malbone- an oldport romance[1].(马尔布恩)-第25章
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CHAPTER XIX。
DE PROFUNDIS。
THIS was the history of Emilia's concealed visits to Malbone。
One week after her marriage； in a crisis of agony； Emilia took up her
pen； dipped it in fire； and wrote thus to him：
〃Philip Malbone； why did nobody ever tell me what marriage is where
there is no love？ This man who calls himself my husband is no worse； I
suppose； than other men。 It is only for being what is called by that name
that I abhor him。 Good God！ what am I to do？ It was not for money that
I married him；that you know very well； I cared no more for his money
than for himself。 I thought it was the only way to save Hope。 She has
been very good to me； and perhaps I should love her； if I could love
anybody。 Now I have done what will only make more misery； for I cannot
bear it。 Philip； I am alone in this wide world； except for you。 Tell me
what to do。 I will haunt you till you die； unless you tell me。 Answer this；
or I will write again。〃
Terrified by this letter； absolutely powerless to guide the life with
which he had so desperately entangled himself； Philip let one day pass
without answering； and that evening he found Emilia at his door； she
having glided unnoticed up the main stairway。 She was so excited； it was
equally dangerous to send her away or to admit her； and he drew her in；
darkening the windows and locking the door。 On the whole； it was not so
bad as he expected； at least； there was less violence and more despair。 She
covered her face with her hands； and writhed in anguish； when she said
that she had utterly degraded herself by this loveless marriage。 She
scarcely mentioned her husband。 She made no complaint of him； and even
spoke of him as generous。 It seemed as if this made it worse； and as if she
would be happier if she could expend herself in hating him。 She spoke of
him rather as a mere witness to some shame for which she herself was
responsible； bearing him no malice； but tortured by the thought that he
should exist。
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Then she turned on Malbone。 〃Philip； why did you ever interfere
with my life？ I should have been very happy with Antoine if you had let
me marry him； for I never should have known what it was to love you。
Oh！ I wish he were here now； even he；any one who loved me truly； and
whom I could love only a little。 I would go away with such a person
anywhere； and never trouble you and Hope any more。 What shall I do？
Philip； you might tell me what to do。 Once you told me always to come to
you。〃
〃What can you do？〃 he asked gloomily； in return。
〃I cannot imagine；〃 she said； with a desolate look； more pitiable than
passion； on her young face。 〃I wish to save Hope； and to save myto
save Mr。 Lambert。 Philip； you do not love me。 I do not call it love。
There is no passion in your veins； it is only a sort of sympathetic
selfishness。 Hope is infinitely better than you are； and I believe she is
more capable of loving。 I began by hating her； but if she loves you as I
think she does； she has treated me more generously than ever one woman
treated another。 For she could not look at me and not know that I loved
you。 I did love you。 O Philip； tell me what to do！〃
Such beauty in anguish； the thrill of the possession of such love； the
possibility of soothing by tenderness the wild mood which he could not
meet by counsel；it would have taken a stronger or less sympathetic
nature than Malbone's to endure all this。 It swept him away； this revival of
passion was irresistible。 When her pent…up feeling was once uttered； she
turned to his love as a fancied salvation。 It was a terrible remedy。 She
had never looked more beautiful； and yet she seemed to have grown old at
once； her very caresses appeared to burn。 She lingered and lingered； and
still he kept her there； and when it was no longer possible for her to go
without disturbing the house； he led her to a secret spiral stairway； which
went from attic to cellar of that stately old mansion； and which opened by
one or more doors on each landing； as his keen eye had found out。
Descending this； he went forth with her into the dark and silent night。 The
mist hung around the house； the wet leaves fluttered and fell upon their
cheeks； the water lapped desolately against the pier。 Philip found a
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carriage and sent her back to Mrs。 Meredith's； where she was staying
during the brief absence of John Lambert。
These concealed meetings； once begun； became an absorbing
