the complete plays-第92章
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King。： It means unruffled cheerfulness！
（King dances off placidly as Scaphio and Phantis dance furiously。）
Phantis： （breathless） He's rightwe are helpless！ He's no
longer a
human beinghe's a Corporation； and so long as he
confines
himself to his Articles of Association we can't touch
him！
What are we to do？
Scaphio： Do？ Raise a Revolution； repeal the Act of Sixty…Two；
recon…
vert him into an individual； and insist on his immediate
ex…
plosion！ （Tarara enters。） Tarara； come here； you're the
very man we want。
Tarara： Certainly； allow me。 （Offers a cracker to each； they
snatch
them away impatiently。） That's rude。
Scaphio： We have no time for idle forms。 You wish to succeed to
the
throne？
Tarara： Naturally。
Scaphio： Then you won't unless you join us。 The King has defied
us；
and； as matters stand； we are helpless。 So are you。 We
must devise some plot at once to bring the people about
his
ears。
Tarara： A plot？
Phantis： Yes； a plot of superhuman subtlety。 Have you such a
thing
about you？
Tarara： （feeling） No； I think not。 No。 There's one on my
dressing…table。
Scaphio： We can't waitwe must concoct one at once； and put it
into
execution without delay。 There is not a moment to spare！
TRIO Scaphio； Phantis； and Tarara。
Ensemble
With wily brain upon the spot
A private plot we'll plan；
The most ingenious private plot
Since private plots began。
That's understood。 So far we've got
And； striking while the iron's hot；
We'll now determine like a shot
The details of this private plot。
Sca。： I think we ought（whispers）
Phan。 and Tar。： Such bosh I never heard！
Phan。： Ah！ happy thought！（whispers）
Sca。 and Tar。： How utterly dashed absurd！
Tar。： I'll tell you how（whispers）
Sca and Phan。： Why； what put that in your head？
Sca。： I've got it now（whispers）
Phan。 and Tar。： Oh； take him away to bed！
Phan。： Oh； put him to bed！
Tar。： Oh； put him to bed！
Sca。： What； put me to bed？
Phan。 and Tar。： Yes； certainly put him to bed！
Sca。： But； bless me； don't you see
Phan。： Do listen to me； I pray
Tar。： It certainly seems to me
Sca。： Bahthis is the only way！
Phan。： It's rubbish absurd you growl！
Tar。： You talk ridiculous stuff！
Sca。： You're a drivelling barndoor owl！
Phan。： You're a vapid and vain old muff！
（All； coming down to audience。）
So far we haven't quite solved the plot
They're not a very ingenious lot
But don't be unhappy；
It's still on the tapis；
We'll presently hit on a capital plot！
Sca。： Suppose we all（whispers）
Phan。： Now there I think you're right。
Then we might all（whispers）
Tar。： That's true； we certainly might。
I'll tell you what（whispers）
Sca。： We will if we possibly can。
Then on the spot （whispers）
Phan。 and Tar。： Bravo！ A capital plan！
Sca。： That's exceedingly neat and new！
Phan。： Exceedingly new and neat。
Tar。： I fancy that that will do。
Sca。： It's certainly very complete。
Phan。： Well done you sly old sap！
Tar。： Bravo； you cunning old mole！
Sca。： You very ingenious chap！
Phan。： You intellectual soul！
（All； coming down and addressing audience。）
At last a capital plan we've got
We won't say how and we won't say what：
It's safe in my noddle
Now off we will toddle；
And slyly develop this capital plot！
（Business。 Exeunt Scaphio and Phantis in one direction； and Tarara
in
the other。）
（Enter Lord Dramaleigh and Mr。 Goldbury。）
Lord D。： Well； what do you think of our first South Pacific
Drawing…Room？ Allowing for a slight difficulty with the
trains； and a little want of familiarity with the use of
the
rouge…pot； it was； on the whole； a meritorious affair？
Gold。： My dear Dramaleigh； it redounds infinitely to your
credit。
Lord D。： One or two judicious innovations； I think？
Gold。： Admirable。 The cup of tea and the plate of mixed
biscuits
were a cheap and effective inspiration。
Lord D。： Yesmy idea entirely。 Never been done before。
Gold。： Pretty little maids； the King's youngest daughters； but
timid。
Lord D。： That'll wear off。 Young。
Gold。： That'll wear off。 Ha！ here they come； by George！ And
with…
out the Dragon！ What can they have done with her？
（Enter Nekaya and Kalyba timidly。）
