the garden of allah-第46章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


May　yours　be　as　serene；　as　beautiful；　as　a　string　of　pearls。〃

〃But　I　have　never　cared　to　wear　pearls；〃　she　answered。

〃No？　What　are　your　stones？〃

〃Rubies。〃

〃Blood！　No　others？〃

〃Sapphires。〃

〃The　sky　at　night。〃

〃And　opals。〃

〃Fires　gleaming　across　the　white　of　moonlit　dunes。　Do　you　remember？〃

〃I　remember。〃

〃And　you　do　not　ask　me　for　the　end　of　the　Diviner's　vision　even　now？〃

〃No。〃

She　hesitated　for　an　instant。　Then　she　added：

〃I　will　tell　you　why。　It　seemed　to　me　that　there　was　another's　fate　in
it　as　well　as　my　own；　and　that　to　hear　would　be　to　intrude；　perhaps；
upon　another's　secrets。〃

〃That　was　your　reason？〃

〃My　only　reason。〃　And　then　she　added；　repeating　consciously
Androvsky's　words：　〃I　think　there　are　things　that　should　be　let
alone。〃

〃Perhaps　you　are　right。〃

A　stronger　breath　of　the　cool　wind　came　over　the　flats；　and　all　the
palm　trees　rustled。　Through　the　garden　there　was　a　delicate　stir　of
life。

〃My　children　are　murmuring　farewell；〃　said　the　Count。　〃I　hear　them。　It
is　time！　Good…bye；　Miss　Enfildenmy　friend；　if　I　may　call　you　so。　May
Allah　have　you　in　his　keeping；　and　when　your　summons　comes；　obey　it
alone。〃

As　he　said　the　last　word　his　grating　voice　dropped　to　a　deep　note　of
earnest；　almost　solemn；　gravity。　Then　he　lifted　his　hat；　touched　his
horse　with　his　heel；　and　galloped　away　into　the　sun。

Domini　watched　the　three　riders　till　they　were　only　specks　on　the
surface　of　the　desert。　Then　they　became　one　with　it；　and　were　lost　in
the　dreamlike　radiance　of　the　morning。　But　she　did　not　move。　She　sat
with　her　eyes　fixed　up　on　the　blue　horizon。　A　great　loneliness　had
entered　into　her　spirit。　Till　Count　Anteoni　had　gone　she　did　not
realise　how　much　she　had　become　accustomed　to　his　friendship；　how　near
their　sympathies　had　been。　But　directly　those　tiny；　moving　specks
became　one　with　the　desert　she　knew　that　a　gap　had　opened　in　her　life。
It　might　be　small；　but　it　seemed　dark　and　deep。　For　the　first　time　the
desert；　which　she　had　hitherto　regarded　as　a　giver；　had　taken
something　from　her。　And　now；　as　she　sat　looking　at　it；　while　the　sun
grew　stronger　and　the　light　more　brilliant；　while　the　mountains
gradually　assumed　a　harsher　aspect；　and　the　details　of　things；　in　the
dawn　so　delicately　clear；　became；　as　it　were；　more　piercing　in　their
sharpness；　she　realised　a　new　and　terrible　aspect　of　it。　That　which
has　the　power　to　bestow　has　another　power。　She　had　seen　the　great
procession　of　those　who　had　received　gifts　of　the　desert's　hands。
Would　she　some　day；　or　in　the　night　when　the　sky　was　like　a　sapphire；
see　the　procession　of　those　from　whom　the　desert　had　taken　away
perhaps　their　dreams；　perhaps　their　hopes；　perhaps　even　all　that　they
passionately　loved　and　had　desperately　clung　to？

And　in　which　of　the　two　processions　would　she　walk？

She　got　up　with　a　sigh。　The　garden　had　become　tragic　to　her　for　the
moment；　full　of　a　brooding　melancholy。　As　she　turned　to　leave　it　she
resolved　to　go　to　the　priest。　She　had　never　yet　entered　his　house。
Just　then　she　wanted　to　speak　to　someone　with　whom　she　could　be　as　a
little　child；　to　whom　she　could　liberate　some　part　of　her　spirit
simply；　certain　of　a　simple；　yet　not　foolish；　reception　of　it　by　one
to　whom　she　could　look　up。　She　desired　to　be　not　with　the　friend　so
much　as　with　the　spiritual　director。　Something　was　alive　within　her；
something　of　distress；　almost　of　apprehension；　which　needed　the
soothing　hand；　not　of　human　love；　but　of　religion。

