the uncommercial traveller-第31章

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Mr。　Testator　took　a　set　of　chambers　in　Lyons　Inn　when　he　had　but

very　scanty　furniture　for　his　bedroom；　and　none　for　his　sitting…

room。　　He　had　lived　some　wintry　months　in　this　condition；　and　had

found　it　very　bare　and　cold。　　One　night；　past　midnight；　when　he　sat

writing　and　still　had　writing　to　do　that　must　be　done　before　he

went　to　bed；　he　found　himself　out　of　coals。　　He　had　coals　down…

stairs；　but　had　never　been　to　his　cellar；　however　the　cellar…key

was　on　his　mantelshelf；　and　if　he　went　down　and　opened　the　cellar

it　fitted；　he　might　fairly　assume　the　coals　in　that　cellar　to　be

his。　　As　to　his　laundress；　she　lived　among　the　coal…waggons　and

Thames　watermen　…　for　there　were　Thames　watermen　at　that　time　…　in

some　unknown　rat…hole　by　the　river；　down　lanes　and　alleys　on　the

other　side　of　the　Strand。　　As　to　any　other　person　to　meet　him　or

obstruct　him；　Lyons　Inn　was　dreaming；　drunk；　maudlin；　moody；

betting；　brooding　over　bill…discounting　or　renewing　…　asleep　or

awake；　minding　its　own　affairs。　　Mr。　Testator　took　his　coal…scuttle

in　one　hand；　his　candle　and　key　in　the　other；　and　descended　to　the

dismallest　underground　dens　of　Lyons　Inn；　where　the　late　vehicles

in　the　streets　became　thunderous；　and　all　the　water…pipes　in　the

neighbourhood　seemed　to　have　Macbeth's　Amen　sticking　in　their

throats；　and　to　be　trying　to　get　it　out。　　After　groping　here　and

there　among　low　doors　to　no　purpose；　Mr。　Testator　at　length　came　to

a　door　with　a　rusty　padlock　which　his　key　fitted。　　Getting　the　door

open　with　much　trouble；　and　looking　in；　he　found；　no　coals；　but　a

confused　pile　of　furniture。　　Alarmed　by　this　intrusion　on　another

man's　property；　he　locked　the　door　again；　found　his　own　cellar；

filled　his　scuttle；　and　returned　up…stairs。



But　the　furniture　he　had　seen；　ran　on　castors　across　and　across　Mr。

Testator's　mind　incessantly；　when；　in　the　chill　hour　of　five　in　the

morning；　he　got　to　bed。　　He　particularly　wanted　a　table　to　write

at；　and　a　table　expressly　made　to　be　written　at；　had　been　the　piece

of　furniture　in　the　foreground　of　the　heap。　　When　his　laundress

emerged　from　her　burrow　in　the　morning　to　make　his　kettle　boil；　he

artfully　led　up　to　the　subject　of　cellars　and　furniture；　but　the

two　ideas　had　evidently　no　connexion　in　her　mind。　　When　she　left

him；　and　he　sat　at　his　breakfast；　thinking　about　the　furniture；　he

recalled　the　rusty　state　of　the　padlock；　and　inferred　that　the

furniture　must　have　been　stored　in　the　cellars　for　a　long　time　…

was　perhaps　forgotten　…　owner　dead；　perhaps？　　After　thinking　it

over；　a　few　days；　in　the　course　of　which　he　could　pump　nothing　out

of　Lyons　Inn　about　the　furniture；　he　became　desperate；　and　resolved

to　borrow　that　table。　　He　did　so；　that　night。　　He　had　not　had　the

table　long；　when　he　determined　to　borrow　an　easy…chair；　he　had　not

had　that　long；　when　he　made　up　his　mind　to　borrow　a　bookcase；　then；

a　couch；　then；　a　carpet　and　rug。　　By　that　time；　he　felt　he　was　'in

furniture　stepped　in　so　far；'　as　that　it　could　be　no　worse　to

borrow　it　all。　　Consequently；　he　borrowed　it　all；　and　locked　up　the

cellar　for　good。　　He　had　always　locked　it；　after　every　visit。　　He

had　carried　up　every　separate　article　in　the　dead　of　the　night；

