the complete plays-第7章
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From ever so far； and we've brought your wives
And to that end we've crossed the main；
And don't intend to return again！
（Enter Gianetta and Tessa。 They rush to the arms of Marco and
Giuseppe。）
GIU。 Tessa！
TESS。 Giuseppe！ ｛All embrace。｝
GIA。 Marco！
MAR。 Gianetta！
TESSA and GIANETTA。
TESS。 After sailing to this island
GIA。 Tossing in a manner frightful；
TESS。 We are all once more on dry land
GIA。 And we find the change delightful；
TESS。 As at home we've been remaining
We've not seen you both for ages；
GIA。 Tell me； are you fond of reigning？
How's the food； and what's the wages？
TESS。 Does your new employment please ye？
GIA。 How does Royalizing strike you？
TESS。 Is it difficult or easy？
GIA。 Do you think your subjects like you？
TESS。 I am anxious to elicit；
Is it plain and easy steering？
GIA。 Take it altogether； is it
Better fun than gondoliering？
BOTH。 We shall both go on requesting
Till you tell us； never doubt it；
Everything is interesting；
Tell us； tell us all about it！
CHORUS。 They will both go on requesting； etc。
TESS。 Is the populace exacting？
GIA。 Do they keep you at a distance？
TESS。 All unaided are you acting；
GIA。 Or do they provide assistance？
TESS。 When you're busy； have you got to
Get up early in the morning？
GIA。 If you do what you ought not to；
Do they give the usual warning？
TESS。 With a horse do they equip you？
GIA。 Lots of trumpeting and drumming？
TESS。 Do the Royal tradesmen tip you？
GIA。 Ain't the livery becoming！
TESS。 Does your human being inner
Feed on everything that nice is？
GIA。 Do they give you wine for dinner；
Peaches； sugar…plums； and ices？
BOTH。 We shall both go on requesting
Till you tell us； never doubt it；
Everything is interesting；
Tell us； tell us all about it！
CHORUS。 They will both go on requesting； etc。
MAR。 This is indeed a most delightful surprise！
TESS。 Yes； we thought you'd like it。 You see； it was like
this。 After you left we felt very dull and mopey； and the days
crawled by； and you never wrote； so at last I said to Gianetta；
〃I can't stand this any longer； those two poor Monarchs haven't
got any one to mend their stockings or sew on their buttons or
patch their clothesat least； I hope they haven'tlet us all
pack up a change and go and see how they're getting on。〃 And she
said； 〃Done；〃 and they all said； 〃Done〃； and we asked old Giacopo
to lend us his boat； and he said； 〃Done〃； and we've crossed the
sea； and； thank goodness； that's done； and here we are；
andandI've done！
GIA。 And nowwhich of you is King？
TESS。 And which of us is Queen？
GIU。 That we shan't know until Nurse turns up。 But never
mind thatthe question is； how shall we celebrate the
commencement of our honeymoon？ Gentlemen； will you allow us to
offer you a magnificent banquet？
ALL。 We will！
GIU。 Thanks very much； and； ladies； what do you say to a
dance？
TESS。 A banquet and a dance！ O； it's too much happiness！
CHORUS and DANCE。
Dance a cachucha； fandango； bolero；
Xeres we'll drinkManzanilla； Montero
Wine； when it runs in abundance； enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances！
To the pretty pitter…pitter…patter；
And the clitter…clitter…clitter…clatter
Clitterclitterclatter；
Pitterpitterpatter；
Patter； patter； patter； patter； we'll dance。
Old Xeres we'll drinkManzanilla； Montero；
For wine； when it runs in abundance； enhances
The reckless delight of that wildest of dances！
（Cachucha。）
（The dance is interrupted by the unexpected appearance of Don
Alhambra； who looks on with astonishment。 Marco and Giuseppe
appear embarrassed。 The others run off； except Drummer Boy； who
is driven off by Don Alhambra。）
DON AL。 Good evening。 Fancy ball？
GIU。 No； not exactly。 A little friendly dance。 That's
all。 Sorry you're late。
DON AL。 But I saw a groom dancing； and a footman！
MAR。 Yes。 That's the Lord High Footman。
DON AL。 And； dear me； a common little drummer boy！
GIU。 Oh no！ That's the Lord High Drummer Boy。
DON AL。 But surely； surely the servants'…hall is the place
for these gentry？
GIU。 Oh dear no！ We have appropriated the servants'…hall。
It's the Royal Apartment； and accessible only by tickets
obtainable at the Lord Chamberlain's office。
MAR。 We really must have some place that we can call our
own。
DON AL。 （puzzled）。 I'm afraid I'm not quite equal to the
intellectual pressure of the conversation。
GIU。 You see； the Monarchy has been re…modelled on
Republican principles。
DON AL。 What！
