the uncommercial traveller-第13章

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over　half　an　apple　or　four　gooseberries。　　Well　for　you　if　you　have

yet　forgotten　the　old…established　Bull's　Head　fruity　port：　　whose

reputation　was　gained　solely　by　the　old…established　price　the

Bull's　Head　put　upon　it；　and　by　the　old…established　air　with　which

the　Bull's　Head　set　the　glasses　and　D'Oyleys　on；　and　held　that

Liquid　Gout　to　the　three…and…sixpenny　wax…candle；　as　if　its　old…

established　colour　hadn't　come　from　the　dyer's。



Or　lastly；　take　to　finish　with；　two　cases　that　we　all　know；　every

day。



We　all　know　the　new　hotel　near　the　station；　where　it　is　always

gusty；　going　up　the　lane　which　is　always　muddy；　where　we　are　sure

to　arrive　at　night；　and　where　we　make　the　gas　start　awfully　when　we

open　the　front　door。　　We　all　know　the　flooring　of　the　passages　and

staircases　that　is　too　new；　and　the　walls　that　are　too　new；　and　the

house　that　is　haunted　by　the　ghost　of　mortar。　　We　all　know　the

doors　that　have　cracked；　and　the　cracked　shutters　through　which　we

get　a　glimpse　of　the　disconsolate　moon。　　We　all　know　the　new

people；　who　have　come　to　keep　the　new　hotel；　and　who　wish　they　had

never　come；　and　who　（inevitable　result）　wish　WE　had　never　come。　　We

all　know　how　much　too　scant　and　smooth　and　bright　the　new　furniture

is；　and　how　it　has　never　settled　down；　and　cannot　fit　itself　into

right　places；　and　will　get　into　wrong　places。　　We　all　know　how　the

gas；　being　lighted；　shows　maps　of　Damp　upon　the　walls。　　We　all　know

how　the　ghost　of　mortar　passes　into　our　sandwich；　stirs　our　negus；

goes　up　to　bed　with　us；　ascends　the　pale　bedroom　chimney；　and

prevents　the　smoke　from　following。　　We　all　know　how　a　leg　of　our

chair　comes　off　at　breakfast　in　the　morning；　and　how　the　dejected

waiter　attributes　the　accident　to　a　general　greenness　pervading　the

establishment；　and　informs　us；　in　reply　to　a　local　inquiry；　that　he

is　thankful　to　say　he　is　an　entire　stranger　in　that　part　of　the

country　and　is　going　back　to　his　own　connexion　on　Saturday。



We　all　know；　on　the　other　hand；　the　great　station　hotel　belonging

to　the　company　of　proprietors；　which　has　suddenly　sprung　up　in　the

back　outskirts　of　any　place　we　like　to　name；　and　where　we　look　out

of　our　palatial　windows　at　little　back　yards　and　gardens；　old

summer…houses；　fowl…houses；　pigeon…traps；　and　pigsties。　　We　all

know　this　hotel　in　which　we　can　get　anything　we　want；　after　its

kind；　for　money；　but　where　nobody　is　glad　to　see　us；　or　sorry　to

see　us；　or　minds　（our　bill　paid）　whether　we　come　or　go；　or　how；　or

when；　or　why；　or　cares　about　us。　　We　all　know　this　hotel；　where　we

have　no　individuality；　but　put　ourselves　into　the　general　post；　as

it　were；　and　are　sorted　and　disposed　of　according　to　our　division。

We　all　know　that　we　can　get　on　very　well　indeed　at　such　a　place；

but　still　not　perfectly　well；　and　this　may　be；　because　the　place　is

largely　wholesale；　and　there　is　a　lingering　personal　retail

interest　within　us　that　asks　to　be　satisfied。



To　sum　up。　　My　uncommercial　travelling　has　not　yet　brought　me　to

the　conclusion　that　we　are　close　to　perfection　in　these　matters。

And　just　as　I　do　not　believe　that　the　end　of　the　world　will　ever　be

near　at　hand；　so　long　as　any　of　the　very　tiresome　and　arrogant

people　who　constantly　predict　that　catastrophe　are　left　in　it；　so；

I　shall　have　small　faith　in　the　Hotel　Millennium；　while　any　of　the

uncomfortable　superstitions　I　have　glanced　at　remain　in　existence。







CHAPTER　VII　…　TRAVELLING　ABROAD







I　got　into　the　travelling　chariot　…　it　was　of　German　make；　roomy；

heavy；　and　unvarnished　…　I　got　into　the　travelling　chariot；　pulled

up　the　steps　after　me；　shut　myself　in　with　a　smart　bang　of　the

door；　and　gave　the　word；　'Go　on！'



