the law and the lady-第66章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


and　blamably　he　may　have　written　about　her　in　the　secret　pages　of
his　Diarythat　he　was　proved　to　have　done　his　best　to　conceal
from　his　wife　the　aversion　which　the　poor　soul　inspired　in　him；
and　that　he　was　（in　the　opinion　of　those　who　could　best　judge
him）　at　least　a　courteous　and　a　considerate　husband；　if　he　could
be　no　more。

And　now　take　the　letter。　It　asks　but　one　favor　of　you：　it　asks　to
be　read　by　the　light　of　Christ's　teaching〃Judge　not；　that　ye　be
not　judged。〃





CHAPTER　XLVII。

THE　WIFE'S　CONFESSION。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃GLENINCH；　October　19；　18。

〃MY　HUSBAND

〃I　have　something　very　painful　to　tell　you　about　one　of　your
oldest　friends。

〃You　have　never　encouraged　me　to　come　to　you　with　any　confidences
of　mine。　If　you　had　allowed　me　to　be　as　familiar　with　you　as　some
wives　are　with　their　husbands；　I　should　have　spoken　to　you
personally　instead　of　writing。　As　it　is；　I　don't　know　how　you
might　receive　what　I　have　to　say　to　you　if　I　said　it　by　word　of
mouth。　So　I　write。

〃The　man　against　whom　I　warn　you　is　still　a　guest　in　this
houseMiserrimus　Dexter。　No　falser　or　wickeder　creature　walks
the　earth。　Don't　throw　my　letter　aside！　I　have　waited　to　say　this
until　I　could　find　proof　that　might　satisfy　you。　I　have　got　the
proof。

〃You　may　remember　that　I　ventured　to　express　some　disapproval
when　you　first　told　me　you　had　asked　this　man　to　visit　us。　If　you
had　allowed　me　time　to　explain　myself；　I　might　have　been　bold
enough　to　give　you　a　good　reason　for　the　aversion　I　felt　toward
your　friend。　But　you　would　not　wait。　You　hastily　（and　most
unjustly）　accused　me　of　feeling　prejudiced　against　the　miserable
creature　on　account　of　his　deformity。　No　other　feeling　than
compassion　for　deformed　persons　has　ever　entered　my　mind。　I　have；
indeed；　alm　ost　a　fellow…feeling　for　them；　being　that　next　worst
thing　myself　to　a　deformitya　plain　woman。　I　objected　to　Mr。
Dexter　as　your　guest　because　he　had　asked　me　to　be　his　wife　in
past　days；　and　because　I　had　reason　to　fear　that　he　still
regarded　me　（after　my　marriage）　with　a　guilty　and　a　horrible
love。　Was　it　not　my　duty；　as　a　good　wife；　to　object　to　his　being
your　guest　at　Gleninch？　And　was　it　not　your　duty；　as　a　good
husband；　to　encourage　me　to　say　more？

〃Well；　Mr。　Dexter　has　been　your　guest　for　many　weeks；　and　Mr。
Dexter　has　dared　to　speak　to　me　again　of　his　love。　He　has
insulted　me；　and　insulted　you；　by　declaring　that　_he_　adores　me
and　that　_you_　hate　me。　He　has　promised　me　a　life　of　unalloyed
happiness；　in　a　foreign　country　with　my　lover；　and　he　has
prophesied　for　me　a　life　of　unendurable　misery　at　home　with　my
husband。

〃Why　did　I　not　make　my　complaint　to　you；　and　have　this　monster
dismissed　from　the　house　at　once　and　forever？

〃Are　you　sure　you　would　have　believed　me　if　I　had　complained；　and
if　your　bosom　friend　had　denied　all　intention　of　insulting　me？　I
heard　you　once　say　（when　you　were　not　aware　that　I　was　within
hearing）　that　the　vainest　women　were　always　the　ugly　women。　You
might　have　accused　_me_　of　vanity。　Who　knows？

〃But　I　have　no　desire　to　shelter　myself　under　this　excuse。　I　am　a
jealous；　unhappy　creature；　always　doubtful　of　your　affection　for
me；　always　fearing　that　another　woman　has　got　my　place　in　your
heart。　Miserrimus　Dexter　has　practiced　on　this　weakness　of　mine。
He　has　declared　he　can　prove　to　me　（if　I　will　permit　him）　that　I
am；　in　your　secret　heart；　an　object　of　loathing　to　you；　that　you
shrink　from　touching　me；　that　you　curse　the　hour　when　you　were
foolish　enough　to　make　me　your　wife。　I　have　struggled　as　long　as
I　could　against　the　temptation　to　let　him　produce　his　proofs。　It
was　a　terrible　temptation　to　a　woman　who　was　far　from　feeling
sure　of　the　sincerity　of　your　affection　for　her；　and　it　has　ended
in　getting　the　better　of　my　resistance。　I　wickedly　concealed　the
disgust　which　the　wretch　inspired　in　me；　I　wickedly　gave　him
leave　to　explain　himself；　I　wickedly　permitted　this　enemy　of
yours　and　of　mine　to　take　me　into　his　confidence。　And　why？
Because　I　loved　you；　and　you　only；　and　because　Miserrimus
Dexter's　proposal　did；　after　all；　echo　a　doubt　of　you　that　had
long　been　gnawing　secretly　at　my　heart。

