honorine-第7章

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it；　and　come　out　again　alive；　fevered；　burning；　bereft　of　sleep！'

〃I　cannot　remember　all　the　words　of　this　eloquent　man；　to　whom　passion
gave　an　eloquence　indeed　so　far　above　that　of　the　pleader　that；　as　I
listened　to　him；　I；　like　him；　felt　my　cheeks　wet　with　tears。　You　may
conceive　of　my　feelings　when；　after　a　pause；　during　which　we　dried
them　away；　he　finished　his　story　with　this　revelation：

〃　'This　is　the　drama　of　my　soul；　but　it　is　not　the　actual　living　drama
which　is　at　this　moment　being　acted　in　Paris！　The　interior　drama
interests　nobody。　I　know　it；　and　you　will　one　day　admit　that　it　is　so；
you；　who　at　this　moment　shed　tears　with　me；　no　one　can　burden　his
heart　or　his　skin　with　another's　pain。　The　measure　of　our　sufferings
is　in　ourselves。You　even　understand　my　sorrows　only　by　very　vague
analogy。　Could　you　see　me　calming　the　most　violent　frenzy　of　despair
by　the　contemplation　of　a　miniature　in　which　I　can　see　and　kiss　her
brow；　the　smile　on　her　lips；　the　shape　of　her　face；　can　breathe　the
whiteness　of　her　skin；　which　enables　me　almost　to　feel；　to　play　with
the　black　masses　of　her　curling　hair？Could　you　see　me　when　I　leap
with　hopewhen　I　writhe　under　the　myriad　darts　of　despairwhen　I
tramp　through　the　mire　of　Paris　to　quell　my　irritation　by　fatigue？　I
have　fits　of　collapse　comparable　to　those　of　a　consumptive　patient；
moods　of　wild　hilarity；　terrors　as　of　a　murderer　who　meets　a　sergeant
of　police。　In　short；　my　life　is　a　continual　paroxysm　of　fears；　joy；
and　dejection。

〃　'As　to　the　dramait　is　this。　You　imagine　that　I　am　occupied　with
the　Council　of　State；　the　Chamber；　the　Courts；　Politics。Why；　dear
me；　seven　hours　at　night　are　enough　for　all　that；　so　much　are　my
faculties　overwrought　by　the　life　I　lead！　Honorine　is　my　real　concern。
To　recover　my　wife　is　my　only　study；　to　guard　her　in　her　cage；　without
her　suspecting　that　she　is　in　my　power；　to　satisfy　her　needs；　to
supply　the　little　pleasure　she　allows　herself；　to　be　always　about　her
like　a　sylph　without　allowing　her　to　see　or　to　suspect　me；　for　if　she
did；　the　future　would　be　lost；that　is　my　life；　my　true　life。For
seven　years　I　have　never　gone　to　bed　without　going　first　to　see　the
light　of　her　night…lamp；　or　her　shadow　on　the　window　curtains。

〃　'She　left　my　house；　choosing　to　take　nothing　but　the　dress　she　wore
that　day。　The　child　carried　her　magnanimity　to　the　point　of　folly！
Consequently；　eighteen　months　after　her　flight　she　was　deserted　by　her
lover；　who　was　appalled　by　the　cold；　cruel；　sinister；　and　revolting
aspect　of　povertythe　coward！　The　man　had；　no　doubt；　counted　on　the
easy　and　luxurious　life　in　Switzerland　or　Italy　which　fine　ladies
indulge　in　when　they　leave　their　husbands。　Honorine　has　sixty　thousand
francs　a　year　of　her　own。　The　wretch　left　the　dear　creature　expecting
an　infant；　and　without　a　penny。　In　the　month　of　November　1820　I　found
means　to　persuade　the　best　/accoucheur/　in　Paris　to　play　the　part　of　a
humble　suburban　apothecary。　I　induced　the　priest　of　the　parish　in
which　the　Countess　was　living　to　supply　her　needs　as　though　he　were
performing　an　act　of　charity。　Then　to　hide　my　wife；　to　secure　her
against　discovery；　to　find　her　a　housekeeper　who　would　be　devoted　to
me　and　be　my　intelligent　confidanteit　was　a　task　worthy　of　Figaro！
You　may　suppose　that　to　discover　where　my　wife　had　taken　refuge　I　had
only　to　make　up　my　mind　to　it。

