the uncommercial traveller-第26章

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had　first　appeared　to　me　there；　and　had　made　my　heart　leap　with

terror　by　backing　up　against　the　stage…box　in　which　I　was　posted；

while　struggling　for　life　against　the　virtuous　Richmond。　　It　was

within　those　walls　that　I　had　learnt　as　from　a　page　of　English

history；　how　that　wicked　King　slept　in　war…time　on　a　sofa　much　too

short　for　him；　and　how　fearfully　his　conscience　troubled　his　boots。

There；　too；　had　I　first　seen　the　funny　countryman；　but　countryman

of　noble　principles；　in　a　flowered　waistcoat；　crunch　up　his　little

hat　and　throw　it　on　the　ground；　and　pull　off　his　coat；　saying；　'Dom

thee；　squire；　coom　on　with　thy　fistes　then！'　　At　which　the　lovely

young　woman　who　kept　company　with　him　（and　who　went　out　gleaning；

in　a　narrow　white　muslin　apron　with　five　beautiful　bars　of　five

different…coloured　ribbons　across　it）　was　so　frightened　for　his

sake；　that　she　fainted　away。　　Many　wondrous　secrets　of　Nature　had　I

come　to　the　knowledge　of　in　that　sanctuary：　　of　which　not　the　least

terrific　were；　that　the　witches　in　Macbeth　bore　an　awful

resemblance　to　the　Thanes　and　other　proper　inhabitants　of　Scotland；

and　that　the　good　King　Duncan　couldn't　rest　in　his　grave；　but　was

constantly　coming　out　of　it　and　calling　himself　somebody　else。　　To

the　Theatre；　therefore；　I　repaired　for　consolation。　　But　I　found

very　little；　for　it　was　in　a　bad　and　declining　way。　　A　dealer　in

wine　and　bottled　beer　had　already　squeezed　his　trade　into　the　box…

office；　and　the　theatrical　money　was　taken　…　when　it　came　…　in　a

kind　of　meat…safe　in　the　passage。　　The　dealer　in　wine　and　bottled

beer　must　have　insinuated　himself　under　the　stage　too；　for　he

announced　that　he　had　various　descriptions　of　alcoholic　drinks　'in

the　wood；'　and　there　was　no　possible　stowage　for　the　wood　anywhere

else。　　Evidently；　he　was　by　degrees　eating　the　establishment　away

to　the　core；　and　would　soon　have　sole　possession　of　it。　　It　was　To

Let；　and　hopelessly　so；　for　its　old　purposes；　and　there　had　been　no

entertainment　within　its　walls　for　a　long　time　except　a　Panorama；

and　even　that　had　been　announced　as　'pleasingly　instructive；'　and　I

know　too　well　the　fatal　meaning　and　the　leaden　import　of　those

terrible　expressions。　　No；　there　was　no　comfort　in　the　Theatre。　　It

was　mysteriously　gone；　like　my　own　youth。　　Unlike　my　own　youth；　it

might　be　coming　back　some　day；　but　there　was　little　promise　of　it。



As　the　town　was　placarded　with　references　to　the　Dullborough

Mechanics'　Institution；　I　thought　I　would　go　and　look　at　that

establishment　next。　　There　had　been　no　such　thing　in　the　town；　in

my　young　day；　and　it　occurred　to　me　that　its　extreme　prosperity

might　have　brought　adversity　upon　the　Drama。　　I　found　the

Institution　with　some　difficulty；　and　should　scarcely　have　known

that　I　had　found　it　if　I　had　judged　from　its　external　appearance

only；　but　this　was　attributable　to　its　never　having　been　finished；

and　having　no　front：　　consequently；　it　led　a　modest　and　retired

existence　up　a　stable…yard。　　It　was　（as　I　learnt；　on　inquiry）　a

most　flourishing　Institution；　and　of　the　highest　benefit　to　the

town：　　two　triumphs　which　I　was　glad　to　understand　were　not　at　all

impaired　by　the　seeming　drawbacks　that　no　mechanics　belonged　to　it；

and　that　it　was　steeped　in　debt　to　the　chimney…pots。　　It　had　a

large　room；　which　was　approached　by　an　infirm　step…ladder：　　the

builder　having　declined　to　construct　the　intended　staircase；

without　a　present　payment　in　cash；　which　Dullborough　（though

profoundly　appreciative　of　the　Institution）　seemed　unaccountably

bashful　about　subscribing。　　The　large　room　had　cost　…　or　would；

