father goriot(高老头)-第27章

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and　francs　of　my　own；　could　let　myself　be　robbed？　It　is　because　I　was　proud；　and　scorned　to　speak。　We　are　so　young；　so　artless　when　our　married　life　begins！　I　never　could　bring　myself　to　ask　my　husband　for　money；　the　words　would　have　made　my　lips　bleed；　I　did　not　dare　to　ask；　I　spent　my　savings　first；　and　then　the　money　that　my　poor　father　gave　me；　then　I　ran　into　debt。　Marriage　for　me　is　a　hideous　farce；　I　cannot　talk　about　it；　let　it　suffice　to　say　that　Nucingen　and　I　have　separate　rooms；　and　that　I　would　fling　myself　out　of　the　window　sooner　than　consent　to　any　other　manner　of　life。　I　suffered　agonies　when　I　had　to　confess　to　my　girlish　extravagance；　my　debts　for　jewelry　and　trifles　（for　our　poor　father　had　never　refused　us　anything；　and　spoiled　us）；　but　at　last　I　found　courage　to　tell　him　about　them。　After　all；　I　had　a　fortune　of　my　own。　Nucingen　flew　into　a　rage；　he　said　that　I　should　be　the　ruin　of　him；　and　used　frightful　language！　I　wished　myself　a　hundred　feet　down　in　the　earth。　He　had　my　dowry；　so　he　paid　my　debts；　but　he　stipulated　at　the　same　time　that　my　expenses　in　future　must　not　exceed　a　certain　fixed　sum；　and　I　gave　way　for　the　sake　of　peace。　And　then；〃　she　went　on；　〃I　wanted　to　gratify　the　self…love　of　some　one　whom　you　know。　He　may　have　deceived　me；　but　I　should　do　him　the　justice　to　say　that　there　was　nothing　petty　in　his　character。　But；　after　all；　he　threw　me　over　disgracefully。　If；　at　a　woman's　utmost　need；　SOMEBODY　heaps　gold　upon　her；　he　ought　never　to　forsake　her；　that　love　should　last　for　ever！　But　you；　at　one…and…twenty；　you；　the　soul　of　honor；　with　the　unsullied　conscience　of　youth；　will　ask　me　how　a　woman　can　bring　herself　to　accept　money　in　such　a　way？　MON　DIEU！　is　it　not　natural　to　share　everything　with　the　one　to　whom　we　owe　our　happiness？　When　all　has　been　given；　why　should　we　pause　and　hesitate　over　a　part？　Money　is　as　nothing　between　us　until　the　moment　when　the　sentiment　that　bound　us　together　ceases　to　exist。　Were　we　not　bound　to　each　other　for　life？　Who　that　believes　in　love　foresees　such　an　end　to　love？　You　swear　to　love　us　eternally；　how；　then；　can　our　interests　be　separate？

〃You　do　not　know　how　I　suffered　to…day　when　Nucingen　refused　to　give　me　six　thousand　francs；　he　spends　as　much　as　that　every　month　on　his　mistress；　an　opera　dancer！　I　thought　of　killing　myself。　The　wildest　thoughts　came　into　my　head。　There　have　been　moments　in　my　life　when　I　have　envied　my　servants；　and　would　have　changed　places　with　my　maid。　It　was　madness　to　think　of　going　to　our　father；　Anastasie　and　I　have　bled　him　dry；　our　poor　father　would　have　sold　himself　if　he　could　have　raised　six　thousand　francs　that　way。　I　should　have　driven　him　frantic　to　no　purpose。　You　have　saved　me　from　shame　and　death；　I　was　beside　myself　with　anguish。　Ah！　monsieur；　I　owed　you　this　explanation　after　my　mad　ravings。　When　you　left　me　just　now；　as　soon　as　you　were　out　of　sight；　I　longed　to　escape；　to　run　away　。　。　。　where；　I　did　not　know。　Half　the　women　in　Paris　lead　such　lives　as　mine；　they　live　in　apparent　luxury；　and　in　their　souls　are　tormented　by　anxiety。　I　know　of　poor　creatures　even　more　miserable　than　I；　there　are　women　who　are　driven　to　ask　their　tradespeople　to　make　out　false　bills；　women　who　rob　their　husbands。　Some　men　believe　that　an　Indian　shawl　worth　a　thousand　louis　only　cost　five　hundred　francs；　others　that　a　shawl　costing　five　hundred　francs　is　worth　a　hundred　louis。　There　are　women；　too；　with　narrow　incomes；　who　scrape　and　save　and　starve　their　children　to　pay　for　a　dress。　I　am　innocent　of　these　base　meannesses。　But　this　is　the　last　extremity　of　my　torture。　Some　women　will　sell　themselves　to　their　husbands；　and　so　obtain　their　way；　but　I；　at　any　rate；　am　free。　If　I　chose；　Nucingen　would　cover　me　with　gold；　but　I　would　rather　weep　on　the　breast　of　a　man　whom　I　can　respect。　Ah！　tonight；　M。　de　Marsay　will　no　longer　have　a　right　to　think　of　me　as　a　woman　whom　he　has　paid。〃　She　tried　to　conceal　her　tears　from　him；　hiding　her　face　in　her　hands；　Eugene　drew　them　away　and　looked　at　her；　she　seemed　to　him　sublime　at　that　moment。

