the complete plays-第40章
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KO。 Now then； Lord Mayor； what is it？
POOH。 The Mikado and his suite are approaching the city；
and will be here in ten minutes。
KO。 The Mikado！ He's coming to see whether his orders have
been carried out！ （To Nanki…Poo。） Now look here； you knowthis
is getting seriousa bargain's a bargain； and you really mustn't
frustrate the ends of justice by committing suicide。 As a man of
honour and a gentleman； you are bound to die ignominiously by the
hands of the Public Executioner。
NANK。 Very well； thenbehead me。
KO。 What； now？
NANK。 Certainly； at once。
POOH。 Chop it off！ Chop it off！
KO。 My good sir； I don't go about prepared to execute
gentlemen at a moment's notice。 Why； I never even killed a
blue…bottle！
POOH。 Still； as Lord High Executioner
KO。 My good sir； as Lord High Executioner； I've got to
behead him in a month。 I'm not ready yet。 I don't know how it's
done。 I'm going to take lessons。 I mean to begin with a guinea
pig； and work my way through the animal kingdom till I come to a
Second Trombone。 Why； you don't suppose that； as a humane man；
I'd have accepted the post of Lord High Executioner if I hadn't
thought the duties were purely nominal？ I can't kill youI
can't kill anything！ I can't kill anybody！ （Weeps。）
NANK。 Come； my poor fellow； we all have unpleasant duties
to discharge at times； after all； what is it？ If I don't mind；
why should you？ Remember； sooner or later it must be done。
KO。 （springing up suddenly）。 Must it？ I'm not so sure
about that！
NANK。 What do you mean？
KO。 Why should I kill you when making an affidavit that
you've been executed will do just as well？ Here are plenty of
witnessesthe Lord Chief Justice； Lord High Admiral；
Commander…in…Chief； Secretary of State for the Home Department；
First Lord of the Treasury； and Chief Commissioner of Police。
NANK。 But where are they？
KO。 There they are。 They'll all swear to itwon't you？
（To Pooh…Bah。）
POOH。 Am I to understand that all of us high Officers of
State are required to perjure ourselves to ensure your safety？
KO。 Why not！ You'll be grossly insulted； as usual。
POOH。 Will the insult be cash down； or at a date？
KO。 It will be a ready…money transaction。
POOH。 （Aside。） Well； it will be a useful discipline。
（Aloud。） Very good。 Choose your fiction； and I'll endorse it！
（Aside。） Ha！ ha！ Family Pride； how do you like that； my buck？
NANK。 But I tell you that life without Yum…Yum
KO。 Oh； Yum…Yum； Yum…Yum！ Bother Yum…Yum！ Here；
Commissionaire （to Pooh…Bah）； go and fetch Yum…Yum。 （Exit
Pooh…Bah。） Take Yum…Yum and marry Yum…Yum； only go away and never
come back again。 （Enter Pooh…Bah with Yum…Yum。） Here she is。
Yum…Yum； are you particularly busy？
YUM。 Not particularly。
KO。 You've five minutes to spare？
YUM。 Yes。
KO。 Then go along with his Grace the Archbishop of Titipu；
he'll marry you at once。
YUM。 But if I'm to be buried alive？
KO。 Now； don't ask any questions； but do as I tell you； and
Nanki…Poo will explain all。
NANK。 But one moment
KO。 Not for worlds。 Here comes the Mikado； no doubt to
ascertain whether I've obeyed his decree； and if he finds you
alive I shall have the greatest difficulty in persuading him that
I've beheaded you。 （Exeunt Nanki…Poo and Yum…Yum； followed by
Pooh…Bah。） Close thing that； for here he comes！
＇Exit Ko…Ko。
March。Enter procession； heralding Mikado； with Katisha。
Entrance of Mikado and Katisha。
（〃March of the Mikado's troops。〃）
CHORUS。 Miya sama； miya sama；
On n'm…ma no maye ni
Pira…Pira suru no wa
Nan gia na
Toko tonyare tonyare na？
DUETMIKADO and KATISHA。
MIK。 From every kind of man
Obedience I expect；
I'm the Emperor of Japan
KAT。 And I'm his daughter…in…law elect！
He'll marry his son
（He's only got one）
To his daughter…in…law elect！
MIK。 My morals have been declared
Particularly correct；
KAT。 But they're nothing at all； compared