Nekaya： Oh； if you please； Lady Sophy has sent us in here；
because
Zara and Captain Fitzbattleaxe are going on； in the
garden；
in a manner which no well…conducted young ladies ought to
witness。
Lord D。： Indeed； we are very much obliged to her Ladyship。
Kalyba： Are you？ I wonder why。
Nekaya： Don't tell us if it's rude。
Lord D。： Rude？ Not at all。 We are obliged to Lady Sophy because
she
has afforded us the pleasure of seeing you。
Nekaya： I don't think you ought to talk to us like that。
Kalyba： It's calculated to turn our heads。
Nekaya： Attractive girls cannot be too particular。
Kalyba： Oh pray； pray do not take advantage of our unprotected
inno…
cence。
Gold。： Pray be reassuredyou are in no danger whatever。
Lord D。： But may I askis this extreme delicacythis shrinking
sensitivenessa general characteristic of Utopian young
ladies？
Nekaya： Oh no； we are crack specimens。
Kalyba： We are the pick of the basket。 Would you mind not coming
quite so near？ Thank you。
Nekaya： And please don't look at us like that； it unsettles us。
Kalyba： And we don't like it。 At least； we do like it； but it's
wrong。
Nekaya： We have enjoyed the inestimable privilege of being
educated
by a most refined and easily shocked English lady； on the
very strictest English principles。
Gold。： But； my dear young ladies…
Kalyba： Oh； don't！ You mustn't。 It's too affectionate。
Nekaya： It really does unsettle us。
Gold。： Are you really under the impression that English girls
are
so ridiculously demure？ Why； an English girl of the
highest
type is the best； the most beautiful； the bravest； and
the
brightest creature that Heaven has conferred upon this
world
of ours。 She is frank； open…hearted； and fearless； and
never shows in so favorable a light as when she gives her
own blameless impulses full play！
Nekaya Oh； you shocking story！
and
Kalyba：
Gold。： Not at all。 I'm speaking the strict truth。 I'll tell
you
all about her。
SONG Mr。 Goldbury。
A wonderful joy our eyes to bless；
In her magnificent comeliness；
Is an English girl of eleven stone two；
And five foot ten in her dancing shoe！
She follows the hounds； and on the pounds
The 〃field〃 tails off and the muffs diminish
Over the hedges and brooks she bounds；
Straight as a crow； from find to finish。
At cricket； her kin will lose or win
She and her maids； on grass and clover；
Eleven maids outeleven maids in
And perhaps an occasional 〃maiden over！〃
Go search the world and search the sea；
Then come you home and sing with me
There's no such gold and no such pearl
As a bright and beautiful English girl！
With a ten…mile spin she stretches her limbs；
She golfs； she punts； she rows； she swims
She plays； she sings； she dances； too；
From ten or eleven til all is blue！
At ball or drum； til small hours come
（Chaperon's fans concealing her yawning）
She'll waltz away like a teetotum。
And never go home til daylight's dawning。
Lawn…tennis may share her favours fair
Her eyes a…dance； and her cheeks a…glowing
Down comes her hair； but then what does she care？
It's all her own and it's worth the showing！
Go search the world； etc。
Her soul is sweet as the ocean air；
For prudery knows no haven there；
To find mock…modesty； please apply
To the conscious blush and the downcast eye。
Rich in the things contentment brings；
In every pure enjoyment wealthy；
Blithe and beautiful bird she sings；
For body and mind are hale and healthy。
Her eyes they thrill with right goodwill
Her heart is light as a floating feather
As pure and bright as the mountain rill
That leaps and laughs in the Highland heather！
Go search the world； etc。
QUARTET
Nek。： Then I may sing and play？
Lord D。： You may！
Kal。： Then I may laugh and shout？
Gold。： No doubt！。
Nek。： These maxims you endorse？
Lord D。： Of course！
Kal。： You won't exclaim 〃Oh fie！〃
Gold。： Not I！
Gold： Whatever you arebe that：
Whatever you saybe true：
Straightforwardly act
Be honestin fact；
Be nobody else but you。
Lord D。： Give every answer pat
Your character true unfurl；
And when it is ripe；
You'll then be a type
Of a capital English girl。
All。： Oh sweet surpriseoh； dear delight；
To find it undisputed quite；
All musty； fusty rules despite
T