when　paid　for　…　five　hundred　pounds；　and　it　had　more　mortar　in　it

and　more　echoes；　than　one　might　have　expected　to　get　for　the　money。

It　was　fitted　up　with　a　platform；　and　the　usual　lecturing　tools；

including　a　large　black　board　of　a　menacing　appearance。　　On

referring　to　lists　of　the　courses　of　lectures　that　had　been　given

in　this　thriving　Hall；　I　fancied　I　detected　a　shyness　in　admitting

that　human　nature　when　at　leisure　has　any　desire　whatever　to　be

relieved　and　diverted；　and　a　furtive　sliding　in　of　any　poor　make…

weight　piece　of　amusement；　shame…facedly　and　edgewise。　　Thus；　I

observed　that　it　was　necessary　for　the　members　to　be　knocked　on　the

head　with　Gas；　Air；　Water；　Food；　the　Solar　System；　the　Geological

periods；　Criticism　on　Milton；　the　Steam…engine；　John　Bunyan；　and

Arrow…Headed　Inscriptions；　before　they　might　be　tickled　by　those

unaccountable　choristers；　the　negro　singers　in　the　court　costume　of

the　reign　of　George　the　Second。　　Likewise；　that　they　must　be

stunned　by　a　weighty　inquiry　whether　there　was　internal　evidence　in

Shakespeare's　works；　to　prove　that　his　uncle　by　the　mother's　side

lived　for　some　years　at　Stoke　Newington；　before　they　were　brought…

to　by　a　Miscellaneous　Concert。　　But；　indeed；　the　masking　of

entertainment；　and　pretending　it　was　something　else　…　as　people

mask　bedsteads　when　they　are　obliged　to　have　them　in　sitting…rooms；

and　make　believe　that　they　are　book…cases；　sofas；　chests　of

drawers；　anything　rather　than　bedsteads　…　was　manifest　even　in　the

pretence　of　dreariness　that　the　unfortunate　entertainers　themselves

felt　obliged　in　decency　to　put　forth　when　they　came　here。　　One　very

agreeable　professional　singer；　who　travelled　with　two　professional

ladies；　knew　better　than　to　introduce　either　of　those　ladies　to

sing　the　ballad　'Comin'　through　the　Rye'　without　prefacing　it

himself；　with　some　general　remarks　on　wheat　and　clover；　and　even

then；　he　dared　not　for　his　life　call　the　song；　a　song；　but

disguised　it　in　the　bill　as　an　'Illustration。'　　In　the　library；

also　…　fitted　with　shelves　for　three　thousand　books；　and　containing

upwards　of　one　hundred　and　seventy　（presented　copies　mostly）；

seething　their　edges　in　damp　plaster　…　there　was　such　a　painfully

apologetic　return　of　62　offenders　who　had　read　Travels；　Popular

Biography；　and　mere　Fiction　descriptive　of　the　aspirations　of　the

hearts　and　souls　of　mere　human　creatures　like　themselves；　and　such

an　elaborate　parade　of　2　bright　examples　who　had　had　down　Euclid

after　the　day's　occupation　and　confinement；　and　3　who　had　had　down

Metaphysics　after　ditto；　and　1　who　had　had　down　Theology　after

ditto；　and　4　who　had　worried　Grammar；　Political　Economy；　Botany；

and　Logarithms　all　at　once　after　ditto；　that　I　suspected　the

boasted　class　to　be　one　man；　who　had　been　hired　to　do　it。



Emerging　from　the　Mechanics'　Institution　and　continuing　my　walk

about　the　town；　I　still　noticed　everywhere　the　prevalence；　to　an

extraordinary　degree；　of　this　custom　of　putting　the　natural　demand

for　amusement　out　of　sight；　as　some　untidy　housekeepers　put　dust；

and　pretending　that　it　was　swept　away。　　And　yet　it　was　ministered

to；　in　a　dull　and　abortive　manner；　by　all　who　made　this　feint。

Looking　in　at　what　is　called　in　Dullborough　'the　serious

bookseller's；'　where；　in　my　childhood；　I　had　studied　the　faces　of

numbers　of　gentlemen　depicted　in　rostrums　with　a　gaslight　on　each

side　of　them；　and　casting　my　eyes　over　the　open　pages　of　certain

printed　discourses　there；　I　found　a　vast　deal　of　aiming　at　jocosity

and　dramatic　effect；　even　in　them　…　yes；　verily；　even　on　the　part

of　one　very　wrathful　expounder　who　bitterly　anathematised　a　poor

