the complete plays-第101章
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Now it is not easy to make a prisoner smile。 And it
should not be difficult to be a good jester； seeing
that thou are one。
POINT Difficult？ Nothing easier。 Nothing easier。 Attend； and
I will prove it to thee！
No。 14。 Oh！ a private buffoon is a light…hearted loon
（SONG）
Point
POINT Oh！ a private buffoon is a light…hearted loon；
If you listen to popular rumour；
From morning to night he's so joyous and bright；
And he bubbles with wit and good humour！
He's so quaint and so terse；
Both in prose and in verse；
Yet though people forgive his transgression；
There are one or two rules that all family fools
Must observe； if they love their profession。
There are one or two rules；
Half…a…dozen； maybe；
That all family fools；
Of whatever degree；
Must observe if they love their profession。
If you wish to succeed as a jester； you'll need
To consider each person's auricular：
What is all right for B would quite scandalize C
（For C is so very particular）；
And D may be dull； and E's very thick skull
Is as empty of brains as a ladle；
While F is F sharp； and will cry with a carp；
That he's known your best joke from his cradle！
When your humour they flout；
You can't let yourself go；
And it does put you out
When a person says； 〃Oh！
I have known that old joke from my cradle！〃
If your master is surly； from getting up early
（And tempers are short in the morning）；
An inopportune joke is enough to provoke
Him to give you； at once； a month's warning。
Then if you refrain； he is at you again；
For he likes to get value for money：
He'll ask then and there； with an insolent stare；
〃If you know that you're paid to be funny？〃
It adds to the tasks
Of a merryman's place；
When your principal asks；
With a scowl on his face；
If you know that you're paid to be funny？
Comes a Bishop； maybe； or a solemn D。D。
Oh； beware of his anger provoking！
Better not pull his hair
Don't stick pins in his chair；
He won't understand practical joking。
If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack；
You may get a bland smile from these sages；
But should it； by chance； be imported from France；
Half…a…crown is stopped out of your wages！
It's a general rule；
Tho' your zeal it may quench；
If the Family Fool
Makes a joke that's too French；
Half…a…crown is stopped out of his wages！
Though your head it may rack with a bilious attack；
And your senses with toothache you're losing；
And you're mopy and flat
they don't fine you for that
If you're properly quaint and amusing！
Though your wife ran away with a soldier that day；
And took with her your trifle of money；
Bless your heart； they don't mind
they're exceedingly kind
They don't blame youas long as you're funny！
It's a comfort to feel
If your partner should flit；
Though you suffer a deal；
They don't mind it a bit
They don't blame youso long as you're funny！
POINT And so thou wouldst be a jester eh？
WILFRED Aye！
POINT Now； listen！ My sweetheart； Elsie Maynard； was
secretly wed to this Fairfax half an hour ere he
escaped。
WILFRED She did well。
POINT She did nothing of the kind； so hold thy peace and
perpend。 Now； while he liveth she is dead to me and I
to her； and so； my jibes and jokes notwithstanding； I
am the saddest and the sorriest dog in England！
WILFRED Thou art a very dull dog indeed。
POINT Now； if thou wilt swear that thou didst shoot this
Fairfax while he was trying to swim across the river
it needs but the discharge of an arquebus on a dark
night and that he sank and was seen no more； I'll
make thee the very Archbishop of jesters； and that in
two days'time！ Now； what sayest thou？
WILFRED I am to lie？
POINT Heartily。 But thy lie must be a lie of circumstance；
which I will support with the testimony of eyes；
ears；and tongue。
WILFRED And thou wilt qualify me as a jester？
POINT As a jester among jesters。 I will teach thee all my
original songs； my self…constructed riddles； my own
ingenious paradoxes； nay； more； I will reveal to thee
the source whence I get them。 Now； what sayest thou？
WILFRED Why； if it be but a lie thou wantest of me； I hold it
cheap enough； and I say yes； it is a bargain！
No。 15。 Hereupon we're both agreed
（DUET）
Point and Wilfred
BOTH Hereupon we're both agreed；
All that we two
Do agree to
We'll secure by solemn deed；
To prevent all
Error mental。
POINT You on Elsie are to call
With a story
Grim and gory；
WILFRED How this Fairfax died； and all
I declare to
You're to swear to。
POINT I to swear to！
WILFRED I declare to；
POINT I to swear to！
WILFRED I declare to；
BOTH I to swear to；/I declare to；
You declare to；/You're to swear to；
I to swear to；/I declare to。
BOTH Tell a tale of cock and bull；
Of convincing detail full
Tale tremendous；
Heav'n defend us！
What a tale of cock and bull！
In return for your/my own part
You are/I am making； undertaking
To instruct me/you in the art
（Art amazing； wonder raising）
POINT Of a jester； jesting free。
Proud position
High ambition！
WILFRED And a lively one I'll be；
Wag…a…wagging；
Never flagging！
POINT Wag…a…wagging；
WILFRED Never flagging；
POINT Wag…a…wagging；
WILFRED Never flagging；
BOTH Never flagging；/Wag…a…wagging；
Wag…a…wagging；/Never flagging；
Never flagging；/Wag…a…wagging！
BOTH Tell a tale of cock and bull；
Of convincing detail full
Tale tremendous；
Heav'n defend us！
What a tale of cock and bull！
POINT What a tale of cock；
WILFRED What a tale of bull！
POINT What a tale of cock；
WILFRED What a tale of bull！
BOTH What a tale of cock and bull；
Cock and bull； cock and bull；
Heav'n defend us！
What a tale of cock and bull！
＇Exeunt together。
＇Enter FAIRFAX
FAIRFAX Two days gone； and no news of poor Fairfax。 The dolts！
They seek him everywhere save within a dozen yards of
his dungeon。 So I am free！ Free； but for the cursed
haste with which I hurried headlong into the bonds of
matrimony with Heaven knows whom！ As far as I
remember； she should have been young； but even had not
her face been concealed by her kerchief； I doubt
whether； in my then plight； I should have taken much
note of her。 Free？ Bah！ The Tower bonds were but a
thread of silk compared with these conjugal fetters
which I； fool that I was； placed upon mine own hands。
From the one I broke readily enough how to break the
other！
No。 16。 Free from his fetters grim
（BALLAD）
Fairfax
FAIRFAX Free from his fetters grim
Free to depart；
Free both in life and limb
In all but heart！
Bound to an unknown bride
For good and ill；
Ah； is not one so tied
A pris'ner still； a pris'ner still？
Ah； is not one so tied
A pris'ner still？
Free； yet in fetters held
Till his last hour；
Gyves that no smith can weld；
No rust devour！
Although a monarch's hand
Had set him free；
Of all the captive band
The saddest he； the saddest he！
Of all the captive band
The saddest； saddest he！
＇Enter SERGEANT MERYLL
FAIRFAX Well； Sergeant Meryll； and how fares thy pretty
charge；Elsie Maynard？
MERYLL Well enough； sir。 She is quite strong again； and
leaves us to…night。
FAIRFAX Thanks to Dame Carruthers' kind nursing； eh？
MERYLL Aye； deuce take the old witch！ Ah； 'twas but a sorry
trick you played me； sir； to bring the fainting girl
to me。 It gave the old lady an excuse for taking up
her quarters in my house； and for the last two years
I've shunned her like the plague。 Another day of it
and she would have married me！ ＇Enter DAME CARRUTHERS
and KATE＇ Good Lord； here she is again！ I'll e'en go。
＇Going＇
DAME Nay； Sergeant Meryll； don't go。 I have something of
grave import to say to thee。
MERYLL ＇aside＇ It's coming。
FAIRFAX ＇laug
