　in　the　library　at　night　with　the　window　open；　for　the　good　woman　would　have　been　as　unsparing　in　her　remonstrances　to　me　as　parliaments　to　kings。　　〃At　your　age；　Monsieur；〃　she　would　have　been　sure　to　say；　〃one　ought　to　have　more　sense。〃　　She　is　simple　enough　to　believe　that　sense　grows　with　age。　　I　seem　to　her　an　exception　to　this　rule。

Not　having　any　similar　motive　for　concealing　my　experiences　from　Madame　de　Gabry；　I　told　her　all　about　my　vision；　which　she　seemed　to　enjoy　very　much。

〃Why；　that　was　a　charming　dream　of　yours；〃　she　said；　〃and　one　must　have　real　genius　to　dream　such　a　dream。〃

〃Then　I　am　a　real　genius　when　I　am　asleep；〃　I　responded。

〃When　you　dream；〃　she　replied；　〃and　you　are　always　dreaming。〃

I　know　that　Madame　de　Gabry；　in　making　this　remark；　only　wished　to　please　me；　but　that　intention　alone　deserves　my　utmost　gratitude；　and　it　is　therefore　in　a　spirit　of　thankfulness　and　kindliest　remembrance　that　I　write　down　her　words；　which　I　will　read　over　and　over　again　until　my　dying　day；　and　which　will　never　be　read　by　any　one　save　myself。

I　passed　the　next　few　days　in　completing　the　inventory　of　the　manuscripts　in　the　Lusance　library。　　Certain　confidential　observations　dropped　by　Monsieur　Paul　de　Gabry；　however；　caused　me　some　painful　surprise；　and　made　me　decide　to　pursue　the　work　after　a　different　manner　from　that　in　which　I　had　begun　it。　　From　those　few　words　I　learned　that　the　fortune　of　Monsieur　Honore　de　Gabry；　which　had　been　badly　managed　for　many　years；　and　subsequently　swept　away　to　a　large　extent　through　the　failure　of　a　banker　whose　name　I　do　not　know；　had　been　transmitted　to　the　heirs　of　the　old　French　nobleman　only　under　the　form　of　mortgaged　real　estate　and　irrecoverable　assets。

Monsieur　Paul；　by　agreement　with　his　joint　heirs；　had　decided　to　sell　the　library；　and　I　was　intrusted　with　the　task　of　making　arrangements　to　have　the　sale　effected　upon　advantageous　terms。　　But　totally　ignorant　as　I　was　of　all　the　business　methods　and　trade…customs；　I　thought　it　best　to　get　the　advice　of　a　publisher　who　was　one　of　my　private　friends。　　I　wrote　him　at　once　to　come　and　join　me　at　Lusance；　and　while　waiting　for　his　arrival　I　took　my　hat　and　cane　and　made　visits　to　the　different　churches　of　the　diocese；　in　several　of　which　I　knew　there　were　certain　mortuary　inscriptions　to　be　found　which　had　never　been　correctly　copied。

So　I　left　my　hosts　and　departed　my　pilgrimage。　　Exploring　the　churches　and　the　cemeteries　every　day；　visiting　the　parish　priests　and　the　village　notaries；　supping　at　the　public　inns　with　peddlers　and　cattle…　dealers；　sleeping　at　night　between　sheets　scented　with　lavender；　I　passed　one　whole　week　in　the　quiet　but　profound　enjoyment　of　observing　the　living　engaged　in　their　various　daily　occupations　even　while　I　was　thinking　of　the　dead。　　As　for　the　purpose　of　my　researches；　I　made　only　a　few　mediocre　discoveries；　which　caused　me　only　a　mediocre　joy；　and　one　therefore　salubrious　and　not　at　all　fatiguing。　　I　copied　a　few　interesting　epitaphs；　and　I　added　to　this　little　collection　a　few　recipes　for　cooking　country　dishes；　which　a　certain　good　priest　kindly　gave　me。

With　these　riches；　I　returned　to　Lusance；　and　I　crossed　the　court…　of…honour　with　such　secret　satisfaction　as　a　bourgeois　fells　on　entering　his　own　home。　　This　was　the　effect　of　the　kindness　of　my　hosts；　and　the　impression　I　received　on　crossing　their　threshold　proves；　better　than　any　reasoning　could　do；　the　excellence　of　their　hospitality。

