father goriot(高老头)-第45章

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　curiosity　to　see　if　she　will　hide　her　anguish；　and　whether　she　　　will　die　courageously？　I　certainly　should　not　go；　my　friend；　if　I　　　had　been　at　her　house　before；　but；　of　course；　she　will　not　　　receive　society　any　more　after　this；　and　all　my　efforts　would　be　　　in　vain。　My　position　is　a　very　unusual　one；　and　besides；　I　am　　　going　there　partly　on　your　account。　I　am　waiting　for　you。　If　you　　　are　not　beside　me　in　less　than　two　hours；　I　do　not　know　whether　I　　　could　forgive　such　treason。〃

Rastignac　took　up　a　pen　and　wrote：

　　〃I　am　waiting　till　the　doctor　comes　to　know　if　there　is　any　hope　　　of　your　father's　life。　He　is　lying　dangerously　ill。　I　will　come　　　and　bring　you　the　news；　but　I　am　afraid　it　may　be　a　sentence　of　　　death。　When　I　come　you　can　decide　whether　you　can　go　to　the　　　ball。Yours　a　thousand　times。〃

At　half…past　eight　the　doctor　arrived。　He　did　not　take　a　very　hopeful　view　of　the　case；　but　thought　that　there　was　no　immediate　danger。　Improvements　and　relapses　might　be　expected；　and　the　good　man's　life　and　reason　hung　in　the　balance。

〃It　would　be　better　for　him　to　die　at　once；〃　the　doctor　said　as　he　took　leave。

Eugene　left　Goriot　to　Bianchon's　care；　and　went　to　carry　the　sad　news　to　Mme。　de　Nucingen。　Family　feeling　lingered　in　her；　and　this　must　put　an　end　for　the　present　to　her　plans　of　amusement。

〃Tell　her　to　enjoy　her　evening　as　if　nothing　had　happened；〃　cried　Goriot。　He　had　been　lying　in　a　sort　of　stupor；　but　he　suddenly　sat　upright　as　Eugene　went　out。

Eugene；　half　heartbroken；　entered　Delphine's。　Her　hair　had　been　dressed；　she　wore　her　dancing　slippers；　she　had　only　to　put　on　her　ball…dress；　but　when　the　artist　is　giving　the　finishing　stroke　to　his　creation；　the　last　touches　require　more　time　than　the　whole　groundwork　of　the　picture。

〃Why；　you　are　not　dressed！〃　she　cried。

〃Madame；　your　father〃

〃My　father　again！〃　she　exclaimed；　breaking　in　upon　him。　〃You　need　not　teach　me　what　is　due　to　my　father；　I　have　known　my　father　this　long　while。　Not　a　word；　Eugene。　I　will　hear　what　you　have　to　say　when　you　are　dressed。　My　carriage　is　waiting；　take　it；　go　round　to　your　rooms　and　dress；　Therese　has　put　out　everything　in　readiness　for　you。　Come　back　as　soon　as　you　can；　we　will　talk　about　my　father　on　the　way　to　Mme。　de　Beauseant's。　We　must　go　early；　if　we　have　to　wait　our　turn　in　a　row　of　carriages；　we　shall　be　lucky　if　we　get　there　by　eleven　o'clock。〃

〃Madame〃

〃Quick！　not　a　word！〃　she　cried；　darting　into　her　dressing…room　for　a　necklace。

〃Do　go；　Monsieur　Eugene；　or　you　will　vex　madame；〃　said　Therese；　hurrying　him　away；　and　Eugene　was　too　horror…stricken　by　this　elegant　parricide　to　resist。

He　went　to　his　rooms　and　dressed；　sad；　thoughtful；　and　dispirited。　The　world　of　Paris　was　like　an　ocean　of　mud　for　him　just　then；　and　it　seemed　that　whoever　set　foot　in　that　black　mire　must　needs　sink　into　it　up　to　the　chin。

〃Their　crimes　are　paltry；〃　said　Eugene　to　himself。　〃Vautrin　was　greater。〃

He　had　seen　society　in　its　three　great　phasesObedience；　Struggle；　and　Revolt；　the　Family；　the　World；　and　Vautrin；　and　he　hesitated　in　his　choice。　Obedience　was　dull；　Revolt　impossible；　Struggle　hazardous。　His　thoughts　wandered　back　to　the　home　circle。　He　thought　of　the　quiet　uneventful　life；　the　pure　happiness　of　the　days　spent　among　those　who　loved　him　there。　Those　loving　and　beloved　beings　passed　their　lives　in　obedience　to　the　natural　laws　of　the　hearth；　and　in　that　obedience　found　a　deep　and　constant　serenity；　unvexed　by　torments　such　as　these。　Yet；　for　all　his　good　impulses；　he　could　not　bring　himself　to　make　profession　of　the　religion　of　pure　souls　to　Delphine；　nor　to　prescribe　the　duties　of　piety　to　her　in　the　name　of　love。　His　education　had　begun　to　bear　its　fruits；　he　loved　selfishly　already。　Besides；　his　tact　had　discovered　to　him　the　real　nature　of　Delphine；　he　divined　instinctively　that　she　was　capable　of　stepping　over　her　father's　corpse　to　go　to　the　ball；　and　within　himself　he　felt　that　he　had　neither　the　strength　of　mind　to　play　the　part　of　mentor；　nor　the　strength　of　character　to　vex　her；　nor　the　courage　to　leave　her　to　go　alone。