With those of his daughter…in…law elect！
BowBow
To his daughter…in…law elect！
ALL。 BowBow
To his daughter…in…law elect。
MIK。 In a fatherly kind of way
I govern each tribe and sect；
All cheerfully own my sway
KAT。 Except his daughter…in…law elect！
As tough as a bone；
With a will of her own；
Is his daughter…in…law elect！
MIK。 My nature is love and light
My freedom from all defect
KAT。 Is insignificant quite；
Compared with his daughter…in…law elect！
BowBow
To his daughter…in…law elect！
ALL。 BowBow
To his daughter…in…law elect！
SONGMIKADO and CHORUS。
A more humane Mikado never
Did in Japan exist；
To nobody second；
I'm certainly reckoned
A true philanthropist。
It is my very humane endeavour
To make； to some extent；
Each evil liver
A running river
Of harmless merriment。
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime；
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment！
Of innocent merriment！
All prosy dull society sinners；
Who chatter and bleat and bore；
Are sent to hear sermons
From mystical Germans
Who preach from ten till four。
The amateur tenor； whose vocal villainies
All desire to shirk；
Shall； during off…hours；
Exhibit his powers
To Madame Tussaud's waxwork。
The lady who dyes a chemical yellow
Or stains her grey hair puce；
Or pinches her figure；
Is painted with vigour
With permanent walnut juice。
The idiot who； in railway carriages；
Scribbles on window…panes；
We only suffer
To ride on a buffer
In Parliamentary trains。
My object all sublime； etc。
CHORUS。 His object all sublime； etc。
The advertising quack who wearies
With tales of countless cures；
His teeth； I've enacted；
Shall all be extracted
By terrified amateurs。
The music…hall singer attends a series
Of masses and fugues and 〃ops〃
By Bach； interwoven
With Spohr and Beethoven；
At classical Monday Pops。
The billiard sharp who any one catches；
His doom's extremely hard
He's made to dwell
In a dungeon cell
On a spot that's always barred。
And there he plays extravagant matches
In fitless finger…stalls
On a cloth untrue
With a twisted cue
And elliptical billiard balls！
My object all sublime； etc。
CHORUS。 His object all sublime； etc。
Enter Pooh…Bah； Ko…Ko； and Pitti…Sing。 All kneel
（Pooh…Bah hands a paper to Ko…Ko。）
KO。 I am honoured in being permitted to welcome your
Majesty。 I guess the object of your Majesty's visityour wishes
have been attended to。 The execution has taken place。
MIK。 Oh； you've had an execution； have you？
KO。 Yes。 The Coroner has just handed me his certificate。
POOH。 I am the Coroner。 （Ko…Ko hands certificate to
Mikado。）
MIK。 And this is the certificate of his death。 （Reads。）
〃At Titipu； in the presence of the Lord Chancellor； Lord Chief
Justice； Attorney…General； Secretary of State for the Home
Department； Lord Mayor； and Groom of the Second Floor Front〃
POOH。 They were all present； your Majesty。 I counted them
myself。
MIK。 Very good house。 I wish I'd been in time for the
performance。
KO。 A tough fellow he was； tooa man of gigantic strength。
His struggles were terrific。 It was a remarkable scene。
MIK。 Describe it。
TRIO and CHORUS。
KO…KO； PITTI…SING； POOH…BAH and CHORUS。
KO。 The criminal cried； as he dropped him down；
In a state of wild alarm
With a frightful； frantic； fearful frown；
I bared my big right arm。
I seized him by his little pig…tail；
And on his knees fell he；
As he squirmed and struggled；
And gurgled and guggled；
I drew my snickersnee！
Oh； never shall I
Forget the cry；
Or the shriek that shrieked he；
As I gnashed my teeth；
When from its sheath
I drew my snickersnee！
CHORUS。
We know him well；
He cannot tell
Untrue or groundless tales
He always tries
To utter lies；
And every time he fails。
PITTI。 He shivered and shook as he gave the sign
For the stroke he didn't deserve；
When all of a sudden his eye met mine；
And it seemed to brace his nerve；
For he nodded his head and kissed his hand；
And he whistl