〃Forgive　me；　Eustace！　This　is　my　first　sin　against　you。　It　shall
be　my　last。

〃I　will　not　spare　myself；　I　will　write　a　full　confession　of　what
I　said　to　him　and　of　what　he　said　to　me。　You　may　make　me　suffer
for　it　when　you　know　what　I　have　done；　but　you　will　at　least　be
warned　in　time；　you　will　see　your　false　friend　in　his　true　light。

〃I　said　to　him；　'How　can　you　prove　to　me　that　my　husband　hates　me
in　secret？'

〃He　answered；　'I　can　prove　it　under　his　own　handwriting；　you
shall　see　it　in　his　Diary。'

〃I　said；　'His　Diary　has　a　lock；　and　the　drawer　in　which　he　keeps
it　has　a　lock。　How　can　you　get　at　the　Diary　and　the　drawer？'

〃He　answered；　'I　have　my　own　way　of　getting　at　both　of　them；
without　the　slightest　risk　of　being　discovered　by　your　husband。
All　you　have　to　do　is　to　give　me　the　opportunity　of　seeing　you
privately。　I　will　engage；　in　return；　to　bring　the　open　Diary　with
me　to　your　room。'

〃I　said；　'How　can　I　give　you　the　opportunity？　What　do　you　mean？'

'He　pointed　to　the　key　in　the　door　of　communication　between　my
room　and　the　little　study。

〃He　said；　'With　my　infirmity；　I　may　not　be　able　to　profit　by　the
first　opportunity　of　visiting　you　here　unobserved。　I　must　be　able
to　choose　my　own　time　and　my　own　way　of　getting　to　you　secretly。
Let　me　take　this　key；　leaving　the　door　locked。　When　the　key　is
missed；　if　_you_　say　it　doesn't　matterif　_you_　point　out　that
the　door　is　locked；　and　tell　the　servants　not　to　trouble
themselves　about　finding　the　keythere　will　be　no　disturbance　in
the　house；　and　I　shall　be　in　secure　possession　of　a　means　of
communication　with　you　which　no　one　will　suspect。　Will　you　do
this？'

〃I　have　done　it。

〃Yes！　I　have　become　the　accomplice　of　this　double…faced　villain。
I　have　degraded　myself　and　outraged　you　by　making　an　appointment
to　pry　into　your　Diary。　I　know　how　base　my　conduct　is。　I　can　make
no　excuse。　I　can　only　repeat　that　I　love　you；　and　that　I　am
sorely　afraid　you　don't　love　me。　And　Miserrimus　Dexter　offers　to
end　my　doubts　by　showing　me　the　most　secret　thoughts　of　your
heart；　in　your　own　writing。

〃He　is　to　be　with　me；　for　this　purpose　（while　you　are　out）；　some
time　in　the　course　of　the　next　two　hours　I　shall　decline　to　be
satisfied　with　only　once　looking　at　your　Diary；　and　I　shall　make
an　appointment　with　him　to　bring　it　to　me　again　at　the　same　time
to…morrow。　Before　then　you　will　receive　these　lines　by　the　hand
of　my　nurse。　Go　out　as　usual　after　reading　them；　but　return
privately；　and　unlock　the　table…drawer　in　which　you　keep　your
book。　You　will　find　it　gone。　Post　yourself　quietly　in　the　little
study；　and　you　will　discover　the　Diary　（when　Miserrimus　Dexter
leaves　me）　in　the　hands　of　your　friend。*

…
　*　Note　by　Mr。　Playmore：

The　greatest　difficulties　of　reconstruction　occurred　in　this
first　portion　of　the　torn　letter。　In　the　fourth　paragraph　from
the　beginning　we　have　been　obliged　to　supply　lost　words　in　no
less　than　three　places。　In　the　ninth；　tenth；　and　seventeenth
paragraphs　the　same　proceeding　was；　in　a　greater　or　less　degree；
found　to　be　necessary。　In　all　these　cases　the　utmost　pains　have
been　taken　to　supply　the　deficiency　in　exact　accordance　with　what
appeared　to　be　the　meaning　of　the　writer；　as　indicated　in　the
existing　pieces　of　the　manuscript。
…