〃She　would　never　forgive　me　for　putting　her　in　the　wrong　over　it；〃　he　said　to　himself。　Then　he　turned　the　doctor's　dictum　over　in　his　mind；　he　tried　to　believe　that　Goriot　was　not　so　dangerously　ill　as　he　had　imagined；　and　ended　by　collecting　together　a　sufficient　quantity　of　traitorous　excuses　for　Delphine's　conduct。　She　did　not　know　how　ill　her　father　was；　the　kind　old　man　himself　would　have　made　her　go　to　the　ball　if　she　had　gone　to　see　him。　So　often　it　happens　that　this　one　or　that　stands　condemned　by　the　social　laws　that　govern　family　relations；　and　yet　there　are　peculiar　circumstances　in　the　case；　differences　of　temperament；　divergent　interests；　innumerable　complications　of　family　life　that　excuse　the　apparent　offence。

Eugene　did　not　wish　to　see　too　clearly；　he　was　ready　to　sacrifice　his　conscience　to　his　mistress。　Within　the　last　few　days　his　whole　life　had　undergone　a　change。　Woman　had　entered　into　his　world　and　thrown　it　into　chaos；　family　claims　dwindled　away　before　her；　she　had　appropriated　all　his　being　to　her　uses。　Rastignac　and　Delphine　found　each　other　at　a　crisis　in　their　lives　when　their　union　gave　them　the　most　poignant　bliss。　Their　passion；　so　long　proved；　had　only　gained　in　strength　by　the　gratified　desire　that　often　extinguishes　passion。　This　woman　was　his；　and　Eugene　recognized　that　not　until　then　had　he　loved　her；　perhaps　love　is　only　gratitude　for　pleasure。　This　woman；　vile　or　sublime；　he　adored　for　the　pleasure　she　had　brought　as　her　dower；　and　Delphine　loved　Rastignac　as　Tantalus　would　have　loved　some　angel　who　had　satisfied　his　hunger　and　quenched　the　burning　thirst　in　his　parched　throat。

〃Well；〃　said　Mme。　de　Nucingen　when　he　came　back　in　evening　dress；　〃how　is　my　father？〃

〃Very　dangerously　ill；〃　he　answered；　〃if　you　will　grant　me　a　proof　of　your　affections；　we　will　just　go　in　to　see　him　on　the　way。〃

〃Very　well；〃　she　said。　〃Yes；　but　afterwards。　Dear　Eugene；　do　be　nice；　and　don't　preach　to　me。　Come。〃

They　set　out。　Eugene　said　nothing　for　a　while。

〃What　is　it　now？〃　she　asked。

〃I　can　hear　the　death…rattle　in　your　father's　throat；〃　he　said　almost　angrily。　And　with　the　hot　indignation　of　youth；　he　told　the　story　of　Mme。　de　Restaud's　vanity　and　cruelty；　of　her　father's　final　act　of　self…sacrifice；　that　had　brought　about　this　struggle　between　life　and　death；　of　the　price　that　had　been　paid　for　Anastasie's　golden　embroideries。　Delphine　cried。

〃I　shall　look　frightful；〃　she　thought。　She　dried　her　tears。

〃I　will　nurse　my　father；　I　will　not　leave　his　bedside；〃　she　said　aloud。

〃Ah！　now　you　are　as　I　would　have　you；〃　exclaimed　Rastignac。

The　lamps　of　five　hundred　carriages　lit　up　the　darkness　about　the　Hotel　de　Beauseant。　A　gendarme　in　all　the　glory　of　his　uniform　stood　on　either　side　of　the　brightly　lighted　gateway。　The　great　world　was　flocking　thither　that　night　in　its　eager　curiosity　to　see　the　great　lady　at　the　moment　of　her　fall；　and　the　rooms　on　the　ground　floor　were　already　full　to　overflowing；　when　Mme。　de　Nucingen　and　Rastignac　appeared。　Never　since　Louis　XIV。　tore　her　lover　away　from　La　grand　Mademoiselle；　and　the　whole　court　hastened　to　visit　that　unfortunate　princess；　had　a　disastrous　love　affair　made　such　a　sensation　in　Paris。　But　the　youngest　daughter　of　the　almost　royal　house　of　Burgundy　had　risen　proudly　above　her　pain；　and　moved　till　the　last　moment　like　a　queen　in　this　worldits　vanities　had　always　been　valueless　for　her；　save　in　so　far　as　they　contributed　to　the　triumph　of　her　passion。　The　salons　were　filled　with　the　most　beautiful　women　in　Paris；　resplendent　in　their　toilettes；　and　radiant　with　smiles。　Ministers　and　ambassadors；　the　most　distinguished　men　at　court；　men　bedizened　with　decorations；　stars；　and　ribbons；　men　who　bore　the　most　illustrious　names　in　France；　had　gathered　about　the　Vicomtesse。

