the garden of allah-第52章
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〃Go； Batouch！〃 she said。 〃I tell you to go。〃
Batouch turned his horse without a word； and disappeared into the
darkness of the distant palms。
When they were alone together Domini and Androvsky sat silent on their
horses for some minutes。 Their faces were turned towards the desert；
which was now luminous beneath the moon。 Its loneliness was
overpowering in the night； and made speech at first an impossibility；
and even thought difficult。 At last Androvsky said：
〃Madame； why did you look at me like that just now； as if youas if
you hesitated to remain alone with me？〃
Suddenly she resolved to tell him of her oppression of the night。 She
felt as if to do so would relieve her of something that was like a
pain at her heart。
〃Has it never occurred to you that we are strangers to each other？〃
she said。 〃That we know nothing of each other's lives？ What do you
know of me or I of you？〃
He shifted in his saddle and moved the reins from one hand to the
other； but said nothing。
〃Would it seem strange to you if I did hesitateif even now〃
〃Yes；〃 he interrupted violently； 〃it would seem strange to me。〃
〃Why？〃
〃You would rely on an Arab and not rely upon me；〃 he said with intense
bitterness。
〃I did not say so。〃
〃Yet at first you wished to keep Batouch。〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Then〃
〃Batouch is my attendant。〃
〃And I？ Perhaps I am nothing but a man whom you distrust； whomwhom
others tell you to think ill of。〃
〃I judge for myself。〃
〃But if others speak ill of me？〃
〃It would not influence mefor long。〃
She added the last words after a pause。 She wished to be strictly
truthful； and to…night she was not sure that the words of the priest
had made no impression upon her。
〃For long！〃 he repeated。 Then he said abruptly； 〃The priest hates me。〃
〃No。〃
〃And Count Anteoni？〃
〃You interested Count Anteoni greatly。〃
〃Interested him！〃
His voice sounded intensely suspicious in the night。
〃Don't you wish to interest anyone？ It seems to me that to be
uninteresting is to live eternally alone in a sunless desert。〃
〃I wishI should like to think that I〃 He stopped； then said； with
a sort of ashamed determination： 〃Could I ever interest you； Madame？〃
〃Yes；〃 she answered quietly。
〃But you would rather be protected by an Arab than by me。 The priest
has〃
〃To…night I do not seem to be myself；〃 she said； interrupting him。
〃Perhaps there is some physical reason。 I got up very early； and
don't you ever feel oppressed； suspicious； doubtful of life； people；
yourself； everything； without apparent reason？ Don't you know what it
is to have nightmare without sleeping？〃
〃I！ But you are different。〃
〃To…night I have feltI do feel as if there were tragedy near me；
perhaps coming towards me；〃 she said simply； 〃and I am oppressed； I am
almost afraid。〃
When she had said it she felt happier； as if a burden she carried were
suddenly lighter。 As he did not speak she glanced at him。 The moon
rays lit up his face。 It looked ghastly； drawn and old； so changed
that she scarcely recognised it and felt； for a moment； as if she were
with a stranger。 She looked away quickly； wondering if what she had
seen was merely some strange effect of the moon； or whether Androvsky
was really altered for a moment by the action of some terrible grief；
one of those sudden sorrows that rush upon a man from the hidden
depths of his nature and tear his soul； till his whole being is
lacerated and he feels as if his soul were flesh and were streaming
with the blood from mortal wounds。 The silence between them was long。
In it she presently heard a reiterated noise that sounded like
struggle and pain made audible。 It was Androvsky's breathing。 In the
soft and exquisite air of the desert he was gasping like a man shut up
in a cellar。 She looked again towards him； startled。 As she did so he
turned his horse sideways and rode away a few paces。 Then he pulled up
his horse。 He was now merely a black shape upon the moonlight；
motionless and inaudible。 She could not take her eyes from this shape。
Its blackness suggested to her the blackness of a gulf。 Her memory
still heard that sound of deep…drawn breathing or gasping； heard it
and quivered beneath it as a tender…hearted person quivers seeing a
helpless creature being ill…used。 She hesitated for a moment； and
then； carried away by an irresistible impulse to try to soothe this
extremity of pain which she was unable to understand； she rode up to
Androvsky。 When she reached him she did not know what she had meant to
say or do。 She felt suddenly impotent and intrusive； and even horribly
shy。 But before she had time for speech or action he turned to her and
said； lifting up his hands with the reins in them and then dropping
them down heavily upon his horse's neck：
〃Madame； I wanted to tell you that to…morrow I〃 He stopped。
〃Yes？〃 she said。
He turned his head away from her till she could not see his face。
〃To…morrow I am leaving Beni…Mora。〃
〃To…morrow！〃 she said。
She did not feel the horse under her； the reins in her hand。 She did
not see the desert or the moon。 Though she was looking at Androvsky
she no longer perceived him。 At the sound of his words it seemed to
her as if all outside things she had ever known had foundered； like a
ship whose bottom is ripped up by a razor…edged rock； as if with them
had foundered； too； all things within herself： thoughts； feelings；
even the bodily powers that were of the essence of her life； sense of
taste； smell； hearing； sight； the capacity of movement and of
deliberate repose。 Nothing seemed to remain except the knowledge that