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃October　20。

〃I　have　read　your　Diary。

〃At　last　I　know　what　you　really　think　of　me。　I　have　read　what
Miserrimus　Dexter　promised　I　should　readthe　confession　of　your
loathing　for　me；　in　your　own　handwriting。

〃You　will　not　receive　what　I　wrote　to　you　yesterday　at　the　time
or　in　the　manner　which　I　had　proposed。　Long　as　my　letter　is；　I
have　still　（after　reading　your　Diary）　some　more　words　to　add。
After　I　have　closed　and　sealed　the　envelope；　and　addressed　it　to
you；　I　shall　put　it　under　my　pillow。　It　will　be　found　there　when
I　am　laid　out　for　the　graveand　then；　Eustace　（when　it　is　too
late　for　hope　or　help）；　my　letter　will　be　given　to　you。

〃Yes：　I　have　had　enough　of　my　life。　Yes：　I　mean　to　die。

〃I　have　already　sacrificed　everything　but　my　life　to　my　love　for
you。　Now　I　know　that　my　love　is　not　returned；　the　last　sacrifice
left　is　easy。　My　death　will　set　you　free　to　marry　Mrs。　Beauly。

〃You　don't　know　what　it　cost　me　to　control　my　hatred　of　her；　and
to　beg　her　to　pay　her　visit　here；　without　minding　my　illness。　I
could　never　have　done　it　if　I　had　not　been　so　fond　of　you；　and　so
fearful　of　irritating　you　against　me　by　showing　my　jealousy。　And
how　did　you　reward　me？　Let　your　Diary　answer：　'I　tenderly
embraced　her　this　very　morning；　and　I　hope；　poor　soul；　she　did
not　discover　the　effort　that　it　cost　me。'

〃Well；　I　have　discovered　it　now。　I　know　that　you　privately　think
your　life　with　me　'a　purgatory。'　I　know　that　you　have
compassionately　hidden　from　me　the　'sense　of　shrinking　that　comes
over　you　when　you　are　obliged　to　submit　to　my　caresses。'　I　am
nothing　but　an　obstaclean　'utterly　distasteful'
obstaclebetween　you　and　the　woman　whom　you　love　so　dearly　that
you　'adore　the　earth　which　she　touches　with　her　foot。'　Be　it　so！
I　will　stand　in　your　way　no　longer。　It　is　no　sacrifice　and　no
merit　on　my　part。　Life　is　unendurable　to　me；　now　I　know　that　the
man　whom　I　love　with　all　my　heart　and　soul　secretly　shrinks　from
me　whenever　I　touch　him。

〃I　have　got　the　means　of　death　close　at　hand。

〃The　arsenic　that　I　twice　asked　you　to　buy　for　me　is　in　my
dressing…case。　I　deceived　you　when　I　mentioned　some　commonplace
domestic　reasons　for　wanting　it。　My　true　reason　was　to　try　if　I
could　not　improve　my　ugly　complexionnot　from　any　vain　feeling
of　mine：　only　to　make　myself　look　better　and　more　lovable　in　your
eyes。　I　have　taken　some　of　it　for　that　purpose；　but　I　have　got
plenty　left　to　kill　myself　with。　The　poison　will　have　its　use　at
last。　It　might　have　failed　to　improve　my　complexionit　will　not
fail　to　relieve　you　of　your　ugly　wife。

〃Don't　let　me　be　examined　after　death。　Show　this　letter　to　the
doctor　who　attends　me。　It　will　tell　him　that　I　have　committed
suicide；　it　will　prevent　any　innocent　persons　from　being
suspected　of　poisoning　me。　I　want　nobody　to　be　blamed　or
punished。　I　shall　remove　the　chemist's　label；　and　carefully　empty
the　bottle　containing　the　poison；　so　that　he　may　not　suffer　on　my
account。

〃I　must　wait　here；　and　rest　a　little　whilethen　take　up　my
letter　again。　It　is　far　too　long　already。　But　these　are　my
farewell　words。　I　may　surely　dwell　a　little　on　my　last　talk　with
you！

〃October　21。　Two　o'clock　in　the　morning。

〃I　sent　you　out　of　the　room　yesterday　when　you　came　in　to　ask　how
I　had　passed　the　night。　And　I　spoke　of　you　shamefully；　Eustace；
after　you　had　gone；　to　the　hired　nurse　who　attends　on　me。　Forgive
me。　I　am　almost　beside　myself　now。　You　know　why。

　〃Half…past　three。

〃Oh；　my　husband；　I　have　done　the　deed　which　will　relieve　you　of
the　wife　whom　you　hate！　I　have　taken　the　poisonall　of　it　that
was　left　in　the　paper　packet；　which　was　the　first　that　I　found。
If　this　is　not　enough　to　kill　me；　I　have　more　left　in　the　bottl