Immediately；　all　that　W。　and　S。W。　division　of　London　began　to　slide

away　at　a　pace　so　lively；　that　I　was　over　the　river；　and　past　the

Old　Kent　Road；　and　out　on　Blackheath；　and　even　ascending　Shooter's

Hill；　before　I　had　had　time　to　look　about　me　in　the　carriage；　like

a　collected　traveller。



I　had　two　ample　Imperials　on　the　roof；　other　fitted　storage　for

luggage　in　front；　and　other　up　behind；　I　had　a　net　for　books

overhead；　great　pockets　to　all　the　windows；　a　leathern　pouch　or　two

hung　up　for　odds　and　ends；　and　a　reading　lamp　fixed　in　the　back　of

the　chariot；　in　case　I　should　be　benighted。　　I　was　amply　provided

in　all　respects；　and　had　no　idea　where　I　was　going　（which　was

delightful）；　except　that　I　was　going　abroad。



So　smooth　was　the　old　high　road；　and　so　fresh　were　the　horses；　and

so　fast　went　I；　that　it　was　midway　between　Gravesend　and　Rochester；

and　the　widening　river　was　bearing　the　ships；　white　sailed　or

black…smoked；　out　to　sea；　when　I　noticed　by　the　wayside　a　very

queer　small　boy。



'Holloa！'　said　I；　to　the　very　queer　small　boy；　'where　do　you　live？'



'At　Chatham；'　says　he。



'What　do　you　do　there？'　says　I。



'I　go　to　school；'　says　he。



I　took　him　up　in　a　moment；　and　we　went　on。　　Presently；　the　very

queer　small　boy　says；　'This　is　Gads…hill　we　are　coming　to；　where

Falstaff　went　out　to　rob　those　travellers；　and　ran　away。'



'You　know　something　about　Falstaff；　eh？'　said　I。



'All　about　him；'　said　the　very　queer　small　boy。　　'I　am　old　（I　am

nine）；　and　I　read　all　sorts　of　books。　　But　DO　let　us　stop　at　the

top　of　the　hill；　and　look　at　the　house　there；　if　you　please！'



