the law and the lady-第54章

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Dexter　again。　In　this　difficult　and　delicate　matter　I　cannot　and
will　not　take　the　responsibility：　the　final　decision　must　rest
with　yourself。　One　favor　only　I　entreat　you　to　grantlet　me　hear
what　you　resolve　to　do　as　soon　as　you　know　it　yourself。〃

The　difficulties　which　my　worthy　correspondent　felt　were　no
difficulties　to　me。　I　did　not　possess　Mr。　Playmore's　judicial
mind。　My　resolution　was　settled　before　I　had　read　his　letter
through。

The　mail　to　France　crossed　the　frontier　the　next　day。　There　was　a
place　for　me；　under　the　protection　of　the　conductor；　if　I　chose
to　take　it。　Without　consulting　a　living　creaturerash　as　usual；
headlong　as　usualI　took　it。



CHAPTER　XXXVIII。

ON　THE　JOURNEY　BACK。

　IF　I　had　been　traveling　homeward　in　my　own　carriage；　the
remaining　chapters　of　this　narrative　would　never　have　been
written。　Before　we　had　been　an　hour　on　the　road　I　should　have
called　to　the　driver；　and　should　have　told　him　to　turn　back。

Who　can　be　always　resolute？

In　asking　that　question；　I　speak　of　the　women；　not　of　the　men。　I
had　been　resolute　in　turning　a　deaf　ear　to　Mr。　Playmore's　doubts
and　cautions；　resolute　in　holding　out　against　my　mother…in…law；
resolute　in　taking　my　place　by　the　French　mail。　Until　ten　minutes
after　we　had　driven　away　from　the　inn　my　courage　held　outand
then　it　failed　me；　then　I　said　to　myself；　〃You　wretch；　you　have
deserted　your　husband！〃　For　hours　afterward；　if　I　could　have
stopped　the　mail；　I　would　have　done　it。　I　hated　the　conductor；
the　kindest　of　men。　I　hated　the　Spanish　ponies　that　drew　us；　the
cheeriest　animals　that　ever　jingled　a　string　of　bells。　I　hated
the　bright　day　that　_would_　make　things　pleasant；　and　the　bracing
air　that　forced　me　to　feel　the　luxury　of　breathing　whether　I
liked　it　or　not。　Never　was　a　journey　more　miserable　than　my　safe
and　easy　journey　to　the　frontier。　But　one　little　comfort　helped
me　to　bear　my　heart…ache　resignedlya　stolen　morsel　of　Eustace's
hair。　We　had　started　at　an　hour　of　the　morning　when　he　was　still
sound　asleep。　I　could　creep　into　his　room；　and　kiss　him；　and　cry
over　him　softly；　and　cut　off　a　stray　lock　of　his　hair；　without
danger　of　discovery。　How　I　summoned　resolution　enough　to　leave
him　is；　to　this　hour；　not　clear　to　my　mind。　I　think　my
mother…in…law　must　have　helped　me；　without　meaning　to　do　it。　She
came　into　the　room　with　an　erect　head　and　a　cold　eye；　she　said；
with　an　unmerciful　emphasis　on　the　word；　〃If　you　_mean_　to　go；
Valeria；　the　carriage　is　here。〃　Any　woman　with　a　spark　of　spirit
in　her　would　have　〃meant〃　it　under　those　circumstances。　I　meant
itand　did　it。

And　then　I　was　sorry　for　it。　Poor　humanity！　Time　has　got　all　the
credit　of　being　the　great　consoler　of　afflicted　mortals。　In　my
opinion；　Time　has　been　overrated　in　this　matter。　Distance　does
the　same　beneficent　work　far　more　speedily；　and　（when　assisted　by
Change）　far　more　effectually　as　well。　On　the　railroad　to　Paris；　I
became　capable　of　taking　a　sensible　view　of　my　position。　I　could
now　remind　myself　that　my　husband's　reception　of　meafter　the
first　surprise　and　the　first　happiness　had　passed　awaymight　not
have　justified　his　mother's　confidence　in　him。　Admitting　that　I
ran　a　risk　in　going　back　to　Miserrimus　Dexter；　should　I　not　have
been　equally　rash；　in　another　way；　if　I　had　returned；　uninvited；
to　a　husband　who　had　declared　that　our　conjugal　happiness　was
impossible；　and　that　our　married　life　was　at　an　end？　Besides；　who
could　say　that　the　events　of　the　future　might　not　y　et　justify
menot　only　to　myself；　but　to　him？　I　might　yet　hear　him　say；
〃She　was　inquisitive　when　she　had　no　business　to　inquire；　she　was
obstinate　when　she　ought；　to　have　listened　to　reason；　she　left　my
bedside　when　other　women　would　have　remained；　but　in　the　end　she
atoned　for　it　allshe　turned　out　to　be　right！〃