When　she　reached　the　priest's　house　Beni…Mora　was　astir　with　a
pleasant　bustle　of　life。　The　military　note　pealed　through　its
symphony。　Spahis　were　galloping　along　the　white　roads。　Tirailleurs
went　by　bearing　despatches。　Zouaves　stood　under　the　palms；　staring
calmly　at　the　morning；　their　sunburned　hands　loosely　clasped　upon
muskets　whose　butts　rested　in　the　sand。　But　Domini　scarcely　noticed
the　brilliant　gaiety　of　the　life　about　her。　She　was　preoccupied；　even
sad。　Yet；　as　she　entered　the　little　garden　of　the　priest；　and　tapped
gently　at　his　door；　a　sensation　of　hope　sprang　up　in　her　heart；　born
of　the　sustaining　power　of　her　religion。

An　Arab　boy　answered　her　knock；　said　that　the　Father　was　in　and　led
her　at　once　to　a　small；　plainly…furnished　room；　with　whitewashed
walls；　and　a　window　opening　on　to　an　enclosure　at　the　back；　where
several　large　palm　trees　reared　their　tufted　heads　above　the　smoothly…
raked　sand。　In　a　moment　the　priest　came　in；　smiling　with　pleasure　and
holding　out　his　hands　in　welcome。

〃Father；〃　she　said　at　once；　〃I　am　come　to　have　a　little　talk　with　you。
Have　you　a　few　moments　to　give　me？〃

〃Sit　down；　my　child；〃　he　said。

He　drew　forward　a　straw　chair　for　her　and　took　one　opposite。

〃You　are　not　in　trouble？〃

〃I　don't　know　why　I　should　be；　but〃

She　was　silent　for　a　moment。　Then　she　said：

〃I　want　to　tell　you　a　little　about　my　life。〃

He　looked　at　her　kindly　without　a　word。

His　eyes　were　an　invitation　for　her　to　speak；　and；　without　further
invitation；　in　as　few　and　simple　words　as　possible；　she　told　him　why
she　had　come　to　Beni…Mora；　and　something　of　her　parents'　tragedy　and
its　effect　upon　her。

〃I　wanted　to　renew　my　heart；　to　find　myself；〃　she　said。　〃My　life　has
been　cold；　careless。　I　never　lost　my　faith；　but　I　almost　forgot　that　I
had　it。　I　made　little　use　of　it。　I　let　it　rust。〃

〃Many　do　that；　but　a　time　comes　when　they　feel　that　the　great　weapon
with　which　alone　we　can　fight　the　sorrows　and　dangers　of　the　world
must　be　kept　bright；　or　it　may　fail　us　in　the　hour　of　need。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃And　this　is　an　hour　of　need　for　you。　But；　indeed；　is　there　ever　an
hour　that　is　not？〃

〃I　feel　to…day；　I〃

She　stopped；　suddenly　conscious　of　the　vagueness　of　her　apprehension。
It　made　her　position　difficult；　speech　hard　for　her。　She　felt　that　she
wanted　something；　yet　scarcely　knew　what；　or　exactly　why　she　had　come。

〃I　have　been　saying　good…bye　to　Count　Anteoni；〃　she　resumed。　〃He　has
gone　on　a　desert　journey。〃

〃For　long？〃

〃I　don't　know；　but　I　feel　that　it　will　be。〃

〃He　comes　and　goes　very　suddenly。　Often　he　is　here　and　I　do　not　even
know　it。〃

〃He　is　a　strange　man；　but　I　think　he　is　a　good　man。〃

As　she　spoke　about　him　she　began　to　realise　that　something　in　him　had
roused　the　desire　in　her　to　come　to　the　priest。

〃And　he　sees　far；〃　she　added。

She　looked　steadily　at　the　priest；　who　was　waiting　quietly　to　hear
more。　She　was　glad　he　did　not　trouble　her　mind　just　then　by　trying　to
help　her　to　go　on；　to　be　explicit。

〃I　came　here　to　find　peace；〃　she　continued。　〃And　I　thought　I　had　found
it。　I　thought　so　till　to…day。〃

〃We　only　find　peace　in　one　place；　and　only　there　by　our　own　will
according　with　God's。〃

〃You　mean　within　ourselves。〃

〃Is　it　not　so？〃

〃Yes。　Then　I　was　foolish　to　travel　in　search　of　it。〃

〃I　would　not　say　that。　Place　assists　the　heart；　I　think；　and　the　way
of　life。　I　thought　so　once。〃

〃When　you　wished　to　be　a　monk？〃

A　deep　sadness　came　into　his　eyes。

〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃And　even　now　I　find　it　very　difficult　to　say；　'It　was
not　thy　will；　and　so　it　is　not　mine。'　But　would　you　care　to　tell　me　if
anything　has　occurred　recently　to　trouble　you？〃

〃Something　has　occurred；　Father。〃

More　excitement　came　into　her　face　and　manner。

〃Do　you　think；〃　she　went　on；　〃that　it　is　right　to　try　to　avoid　what
life　seems　to　be　bringing　to　one；　to　seek　shelter　fromfrom　the
storm？　Don't　monks　do　that？　Please　forgive　me　if〃

