the uncommercial traveller-第45章

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on　with　authority　to　do　no　more　than　worry　and　hunt　the　dreadful

vermin　into　corners；　and　there　leave　them。　　Within　the　length　of　a

few　streets　I　can　find　a　workhouse；　mismanaged　with　that　dull

short…sighted　obstinacy　that　its　greatest　opportunities　as　to　the

children　it　receives　are　lost；　and　yet　not　a　farthing　saved　to　any

one。　　But　the　wheel　goes　round；　and　round；　and　round；　and　because

it　goes　round　…　so　I　am　told　by　the　politest　authorities　…　it　goes

well。'



Thus　I　reflected；　one　day　in　the　Whitsun　week　last　past；　as　I

floated　down　the　Thames　among　the　bridges；　looking　…　not

inappropriately　…　at　the　drags　that　were　hanging　up　at　certain

dirty　stairs　to　hook　the　drowned　out；　and　at　the　numerous

conveniences　provided　to　facilitate　their　tumbling　in。　　My　object

in　that　uncommercial　journey　called　up　another　train　of　thought；

and　it　ran　as　follows：



'When　I　was　at　school；　one　of　seventy　boys；　I　wonder　by　what　secret

understanding　our　attention　began　to　wander　when　we　had　pored　over

our　books　for　some　hours。　　I　wonder　by　what　ingenuity　we　brought　on

that　confused　state　of　mind　when　sense　became　nonsense；　when

figures　wouldn't　work；　when　dead　languages　wouldn't　construe；　when

live　languages　wouldn't　be　spoken；　when　memory　wouldn't　come；　when

dulness　and　vacancy　wouldn't　go。　　I　cannot　remember　that　we　ever

conspired　to　be　sleepy　after　dinner；　or　that　we　ever　particularly

wanted　to　be　stupid；　and　to　have　flushed　faces　and　hot　beating

heads；　or　to　find　blank　hopelessness　and　obscurity　this　afternoon

in　what　would　become　perfectly　clear　and　bright　in　the　freshness　of

to…morrow　morning。　　We　suffered　for　these　things；　and　they　made　us

miserable　enough。　　Neither　do　I　remember　that　we　ever　bound

ourselves　by　any　secret　oath　or　other　solemn　obligation；　to　find

the　seats　getting　too　hard　to　be　sat　upon　after　a　certain　time；　or

to　have　intolerable　twitches　in　our　legs；　rendering　us　aggressive

and　malicious　with　those　members；　or　to　be　troubled　with　a　similar

uneasiness　in　our　elbows；　attended　with　fistic　consequences　to　our

neighbours；　or　to　carry　two　pounds　of　lead　in　the　chest；　four

pounds　in　the　head；　and　several　active　blue…bottles　in　each　ear。

Yet；　for　certain；　we　suffered　under　those　distresses；　and　were

always　charged　at　for　labouring　under　them；　as　if　we　had　brought

them　on；　of　our　own　deliberate　act　and　deed。　　As　to　the　mental

portion　of　them　being　my　own　fault　in　my　own　case　…　I　should　like

to　ask　any　well…trained　and　experienced　teacher；　not　to　say

psychologist。　　And　as　to　the　physical　portion　…　I　should　like　to

ask　PROFESSOR　OWEN。'