I　rested　a　day　at　Paris　and　wrote　three　letters。

One　to　Benjamin；　telling　him　to　expect　me　the　next　evening。　One
to　Mr。　Playmore；　warning　him；　in　good　time；　that　I　meant　to　make
a　last　effort　to　penetrate　the　mystery　at　Gleninch。　One　to
Eustace　（of　a　few　lines　only）；　owning　that　I　had　helped　to　nurse
him　through　the　dangerous　part　of　his　illness；　confessing　the　one
reason　which　had　prevailed　with　me　to　leave　him；　and　entreating
him　to　suspend　his　opinion　of　me　until　time　had　proved　that　I
loved　him　more　dearly　than　ever。　This　last　letter　I　inclosed　to
my　mother…in…law；　leaving　it　to　her　discretion　to　choose　the
right　time　for　giving　it　to　her　son。　I　positively　forbade　Mrs。
Macallan；　however；　to　tell　Eustace　of　the　new　tie　between　us。
Although　he　_had_　separated　himself　from　me；　I　was　determined
that　he　should　not　hear　it　from　other　lips　than　mine。　Never　mind
why。　There　are　certain　little　matters　which　I　must　keep　to
myself；　and　this　is　one　of　them。

My　letters　being　written；　my　duty　was　done。　I　was　free　to　play　my
last　card　in　the　gamethe　darkly　doubtful　game　which　was　neither
quite　for　me　nor　quite　against　me　as　the　chances　now　stood。



CHAPTER　XXXIX。

ON　THE　WAY　TO　DEXTER。

　〃I　DECLARE　to　Heaven；　Valeria；　I　believe　that　monster's　madness
is　infectiousand　you　have　caught　it！〃

This　was　Benjamin's　opinion　of　me　（on　my　safe　arrival　at　the
villa）　after　I　had　announced　my　intention　of　returning　Miserrimus
Dexter's　visit；　in　his　company。

Being　determined　to　carry　my　point；　I　could　afford　to　try　the
influence　of　mild　persuasion。　I　begged　my　good　friend　to　have　a
little　patience　with　me。　〃And　do　remember　what　I　have　already
told　you；〃　I　added。　〃It　is　of　serious　importance　to　me　to　see
Dexter　again。〃

I　only　heaped　fuel　on　the　fire。　〃See　him　again？〃　Benjamin
repeated　indignantly。　〃See　him；　after　he　grossly　insulted　you；
under　my　roof；　in　this　very　room？　I　can't　be　awake；　I　must　be
asleep　and　dreaming！〃

It　was　wrong　of　me；　I　know。　But　Benjamin's　virtuous　indignation
was　so　very　virtuous　that　it　let　the　spirit　of　mischief　loose　in
me。　I　really　could　not　resist　the　temptation　to　outrage　his　sense
of　propriety　by　taking　an　audaciously　liberal　view　of　the　whole
matter。

〃Gently；　my　good　friend；　gently；〃　I　said。　〃We　must　make
allowances　for　a　man　who　suffers　under　Dexter's　infirmities；　and
lives　Dexter's　life。　And　really　we　must　not　let　our　modesty　lead
us　beyond　reasonable　limits。　I　begin　to　think　that　I　took　rather
a　prudish　view　of　the　thing　myself　at　the　time。　A　woman　who
respects　herself；　and　whose　whole　heart　is　with　her　husband；　is
not　so　very　seriously　injured　when　a　wretched　crippled　creature
is　rude　enough　to　put　his　arm　around　her　waist。　Virtuous
indignation　（if　I　may　venture　to　say　so）　is　sometimes　very　cheap
indignation。　Besides；　I　have　forgiven　himand　you　must　forgive
him　too。　There　is　no　fear　of　his　forgetting　himself　again；　while
you　are　with　me。　His　house　is　quite　a　curiosityit　is　sure　to
interest　you；　the　pictures　alone　are　worth　the　journey。　I　will
write　to　him　to…day；　and　we　will　go　and　see　him　together
to…morrow。　We　owe　it　to　ourselves　（if　we　don't　owe　it　to　Mr。
Dexter）　to　pay　this　visit。　If　you　will　look　about　you；　Benjamin；
you　will　see　that　benevolence　toward　everybody　is　the　great
virtue　of　the　time　we　live　in。　Poor　Mr。　Dexter　must　have　the
benefit　of　the　prevailing　fashion。　Come；　come；　march　with　the
age！　Open　your　mind　to　the　new　ideas！〃

Instead　of　accepting　this　polite　invitation；　worthy　old　Benjamin
flew　at　the　age　we　lived　in　like　a　bull　at　a　red　cloth。

