the law and the lady-第53章

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mother…in…law。　〃You　can　only　go　back　accompanied　by　me；　or　by
some　other　trustworthy　person。　You　can　only　stay　long　enough　to
humor　the　creature's　wayward　fancy；　and　to　keep　his　crazy　brain
quiet　for　a　time。　That　done；　all　is　doneyou　leave　him。　Even
supposing　Dexter　to　be　still　capable　of　helping　you；　how　can　you
make　use　of　him　but　by　admitting　him　to　terms　of　confidence　and
familiarityby　treating　him；　in　short；　on　the　footing　of　an
intimate　friend？　Answer　me　honestly：　can　you　bring　yourself　to　do
that；　after　what　happened　at　Mr。　Benjamin's　house？〃

I　had　told　her　of　my　last　interview　with　Miserrimus　Dexter；　in
the　natural　confidence　that　she　inspired　in　me　as　relative　and
fellow…traveler；　and　this　was　the　use　to　which　she　turned　her
information！　I　suppose　I　had　no　right　to　blame　her；　I　suppose　the
motive　sanctioned　everything。　At　any　rate；　I　had　no　choice　but　to
give　offense　or　to　give　an　answer。　I　gave　it。　I　acknowledged　that
I　could　never　again　permit　Miserrimus　Dexter　to　treat　me　on　terms
of　familiarity　as　a　trusted　and　intimate　friend。

Mrs。　Macallan　pitilessly　pressed　the　advantage　that　she　had　won。

〃Very　well；〃　she　said；　〃that　resource　being　no　longer　open　to
you；　what　hope　is　left？　Which　way　are　you　to　turn　next？〃

There　was　no　meeting　those　questions；　in　my　present　situation；　by
any　adequate　reply。　I　felt　strangely　unlike　myselfI　submitted
in　silence。　Mrs。　Macallan　struck　the　last　blow　that　completed　her
victory。

〃My　poor　Eustace　is　weak　and　wayward；〃　she　said；　〃but　he　is　not
an　ungrateful　man。　My　child；　you　have　returned　him　good　for
evilyou　have　proved　how　faithfully　and　how　devotedly　you　love
him；　by　suffering　all　hardships　and　risking　all　dangers　for　his
sake。　Trust　me；　and　trust　him！　He　cannot　resist　you。　Let　him　see
the　dear　face　that　he　has　been　dreaming　of　looking　at　him　again
with　all　the　old　love　in　it；　and　he　is　yours　once　more；　my
daughteryours　for　life。〃　She　rose　and　touched　my　forehead　with
her　lips；　her　voice　sank　to　tones　of　tenderness　which　I　had　never
heard　from　her　yet。　〃Say　yes；　Valeria；〃　she　whispered；　〃and　be
dearer　to　me　and　dearer　to　him　than　ever！〃

My　heart　sided　with　her。　My　energies　were　worn　out。　No　letter　had
arrived　from　Mr。　Playmore　to　guide　and　to　encourage　me。　I　had
resisted　so　long　and　so　vainly；　I　had　tried　and　suffered　so　much；
I　had　met　with　such　cruel　disasters　and　such　reiterated
disappointmentsand　he　was　in　the　room　beneath　me；　feebly
finding　his　way　back　to　consciousness　and　to　lifehow　could　I
resist？　It　was　all　over。　In　saying　Yes　（if　Eustace　confirmed　his
mother's　confidence　in　him）；　I　was　saying　adieu　to　the　one
cherished　ambition；　the　one　dear　and　noble　hope　of　my　life。　I
knew　itand　I　said　Yes。

And　so　good…by　to　the　grand　struggle！　And　so　welcome　to　the　new
resignation　which　owned　that　I　had　failed。

　My　mother…in…law　and　I　slept　together　under　the　only　shelter
that　the　inn　could　offer　to　usa　sort　of　loft　at　the　top　of　the
house。　The　night　that　followed　our　conversation　was　bitterly
cold。　We　felt　the　chilly　temperature；　in　spite　of　the　protection
of　our　dressing…gowns　and　our　traveling…wrappers。　My
mother…in…law　slept；　but　no　rest　came　to　me。　I　was　too　anxious
and　too　wretched；　thinking　over　my　changed　position；　and　doubting
how　my　husband　would　receive　me；　to　be　able　to　sleep。