I　entered　the　great　parlour　without　meeting　anybody；　and　the　young　chestnut…tree　there　spreading　out　its　broad　leaves　seemed　to　me　like　an　old　friend。　　But　the　next　thing　which　I　sawon　the　pier…tablecaused　me　such　a　shock　of　surprise　that　I　readjusted　my　glasses　upon　my　nose　with　both　hands　at　once；　and　then　felt　myself　over　so　as　to　get　at　least　some　superficial　proof　of　my　own　existence。　In　less　than　one　second　there　thronged　from　my　mind　twenty　different　conjecturesthe　most　rational　of　which　was　that　I　had　suddenly　become　crazy。　　It　seemed　to　me　absolutely　impossible　that　what　I　was　looking　at　could　exist；　yet　it　was　equally　impossible　for　me　not　to　see　it　as　a　thing　actually　existing。　　What　caused　my　surprise　was　resting　on　the　pier…table；　above　which　rose　a　great　dull　speckled　mirror。

I　saw　myself　in　that　mirror；　and　I　can　say　that　I　saw　for　once　in　my　life　the　perfect　image　of　stupefaction。　　But　I　made　proper　allowance　for　myself；　I　approved　myself　for　being　so　stupefied　by　a　really　stupefying　thing。

The　object　I　was　thus　examining　with　a　degree　of　astonishment　that　all　my　reasoning　power　failed　to　lessen；　obtruded　itself　on　my　attention　though　quite　motionless。　　The　persistence　and　fixity　of　the　phenomenon　excluded　any　idea　of　hallucination。　　I　am　totally　exempt　from　all　nervous　disorders　capable　of　influencing　the　sense　of　sight。　　The　cause　of　such　visual　disturbance　is；　I　think；　generally　due　to　stomach　trouble；　and；　thank　God！　　I　have　an　excellent　stomach。　　Moreover；　visual　illusions　are　accompanied　with　special　abnormal　conditions　which　impress　the　victims　of　hallucination　themselves；　and　inspire　them　with　a　sort　of　terror。　　Now；　I　felt　nothing　of　this　kind；　the　object　which　I　saw；　although　seemingly　impossible　in　itself；　appeared　to　me　under　all　the　natural　conditions　of　reality。　　I　observed　that　it　had　three　dimensions；　and　colours；　and　that　it　cast　a　shadow。　　Ah！　how　I　stared　at　it！　　The　water　came　into　my　eyes　so　that　I　had　to　wipe　the　glasses　of　my　spectacles。

Finally　I　found　myself　obliged　to　yield　to　the　evidence；　and　to　affirm　that　I　had　really　before　my　eyes　the　Fairy；　the　very　same　Fairy　I　had　been　dreaming　of　in　the　library　a　few　evenings　before。　It　was　she；　it　was　her　very　self；　I　assure　you！　　She　had　the　same　air　of　child…queen；　the　same　proud　supple　poise；　she　held　the　same　hazel　wand　in　her　hand；　she　still　wore　her　double…peaked　head…dress；　and　the　train　of　her　long　brocade　robe　undulated　about　her　little　feet。　　Same　face；　same　figure。　　It　was　she　indeed；　and　to　prevent　any　possible　doubt　of　it；　she　was　seated　on　the　back　of　a　huge　old…　fashioned　book　strongly　resembling　the　〃Cosmography　of　Munster。〃　Her　immobility　but　half　reassured　me；　I　was　really　afraid　that　she　was　going　to　take　some　more　nuts　out　of　her　alms…purse　and　throw　the　shells　at　my　face。

I　was　standing　there；　waving　my　hands　and　gaping；　when　the　musical　and　laughing　voice　of　Madame　de　Gabry　suddenly　rang　in　my　ears。

〃So　you　are　examining　your　fairy；　Monsieur　Bonnard！〃　said　my　hostess。　〃Well；　do　you　think　the　resemblance　good？〃

It　was　very　quickly　said；　but　even　while　hearing　it　I　had　time　to　perceive　that　my　fairy　was　a　statuette　in　col