excitement。 She came several times； staying half an hour； an hour； two
hours。 They were together long enough for suffering； never long enough
for soothing。 It was a poor substitute for happiness。 Each time she
came； Malbone wished that she might never go or never return。 His warier
nature was feverish with solicitude and with self…reproach； he liked the
excitement of slight risks； but this was far too intense； the vibrations too
extreme。 She； on the other hand； rode triumphant over waves of passion
which cowed him。 He dared not exclude her； he dared not continue to
admit her； he dared not free himself； he could not be happy。 The privacy
of the concealed stairway saved them from outward dangers； but not from
inward fears。 Their interviews were first blissful； then anxious； then sad；
then stormy。 It was at the end of such a storm that Emilia had passed into
one of those deathly calms which belonged to her physical temperament；
and it was under these circumstances that Hope had followed Philip to the
door。
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CHAPTER XX。
AUNT JANE TO THE RESCUE。
THE thing that saves us from insanity during great grief is that there is
usually something to do； and the mind composes itself to the mechanical
task of adjusting the details。 Hope dared not look forward an inch into the
future； that way madness lay。 Fortunately； it was plain what must come
first；to keep the whole thing within their own walls； and therefore to
make some explanation to Mrs。 Meredith； whose servants had doubtless
been kept up all night awaiting Emilia。 Profoundly perplexed what to
say or not to say to her； Hope longed with her whole soul for an adviser。
Harry and Kate were both away； and besides； she shrank from darkening
their young lives as hers had been darkened。 She resolved to seek counsel
in the one person who most thoroughly distrusted Emilia；Aunt Jane。
This lady was in a particularly happy mood that day。 Emilia； who did
all kinds of fine needle…work exquisitely； had just embroidered for Aunt
Jane some pillow…cases。 The original suggestion came from Hope； but it
never cost Emilia anything to keep a secret； and she had presented the gift
very sweetly； as if it were a thought of her own。 Aunt Jane； who with all
her penetration as to facts was often very guileless as to motives； was
thoroughly touched by the humility and the embroidery。
〃All last night；〃 she said； 〃I kept waking up； and thinking about
Christian charity and my pillow…cases。〃
It was； therefore； a very favorable day for Hope's consultation； though
it was nearly noon before her aunt was visible； perhaps because it took so
long to make up her bed with the new adornments。
Hope said frankly to Aunt Jane that there were some circumstances
about which she should rather not be questioned； but that Emilia had come
there the previous night from the ball； had been seized with one of her
peculiar attacks； and had stayed all night。 Aunt Jane kept her eyes steadily
fixed on Hope's sad face； and； when the tale was ended； drew her down
and kissed her lips。
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〃Now tell me； dear；〃 she said； 〃what comes first？〃
〃The first thing is；〃 said Hope； 〃to have Emilia's absence explained to
Mrs。 Meredith in some such way that she will think no more of it； and not
talk about it。〃
〃Certainly；〃 said Aunt Jane。 〃There is but one way to do that。 I will
call on her myself。〃
〃You； auntie？〃 said Hope。
〃Yes； I；〃 said her aunt。 〃I have owed her a call for five years。 It is the
only thing that will excite her so much as to put all else out of her head。〃
〃O auntie！〃 said Hope； greatly relieved； 〃if you only would！ But ought
you really to go out？ It is almost raining。〃
〃I shall go；〃 said Aunt Jane； decisively； 〃if it rains little boys！〃
〃But will not Mrs。 Meredith wonder？〃 began Hope。
〃That is one advantage；〃 interrupted her aunt； 〃of being an absurd old
woman。 Nobody ever wonders at anything I do； or else it is that they
never stop wondering。〃
She sent Ruth erelong to order the horses。 Hope collected her various
wrappers； and Ruth； returning； got her mistress into a state of preparation。
〃If I might say one thing more；〃 Hope whispered。
〃Certainly；〃 said her aunt。 〃Ruth； go to my chamber； and get me a
pin。〃
〃What kind of a pin； ma'am？〃 asked that meek handmaiden； from the
doorway。
〃What a question！〃 said her indignant mistress。 〃Any kind。 The
common pin of North America。 Now； Hope？〃 as the door closed。
〃I think it better； auntie；〃 said Hope； 〃that Philip should not stay here
longer at present。 You can truly say that the house is full； and〃
〃I have
