the garden of allah-第81章

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She　heard　only　a　voice　within　her；　which　said　to　her；　〃If　you　really
love　be　fearless。　Attack　this　sorrow　which　stands　like　a　figure　of
death　between　you　and　your　husband。　Drive　it　away。　You　have　a　weapon
faith。　Use　it。〃

It　seemed　to　her　then　that　through　all　their　intercourse　she　had　been
a　coward　in　her　love；　and　she　resolved　that　she　would　be　a　coward　no
longer。



CHAPTER　XXV

Domini　had　said　to　herself　that　she　would　speak　to　her　husband　that
night。　She　was　resolved　not　to　hesitate；　not　to　be　influenced　from　her
purpose　by　anything。　Yet　she　knew　that　a　great　difficulty　would　stand
in　her　waythe　difficulty　of　Androvsky's　intense；　almost　passionate；
reserve。　This　reserve　was　the　dominant　characteristic　in　his　nature。
She　thought　of　it　sometimes　as　a　wall　of　fire　that　he　had　set　round
about　the　secret　places　of　his　soul　to　protect　them　even　from　her
eyes。　Perhaps　it　was　strange　that　she；　a　woman　of　a　singularly　frank
temperament；　should　be　attracted　by　reserve　in　another；　yet　she　knew
that　she　was　so　attracted　by　the　reserve　of　her　husband。　Its　existence
hinted　to　her　depths　in　him　which；　perhaps；　some　day　she　might　sound；
she　alone；　strength　which　was　hidden　for　her　some　day　to　prove。

Now；　alone　with　her　purpose；　she　thought　of　this　reserve。　Would　she　be
able　to　break　it　down　with　her　love？　For　an　instant　she　felt　as　if　she
were　about　to　enter　upon　a　contest　with　her　husband；　but　she　did　not
coldly　tell　over　her　armoury　and　select　weapons。　There　was　a　heat　of
purpose　within　her　that　beckoned　her　to　the　unthinking；　to　the
reckless　way；　that　told　her　to　be　self…reliant　and　to　trust　to　the
moment　for　the　method。

When　Androvsky　returned　to　the　camp　it　was　towards　evening。　A　lemon
light　was　falling　over　the　great　white　spaces　of　the　sand。　Upon　their
little　round　hills　the　Arab　villages　glowed　mysteriously。　Many
horsemen　were　riding　forth　from　the　city　to　take　the　cool　of　the
approaching　night。　From　the　desert　the　caravans　were　coming　in。　The
nomad　children　played；　half…naked；　at　Cora　before　the　tents；　calling
shrilly　to　each　other　through　the　light　silence　that　floated　airily
away　into　the　vast　distances　that　breathed　out　the　spirit　of　a　pale
eternity。　Despite　the　heat　there　was　an　almost　wintry　romance　in　this
strange　land　of　white　sands　and　yellow　radiance；　an　ethereal
melancholy　that　stole　with　the　twilight　noiselessly　towards　the　tents。

As　Androvsky　approached　Domini　saw　that　he　had　lost　the　energy　which
had　delighted　her　at　/dejeuner/。　He　walked　towards　her　slowly　with　his
head　bent　down。　His　face　was　grave；　even　sad；　though　when　he　saw　her
waiting　for　him　he　smiled。

〃You　have　been　all　this　time　with　the　priest？〃　she　said。

〃Nearly　all。　I　walked　for　a　little　while　in　the　city。　And　you？〃

〃I　rode　out　and　met　a　friend。〃

〃A　friend？〃　he　said；　as　if　startled。

〃Yes；　from　Beni…MoraCount　Anteoni。　He　has　been　here　to　pay　me　a
visit。〃

She　pulled　forward　a　basket…chair　for　him。　He　sank　into　it　heavily。

〃Count　Anteoni　here！〃　he　said　slowly。　〃What　is　he　doing　here？〃

〃He　is　with　the　marabout　at　Beni…Hassan。　And；　Boris；　he　has　become　a
Mohammedan。〃

He　lifted　his　head　with　a　jerk　and　stared　at　her　in　silence。

〃You　are　surprised？〃

〃A　MohammedanCount　Anteoni？〃

〃Yes。　Do　you　know；　when　he　told　me　I　felt　almost　as　if　I　had　been
expecting　it。〃

〃Butis　he　changed　then？　Is　he〃

He　stopped。　His　voice　had　sounded　to　her　bitter；　almost　fierce。

〃Yes；　Boris；　he　is　changed。　Have　you　ever　seen　anyone　who　was　lost；
and　the　same　person　walking　along　the　road　home？　Well；　that　is　Count
Anteoni。〃

They　said　no　more　for　some　minutes。　Androvsky　was　the　first　to　speak
again。

〃You　told　him？〃　he　asked。

〃About　ourselves？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃I　told　him。〃

〃What　did　he　say？〃

〃He　had　expected　it。　When　we　ask　him　he　is　coming　here　again　to　see　us
both　together。〃