and；　at　the　best；　had　felt　as　wicked　as　a　Resurrection　Man。　　Every

article　was　blue　and　furry　when　brought　into　his　rooms；　and　he　had

had；　in　a　murderous　and　guilty　sort　of　way；　to　polish　it　up　while

London　slept。



Mr。　Testator　lived　in　his　furnished　chambers　two　or　three　years；　or

more；　and　gradually　lulled　himself　into　the　opinion　that　the

furniture　was　his　own。　　This　was　his　convenient　state　of　mind　when；

late　one　night；　a　step　came　up　the　stairs；　and　a　hand　passed　over

his　door　feeling　for　his　knocker；　and　then　one　deep　and　solemn　rap

was　rapped　that　might　have　been　a　spring　in　Mr。　Testator's　easy…

chair　to　shoot　him　out　of　it；　so　promptly　was　it　attended　with　that

effect。



With　a　candle　in　his　hand；　Mr。　Testator　went　to　the　door；　and　found

there；　a　very　pale　and　very　tall　man；　a　man　who　stooped；　a　man　with

very　high　shoulders；　a　very　narrow　chest；　and　a　very　red　nose；　a

shabby…genteel　man。　　He　was　wrapped　in　a　long　thread…bare　black

coat；　fastened　up　the　front　with　more　pins　than　buttons；　and　under

his　arm　he　squeezed　an　umbrella　without　a　handle；　as　if　he　were

playing　bagpipes。　　He　said；　'I　ask　your　pardon；　but　can　you　tell　me

…　'　and　stopped；　his　eyes　resting　on　some　object　within　the

chambers。



'Can　I　tell　you　what？'　asked　Mr。　Testator；　noting　his　stoppage　with

quick　alarm。



'I　ask　your　pardon；'　said　the　stranger；　'but　…　this　is　not　the

inquiry　I　was　going　to　make　…　DO　I　see　in　there；　any　small　article

of　property　belonging　to　ME？'



Mr。　Testator　was　beginning　to　stammer　that　he　was　not　aware　…　when

the　visitor　slipped　past　him；　into　the　chambers。　　There；　in　a

goblin　way　which　froze　Mr。　Testator　to　the　marrow；　he　examined；

first；　the　writing…table；　and　said；　'Mine；'　then；　the　easy…chair；

and　said；　'Mine；'　then；　the　bookcase；　and　said；　'Mine；'　then；

turned　up　a　corner　of　the　carpet；　and　said；　'Mine！'　in　a　word；

inspected　every　item　of　furniture　from　the　cellar；　in　succession；

and　said；　'Mine！'　　Towards　the　end　of　this　investigation；　Mr。

Testator　perceived　that　he　was　sodden　with　liquor；　and　that　the

liquor　was　gin。　　He　was　not　unsteady　with　gin；　either　in　his　speech

or　carriage；　but　he　was　stiff　with　gin　in　both　particulars。



Mr。　Testator　was　in　a　dreadful　state；　for　（according　to　his　making

out　of　the　story）　the　possible　consequences　of　what　he　had　done　in

recklessness　and　hardihood；　flashed　upon　him　in　their　fulness　for

the　first　time。　　When　they　had　stood　gazing　at　one　another　for　a

little　while；　he　tremulously　began：



'Sir；　I　am　conscious　that　the　fullest　explanation；　compensation；

and　restitution；　are　your　due。　　They　shall　be　yours。　　Allow　me　to

entreat　that；　without　temper；　without　even　natural　irritation　on

your　part；　we　may　have　a　little　…　'



'Drop　of　something　to　drink；'　interposed　the　stranger。　　'I　am

agreeable。'



Mr。　Testator　had　intended　to　say；　'a　little　quiet　conversation；'

but　with　great　relief　of　mind　adopted　the　amendment。　　He　produced　a

decanter　of　gin；　and　was　bustling　about　for　hot　water　and　sugar；

when　he　found　that　his　visitor　had　already　drunk　half　of　the

decanter's　contents。　　With　hot　water　and　sugar　the　visitor　drank

the　remainder　before　he　had　been　an　hour　in　the　chambers　by　the

chimes　of　the　church　of　St。　Mary　in　the　Strand；　and　during　the

process　he　frequently　whispered　to　himself；　'Mine！'