'You　admire　that　house？'　said　I。



'Bless　you；　sir；'　said　the　very　queer　small　boy；　'when　I　was　not

more　than　half　as　old　as　nine；　it　used　to　be　a　treat　for　me　to　be

brought　to　look　at　it。　　And　now；　I　am　nine；　I　come　by　myself　to

look　at　it。　　And　ever　since　I　can　recollect；　my　father；　seeing　me

so　fond　of　it；　has　often　said　to　me；　〃If　you　were　to　be　very

persevering　and　were　to　work　hard；　you　might　some　day　come　to　live

in　it。〃　　Though　that's　impossible！'　said　the　very　queer　small　boy；

drawing　a　low　breath；　and　now　staring　at　the　house　out　of　window

with　all　his　might。



I　was　rather　amazed　to　be　told　this　by　the　very　queer　small　boy；

for　that　house　happens　to　be　MY　house；　and　I　have　reason　to　believe

that　what　he　said　was　true。



Well！　　I　made　no　halt　there；　and　I　soon　dropped　the　very　queer

small　boy　and　went　on。　　Over　the　road　where　the　old　Romans　used　to

march；　over　the　road　where　the　old　Canterbury　pilgrims　used　to　go；

over　the　road　where　the　travelling　trains　of　the　old　imperious

priests　and　princes　used　to　jingle　on　horseback　between　the

continent　and　this　Island　through　the　mud　and　water；　over　the　road

where　Shakespeare　hummed　to　himself；　'Blow；　blow；　thou　winter

wind；'　as　he　sat　in　the　saddle　at　the　gate　of　the　inn　yard　noticing

the　carriers；　all　among　the　cherry　orchards；　apple　orchards；　corn…

fields；　and　hop…gardens；　so　went　I；　by　Canterbury　to　Dover。　　There；

the　sea　was　tumbling　in；　with　deep　sounds；　after　dark；　and　the

revolving　French　light　on　Cape　Grinez　was　seen　regularly　bursting

out　and　becoming　obscured；　as　if　the　head　of　a　gigantic　light…

keeper　in　an　anxious　state　of　mind　were　interposed　every　half…

minute；　to　look　how　it　was　burning。



Early　in　the　morning　I　was　on　the　deck　of　the　steam…packet；　and　we

were　aiming　at　the　bar　in　the　usual　intolerable　manner；　and　the　bar

was　aiming　at　us　in　the　usual　intolerable　manner；　and　the　bar　got

by　far　the　best　of　it；　and　we　got　by　far　the　worst　…　all　in　the

usual　intolerable　manner。



But；　when　I　was　clear　of　the　Custom　House　on　the　other　side；　and

when　I　began　to　make　the　dust　fly　on　the　thirsty　French　roads；　and

when　the　twigsome　trees　by　the　wayside　（which；　I　suppose；　never

will　grow　leafy；　for　they　never　did）　guarded　here　and　there　a　dusty

soldier；　or　field　labourer；　baking　on　a　heap　of　broken　stones；

sound　asleep　in　a　fiction　of　shade；　I　began　to　recover　my

travelling　spirits。　　Coming　upon　the　breaker　of　the　broken　stones；

in　a　hard；　hot；　shining　hat；　on　which　the　sun　played　at　a　distance

as　on　a　burning…glass；　I　felt　that　now；　indeed；　I　was　in　the　dear

old　France　of　my　affections。　　I　should　have　known　it；　without　the

well…remembered　bottle　of　rough　ordinary　wine；　the　cold　roast　fowl；

the　loaf；　and　the　pinch　of　salt；　on　which　I　lunched　with

unspeakable　satisfaction；　from　one　of　the　stuffed　pockets　of　the

chariot。



I　must　have　fallen　asleep　after　lunch；　for　when　a　bright　face

looked　in　at　the　window；　I　started；　and　said：



'Good　God；　Louis；　I　dreamed　you　were　dead！'



My　cheerful　servant　laughed；　and　answered：



'Me？　　Not　at　all；　sir。'



'How　glad　I　am　to　wake！　　What　are　we　doing　Louis？'



'We　go　to　take　relay　of　horses。　　Will　you　walk　up　the　hill？'



'Certainly。'



Welcome　the　old　French　hill；　with　the　old　French　lunatic　（not　in

the　most　distant　degree　related　to　Sterne's　Maria）　living　in　a

thatched　dog…kennel　half…way　up；　and　flying　out　with　his　crutch　and

his　big　head　and　extended　nightcap；　to　be　beforehand　with　the　old

men　and　women　exhibiting　crippled　children；　and　with　the　children

exhibiting　old　men　and　women；　ugly　and　blind；　who　always　seemed　by

resurrectionary　process　to　be　recalled　out　of　the　elements　for　the

sudden　peopling　of　the　solitude！



'It　is　well；'　said　I；　scattering　among　them　what　small　coin　I　had；

'here　comes　Louis；　and　I　am　quite　roused　from　my　nap。'



We　journeyed　on　again；　and　I　welcomed　every　new　assurance　that

France　stood　where　I　had　left　it。　　There　were　the　posting…houses；

with　their　archways；　dirty　stable…yards；　and　clean　post…masters'

wives；　bright　women　of　business；　looking　on　at　the　putting…to　of

the　horses；　there　were　the　postilions　counting　what　money　they　got；

into　their　hats；　and　never　making　enough　of　it；　there　were　the

standard　population　of　grey　horses　of　Flanders　descent；　invariably

biting　one　another　when　they　got　a　chance；　there　were　the　fleecy

sheepskins；　looped　on　over　their　uniforms　by　the　postilions；　like

bibbed　aprons　when　it　blew　and　rained；　there　were　their　Jack…boots；

and　their　cracking　whips；　there　were　the　cathedrals　that　I　got　out

to　see；　as　under　some　cruel　bondage；　in　no　wise　desiring　to　see

them；　there　were　the　little　towns　that　appeared　to　have　no　reason

for　being　towns；　since　most　of　their　houses　were　to　let　and　nobody

could　be　induced　to　look　at　them；　except　the　people　who　couldn't

let　them　and　had　nothing　else　to　do　but　look　at　them　all　day。　　I

lay　a　night　upon　the　road　and　enjoyed　delectable　cookery　of

potatoes；　and　some　other　sensible　things；　adoption　of　which　at　home

would　inevitably　be　shown　to　be　fraught　with　ruin；　somehow　or

other；　to　that　rickety　national　blessing；　the　British　farmer；　and

at　last　I　was　rattled；　like　a　single　pill　in　a　box；　over　leagues　of

stones；　until　…　madly　cracking；　plunging；　and　flourishing　two　grey

tails　about　…　I　made　my　triumphal　entry　into　Paris。



At　Paris；　I　took　an　upper　apartment　for　a　few　days　in　one　of　the

hotels　of　the　Rue　de　Rivoli；　my　front　windows　looking　into　the

garden　of　the　Tuileries　（where　the　principal　difference　between