〃Sincerity　will　not　hurt　me；〃　he　interrupted　quietly。　〃If　it　did　I
should　indeed　be　unworthy　of　my　calling。　Perhaps　it　is　not　right　for
all。　Perhaps　that　is　why　I　am　here　instead　of〃

〃Ah；　but　I　remember；　you　wanted　to　be　one　of　the　/freres　armes/。〃

〃That　was　my　first　hope。　But　you〃very　simply　he　turned　from　his
troubles　to　hers〃you　are　hesitating；　are　you　not；　between　two
courses？〃

〃I　scarcely　know。　But　I　want　you　to　tell　me。　Ought　we　not　always　to
think　of　others　more　than　of　ourselves？〃

〃So　long　as　we　take　care　not　to　put　ourselves　in　too　great　danger。　The
soul　should　be　brave；　but　not　foolhardy。〃

His　voice　had　changed；　had　become　stronger；　even　a　little　stern。

〃There　are　risks　that　no　good　Christian　ought　to　run：　it　is　not
cowardice；　it　is　wisdom　that　avoids　the　Evil　One。　I　have　known　people
who　seemed　almost　to　think　it　was　their　mission　to　convert　the　fallen
angels。　They　confused　their　powers　with　the　powers　that　belong　to　God
only。〃

〃Yes；　butit　is　so　difficult　toif　a　human　being　were　possessed　by
the　devil；　would　not　you　trywould　you　not　go　near　to　that　person？〃

〃If　I　had　prayed；　and　been　told　that　any　power　was　given　me　to　do　what
Christ　did。〃

〃To　cast　outyes；　I　know。　But　sometimes　that　power　is　giveneven　to
women。〃

〃Perhaps　especially　to　them。　I　think　the　devil　has　more　fear　of　a　good
mother　than　of　many　saints。〃

Domini　realised　almost　with　agony　in　that　moment　how　her　own　soul　had
been　stripped　of　a　precious　armour。　A　feeling　of　bitter　helplessness
took　possession　of　her；　and　of　contempt　for　what　she　now　suddenly
looked　upon　as　foolish　pride。　The　priest　saw　that　his　words　had　hurt
her；　yet　he　did　not　just　then　try　to　pour　balm　upon　the　wound。

〃You　came　to　me　to…day　as　to　a　spiritual　director；　did　you　not？〃　he
asked。

〃Yes；　Father。〃

〃Yet　you　do　not　wish　to　be　frank　with　me。　Isn't　that　true？〃

There　was　a　piercing　look　in　the　eyes　he　fixed　upon　her。

〃Yes；〃　she　answered　bravely。

〃Why？　Cannot　youat　least　will　not　you　tell　me？〃

A　similar　reason　to　that　which　had　caused　her　to　refuse　to　hear　what
the　Diviner　had　seen　in　the　sand　caused　her　now　to　answer：

〃There　is　something　I　cannot　say。　I　am　sure　I　am　right　not　to　say　it。〃

〃Do　you　wish　me　to　speak　frankly　to　you；　my　child？〃

〃Yes；　you　may。〃

〃You　have　told　me　enough　of　your　past　life　to　make　me　feel　sure　that
for　some　time　to　come　you　ought　to　be　very　careful　in　regard　to　your
faith。　By　the　mercy　of　God　you　have　been　preserved　from　the　greatest
of　all　dangersthe　danger　of　losing　your　belief　in　the　teachings　of
the　only　true　Church。　You　have　come　here　to　renew　your　faith　which；
not　killed；　has　been　stricken；　reduced；　may　I　not　say？　to　a　sort　of
invalidism。　Are　you　sure　you　are　in　a　condition　yet　to　help〃he
hesitated　obviously；　then　slowly〃others？　There　are　periods　in　which
one　cannot　do　what　one　may　be　able　to　do　in　the　far　future。　The
convalescent　who　is　just　tottering　in　the　new　attempt　to　walk　is　not
wise　enough　to　lend　an　arm　to　another。　To　do　so　may　seem　nobly
unselfish；　but　is　it　not　folly？　And　then；　my　child；　we　ought　to　be
scrupulously　aware　what　is　our　real　motive　for　wishing　to　assist
another。　Is　it　of　God；　or　is　it　of　ourselves？　Is　it　a　personal　desire
to　increase　a　perhaps　unworthy；　a　worldly　happiness？　Egoism　is　a
parent　of　many　children；　and　often　they　do　not　recognise　their
father。〃

Just　for　a　moment　Domini　felt　a　heat　of　anger　rise　within　her。　She　did
not　express　it；　and　did　not　know　that　she　had　shown　a　sign　of　it　till
she　heard　Father　Roubier　say：

〃If　you　knew　how　often　I　have　found　that　what　for　a　moment　I　believed
to　be　my　noblest　aspirations　had　sprung　from　a　tiny；　hidden　seed　of
egoism！〃

At　once　her　anger　died　away。

〃That　is　terribly　true；〃　she　said。　〃Of　us　all；　I