Androvsky　got　up　from　his　chair。　His　face　was　troubled。　Standing
before　Domini；　he　said：

〃Count　Anteoni　is　happy　then；　now　that　henow　that　he　has　joined　this
religion？〃

〃Very　happy。〃

〃And　youa　Catholicwhat　do　you　think？〃

〃I　think　that；　since　that　is　his　honest　belief；　it　is　a　blessed　thing
for　him。〃

He　said　no　more；　but　went　towards　the　sleeping…tent。

In　the　evening；　when　they　were　dining；　he　said　to　her：

〃Domini；　to…night　I　am　going　to　leave　you　again　for　a　short　time。〃

He　saw　a　look　of　keen　regret　come　into　her　face；　and　added　quickly：

〃At　nine　I　have　promised　to　go　to　see　the　priest。　Hehe　is　rather
lonely　here。　He　wants　me　to　come。　Do　you　mind？〃

〃No；　no。　I　am　gladvery　glad。　Have　you　finished？〃

〃Quite。〃

〃Let　us　take　a　rug　and　go　out　a　little　way　in　the　sandthat　way
towards　the　cemetery。　It　is　quiet　there　at　night。〃

〃Yes。　I　will　get　a　rug。〃　He　went　to　fetch　it；　threw　it　over　his　arm；
and　they　set　out　together。　She　had　meant　the　Arab　cemetery；　but　when
they　reached　it　they　found　two　or　three　nomads　wandering　there。

〃Let　us　go　on；〃　she　said。

They　went　on；　and　came　to　the　French　cemetery；　which　was　surrounded　by
a　rough　hedge　of　brushwood；　in　which　there　were　gaps　here　and　there。
Through　one　of　these　gaps　they　entered　it；　spread　out　the　rug；　and　lay
down　on　the　sand。　The　night　was　still　and　silence　brooded　here。
Faintly　they　saw　the　graves　of　the　exiles　who　had　died　here　and　been
given　to　the　sand；　where　in　summer　vipers　glided　to　and　fro；　and　the
pariah　dogs　wandered　stealthily；　seeking　food　to　still　the　desires　in
their　starving　bodies。　They　were　mostly　very　simple；　but　close　to
Domini　and　Androvsky　was　one　of　white　marble；　in　the　form　of　a　broken
column；　hung　with　wreaths　of　everlasting　flowers；　and　engraved　with
these　words：

　　　　　ICI　REPOSE

JEAN　BAPTISTE　FABRIANI

　　　/Priez　pour　lui/。

When　they　lay　down　they　both　looked　at　this　grave；　as　if　moved　by　a
simultaneous　impulse；　and　read　the　words。

〃Priez　pour　lui！〃　Domini　said　in　a　low　voice。

She　put　out　her　hand　and　took　hold　of　her　husband's；　and　pressed　it
down　on　the　sand。

〃Do　you　remember　that　first　night；　Boris；〃　she　said；　〃at　Arba；　when
you　took　my　hand　in　yours　and　laid　it　against　the　desert　as　against　a
heart？〃

〃Yes；　Domini；　I　remember。〃

〃That　night　we　were　one；　weren't　we？〃

〃Yes；　Domini。〃

〃Were　we〃she　was　almost　whispering　in　the　night〃were　we　truly
one？〃

〃Why　do　youtruly　one；　you　say？〃

〃Yesone　in　soul？　That　is　the　great　union；　greater　than　the　union　of
our　bodies。　Were　we　one　in　soul？　Are　we　now？〃

〃Domini；　why　do　you　ask　me　such　questions？　Do　you　doubt　my　love？〃

〃No。　But　I　do　ask　you。　Won't　you　answer　me？〃

He　was　silent。　His　hand　lay　in　hers；　but　did　not　press　it。

〃Boris〃she　spoke　the　cruel　words　very　quietly；〃we　are　not　truly
one　in　soul。　We　have　never　been。　I　know　that。〃

He　said　nothing。

〃Shall　we　ever　be？　Thinkif　one　of　us　were　to　die；　and　the　otherthe
one　who　was　leftwere　left　with　the　knowledge　that　in　our　love；　even
ours；　there　had　always　been　separationcould　you　bear　that？　Could　I
bear　it？〃

〃Domini〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Why　do　you　speak　like　this？　We　are　one。　You　have　all　my　love。　You　are
everything　to　me。〃

〃And　yet　you　are　sad；　and　you　try　to　hide　your　sadness；　your　misery；
from　me。　Can　you　not　give　it　me？　I　want　itmore　than　I　want　anything
on　earth。　I　want　it；　I　must　have　it；　and　I　dare　to　ask　for　it　because
I　know　how　deeply　you　love　me　and　that　you　could　never　love　another。〃

〃I　never　have　loved　another；〃　he　said。

〃I　was　the　very　first。〃

〃The　very　first。　When　we　married；　although　I　was　a　man　I　was　as　you
were。〃

She　bent　down　her　head　and　laid　her　lips　on　his　hand　that　was　in　hers。

〃Then　make　our　union　perfect；　as　no　other　union　on　earth　has　ever
been。　Give　me　your　sorrow；　Boris。　I　know　what　it　is。〃