little　Circus。　　Similarly；　in　the　reading　provided　for　the　young

people　enrolled　in　the　Lasso　of　Love；　and　other　excellent　unions；　I

found　the　writers　generally　under　a　distressing　sense　that　they

must　start　（at　all　events）　like　story…tellers；　and　delude　the　young

persons　into　the　belief　that　they　were　going　to　be　interesting。　　As

I　looked　in　at　this　window　for　twenty　minutes　by　the　clock；　I　am　in

a　position　to　offer　a　friendly　remonstrance　…　not　bearing　on　this

particular　point　…　to　the　designers　and　engravers　of　the　pictures

in　those　publications。　　Have　they　considered　the　awful　consequences

likely　to　flow　from　their　representations　of　Virtue？　　Have　they

asked　themselves　the　question；　whether　the　terrific　prospect　of

acquiring　that　fearful　chubbiness　of　head；　unwieldiness　of　arm；

feeble　dislocation　of　leg；　crispiness　of　hair；　and　enormity　of

shirt…collar；　which　they　represent　as　inseparable　from　Goodness；

may　not　tend　to　confirm　sensitive　waverers；　in　Evil？　　A　most

impressive　example　（if　I　had　believed　it）　of　what　a　Dustman　and　a

Sailor　may　come　to；　when　they　mend　their　ways；　was　presented　to　me

in　this　same　shop…window。　　When　they　were　leaning　（they　were

intimate　friends）　against　a　post；　drunk　and　reckless；　with

surpassingly　bad　hats　on；　and　their　hair　over　their　foreheads；　they

were　rather　picturesque；　and　looked　as　if　they　might　be　agreeable

men；　if　they　would　not　be　beasts。　　But；　when　they　had　got　over

their　bad　propensities；　and　when；　as　a　consequence；　their　heads　had

swelled　alarmingly；　their　hair　had　got　so　curly　that　it　lifted

their　blown…out　cheeks　up；　their　coat…cuffs　were　so　long　that　they

never　could　do　any　work；　and　their　eyes　were　so　wide　open　that　they

never　could　do　any　sleep；　they　presented　a　spectacle　calculated　to

plunge　a　timid　nature　into　the　depths　of　Infamy。



But；　the　clock　that　had　so　degenerated　since　I　saw　it　last；

admonished　me　that　I　had　stayed　here　long　enough；　and　I　resumed　my

walk。



I　had　not　gone　fifty　paces　along　the　street　when　I　was　suddenly

brought　up　by　the　sight　of　a　man　who　got　out　of　a　little　phaeton　at

the　doctor's　door；　and　went　into　the　doctor's　house。　　Immediately；

the　air　was　filled　with　the　scent　of　trodden　grass；　and　the

perspective　of　years　opened；　and　at　the　end　of　it　was　a　little

likeness　of　this　man　keeping　a　wicket；　and　I　said；　'God　bless　my

soul！　　Joe　Specks！'



Through　many　changes　and　much　work；　I　had　preserved　a　tenderness

for　the　memory　of　Joe；　forasmuch　as　we　had　made　the　acquaintance　of

Roderick　Random　together；　and　had　believed　him　to　be　no　ruffian；

but　an　ingenuous　and　engaging　hero。　　Scorning　to　ask　the　boy　left

in　the　phaeton　whether　it　was　really　Joe；　and　scorning　even　to　read

the　brass　plate　on　the　door　…　so　sure　was　I　…　I　rang　the　bell　and

informed　the　servant　maid　that　a　stranger　sought　audience　of　Mr。

Specks。　　Into　a　room；　half　surgery；　half　study；　I　was　shown　to

await　his　coming；　and　I　found　it；　by　a　series　of　elaborate

accidents；　bestrewn　with　testimonies　to　Joe。　　Portrait　of　Mr。

Specks；　bust　of　Mr。　Specks；　silver　cup　from　grateful　patient　to　Mr。

Specks；　presentation　sermon　from　local　clergyman；　dedication　poem

from　local　poet；　dinner…card　from　local　nobleman；　tract　on　balance

of　power　from　local　refugee；　inscribed　HOMMAGE　DE　L'AUTEUR　E

SPECKS。



When　my　old　schoolfellow　came　in；　and　I　informed　him　with　a　smile

that　I　was　not　a　patient；　he　seemed　rather　at　a　loss　to　perceive

any　reason　for　smiling　in　connexion　with　that　fact；　and　inquired　to

what　was　he　to　attribute　the　honour？　　I　asked　him　with　another

smile；　could　he　remember　me　at　all？　　He　had　not　（he　said）　that

pleasure。　　I　was　b