GIU。 All departments rank equally； and everybody is at the
head of his department。
DON AL。 I see。
MAR。 I'm afraid you're annoyed。
DON AL。 No。 I won't say that。 It's not quite what I
expected。
GIU。 I'm awfully sorry。
MAR。 So am I。
GIU。 By the by； can I offer you anything after your voyage？
A plate of macaroni and a rusk？
DON AL。 （preoccupied）。 No； nonothingnothing。
GIU。 Obliged to be careful？
DON AL。 Yesgout。 You see； in every Court there are
distinctions that must be observed。
GIU。 （puzzled）。 There are； are there？
DON AL。 Why； of course。 For instance； you wouldn't have a
Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook。
MAR。 Why not？
DON AL。 Why not！ Because a Lord High Chancellor is a
personage of great dignity； who should never； under any
circumstances； place himself in the position of being told to
tuck in his tuppenny； except by noblemen of his own rank。 A Lord
High Archbishop； for instance； might tell a Lord High Chancellor
to tuck in his tuppenny； but certainly not a cook； gentlemen；
certainly not a cook。
GIU。 Not even a Lord High Cook？
DON AL。 My good friend； that is a rank that is not
recognized at the Lord Chamberlain's office。 No； no； it won't
do。 I'll give you an instance in which the experiment was tried。
SONGDON ALHAMBRA； with MARCO and GIUSEPPE。
DON AL。 There lived a King； as I've been told；
In the wonder…working days of old；
When hearts were twice as good as gold；
And twenty times as mellow。
Good…temper triumphed in his face；
And in his heart he found a place
For all the erring human race
And every wretched fellow。
When he had Rhenish wine to drink
It made him very sad to think
That some； at junket or at jink；
Must be content with toddy。
MAR。 and GIU。 With toddy； must be content with toddy。
DON AL。 He wished all men as rich as he
（And he was rich as rich could be）；
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody。
MAR。 and GIU。 Now； that's the kind of King for me。
He wished all men as rich as he；
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody！
DON AL。 Lord Chancellors were cheap as sprats；
And Bishops in their shovel hats
Were plentiful as tabby cats
In point of fact； too many。
Ambassadors cropped up like hay；
Prime Ministers and such as they
Grew like asparagus in May；
And Dukes were three a penny。
On every side Field…Marshals gleamed；
Small beer were Lords…Lieutenant deemed；
With Admirals the ocean teemed
All round his wide dominions。
MAR。 and GIU。 With Admirals all round his wide dominions。
DON AL。 And Party Leaders you might meet
In twos and threes in every street
Maintaining； with no little heat；
Their various opinions。
MAR。 and GIU。 Now that's a sight you couldn't beat
Two Party Leaders in each street
Maintaining； with no little heat；
Their various opinions。
DON AL。 That King； although no one denies
His heart was of abnormal size；
Yet he'd have acted otherwise
If he had been acuter。
The end is easily foretold；
When every blessed thing you hold
Is made of silver； or of gold；
You long for simple pewter。
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare；
For cloth of gold you cease to care
Up goes the price of shoddy。
MAR。 and GIU。 Of shoddy； up goes the price of shoddy。
DON AL。 In short； whoever you may be；
To this conclusion you'll agree；
When every one is somebodee；
Then no one's anybody！
MAR。 and GIU。 Now that's as plain as plain can be；
To this conclusion we agree
ALL。 When every one is somebodee；
Then no one's anybody！
（Gianetta and Tessa enter unobserved。 The two girls； impelled by
curiosity； remain listening at the back of the stage。）
DON AL。 And now I have some important news to communicate。
His Grace the Duke of Plaza…Toro； Her Grace the Duchess； and
their beautiful daughter CasildaI say their beautiful daughter
Casilda
GIU。 We heard you。
DON AL。 Have arrived at Barataria； and may be here at any
moment。
MAR。 The Duke and Duchess are nothing to us。
DON AL。 But the daughterthe beautiful daughter！ Aha！
Oh； you're a lucky dog； one of you！
GIU。 I think you're a very incomprehensible old gentleman。
DON AL。 Not a bitI'll explain。 Many years ago when you
（whichever you are） were a baby； you （whichever you are） were
married to a little girl who has grown up to be the most
beautiful young lady in Spain。 That beautiful young lady will be
here to claim you （whichever you are） in half an hour； and I
congratulate that one （whichever it is） with all my heart。
MAR。 Married when a baby！
GIU。 But we were married three months ago！
DON AL。 One o