〃It　is　hideous；　is　it　not；〃　she　cried；　〃to　speak　in　a　breath　of　money　and　affection。　You　cannot　love　me　after　this；〃　she　added。

The　incongruity　between　the　ideas　of　honor　which　make　women　so　great；　and　the　errors　in　conduct　which　are　forced　upon　them　by　the　constitution　of　society；　had　thrown　Eugene's　thoughts　into　confusion；　he　uttered　soothing　and　consoling　words；　and　wondered　at　the　beautiful　woman　before　him；　and　at　the　artless　imprudence　of　her　cry　of　pain。

〃You　will　not　remember　this　against　me？〃　she　asked；　〃promise　me　that　you　will　not。〃

〃Ah！　madame；　I　am　incapable　of　doing　so；〃　he　said。　She　took　his　hand　and　held　it　to　her　heart；　a　movement　full　of　grace　that　expressed　her　deep　gratitude。

〃I　am　free　and　happy　once　more；　thanks　to　you；〃　she　said。　〃Oh！　I　have　felt　lately　as　if　I　were　in　the　grasp　of　an　iron　hand。　But　after　this　I　mean　to　live　simply　and　to　spend　nothing。　You　will　think　me　just　as　pretty；　will　you　not；　my　friend？　Keep　this；〃　she　went　on；　as　she　took　only　six　of　the　banknotes。　〃In　conscience　I　owe　you　a　thousand　crowns；　for　I　really　ought　to　go　halves　with　you。〃

Eugene's　maiden　conscience　resisted；　but　when　the　Baroness　said；　〃I　am　bound　to　look　on　you　as　an　accomplice　or　as　an　enemy；〃　he　took　the　money。

〃It　shall　be　a　last　stake　in　reserve；〃　he　said；　〃in　case　of　misfortune。〃

〃That　was　what　I　was　dreading　to　hear；〃　she　cried；　turning　pale。　〃Oh；　if　you　would　that　I　should　be　anything　to　you；　swear　to　me　that　you　will　never　re…enter　a　gaming…house。　Great　Heaven！　that　I　should　corrupt　you！　I　should　die　of　sorrow！〃

They　had　reached　the　Rue　Saint…Lazare　by　this　time。　The　contrast　between　the　ostentation　of　wealth　in　the　house；　and　the　wretched　condition　of　its　mistress；　dazed　the　student；　and　Vautrin's　cynical　words　began　to　ring　in　his　ears。

〃Seat　yourself　there；〃　said　the　Baroness；　pointing　to　a　low　chair　beside　the　fire。　〃I　have　a　difficult　letter　to　write；〃　she　added。　〃Tell　me　what　to　say。〃

〃Say　nothing；〃　Eugene　answered　her。　〃Put　the　bills　in　an　envelope；　direct　it；　and　send　it　by　your　maid。〃

〃Why；　you　are　a　love　of　a　man；〃　she　said。　〃Ah！　see　what　it　is　to　have　been　well　brought　up。　That　is　the　Beauseant　through　and　through；〃　she　went　on；　smiling　at　him。

〃She　is　charming；〃　thought　Eugene；　more　and　more　in　love。　He　looked　round　him　at　the　room；　there　was　an　ostentatious　character　about　the　luxury；　a　meretricious　taste　in　the　splendor。

〃Do　you　like　it？〃　she　asked；　as　she　rang　for　the　maid。

〃Therese；　take　this　to　M。　de　Marsay；　and　give　it　into　his　hands　yourself。　If　he　is　not　at　home；　bring　the　letter　back　to　me。〃

Therese　went；　but　not　before　she　had　given　Eugene　a　spiteful　glance。

Dinner　was　announced。　Rastignac　gave　his　arm　to　Mme。　de　Nucingen；　she　led　the　way　into　a　pretty　dining…room；　and　again　he　saw　the　luxury　of　the　table　which　he　had　admired　in　his　cousin's　house。

〃Come　and　dine　with　me　on　opera　evenings；　and　we　will　go　to　the　Italiens　afterwards；〃　she　said。

〃I　should　soon　grow　used　to　the　pleasant　life　if　it　could　last；　but　I　am　a　poor　student；　and　I　have　my　way　to　make。〃

〃Oh！　you　will　succeed；〃　she　said　laughing。　〃You　will　see。　All　that　you　wish　will　come　to　pass。　_I_　did　not　expect　to　be　so　happy。〃

