the garden of allah-第21章

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that　life　was　full　of　radiant　wonder！　Was　she　then　so　utterly
transformed　already　by　Beni…Mora？　Or　had　the　thought　come　to　her
because　she　stood　side　by　side　with　someone　whose　sorrows　had　been
unfathomably　deeper　than　her　own；　and　so　who；　all　unconsciously；　gave
her　a　knowledge　of　her　owntill　then　unsuspectedhopefulness？

She　looked　at　her　companion　again。　He　seemed　to　have　relinquished　his
intention　of　leaving　her；　and　was　standing　quietly　beside　her；　staring
towards　the　desert；　with　his　head　slightly　drooped　forward。　In　one
hand　he　held　a　thick　stick。　He　had　put　his　hat　on　again。　His　attitude
was　much　calmer　than　it　had　been。　Already　he　seemed　more　at　ease　with
her。　She　was　glad　of　that。　She　did　not　ask　herself　why。　But　the
intense　beauty　of　evening　in　this　land　and　at　this　height　made　her
wish　enthusiastically　that　it　could　produce　a　happiness　such　as　it
created　in　her　in　everyone。　Such　beauty；　with　its　voices；　its　colours；
its　lines　of　tree　and　leaf；　of　wall　and　mountain　ridge；　its　mystery　of
shapes　and　movements；　stillness　and　dreaming　distance；　its　atmosphere
of　the　far　off　come　near；　chastened　by　journeying；　fine　with　the
unfamiliar；　its　solemn　changes　towards　the　impenetrable　night；　was　too
large　a　thing　and　fraught　with　too　much　tender　and　lovable　invention
to　be　worshipped　in　any　selfishness。　It　made　her　feel　as　if　she　could
gladly　be　a　martyr　for　unseen　human　beings；　as　if　sacrifice　would　be
an　easy　thing　if　made　for　those　to　whom　such　beauty　would　appeal。
Brotherhood　rose　up　and　cried　in　her；　as　it　surely　sang　in　the　sunset；
in　the　mountains；　the　palm　groves　and　the　desert。　The　flame　above　the
hills；　their　purple　outline；　the　moving；　feathery　trees；　dark　under
the　rose…coloured　glory　of　the　west；　and　most　of　all　the　immeasurably
remote　horizons；　each　moment　more　strange　and　more　eternal；　made　her
long　to　make　this　harsh　stranger　happy。

〃One　ought　to　find　happiness　here；〃　she　said　to　him　very　simply。

She　saw　his　hand　strain　itself　round　the　wood　of　his　stick。

〃Why？〃　he　said。

He　turned　right　round　to　her　and　looked　at　her　with　a　sort　of　anger。

〃Why　should　you　suppose　so？〃　he　added；　speaking　quite　quickly；　and
without　his　former　uneasiness　and　consciousness。

〃Because　it　is　so　beautiful　and　so　calm。〃

〃Calm！〃　he　said。　〃Here！〃

There　was　a　sound　of　passionate　surprise　in　his　voice。　Domini　was
startled。　She　felt　as　if　she　were　fighting；　and　must　fight　hard　if　she
were　not　to　be　beaten　to　the　dust。　But　when　she　looked　at　him　she
could　find　no　weapons。　She　said　nothing。　In　a　moment　he　spoke　again。

〃You　find　calm　here；〃　he　said　slowly。　〃Yes；　I　see。〃

His　head　dropped　lower　and　his　face　hardened　as　he　looked　over　the
edge　of　the　parapet　to　the　village；　the　blue　desert。　Then　he　lifted
his　eyes　to　the　mountains　and　the　clear　sky　and　the　shadowy　moon。　Each
element　in　the　evening　scene　was　examined　with　a　fierce；　painful
scrutiny；　as　if　he　was　resolved　to　wring　from　each　its　secret。

〃Why；　yes；〃　he　added　in　a　low；　muttering　voice　full　of　a　sort　of
terrified　surprise；　〃it　is　so。　You　are　right。　Why；　yes；　it　is　calm
here。〃

He　spoke　like　a　man　who　had　been　suddenly　convinced；　beyond　power　of
further　unbelief；　of　something　he　had　never　suspected；　never　dreamed
of。　And　the　conviction　seemed　to　be　bitter　to　him；　even　alarming。

〃But　away　out　there　must　be　the　real　home　of　peace；　I　think；〃　Domini
said。

〃Where？〃　said　the　man；　quickly。

She　pointed　towards　the　south。

〃In　the　depths　of　the　desert；〃　she　said。　〃Far　away　from　civilisation；
far　away　from　modern　men　and　modern　women；　and　all　the　noisy　trifles
we　are　accustomed　to。〃

He　looked　towards　the　south　eagerly。　In　everything　he　did　there　was　a
flamelike　intensity；　as　if　he　could　not　perform　an　ordinary　action；　or
turn　his　eyes　upon　any　object；　without　calling　up　in　his　mind；　or
heart；　a　violence　of　thought　or　of　feeling。