〃Oh；　the　new　ideas！　the　new　ideas！　By　all　manner　of　means；
Valeria；　let　us　have　the　new　ideas！　The　old　morality's　all　wrong；
the　old　ways　are　all　worn　out。　Let's　march　with　the　age　we　live
in。　Nothing　comes　amiss　to　the　age　we　live　in。　The　wife　in
England　and　the　husband　in　Spain；　married　or　not　married　living
together　or　not　living　togetherit's　all　one　to　the　new　ideas。
I'll　go　with　you；　Valeria；　I'll　be　worthy　of　the　generation　I
live　in。　When　we　have　done　with　Dexter；　don't　let's　do　things　by
halves。　Let's　go　and　get　crammed　with　ready　made　science　at　a
lecturelet's　hear　the　last　new　professor；　the　man　who　has　been
behind　the　scenes　at　Creation；　and　knows　to　a　T　how　the　world　was
made；　and　how　long　it　took　to　make　it。　There's　the　other　fellow；
too：　mind　we　don't　forget　the　modern　Solomon；　who　has　left　his
proverbs　behind　himthe　brand…new　philosopher　who　considers　the
consolations　of　religion　in　the　light　of　harmless　playthings；　and
who　is　kind　enough　to　say　that　he　might　have　been　all　the　happier
if　he　could　only　have　been　childish　enough　to　play　with　them
himself。　Oh；　the　new　ideas！　the　new　ideas！what　consoling；
elevating；　beautiful　discoveries　have　been　made　by　the　new　ideas！
We　were　all　monkeys　before　we　were　men；　and　molecules　before　we
were　monkeys！　and　what　does　it　matter？　And　what　does　anything
matter　to　anybody？　I'm　with　you；　Valeria；　I'm　ready。　The　sooner
the　better。　Come　to　Dexter！　Come　to　Dexter！〃

〃I　am　so　glad　you　agree　with　me；〃　I　said。　〃But　let　us　do　nothing
in　a　hurry。　Three　o'clock　to…morrow　will　be　time　enough　for　Mr。
Dexter。　I　will　write　at　once　and　tell　him　to　expect　us。　Where　are
you　going？〃

〃I　am　going　to　clear　my　mind　of　cant；〃　said　Benjamin；　sternly。　〃I
am　going　into　the　library。〃

〃What　are　you　going　to　read？〃

〃I　am　going　to　readPuss　in　Boots；　and　Jack　and　the　Bean…stalk；
and　anything　else　I　can　find　that　doesn't　march　with　the　age　we
live　in。〃

With　that　parting　shot　at　the　new　ideas；　my　old　friend　left　me
for　a　time。

Having　dispatched　my　note；　I　found　myself　beginning　to　revert；
with　a　certain　feeling　of　anxiety；　to　the　subject　of　Miserrimus
Dexter's　health。　How　had　he　passed　through　the　interval　of　my
absence　from　England？　Could　anybody；　within　my　reach；　tell　me
news　of　him？　To　inquire　of　Benjamin　would　only　be　to　provoke　a
new　outbreak。　While　I　was　still　considering；　the　housekeeper
entered　the　room　on　some　domestic　errand。　I　asked；　at　a　venture；
if　she　had　heard　anything　more；　while　I　had　been　away　of　the
extraordinary　person　who　had　so　seriously　alarmed　her　on　a　former
occasion。

The　housekeeper　shook　her　head；　and　looked　as　if　she　thought　it
in　bad　taste　to　mention　the　subject　at　all。

〃About　a　week　after　you　had　gone　away　ma'am；〃　she　said；　with
extreme　severity　of　manner；　and　with　excessive　carefulness　in　her
choice　of　words；　〃the　Person　you　mention　had　the　impudence　to
send　a　letter　to　you。　The　messenger　was　informed；　by　my　master's
orders；　that　you　had　gone　abroad；　and　he　and　his　letter　were　both
sent　about　their　business　together。　Not　long　afterward；　ma'am；　I
happened；　while　drinking　tea　with　Mrs。　Macallan's　housekeeper；　to
hear　of　the　Person　again。　He　himself　called　in　his　chaise；　at
Mrs。　Macallan's；　to　inquire　about　you　there。　How　he　can　contrive
to　sit；　without　legs　to　balance　him；　is　beyond　my
understandingbut　that　is　neither　here　nor　there。　Legs　or　no
legs；　the　housekeeper　saw　him；　and　she　says；　as　I　say；　she　will
never　forget　him　to　her　dying　day。　She　told　him　（as　soon　as　she
recovered　herself）　of　Mr。　Eustace's　illness；　and　of　you　and　Mrs。
Macallan　being　in　foreign　parts　nursing　him。　He　went　away；　so　the
housekeeper　told　me；　with　tears　in　his　eyes；　and　oaths　and　curses
on　his　lipsa　sight　shocking　to　see。　That's　all　I　know　about　the
Person；　ma'am；　and　I　hope　to　be　excused　if　I　venture　to　say　that
the