the complete plays-第35章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
And you'll allow； as I expect；
That he was right to so object。
And I am right；
And you are right；
And everything is quite correct！
CHORUS。 And you are right；
And we are right； etc。
And so we straight let out on bail
A convict from the county jail；
Whose head was next
On some pretext
Condemned to be mown off；
And made him Headsman； for we said；
〃Who's next to be decapited
Cannot cut off another's head
Until he's cut his own off。〃
And we are right； I think you'll say；
To argue in this kind of way；
And I am right；
And you are right；
And all is righttoo…looral…lay！
CHORUS。 And you are right；
And we are right； etc。
＇Exeunt
Chorus。
Enter Pooh…Bah。
NANK。 Ko…Ko； the cheap tailor； Lord High Executioner of
Titipu！ Why； that's the highest rank a citizen can attain！
POOH。 It is。 Our logical Mikado； seeing no moral
difference between the dignified judge who condemns a criminal to
die； and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence；
has rolled the two offices into one； and every judge is now his
own executioner。
NANK。 But how good of you （for I see that you are a
nobleman of the highest rank） to condescend to tell all this to
me； a mere strolling minstrel！
POOH。 Don't mention it。 I am； in point of fact； a
particularly haughty and exclusive person； of pre…Adamite
ancestral descent。 You will understand this when I tell you that
I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic
globule。 Consequently； my family pride is something
inconceivable。 I can't help it。 I was born sneering。 But I
struggle hard to overcome this defect。 I mortify my pride
continually。 When all the great officers of State resigned in a
body because they were too proud to serve under an ex…tailor； did
I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once？
PISH。 And the salaries attached to them？ You did。
POOH。 It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this
upstart as First Lord of the Treasury； Lord Chief Justice；
Commander…in…Chief； Lord High Admiral； Master of the Buckhounds；
Groom of the Back Stairs； Archbishop of Titipu； and Lord Mayor；
both acting and elect； all rolled into one。 And at a salary！ A
Pooh…Bah paid for his services！ I a salaried minion！ But I do
it！ It revolts me； but I do it！
NANK。 And it does you credit。
POOH。 But I don't stop at that。 I go and dine with
middle…class people on reasonable terms。 I dance at cheap
suburban parties for a moderate fee。 I accept refreshment at any
hands； however lowly。 I also retail State secrets at a very low
figure。 For instance； any further information about Yum…Yum
would come under the head of a State secret。 （Nanki…Poo takes his
hint； and gives him money。） （Aside。） Another insult and； I
think； a light one！
SONGPOOH…BAH with NANKI…POO and PISH…TUSH。
Young man； despair；
Likewise go to；
Yum…Yum the fair
You must not woo。
It will not do：
I'm sorry for you；
You very imperfect ablutioner！
This very day
From school Yum…Yum
Will wend her way；
And homeward come；
With beat of drum
And a rum…tum…tum；
To wed the Lord High executioner！
And the brass will crash；
And the trumpets bray；
And they'll cut a dash
On their wedding day。
She'll toddle away； as all aver；
With the Lord High Executioner '
NANK。 and POOH。 And the brass will crash； etc。
It's a hopeless case；
As you may see；
And in your place
Away I'd flee；
But don't blame me
I'm sorry to be
Of your pleasure a diminutioner。
They'll vow their pact
Extremely soon；
In point of fact
This afternoon。
Her honeymoon
With that buffoon
At seven commences； so you shun her！
ALL。 And the brass will crash； etc。
＇Exit
Pish…Tush。
RECIT。NANKI…POO and POOH…BAH。
NANK。 And I have journeyed for a month； or nearly；
To learn that Yum…Yum； whom I love so dearly；
This day to Ko…Ko is to be united！
POOH。 The fact appears to be as you've recited：
But here he comes； equipped as suits his station；
He'll give you any further information。
＇Exeunt Pooh…Bah and
Nanki…Poo。
Enter Chorus of Nobles。
Behold the Lord High Executioner
A personage of noble rank and title
A dignified and potent officer；
Whose functions are particularly vital！
Defer； defer；
To the Lord High Executioner！
Enter Ko…Ko attended。
SOLOKO…KO。
Taken from the county jail
By a set of curious chances；
Liberated then on bail；
On my own recognizances；
Wafted by a favouring gale