she was still alive and had spoken。
〃Yes； to…morrow I shall go away。〃
His face was still turned from her； and his voice sounded as if it
spoke to someone at a distance； someone who could hear as man cannot
hear。
〃To…morrow；〃 she repeated。
She knew she had spoken again； but it did not seem to her as if she
had heard herself speak。 She looked at her hands holding the reins；
knew that she looked at them； yet felt as if she were not seeing them
while she did so。 The moonlit desert was surely flickering round her；
and away to the horizon in waves that were caused by the disappearance
of that ship which had suddenly foundered with all its countless
lives。 And she knew of the movement of these waves as the soul of one
of the drowned； already released from the body； might know of the
movement on the surface of the sea beneath which its body was hidden。
But the soul was evidently nothing without the body； or； at most；
merely a continuance of power to know that all which had been was no
more。 All which had been was no more。
At last her mind began to work again； and those words went through it
with persistence。 She thought of the fascination of Africa； that
enormous； overpowering fascination which had taken possession of her
body and spirit。 What had become of it？ What had become of the romance
of the palm gardens； of the brown villages； of the red mountains； of
the white town with its lights； its white figures； its throbbing
music？ And the mystical attraction of the desertwhere was it now？
Its voice； that had called her persistently； was suddenly silent。 Its
hand； that had been laid upon her； was removed。 She looked at it in
the moonlight and it was no longer the desert； sand with a soul in it；
blue distances full of a music of summons； spaces； peopled with
spirits from the sun。 It was only a barren waste of dried…up matter；
arid； featureless； desolate； ghastly with the bones of things that had
died。
She heard the dogs barking by the tents of the nomads and the noises
of the insects； but still she did not feel the horse underneath her。
Yet she was gradually recovering her powers； and their recovery
brought with it sharp； physical pain； such as is felt by a person who
has been nearly drowned and is restored from unconsciousness。
Androvsky turned round。 She saw his eyes fastened upon her； and
instantly pride awoke in her； and； with pride； her whole self。
She felt her horse under her； the reins in her hands； the stirrup at
her foot。 She moved in her saddle。 The blood tingled in her veins
fiercely； bitterly； as if it had become suddenly acrid。 She felt as if
her face were scarlet； as if her whole body flushed； and as if the
flush could be seen by her companion。 For a moment she was clothed
from head to foot in a fiery garment of shame。 But she faced Androvsky
with calm eyes； and her lips smiled。
〃You are tired of it？〃 she said。
〃I never meant to stay long；〃 he answered； looking down。
〃There is not very much to do here。 Shall we ride back to the village
now？〃
She turned her horse； and as she did so cast one more glance at the
three palm trees that stood far out on the path of the moon。 They
looked like three malignant fates lifting up their hands in
malediction。 For a moment she shivered in the saddle。 Then she touched
her horse with the whip and turned her eyes away。 Androvsky followed
her and rode by her side in silence。
To gain the oasis they passed near to the tents of the nomads； whose
fires were dying out。 The guard dogs were barking furiously； and
straining at the cords which fastened them to the tent pegs； by the
short hedges of brushwood that sheltered the doors of filthy rags。 The
Arabs were all within； no doubt huddled up on the ground asleep。 One
tent was pitched alone； at a considerable distance from the others；
and under the first palms of the oasis。 A fire smouldered before it；
casting a flickering gleam of light upon something dark which lay upon
the ground between it and the tent。 Tied to the tent was a large white
dog； which was not barking； but which was howling as if in agony of
fear。 Before Domini and Androvsky drew near to this tent the howling
of the dog reached them and startled them。 There was in it a note that
seemed humanly expressive； as if it were a person trying to scream out
words but unable to from horror。 Both of them instinctively pulled up
their horses； listened； then rode forward。 When they reached the tent
they saw the dark thing lying by the fire。
〃What is it？〃 Domini whispered。
〃An Arab asleep； I suppose；〃 Androvsky answered； staring at the
motionless object。
〃But the dog〃 She looked at the white shape leaping frantically
against the tent。 〃Are you sure？〃
〃It must be。 Look； it is wrapped in rags and the head is covered。〃
〃I don't know。〃
She stared at it。 The howling of the dog grew louder； as if it were
straining every nerve to tell them something dreadful。
〃Do you mind getting off and seeing what it is？ I'll hold the horse。〃
He swung himself out of the saddle。 She caught his rein and watched
him go forward to the thing that lay by the fire； bend down over it；
touch it； recoil from it； thenas if with a determined effortkneel
down beside it on the ground and take the rags that covered it in his
hands。 After a moment of contemplation of what they had hidden he
dropped the ragsor rather threw them from him with a violent gesture
got up and came back to Domini； and looked at her without speaking。
She bent down。
〃I'll tell you；〃 she said。 〃I'll tell you what it is。 It's a dead
woman。〃
It seemed to her as if the dark thing ly