Some　hours；　as　I　suppose；　must　have　passed；　and　I　was　still
absorbed　in　my　own　melancholy　thoughts；　when　I　suddenly　became
conscious　of　a　new　and　strange　sensation　which　astonished　and
alarmed　me。　I　started　up　in　the　bed；　breathless　and　bewildered。
The　movement　awakened　Mrs。　Macallan。　〃Are　you　ill？〃　she　asked。
〃What　is　the　matter　with　you？〃　I　tried　to　tell　her；　as　well　as　I
could。　She　seemed　to　understand　me　before　I　had　done；　she　took　me
tenderly　in　her　arms；　and　pressed　me　to　her　bosom。　〃My　poor
innocent　child；〃　she　said；　〃is　it　possible　you　don't　know？　Must　I
really　tell　you？〃　She　whispered　her　next　words。　Shall　I　ever
forget　the　tumult　of　feelings　which　the　whisper　aroused　in
methe　strange　medley　of　joy　and　fear；　and　wonder　and　relief；
and　pride　and　humility；　which　filled　my　whole　being；　and　made　a
new　woman　of　me　from　that　moment？　Now；　for　the　first　time；　I　knew
it！　If　God　spared　me　for　a　few　months　more；　the　most　enduring　and
the　most　sacred　of　all　human　joys　might　be　minethe　joy　of　being
a　mother。

I　don't　know　how　the　rest　of　the　night　passed。　I　only　find　my
memory　again　when　the　morning　came；　and　when　I　went　out　by　myself
to　breathe　the　crisp　wintry　air　on　the　open　moor　behind　the　inn。

I　have　said　that　I　felt　like　a　new　woman。　The　morning　found　me
with　a　new　resolution　and　a　new　courage。　When　I　thought　of　the
future；　I　had　not　only　my　husband　to　consider　now。　His　good　name
was　no　longer　his　own　and　mineit　might　soon　become　the　most
precious　inheritance　that　he　could　leave　to　his　child。　What　had　I
done　while　I　was　in　ignorance　of　this？　I　had　resigned　the　hope　of
cleansing　his　name　from　the　stain　that　rested　on　ita　stain
still；　no　matter　how　little　it　might　look　in　the　eye　of　the　Law。
Our　child　might　live　to　hear　malicious　tongues　say；　〃Your　father
was　tried　for　the　vilest　of　all　murders；　and　was　never　absolutely
acquitted　of　the　charge。〃　Could　I　face　the　glorious　perils　of
childbirth　with　that　possibility　present　to　my　mind？　No！　not
until　I　had　made　one　more　effort　to　lay　the　conscience　of
Miserrimus　Dexter　bare　to　my　view！　not　until　I　had　once　again
renewed　the　struggle；　and　brought　the　truth　that　vindicated　the
husband　and　the　father　to　the　light　of　day！

I　went　back　to　the　house；　with　my　new　courage　to　sustain　me。　I
opened　my　heart　to　my　friend　and　mother；　and　told　her　frankly　of
the　change　that　had　come　over　me　since　we　had　last　spoken　of
Eustace。

She　was　more　than　disappointedshe　was　almost　offended　with　me。
The　one　thing　needful　had　happened；　she　said。　The　happiness　that
might　soon　come　to　us　would　form　a　new　tie　between　my　husband　and
me。　Every　other　consideration　but　this　she　treated　as　purely
fanciful。　If　I　left　Eustace　now；　I　did　a　heartless　thing　and　a
foolish　thing。　I　should　regret；　to　the　end　of　my　days；　having
thrown　away　the　one　golden　opportunity　of　my　married　life。

It　cost　me　a　hard　struggle；　it　oppressed　me　with　many　a　painful
doubt；　but　I　held　firm　this　time。　The　honor　of　the　father；　the
inheritance　of　the　childI　kept　these　thoughts　as　constant　ly　as
possible　before　my　mind。　Sometimes　they　failed　me；　and　left　me
nothing　better　than　a　poor　fool　who　had　some　fitful　bursts　of
crying；　and　was　always　ashamed　of　herself　afterward。　But　my
native　obstinacy　（as　Mrs。　Macallan　said）　carried　me　through。　Now
and　then　I　had　a　peep　at　Eustace；　while　he　was　asleep；　and　that
helped　me　too。　Though　they　made　my　heart　ache　and　shook　me　sadly
at　the　times　those　furtive　visits　to　my　husband　fortified　me
afterward。　I　cannot　explain　how　this　happened　（it　seems　so
contradictory）；　I　can　only　repeat　it　as　one　of　my　experiences　at
that　troubled　time。

I　made　one　concession　to　Mrs。　MacallanI　consented　to　wait　for
two　days　before　I　took　any　steps　for　returning　to　England；　on　the
chance　that　my　mind　might　change　in　the　interval。

It　was　well　for　me　that　I　yielded　so　far。　On　the　second　day　the
director　of　the　field…hospital　sent　to　the　post…office　at　our
nearest　town　for　letters　addressed　to　him　or　to　his　care。　The
messenger　brought　back　a　letter　for　me。　I　thought　I　recognized
the　handwriting；　and　I　was　right。　Mr。　Playmore's　answer　had
reached　me　at　last！