As one sometimes is in trances；
To a height that few can scale；
Save by long and weary dances；
Surely； never had a male
Under such like circumstances
So adventurous a tale；
Which may rank with most romances。
CHORUS。 Defer； defer；
To the Lord High Executioner； etc。
KO。 Gentlemen； I'm much touched by this reception。 I can
only trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a
continuance of those favours which it will ever be my study to
deserve。 If I should ever be called upon to act professionally；
I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding
plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at
large。
SONGKO…KO with CHORUS OF MEN。
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found；
I've got a little listI've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground；
And who never would be missedwho never would be missed！
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs
All children who are up in dates； and floor you with 'em flat
All persons who in shaking hands； shake hands with you like
that
And all third persons who on spoiling ttettes insist
They'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be missed！
CHORUS。 He's got 'em on the listhe's got 'em on the list；
And they'll none of 'em be missedthey'll none of
'em be missed。
There's the banjo serenader； and the others of his race；
And the piano…organistI've got him on the list！
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face；
They never would be missedthey never would be missed！
Then the idiot who praises； with enthusiastic tone；
All centuries but this； and every country but his own；
And the lady from the provinces； who dresses like a guy；
And who 〃doesn't think she waltzes； but would rather like to
try〃；
And that singular anomaly； the lady novelist
I don't think she'd be missedI'm sure she'd not he missed！
CHORUS。 He's got her on the listhe's got her on the list；
And I don't think she'll be missedI'm sure
she'll not be missed！
And that Nisi Prius nuisance； who just now is rather rife；
The Judicial humoristI've got him on the list！
All funny fellows； comic men； and clowns of private life
They'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be missed。
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind；
Such asWhat d'ye call himThing'em…bob； and
likewiseNever…mind；
And 'St'st'stand What's…his…name； and also You…know…who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you。
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list；
For they'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be
missed！
CHORUS。 You may put 'em on the listyou may put 'em on the
list；
And they'll none of 'em be missedthey'll none of
'em be missed！
Enter Pooh…Bah。
KO。 Pooh…Bah； it seems that the festivities in connection
with my approaching marriage must last a week。 I should like to
do it handsomely； and I want to consult you as to the amount I
ought to spend upon them。
POOH。 Certainly。 In which of my capacities？ As First Lord
of the Treasury； Lord Chamberlain； Attorney General； Chancellor
of the Exchequer； Privy Purse； or Private Secretary？
KO。 Suppose we say as Private Secretary。
POOH。 Speaking as your Private Secretary； I should say
that； as the city will have to pay for it； don't stint yourself；
do it well。
KO。 Exactlyas the city will have to pay for it。 That is
your advice。
POOH。 As Private Secretary。 Of course you will understand
that； as Chancellor of the Exchequer； I am bound to see that due
economy is observed。
KO。 Oh！ But you said just now 〃Don't stint yourself； do it
well〃。
POOH。 As Private Secretary。
KO。 And now you say that due economy must be observed。
POOH。 As Chancellor of the Exchequer。
KO。 I see。 Come over here； where the Chancellor can't hear
us。 （They cross the stage。） Now； as my Solicitor； how do you
advise me to deal with this difficulty？
POOH。 Oh； as your Solicitor； I should have no hesitation in
saying 〃Chance it〃
KO。 Thank you。 （Shaking his hand。） I will。
POOH。 If it were not that； as Lord Chief Justice； I am
bound to see that the law isn't violated。
KO。 I see。 Come over here where the Chief Justice can't
hear us。 （They cross the stage。） Now； then； as First Lord of
the Treasury？
POOH。 Of course； as First Lord of the Treasury； I could
propose a special vote that would cover all expenses； if it were
not that； as Leader of the Opposition； it would be my dut