The　music　of　the　orchestra　vibrated　in　wave　after　wave　of　sound　from　the　golden　ceiling　of　the　palace；　now　made　desolate　for　its　queen。

Madame　de　Beauseant　stood　at　the　door　of　the　first　salon　to　receive　the　guests　who　were　styled　her　friends。　She　was　dressed　in　white；　and　wore　no　ornament　in　the　plaits　of　hair　braided　about　her　head；　her　face　was　calm；　there　was　no　sign　there　of　pride；　nor　of　pain；　nor　of　joy　that　she　did　not　feel。　No　one　could　read　her　soul；　she　stood　there　like　some　Niobe　carved　in　marble。　For　a　few　intimate　friends　there　was　a　tinge　of　satire　in　her　smile；　but　no　scrutiny　saw　any　change　in　her；　nor　had　she　looked　otherwise　in　the　days　of　the　glory　of　her　happiness。　The　most　callous　of　her　guests　admired　her　as　young　Rome　applauded　some　gladiator　who　could　die　smiling。　It　seemed　as　if　society　had　adorned　itself　for　a　last　audience　of　one　of　its　sovereigns。

〃I　was　afraid　that　you　would　not　come；〃　she　said　to　Rastignac。

〃Madame；〃　he　said；　in　an　unsteady　voice；　taking　her　speech　as　a　reproach；　〃I　shall　be　the　last　to　go；　that　is　why　I　am　here。〃

〃Good；〃　she　said；　and　she　took　his　hand。　〃You　are　perhaps　the　only　one　I　can　trust　here　among　all　these。　Oh；　my　friend；　when　you　love；　love　a　woman　whom　you　are　sure　that　you　can　love　always。　Never　forsake　a　woman。〃

She　took　Rastignac's　arm；　and　went　towards　a　sofa　in　the　card…　room。

〃I　want　you　to　go　to　the　Marquis；〃　she　said。　〃Jacques；　my　footman；　will　go　with　you；　he　has　a　letter　that　you　will　take。　I　am　asking　the　Marquis　to　give　my　letters　back　to　me。　He　will　give　them　all　up；　I　like　to　think　that。　When　you　have　my　letters；　go　up　to　my　room　with　them。　Some　one　shall　bring　me　word。〃

She　rose　to　go　to　meet　the　Duchesse　de　Langeais；　her　most　intimate　friend；　who　had　come　like　the　rest　of　the　world。

Rastignac　went。　He　asked　for　the　Marquis　d'Ajuda　at　the　Hotel　Rochefide；　feeling　certain　that　the　latter　would　be　spending　his　evening　there；　and　so　it　proved。　The　Marquis　went　to　his　own　house　with　Rastignac；　and　gave　a　casket　to　the　student；　saying　as　he　did　so；　〃They　are　all　there。〃

He　seemed　as　if　he　was　about　to　say　something　to　Eugene；　to　ask　about　the　ball；　or　the　Vicomtesse；　perhaps　he　was　on　the　brink　of　the　confession　that；　even　then；　he　was　in　despair；　and　knew　that　his　marriage　had　been　a　fatal　mistake；　but　a　proud　gleam　shone　in　his　eyes；　and　with　deplorable　courage　he　kept　his　noblest　feelings　a　secret。

〃Do　not　even　mention　my　name　to　her；　my　dear　Eugene。〃　He　grasped　Rastignac's　hand　sadly　and　affectionately；　and　turned　away　from　him。　Eugene　went　back　to　the　Hotel　Beauseant；　the　servant　took　him　to　the　Vicomtesse's　room。　There　were　signs　there　of　preparations　for　a　journey。　He　sat　down　by　the　fire；　fixed　his　eyes　on　the　cedar　wood　casket；　and　fell　into　deep　mournful　musings。　Mme。　de　Beauseant　loomed　large　in　these　imaginings；　like　a　goddess　in　the　Iliad。

〃Ah！　my　friend！　。　。　。〃　said　the　Vicomtesse；　she　crossed　the　room　and　laid　her　hand　on　Rastignac's　shoulder。　He　saw　the　tears　in　his　cousin's　uplifted　eyes；　saw　that　one　hand　was　raised　to　take　the　casket；　and　that　the　fingers　of　the　other　trembled。　Suddenly　she　took　the　casket；　put　it　in　the　fire；　and　watched　it　burn。

〃They　are　dancing；〃　she　said。　〃They　all　came　very　early；　but　death　will　be　long　in　coming。　Hush！　my　friend；〃　and　she　laid　a　finger　on　Rastignac's　lip