It　is　the　wont　of　women　to　prove　the　impossible　by　the　possible；　and　to　annihilate　facts　by　presentiments。　When　Mme。　de　Nucingen　and　Rastignac　took　their　places　in　her　box　at　the　Bouffons；　her　face　wore　a　look　of　happiness　that　made　her　so　lovely　that　every　one　indulged　in　those　small　slanders　against　which　women　are　defenceless；　for　the　scandal　that　is　uttered　lightly　is　often　seriously　believed。　Those　who　know　Paris；　believe　nothing　that　is　said；　and　say　nothing　of　what　is　done　there。

Eugene　took　the　Baroness'　hand　in　his；　and　by　some　light　pressure　of　the　fingers；　or　a　closer　grasp　of　the　hand；　they　found　a　language　in　which　to　express　the　sensations　which　the　music　gave　them。　It　was　an　evening　of　intoxicating　delight　for　both；　and　when　it　ended；　and　they　went　out　together；　Mme。　de　Nucingen　insisted　on　taking　Eugene　with　her　as　far　as　the　Pont　Neuf；　he　disputing　with　her　the　whole　of　the　way　for　a　single　kiss　after　all　those　that　she　had　showered　upon　him　so　passionately　at　the　Palais…Royal；　Eugene　reproached　her　with　inconsistency。

〃That　was　gratitude；〃　she　said；　〃for　devotion　that　I　did　not　dare　to　hope　for；　but　now　it　would　be　a　promise。〃


〃And　will　you　give　me　no　promise；　ingrate？〃

He　grew　vexed。　Then；　with　one　of　those　impatient　gestures　that　fill　a　lover　with　ecstasy；　she　gave　him　her　hand　to　kiss；　and　he　took　it　with　a　discontented　air　that　delighted　her。

〃I　shall　see　you　at　the　ball　on　Monday；〃　she　said。

As　Eugene　went　home　in　the　moonlight；　he　fell　to　serious　reflections。　He　was　satisfied；　and　yet　dissatisfied。　He　was　pleased　with　an　adventure　which　would　probably　give　him　his　desire；　for　in　the　end　one　of　the　prettiest　and　best…dressed　women　in　Paris　would　be　his；　but；　as　a　set…off；　he　saw　his　hopes　of　fortune　brought　to　nothing；　and　as　soon　as　he　realized　this　fact；　the　vague　thoughts　of　yesterday　evening　began　to　take　a　more　decided　shape　in　his　mind。　A　check　is　sure　to　reveal　to　us　the　strength　of　our　hopes。　The　more　Eugene　learned　of　the　pleasures　of　life　in　Paris；　the　more　impatient　he　felt　of　poverty　and　obscurity。　He　crumpled　the　banknote　in　his　pocket；　and　found　any　quantity　of　plausible　excuses　for　appropriating　it。

He　reached　the　Rue　Neuve…Sainte…Genevieve　at　last；　and　from　the　stairhead　he　saw　a　light　in　Goriot's　room；　the　old　man　had　lighted　a　candle；　and　set　the　door　ajar；　lest　the　student　should　pass　him　by；　and　go　to　his　room　without　〃telling　him　all　about　his　daughter；〃　to　use　his　own　expression。　Eugene；　accordingly；　told　him　everything　without　reserve。

〃Then　they　think　that　I　am　ruined！〃　cried　Father　Goriot；　in　an　agony　of　jealousy　and　desperation。　〃Why；　I　have　still　thirteen　hundred　livres　a　year！　MON　DIEU！　Poor　little　girl！　why　did　she　not　come　to　me？　I　would　have　sold　my　rentes；　she　should　have　had　some　of　the　principal；　and　I　would　have　bought　a　life…annuity　with　the　rest。　My　good　neighbor；　why　did　not　YOU　come　to　tell　me　of　her　difficulty？　How　had　you　the　heart　to　go　and　risk　her　poor　little　hundred　francs　at　play？　This　is　heart…breaking　work。　You　see　what　it　is　to　have　sons…in…law。　Oh！　if　I　had　hold　of　them；　I　would　wring　their　necks。　MON　DIEU！　CRYING！　Did　you　say　she　was　crying？〃

〃With　her　head　on　my　waistcoat；〃　said　Eugene。

〃Oh！　give　it　to　me；〃　said　Father　Goriot。　〃What！　my　daughter's　tears　have　fallen　theremy　darling　Delphine；　who　never　used　to　cry　when　she　was　a　little　girl！　Oh！　I　will　buy　you　another；　do　not　wear　it　again；　let　me　have　it。　By　the　terms　of　her　marriage…　contract；　she　ought　to　have　the　use　of　her　property。　To…morrow　morning　I　will　go　and　see　Derville；　he　is　an　attorney。　I　will　demand　that　her　money　should　be　invested　in　her　own　name。　I　know　the　law。　I　am　an　old　wolf；　I　will　show　my　teeth。〃

〃Here；　father；　this　is　a　banknote　for　a　thousand　francs　that　she　wanted　me　to　keep　out　of　our　winnings。　Keep　them　for　her；　in　the　pocket　of　the　waistcoat。〃

Goriot　looked　hard　at　Eugene；　reached　out　and　took　the　law　student's　hand；　and　Eugene　felt　a　tear　fall　on