〃　'After　three　months　of　desperation　rather　than　despair；　the　idea　of
devoting　myself　to　Honorine　with　God　only　in　my　secret；　was　one　of
those　poems　which　occur　only　to　the　heart　of　a　lover　through　life　and
death！　Love　must　have　its　daily　food。　And　ought　I　not　to　protect　this
child；　whose　guilt　was　the　outcome　of　my　imprudence；　against　fresh
disasterto　fulfil　my　part；　in　short；　as　a　guardian　angel？At　the
age　of　seven　months　her　infant　died；　happily　for　her　and　for　me。　For
nine　months　more　my　wife　lay　between　life　and　death；　deserted　at　the
time　when　she　most　needed　a　manly　arm；　but　this　arm；'　said　he；　holding
out　his　own　with　a　gesture　of　angelic　dignity；　'was　extended　over　her
head。　Honorine　was　nursed　as　she　would　have　been　in　her　own　home。
When；　on　her　recovery；　she　asked　how　and　by　whom　she　had　been
assisted；　she　was　told〃By　the　Sisters　of　Charity　in　the　neighborhood
by　the　Maternity　Societyby　the　parish　priest；　who　took　an　interest
in　her。〃

〃　'This　woman；　whose　pride　amounts　to　a　vice；　has　shown　a　power　of
resistance　in　misfortune；　which　on　some　evenings　I　call　the　obstinacy
of　a　mule。　Honorine　was　bent　on　earning　her　living。　My　wife　works！　For
five　years　past　I　have　lodged　her　in　the　Rue　Saint…Maur；　in　a　charming
little　house；　where　she　makes　artificial　flowers　and　articles　of
fashion。　She　believes　that　she　sells　the　product　of　her　elegant
fancywork　to　a　shop；　where　she　is　so　well　paid　that　she　makes　twenty
francs　a　day；　and　in　these　six　years　she　had　never　had　a　moment's
suspicion。　She　pays　for　everything　she　needs　at　about　the　third　of　its
value；　so　that　on　six　thousand　francs　a　year　she　lives　as　if　she　had
fifteen　thousand。　She　is　devoted　to　flowers；　and　pays　a　hundred　crowns
to　a　gardener；　who　costs　me　twelve　hundred　in　wages；　and　sends　me　in　a
bill　for　two　thousand　francs　every　three　months。　I　have　promised　the
man　a　market…garden　with　a　house　on　it　close　to　the　porter's　lodge　in
the　Rue　Saint…Maur。　I　hold　this　ground　in　the　name　of　a　clerk　of　the
law　courts。　The　smallest　indiscretion　would　ruin　the　gardener's
prospects。　Honorine　has　her　little　house；　a　garden；　and　a　splendid
hothouse；　for　a　rent　of　five　hundred　francs　a　year。　There　she　lives
under　the　name　of　her　housekeeper；　Madame　Gobain；　the　old　woman　of
impeccable　discretion　whom　I　was　so　lucky　as　to　find；　and　whose
affection　Honorine　has　won。　But　her　zeal；　like　that　of　the　gardener；
is　kept　hot　by　the　promise　of　reward　at　the　moment　of　success。　The
porter　and　his　wife　cost　me　dreadfully　dear　for　the　same　reasons。
However；　for　three　years　Honorine　has　been　happy；　believing　that　she
owes　to　her　own　toil　all　the　luxury　of　flowers；　dress；　and　comfort。

〃　'Oh！　I　know　what　you　are　about　to　say；'　cried　the　Count；　seeing　a
question　in　my　eyes　and　on　my　lips。　'Yes；　yes；　I　have　made　the
attempt。　My　wife　was　formerly　living　in　the　Faubourg　Saint…Antoine。
One　day　when；　from　what　Gobain　told　me；　I　believed　in　some　chance　of　a
reconciliation；　I　wrote　by　post　a　letter；　in　which　I　tried　to
propitiate　my　wifea　letter　written　and　re…written　twenty　times！　I
will　not　describe　my　agonies。　I　went　from　the　Rue　Payenne　to　the　Rue
de　Reuilly　like　a　condemned　wretch　going　from　the　Palais　de　Justice　to
his　execution；　but　he　goes　on　a　cart；　and　I　was　on　foot。　It　was　dark
there　was　a　fog；　I　went　to　meet　Madame　Gobain；　who　was　to　come　and
tell　me　what　my　wife　had　done。　Honorine；　on　recognizing　my　writing；
had　thrown　the　letter　into　the　fire　without　reading　it。〃Madame
Gobain；〃　she　had　exclaimed；　〃I　leave　this　to…morrow。〃

〃　'What　a　dagger…stroke　was　this　to　a　man　who　found　inexhaustible
pleasure　in　the　trickery　by　which　he　gets　the　finest　Lyons　velvet　at
twelve　francs　a　yard；　a　pheasant；　a　fish；　a　dish　of　fruit；　for　a　tenth
of　their　value；　for　a　woman　so　ignorant　as　to　believe　that　she　is
paying　ample　wages　with　two　hundred　and　fifty　francs　to　Madame　Gobain；
a　cook　fit　for　a　bishop。