〃How　canyou　cannot　know；〃　he　said　in　a　broken　voice。

〃Yes。　Love　is　a　diviner；　the　only　true　diviner。　I　told　you　once　what
it　was；　but　I　want　you　to　tell　me。　Nothing　that　we　take　is　beautiful
to　us；　only　what　we　are　given。〃

〃I　cannot；〃　he　said。

He　tried　to　take　his　hand　from　hers；　but　she　held　it　fast。　And　she
felt　as　if　she　were　holding　the　wall　of　fire　with　which　he　surrounded
the　secret　places　of　his　soul。

〃To…day；　Boris；　when　I　talked　to　Count　Anteoni；　I　felt　that　I　had　been
a　coward　with　you。　I　had　seen　you　suffer　and　I　had　not　dared　to　draw
near　to　your　suffering。　I　have　been　afraid　of　you。　Think　of　that。〃

〃No。〃

〃Yes；　I　have　been　afraid　of　you；　of　your　reserve。　When　you　withdrew
from　me　I　never　followed　you。　If　I　had；　perhaps　I　could　have　done
something　for　you。〃

〃Domini；　do　not　speak　like　this。　Our　love　is　happy。　Leave　it　as　it
is。〃

〃I　can't。　I　will　not。　Boris；　Count　Anteoni　has　found　a　home。　But　you
are　wandering。　I　can't　bear　that；　I　can't　bear　it。　It　is　as　if　I　were
sitting　in　the　house；　warm；　safe；　and　you　were　out　in　the　storm。　It
tortures　me。　It　almost　makes　me　hate　my　own　safety。〃

Androvsky　shivered。　He　took　his　hand　forcibly　from　Domini's。

〃I　have　almost　hated　it；　too；〃　he　said　passionately。　〃I　have　hated　it。
I'm　aI'm〃

His　voice　failed。　He　bent　forward　and　took　Domini's　face　between　his
hands。

〃And　yet　there　are　times　when　I　can　bless　what　I　have　hated。　I　do
bless　it　now。　II　love　your　safety。　Youat　least　you　are　safe。〃

〃You　must　share　it。　I　will　make　you　share　it。〃

〃You　cannot。〃

〃I　can。　I　shall。　I　feel　that　we　shall　be　together　in　soul；　and　perhaps
to…night；　perhaps　even　to…night。〃

Androvsky　looked　profoundly　agitated。　His　hands　dropped　down。

〃I　must　go；〃　he　said。　〃I　must　go　to　the　priest。〃

He　got　up　from　the　sand。

〃Come　to　the　tent；　Domini。〃

She　rose　to　her　feet。

〃When　you　come　back；〃　she　said；　〃I　shall　be　waiting　for　you；　Boris。〃

He　looked　at　her。　There　was　in　his　eyes　a　piercing　wistfulness。　He
opened　his　lips。　At　that　moment　Domini　felt　that　he　was　on　the　point
of　telling　her　all　that　she　longed　to　know。　But　the　look　faded。　The
lips　closed。　He　took　her　in　his　arms　and　kissed　her　almost
desperately。

〃No；　no；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　keep　your　loveI'll　keep　it。〃

〃You　could　never　lose　it。〃

〃I　might。〃

〃Never。〃

〃If　I　believed　that。〃

〃Boris！〃

Suddenly　burning　tears　rushed　from　her　eyes。

〃Don't　ever　say　a　thing　like　that　to　me　again！〃　she　said　with　passion。

She　pointed　to　the　grave　close　to　them。

〃If　you　were　there；〃　she　said；　〃and　I　was　living；　and　you　had　died
beforebefore　you　had　told　meI　believeGod　forgive　me；　but　I　do
believe　that　if；　when　you　died；　I　were　taken　to　heaven　I　should　find
my　hell　there。〃

She　looked　through　her　tears　at　the　words：　〃Priez　pour　lui。〃

〃To　pray　for　the　dead；〃　she　whispered；　as　if　to　herself。　〃To　pray　for
my　deadI　could　not　do　itI　could　not。　Boris；　if　you　love　me　you
must　trust　me；　you　must　give　me　your　sorrow。〃

The　night　drew　on。　Androvsky　had　gone　to　the　priest。　Domini　was　alone；
sitting　before　the　tent　waiting　for　his　return。　She　had　told　Batouch
and　Ouardi　that　she　wanted　nothing　more；　that　no　one　was　to　come　to
the　tent　again　that　night。　The　young　moon　was　rising　over　the　city；
but　its　light　as　yet　was　faint。　It　fell　upon　the　cupolas　of　the　Bureau
Arabe；　the　towers　of　the　mosque　and　the　white　sands；　whose　whiteness
it　seemed　to　emphasise；　making　them　pale　as　the　face　of　one　terror…
stricken。　The　city　wall　cast　a　deep　shadow　over　the　moat