〃You　think　ityou　think　there　would　be　peace　out　there；　far　away　in
the　desert？〃　he　said；　and　his　face　relaxed　slightly；　as　if　in
obedience　to　some　thought　not　wholly　sad。

〃It　may　be　fanciful；〃　she　replied。　〃But　I　think　there　must。　Surely
Nature　has　not　a　lying　face。〃

He　was　still　gazing　towards　the　south；　from　which　the　night　was　slowly
emerging；　a　traveller　through　a　mist　of　blue。　He　seemed　to　be　held
fascinated　by　the　desert　which　was　fading　away　gently；　like　a　mystery
which　had　drawn　near　to　the　light　of　revelation；　but　which　was　now
slipping　back　into　an　underworld　of　magic。　He　bent　forward　as　one　who
watches　a　departure　in　which　he　longs　to　share；　and　Domini　felt　sure
that　he　had　forgotten　her。　She　felt；　too；　that　this　man　was　gripped　by
the　desert　influence　more　fiercely　even　than　she　was；　and　that　he　must
have　a　stronger　imagination；　a　greater　force　of　projection　even　than
she　had。　Where　she　bore　a　taper　he　lifted　a　blazing　torch。

A　roar　of　drums　rose　up　immediately　beneath　them。　From　the　negro
village　emerged　a　ragged　procession　of　thick…lipped　men；　and　singing；
capering　women　tricked　out　in　scarlet　and　yellow　shawls；　headed　by　a
male　dancer　clad　in　the　skins　of　jackals；　and　decorated　with　mirrors；
camels'　skulls　and　chains　of　animals'　teeth。　He　shouted　and　leaped；
rolled　his　bulging　eyes；　and　protruded　a　fluttering　tongue。　The　dust
curled　up　round　his　stamping；　naked　feet。

〃Yah…ah…la！　Yah…ah…la！〃

The　howling　chorus　came　up　to　the　tower；　with　a　clash　of　enormous
castanets；　and　of　poles　beaten　rhythmically　together。

〃Yi…yi…yi…yi！〃　went　the　shrill　voices　of　the　women。

The　cloud　of　dust　increased；　enveloping　the　lower　part　of　the
procession；　till　the　black　heads　and　waving　arms　emerged　as　if　from　a
maelstrom。　The　thunder　of　the　drums　was　like　the　thunder　of　a　cataract
in　which　the　singers；　disappearing　towards　the　village；　seemed　to　be
swept　away。

The　man　at　Domini's　side　raised　himself　up　with　a　jerk；　and　all　the
former　fierce　timidity　and　consciousness　came　back　to　his　face。　He
turned　round；　pulled　open　the　door　behind　him；　and　took　off　his　hat。

〃Excuse　me；　Madame；〃　he　said。　〃Bon　soir！〃

〃I　am　coming　too；〃　Domini　answered。

He　looked　uncomfortable　and　anxious；　hesitated；　then；　as　if　driven　to
do　it　in　spite　of　himself；　plunged　downward　through　the　narrow　doorway
of　the　tower　into　the　darkness。　Domini　waited　for　a　moment；　listening
to　the　heavy　sound　of　his　tread　on　the　wooden　stairs。　She　frowned　till
her　thick　eyebrows　nearly　met　and　the　corners　of　her　lips　turned　down。
Then　she　followed　slowly。　When　she　was　on　the　stairs　and　the　footsteps
died　away　below　her　she　fully　realised　that　for　the　first　time　in　her
life　a　man　had　insulted　her。　Her　face　felt　suddenly　very　hot；　and　her
lips　very　dry；　and　she　longed　to　use　her　physical　strength　in　a　way
not　wholly　feminine。　In　the　hall；　among　the　shrouded　furniture；　she
met　the　smiling　doorkeeper。　She　stopped。

〃Did　the　gentleman　who　has　just　gone　out　give　you　his　card？〃　she　said
abruptly。

The　Arab　assumed　a　fawning；　servile　expression。

〃No；　Madame；　but　he　is　a　very　good　gentleman；　and　I　know　well　that
Monsieur　the　Count〃

Domini　cut　him　short。

〃Of　what　nationality　is　he？〃

〃Monsieur　the　Count；　Madame？〃

〃No；　no。〃

〃The　gentleman？　I　do　not　know。　But　he　can　speak　Arabic。　Oh；　he　is　a
very　nice〃

〃Bon　soir；〃　said　Domini；　giving　him　a　franc。

When　she　was　out　on　the　road　in　front　of　the　hotel　she　saw　the
stranger　striding　along　in　the　distance　at　the　tail　of　the　negro
procession。　The　dust　stirred　up　by　the　dancers　whirled　about　him。
Several　small　negroes　skipped　round　him；　doubtless　making　eager
demands　upon　his　generosity。　He　seemed　to　take　no　notice　of　them；　and
as　she　watched　him　Domini　was　reminded　of　his　retreat　from　the　praying
Arab　in　the　desert　that　morning。