〃　'You　have　sometimes　found　me　rubbing　my　hands　in　the　enjoyment　of　a
sort　of　happiness。　Well；　I　had　just　succeeded　in　some　ruse　worthy　of
the　stage。　I　had　just　deceived　my　wifeI　had　sent　her　by　a　purchaser
of　wardrobes　an　Indian　shawl；　to　be　offered　to　her　as　the　property　of
an　actress　who　had　hardly　worn　it；　but　in　which　Ithe　solemn　lawyer
whom　you　knowhad　wrapped　myself　for　a　night！　In　short；　my　life　at
this　day　may　be　summed　up　in　the　two　words　which　express　the　extremes
of　tormentI　love；　and　I　wait！　I　have　in　Madame　Gobain　a　faithful　spy
on　the　heart　I　worship。　I　go　every　evening　to　chat　with　the　old　woman；
to　hear　from　her　all　that　Honorine　has　done　during　the　day；　the
lightest　word　she　has　spoken；　for　a　single　exclamation　might　betray　to
me　the　secrets　of　that　soul　which　is　wilfully　deaf　and　dumb。　Honorine
is　pious；　she　attends　the　Church　services　and　prays；　but　she　has　never
been　to　confession　or　taken　the　Communion；　she　foresees　what　a　priest
would　tell　her。　She　will　not　listen　to　the　advice；　to　the　injunction；
that　she　should　return　to　me。　This　horror　of　me　overwhelms　me；　dismays
me；　for　I　have　never　done　her　the　smallest　harm。　I　have　always　been
kind　to　her。　Granting　even　that　I　may　have　been　a　little　hasty　when
teaching　her；　that　my　man's　irony　may　have　hurt　her　legitimate　girlish
pride；　is　that　a　reason　for　persisting　in　a　determination　which　only
the　most　implacable　hatred　could　have　inspired？　Honorine　has　never
told　Madame　Gobain　who　she　is；　she　keeps　absolute　silence　as　to　her
marriage；　so　that　the　worthy　and　respectable　woman　can　never　speak　a
word　in　my　favor；　for　she　is　the　only　person　in　the　house　who　knows　my
secret。　The　others　know　nothing；　they　live　under　the　awe　caused　by　the
name　of　the　Prefect　of　Police；　and　their　respect　for　the　power　of　a
Minister。　Hence　it　is　impossible　for　me　to　penetrate　that　heart；　the
citadel　is　mine；　but　I　cannot　get　into　it。　I　have　not　a　single　means
of　action。　An　act　of　violence　would　ruin　me　for　ever。

〃　'How　can　I　argue　against　reasons　of　which　I　know　nothing？　Should　I
write　a　letter；　and　have　it　copied　by　a　public　writer；　and　laid　before
Honorine？　But　that　would　be　to　run　the　risk　of　a　third　removal。　The
last　cost　me　fifty　thousand　francs。　The　purchase　was　made　in　the　first
instance　in　the　name　of　the　secretary　whom　you　succeeded。　The　unhappy
man；　who　did　not　know　how　lightly　I　sleep；　was　detected　by　me　in　the
act　of　opening　a　box　in　which　I　had　put　the　private　agreement；　I
coughed；　and　he　was　seized　with　a　panic；　next　day　I　compelled　him　to
sell　the　house　to　the　man　in　whose　name　it　now　stands；　and　I　turned
him　out。

〃　'If　it　were　not　that　I　feel　all　my　noblest　faculties　as　a　man
satisfied；　happy；　expansive；　if　the　part　I　am　playing　were　not　that　of
divine　fatherhood；　if　I　did　not　drink　in　delight　by　every　pore；　there
are　moments　when　I　should　believe　that　I　was　a　monomaniac。　Sometimes
at　night　I　hear　the　jingling　bells　of　madness。　I　dread　the　violent
transitions　from　a　feeble　hope；　which　sometimes　shines　and　flashes　up；
to　complete　despair；　falling　as　low　as　man　can　fall。　A　few　days　since
I　was　seriously　considering　the　horrible　end　of　the　story　of　Lovelace
and　Clarissa　Harlowe；　and　saying　to　myself；　if　Honorine　were　the
mother　of　a　child　of　mine；　must　she　not　necessarily　return　under　her
husband's　roof？

〃　'And　I　have　such　complete　faith　in　a　happy　future；　that　ten　months
ago　I　bought　and　paid　for　one　of　the　handsomest　houses　in　the　Faubourg
Saint…Honore。　If　I　win　back　Honorine；　I　will　not　allow　her　to　see　this
house　again；　nor　the　room　from　which　she　fled。　I　mean　to　place　my　idol
in　a　new　temple；　where　she　may　feel　that　life　is　altogether　new。　That
house　is　being　made　a　marvel　of　elegance　and　taste。　I　have　been　told
of　a　poet　who；　being　almost　mad　with　love　for　an　actress；　bought　the
handsomest　bed　in　Paris　without　knowing　how　the　actress　would　reward
his　passion。　Well；　one　of　the　coldest　o