the complete plays-第84章
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an
ideal Republic； it was found that what may be described
as a
Despotism tempered by Dynamite provides； on the whole；
the
most satisfactory description of ruleran autocrat who
dares not abuse his autocratic power。
Tarara： That's the theorybut in practice； how does it act？
Now；
do you ever happen to see the Palace Peeper？ （producing
a
〃Society〃 paper）。
Calynx： Never even heard of the journal。
Tarara： I'm not surprised； because His Majesty's agents always
buy
up the whole edition； but I have an aunt in the
publishing
department； and she has supplied me with a copy。 Well；
it
actually teems with circumstantially convincing details
of
the King's abominable immoralities！ If this high…class
journal may be believed； His Majesty is one of the most
Heliogabalian profligates that ever disgraced an
autocratic
throne！ And do these Wise Men denounce him to me？ Not
a
bit of it！ They wink at his immoralities！ Under the
cir…
cumstances I really think I am justified in exclaiming
〃Lalabelele molola lililah kalabalale poo！〃 （All horri…
fied。） I don't carethe occasion demands it。 （Exit
Tarara）
（March。 Enter Guard； escorting Scaphio and Phantis。）
CHORUS。
O make way for the Wise Men！
They are the prizemen
Double…first in the world's university！
For though lovely this island
（Which is my land）；
She has no one to match them in her city。
They're the pride of Utopia
Cornucopia
Is each his mental fertility。
O they make no blunder；
And no wonder；
For they're triumphs of infallibility。
DUET Scaphio and Phantis。
In every mental lore
（The statement smacks of vanity）
We claim to rank before
The wisest of humanity。
As gifts of head and heart
We wasted on 〃utility；〃
We're 〃cast〃 to play a part
Of great responsibility。
Our duty is to spy
Upon our King's illicites；
And keep a watchful eye
On all his eccentricities。
If ever a trick he tries
That savours of rascality；
At our decree he dies
Without the least formality。
We fear no rude rebuff；
Or newspaper publicity；
Our word is quite enough；
The rest is electricity。
A pound of dynamite
Explodes in his auriculars；
It's not a pleasant sight
We'll spare you the particulars。
Its force all men confess；
The King needs no admonishing
We may say its success
Is something quite astonishing。
Our despot it imbues
With virtues quite delectable；
He minds his P's and Q's；
And keeps himself respectable。
Of a tyrant polite
He's paragon quite。
He's as modest and mild
In his ways as a child；
And no one ever met
With an autocrat yet；
So delightfully bland
To the least in the land！
So make way for the wise men； etc。
（Exeunt all but Scaphio and Phantis。 Phantis is pensive。）
Scaphio： Phantis； you are not in your customary exuberant spirits。
What is wrong？
Phantis： Scaphio； I think you once told me that you have never
loved？
Scaphio： Never！ I have often marvelled at the fairy influence
which
weaves its rosy web about the faculties of the greatest
and
wisest of our race； but I thank Heaven I have never been
subjected to its singular fascination。 For； oh； Phantis！
there is that within me that tells me that when my time
does
come； the convulsion will be tremendous！ When I love； it
will be with the accumulated fervor of sixty…six years！
But
I have an ideala semi…transparent Being； filled with an
inorganic pink jellyand I have never yet seen the woman
who approaches within measurable distance of it。 All are
opaqueopaqueopaque！
Phantis： Keep that ideal firmly before you； and love not until you
find her。 Though but fifty…five； I am an old campaigner
in
the battle…fields of Love； and； believe me； it is better
to
be as you are； heart…free and happy； than as I
ameternally
racked with doubting agonies！ Scaphio； the Princess Zara
returns from England today！
Scaphio： My poor boy； I see it all。
Phantis： Oh！ Scaphio； she is so beautiful。 Ah！ you smile； for you
have never seen her。 She sailed for England three months
before you took office。
Scaphio： Now tell me； is your affection requited？
Phantis： I do not knowI am not sure。 Sometimes I think it is；
and
then come these torturing doubts！ I feel sure that she
does
not regard me with absolute indifference； for she could
never look at me without having to go to bed with a sick
headache。
Scaphio： That is surely something。 Come； take heart； boy！ you
are
young and beautiful。 What more could maiden want？
Phantis： Ah！ Scaphio； remember she returns from a land where every
youth is as a young Greek god； and where such beauty as
I
can boast is seen at every turn。
Scaphio： Be of good cheer！ Marry her； boy； if so your fancy
wills；
and be sure that love will come。
Phantis： （overjoyed） Then you will assist me in this？
Scaphio： Why； surely！ Silly one； what have you to fear？ We have
but
to say the word； and her father must consent。 Is he not
our
very slave？ Come； take heart。 I cannot bear to see you
sad。
Phantis： Now I may hope； indeed！ Scaphio； you have placed me on
the
very pinnacle of human joy！
DUET Scaphio and Phantis。
Scaphio： Let all your doubts take wing
Our influence is great。
If Paramount our King
Presume to hesitate
Put on the screw；
And caution him
That he will rue
Disaster grim
That must ensue
To life and limb；
Should he pooh…pooh
This harmless whim。
Both： This harmless whimthis harmless whim；
It is as I/you say； a harmless whim。
Phantis： （dancing） Observe this dance
Which I employ
When I； by chance
Go mad with joy。
What sentiment
Does this express？
（Phantis continues his dance while Scaphio vainly endeavors to
discover
its meaning）
Supreme content
And happiness！
Both： Of course it does！ Of course it does！
Supreme content and happiness。
Phantis： Your friendly aid conferred；
I need no longer pine。
I've but to speak the word；
And lo； the maid is mine！
I do not choose
To be denied。
Or wish to lose
A lovely bride
If to refuse
The King decide；
The royal shoes
Then woe betide！
Both： Then woe betidethen woe betide！
The Royal shoes then woe betide！
Scaphio： （Dancing） This step to use
I condescend
Whene'er I choose
To serve a friend。
What it implies
Now try to guess；
（Scaphio continues his dance while Phantis is vainly endeavouring
to
discover its meaning）
It typifies
Unselfishness！
Both： （Dancing） Of course it does！ Of course it does！
It typifies unselfishness。
（Exeunt Scaphio and
Phantis。）
March。 Enter King Paramount； attended by guards and nobles； and
preced…
ed by girls dancing before him。
CHORUS
Quaff the nectarcull the roses
Gather fruit and flowers in plenty！
For our king no longer poses
Sing the songs of far niente！
Wake the lute that sets us lilting；
Dance a welcome to each comer；
Day by day our year is wilting
Sing the sunny songs of summer！
La； la； la； la！
SOLO King。
A King of autocratic power we
A despot whose tyrannic will is law
Whose rule is paramount o'er land and sea；
A presence of unutterable awe！
But though the awe that I inspire
Must shrivel with imperial fire
All foes whom it may chance to touch；
To judge by what I see and hear；
It does not seem to interfere
With popular enjoyment； much。
Chorus： No； noit does not interfere
With our enjoyment much。
Stupendous when we rouse ourselves to strike；
Resistless when our tyrant thunder peals；
We often wonder what obstruction's like；
And how a contradicted monarch feels。
But as it is our Royal whim
Our Royal sails to set and trim
To suit whatever wind may blow
What buffets contradiction deals
And how a thwarted monarch feels
We probably will never know。
Chorus： No； nowhat thwarted monarch feels；
You'll never； never know。
RECITATIVE King。
My subjects all； it is your with emphatic
That all Utopia shall henceforth be modelled
Upon that glorious country called Great Britain
To which some addbut others do notIreland。