〃Is　he　afraid　of　women　as　he　is　afraid　of　prayer？〃　she　thought；　and
suddenly　the　sense　of　humiliation　and　anger　left　her；　and　was
succeeded　by　a　powerful　curiosity　such　as　she　had　never　felt　before
about　anyone。　She　realised　that　this　curiosity　had　dawned　in　her
almost　at　the　first　moment　when　she　saw　the　stranger；　and　had　been
growing　ever　since。　One　circumstance　after　another　had　increased　it
till　now　it　was　definite；　concrete。　She　wondered　that　she　did　not　feel
ashamed　of　such　a　feeling　so　unusual　in　her；　and　surely　unworthy；　like
a　prying　thing。　Of　all　her　old　indifference　that　side　which　confronted
people　had　always　been　the　most　sturdy；　the　most　solidly　built。
Without　affectation　she　had　been　a　profoundly　incurious　woman　as　to
the　lives　and　the　concerns　of　others；　even　of　those　whom　she　knew　best
and　was　supposed　to　care　for　most。　Her　nature　had　been　essentially
languid　in　human　intercourse。　The　excitements；　troubles；　even　the
passions　of　others　had　generally　stirred　her　no　more　than　a　distant
puppet…show　stirs　an　absent…minded　passer　in　the　street。

In　Africa　it　seemed　that　her　whole　nature　had　been　either　violently
renewed；　or　even　changed。　She　could　not　tell　which。　But　this　strong
stirring　of　curiosity　would；　she　believed；　have　been　impossible　in　the
woman　she　had　been　but　a　week　ago；　the　woman　who　travelled　to
Marseilles　dulled；　ignorant　of　herself；　longing　for　change。　Perhaps
instead　of　being　angry　she　ought　to　welcome　it　as　a　symptom　of　the
re…creation　she　longed　for。

While　she　changed　her　gown　for　dinner　that　night　she　debated　within
herself　how　she　would　treat　her　fellow…guest　when　she　met　him　in　the
/salle…a…manger/。　She　ought　to　cut　him　after　what　had　occurred；　she
supposed。　Then　it　seemed　to　her　that　to　do　so　would　be　undignified；
and　would　give　him　the　impression　that　he　had　the　power　to　offend　her。
She　resolved　to　bow　to　him　if　they　met　face　to　face。　Just　before　she
went　downstairs　she　realised　how　vehement　her　internal　debate　had
been；　and　was　astonished。　Suzanne　was　putting　away　something　in　a
drawer；　bending　down　and　stretching　out　her　plump　arms。

〃Suzanne！〃　Domini　said。

〃Yes；　Mam'zelle！〃

〃How　long　have　you　been　with　me？〃

〃Three　years；　Mam'zelle。〃

The　maid　shut　the　drawer　and　turned　round；　fixing　her　shallow；　blue…
grey　eyes　on　her　mistress；　and　standing　as　if　she　were　ready　to　be
photographed。

〃Would　you　say　that　I　am　the　same　sort　of　person　to…day　as　I　was　three
years　ago？〃

Suzanne　looked　like　a　cat　that　has　been　startled　by　a　sudden　noise。

〃The　same；　Mam'zelle？〃

〃Yes。　Do　you　think　I　have　altered　in　that　time？〃

Suzanne　considered　the　question　with　her　head　slightly　on　one　side。

〃Only　here；　Mam'zelle；〃　she　replied　at　length。

〃Here！〃　said　Domini；　rather　eagerly。　〃Why；　I　have　only　been　here
twenty…six　hours。〃

〃That　is　true。　But　Mam'zelle　looks　as　if　she　had　a　little　life　here；　a
little　emotion。　Mon　Dieu！　Mam'zelle　will　pardon　me；　but　what　is　a
woman　who　feels　no　emotion？　A　packet。　Is　it　not　so；　Mam'zelle？〃

〃Well；　but　what　is　there　to　be　emotional　about　here？〃

Suzanne　looked　vaguely　crafty。

〃Who　knows；　Mam'zelle？　Who　can　say？　Mon　Dieu！　This　village　is　dull；
but　it　is　odd。　No　band　plays。　There　are　no　shops　for　a　girl　to　look
into。　There　is　nothing　chic　except　the　costumes　of　the　Zouaves。　But
one　cannot　deny　that　it　is　odd。　When　Mam'zelle　was　away　this　afternoon
in　the　tower　Monsieur　Helmuth〃

〃Who　is　that？〃

〃The　Monsieur　who　accompanies　the　omnibus　to　the　station。　Monsieur
Helmu