The　gin　gone；　and　Mr。　Testator　wondering　what　was　to　follow　it；　the

visitor　rose　and　said；　with　increased　stiffness；　'At　what　hour　of

the　morning；　sir；　will　it　be　convenient？'　　Mr。　Testator　hazarded；

'At　ten？'　　'Sir；'　said　the　visitor；　'at　ten；　to　the　moment；　I　shall

be　here。'　　He　then　contemplated　Mr。　Testator　somewhat　at　leisure；

and　said；　'God　bless　you！　　How　is　your　wife？'　　Mr。　Testator　（who

never　had　a　wife）　replied　with　much　feeling；　'Deeply　anxious；　poor

soul；　but　otherwise　well。'　　The　visitor　thereupon　turned　and　went

away；　and　fell　twice　in　going　down…stairs。　　From　that　hour　he　was

never　heard　of。　　Whether　he　was　a　ghost；　or　a　spectral　illusion　of

conscience；　or　a　drunken　man　who　had　no　business　there；　or　the

drunken　rightful　owner　of　the　furniture；　with　a　transitory　gleam　of

memory；　whether　he　got　safe　home；　or　had　no　time　to　get　to；　whether

he　died　of　liquor　on　the　way；　or　lived　in　liquor　ever　afterwards；

he　never　was　heard　of　more。　　This　was　the　story；　received　with　the

furniture　and　held　to　be　as　substantial；　by　its　second　possessor　in

an　upper　set　of　chambers　in　grim　Lyons　Inn。



It　is　to　be　remarked　of　chambers　in　general；　that　they　must　have

been　built　for　chambers；　to　have　the　right　kind　of　loneliness。　　You

may　make　a　great　dwelling…house　very　lonely；　but　isolating　suites

of　rooms　and　calling　them　chambers；　but　you　cannot　make　the　true

kind　of　loneliness。　　In　dwelling…houses；　there　have　been　family

festivals；　children　have　grown　in　them；　girls　have　bloomed　into

women　in　them；　courtships　and　marriages　have　taken　place　in　them。

True　chambers　never　were　young；　childish；　maidenly；　never　had　dolls

in　them；　or　rocking…horses；　or　christenings；　or　betrothals；　or

little　coffins。　　Let　Gray's　Inn　identify　the　child　who　first

touched　hands　and　hearts　with　Robinson　Crusoe；　in　any　one　of　its

many　'sets；'　and　that　child's　little　statue；　in　white　marble　with　a

golden　inscription；　shall　be　at　its　service；　at　my　cost　and　charge；

as　a　drinking　fountain　for　the　spirit；　to　freshen　its　thirsty

square。　　Let　Lincoln's　produce　from　all　its　houses；　a　twentieth　of

the　procession　derivable　from　any　dwelling…house　one…twentieth　of

its　age；　of　fair　young　brides　who　married　for　love　and　hope；　not

settlements；　and　all　the　Vice…Chancellors　shall　thenceforward　be

kept　in　nosegays　for　nothing；　on　application　to　the　writer　hereof。

It　is　not　denied　that　on　the　terrace　of　the　Adelphi；　or　in　any　of

the　streets　of　that　subterranean…stable…haunted　spot；　or　about

Bedford…row；　or　James…street　of　that　ilk　（a　grewsome　place）；　or

anywhere　among　the　neighbourhoods　that　have　done　flowering　and　have

run　to　seed；　you　may　find　Chambers　replete　with　the　accommodations

of　Solitude；　Closeness；　and　Darkness；　where　you　may　be　as　low…

spirited　as　in　the　genuine　article；　and　might　be　as　easily

murdered；　with　the　placid　reputation　of　having　merely　gone　down　to

the　sea…side。　　But；　the　many　waters　of　life　did　run　musical　in

those　dry　channels　once；　…　among　the　Inns；　never。　　The　only　popular

legend　known　in　relation　to　any　one　of　the　dull　family　of　Inns；　is

a　dark　Old　Bailey　whisper　concerning　Clement's；　and　importing　how

the　black　creature　who　holds　the　sun…dial　there；　was　a　negro　who

slew　his　master　and　built　the　dismal　pile　out　of　the　contents　of

his　strong　box　…　for　which　architectural　offence　alone　he　ought　to

have　been　condemned　to　live　in　it。　　But；　what　populace　would　waste

fancy　upon　such　a　place；　or　on　New　Inn；　Staple　Inn；　Barnard's　Inn；

or　any　of　the　shabby　crew？



The　genuine　laundress；　too；　is　an　institution　not　to　be　had　in　its

entirety　out　of　and　away　from　the　genuine　Chambers。　　Again；　it　is

not　denied　that　you　may　be　robbed　elsewhere。　　Elsewhere　you　may

have　…　for　money　…　dishonesty；　drunkenness；　dirt；　laziness；　and

profound　incapacity。　　But　the　veritable　shining…red…faced　shameless

laundress；　the　true　Mrs。　Sweeney　…　in　figure；　colour；　texture；　and

smell；　like　the　old　damp　family　umbrella；　the　tip…top　complicated

abomination　of　stockings；　spirits；　bonnet；　limpness；　looseness；　and

larceny；　is　only　to　be　drawn　at　the　fountain…head。　　Mrs。　Sweeney　is

beyond　the　reach　of　individual　art。　　It　requires　the　united　efforts

of　several　men　to　ensure　that　great　result；　and　it　is　only

developed　in　perfection　under　an　Honourable　Society　and　in　an　Inn

of　Court。







CHAPTER　XV　…　NURS