If　I　had　been　in　any　danger　of　changing　my　mind；　the　good　lawyer
would　have　saved　me　in　the　nick　of　time。　The　extract　that　follows
contains　the　pith　of　his　letter；　and　shows　how　he　encouraged　me
when　I　stood　in　sore　need　of　a　few　cheering　and　friendly　words。

〃Let　me　now　tell　you；〃　he　wrote；　〃what　I　have　done　toward
verifying　the　conclusion　to　which　your　letter　points。

〃I　have　traced　one　of　the　servants　who　was　appointed　to　keep
watch　in　the　corridor　on　the　night　when　the　first　Mrs。　Eustace
died　at　Gleninch。　The　man　perfectly　remembers　that　Miserrimus
Dexter　suddenly　appeared　before　him　and　his　fellow…servant　long
after　the　house　was　quiet　for　the　night。　Dexter　said　to　them；　'I
suppose　there　is　no　harm　in　my　going　into　the　study　to　read？　I
can't　sleep　after　what　has　happened；　I　must　relieve　my　mind
somehow。'　The　men　had　no　orders　to　keep　any　one　out　of　the　study。
They　knew　that　the　door　of　communication　with　the　bedchamber　was
locked；　and　that　the　keys　of　the　two　other　doors　of　communication
were　in　the　possession　of　Mr。　Gale。　They　accordingly　permitted
Dexter　to　go　into　the　study。　He　closed　the　door　（the　door　that
opened　on　the　corridor）；　and　remained　absent　for　some　timein
the　study　as　the　men　supposed；　in　the　bedchamber　as　we　know　from
what　he　let　out　at　his　interview　with　you。　Now　he　could　enter
that　room；　as　you　rightly　imagine；　in　but　one　wayby　being　in
possession　of　the　missing　key。　How　long　he　remained　there　I
cannot　discover。　The　point　is　of　little　consequence。　The　servant
remembers　that　he　came　out　of　the　study　again　'as　pale　as　death；'
and　that　he　passed　on　without　a　word　on　his　way　back　to　his　own
room。

〃These　are　facts。　The　conclusion　to　which　they　lead　is　serious　in
the　last　degree。　It　justifies　everything　that　I　confided　to　you
in　my　office　at　Edinburgh。　You　remember　what　passed　between　us。　I
say　no　more。

〃As　to　yourself　next。　You　have　innocently　aroused　in　Miserrimus
Dexter　a　feeling　toward　you　which　I　need　not　attempt　to
characterize。　There　is　a　certain　somethingI　saw　it　myselfin
your　figure；　and　in　some　of　your　movements；　which　does　recall　the
late　Mrs。　Eustace　to　those　who　knew　her　well；　and　which　has
evidently　had　its　effect　on　Dexter's　morbid　mind。　Without
dwelling　further　on　this　subject；　let　me　only　remind　you　that　he
has　shown　himself　（as　a　consequence　of　your　influence　over　him）
to　be　incapable；　in　his　moments　of　agitation；　of　thinking　before
he　speaks　while　he　is　in　your　presence。　It　is　not　merely
possible；　it　is　highly　probable；　that　he　may　betray　himself　far
more　seriously　than　he　has　betrayed　himself　yet　if　you　give　him
the　opportunity。　I　owe　it　to　you　（knowing　what　your　interests
are）　to　express　myself　plainly　on　this　point。　I　have　no　sort　of
doubt　that　you　have　advanced　one　step　nearer　to　the　end　which　you
have　in　view　in　the　brief　interval　since　you　left　Edinburgh。　I
see　in　your　letter　（and　in　my　discoveries）　irresistible　evidence
that　Dexter　must　have　been　in　secret　communication　with　the
deceased　lady　（innocent　communication；　I　am　certain；　so　far　as
_she_　was　concerned）；　not　only　at　the　time　of　her　death；　but
perhaps　for　weeks　before　it。　I　cannot　disguise　from　myself　or
from　you；　my　own　strong　persuasion　that　if　you　succeed　in
discovering　the　nature　of　this　communication；　in　all　human
likelihood　you　prove　your　husband's　innocence　by　the　discovery　of
the　truth。　As　an　honest　man；　I　am　bound　not　to　conceal　this。　And；
as　an　honest　man　also；　I　am　equally　bound　to　add　that；　not　even
with　your　reward　in　view；　can　I　find　it　in　my　conscience　to
advise　you　to　risk　what　you　must　risk　if　you　see　Miserrimus
Dexter　again。　In　this　difficult　and　delicate　matter　I　cannot　and
will　not　take　the　responsibility：　the　final　decision　must　rest
with