It　happened　that　I　had　a　small　bundle　of　papers　with　me；　on　what　is

called　'The　Half…Time　System'　in　schools。　　Referring　to　one　of

those　papers　I　found　that　the　indefatigable　MR。　CHADWICK　had　been

beforehand　with　me；　and　had　already　asked　Professor　Owen：　　who　had

handsomely　replied　that　I　was　not　to　blame；　but　that；　being

troubled　with　a　skeleton；　and　having　been　constituted　according　to

certain　natural　laws；　I　and　my　skeleton　were　unfortunately　bound　by

those　laws　even　in　school　…　and　had　comported　ourselves

accordingly。　　Much　comforted　by　the　good　Professor's　being　on　my

side；　I　read　on　to　discover　whether　the　indefatigable　Mr。　Chadwick

had　taken　up　the　mental　part　of　my　afflictions。　　I　found　that　he

had；　and　that　he　had　gained　on　my　behalf；　SIR　BENJAMIN　BRODIE；　SIR

DAVID　WILKIE；　SIR　WALTER　SCOTT；　and　the　common　sense　of　mankind。

For　which　I　beg　Mr。　Chadwick；　if　this　should　meet　his　eye；　to

accept　my　warm　acknowledgments。



Up　to　that　time　I　had　retained　a　misgiving　that　the　seventy

unfortunates　of　whom　I　was　one；　must　have　been；　without　knowing　it；

leagued　together　by　the　spirit　of　evil　in　a　sort　of　perpetual　Guy

Fawkes　Plot；　to　grope　about　in　vaults　with　dark　lanterns　after　a

certain　period　of　continuous　study。　　But　now　the　misgiving

vanished；　and　I　floated　on　with　a　quieted　mind　to　see　the　Half…Time

System　in　action。　　For　that　was　the　purpose　of　my　journey；　both　by

steamboat　on　the　Thames；　and　by　very　dirty　railway　on　the　shore。

To　which　last　institution；　I　beg　to　recommend　the　legal　use　of　coke

as　engine…fuel；　rather　than　the　illegal　use　of　coal；　the

recommendation　is　quite　disinterested；　for　I　was　most　liberally

supplied　with　small　coal　on　the　journey；　for　which　no　charge　was

made。　　I　had　not　only　my　eyes；　nose；　and　ears　filled；　but　my　hat；

and　all　my　pockets；　and　my　pocket…book；　and　my　watch。



The　V。D。S。C。R。C。　（or　Very　Dirty　and　Small　Coal　Railway　Company）

delivered　me　close　to　my　destination；　and　I　soon　found　the　Half…

Time　System　established　in　spacious　premises；　and　freely　placed　at

my　convenience　and　disposal。



What　would　I　see　first　of　the　Half…Time　System？　　I　chose　Military

Drill。　　'Atten…tion！'　　Instantly　a　hundred　boys　stood　forth　in　the

paved　yard　as　one　boy；　bright；　quick；　eager；　steady；　watchful　for

the　look　of　command；　instant　and　ready　for　the　word。　　Not　only　was

there　complete　precision　…　complete　accord　to　the　eye　and　to　the

ear　…　but　an　alertness　in　the　doing　of　the　thing　which　deprived　it；

curiously；　of　its　monotonous　or　mechanical　character。　　There　was

perfect　uniformity；　and　yet　an　individual　spirit　and　emulation。　　No

spectator　could　doubt　that　the　boys　liked　it。　　With　non…

commissioned　officers　varying　from　a　yard　to　a　yard　and　a　half

high；　the　result　could　not　possibly　have　been　attained　otherwise。

They　marched；　and　counter…marched；　and　formed　in　line　and　square；

and　company；　and　single　file　and　double　file；　and　performed　a

variety　of　evolutions；　all　most　admirably。　　In　respect　of　an　air　of

enjoyable　understanding　of　what　they　were　about；　which　seems　to　be

forbidden　to　English　soldiers；　the　boys　might　have　been　small

French　troops。　　When　they　were　dismissed　and　the　broadsword

exercise；　limited　to　a　much　smaller　number；　succeeded；　the　boys　who

had　no　part　in　that　new　drill；　either　looked　on　attentively；　or

disported　themselves　in　a　gymnasium　hard　by。　　The　steadiness　of　the

broadsword　boys　on　their　short　legs；　and　the　firmness　with　which

they　sustained　the　different　positions；　was　truly　remarkable。



The　broadsword　exercise　over；　suddenly　there　was　great　excitement

and　a　rush。　　Naval　Drill！



In　the　corner　of　the　ground　stood　a　decked　mimic　ship；　with　real

masts；　yards；　and　sails　…　mainmast　seventy　feet　high。　　At　the　word

of　command　from　the　Skipper　of　this　ship　…　a　mahogany…faced　Old

Salt；　with　the　indispensable　quid　in　his　cheek；　the　true　nautical

roll；　and　all　wonderfully　complete　…　the　rigging　was　covered　with　a

swarm　of　boys：　　one；　the　first　to　spring　into　the　shrouds；

outstripping　all　the　others；　and　resting　on　the　truck　of　the　main…

topmast　in　no　time。



And　now　we　stood　out　to　sea；　in　a　most　amazing　manner；　the　Skipper

himself；　the　whole　crew；　the　Uncommercial；　and　all　hands　present；

implicitly　believing　that　there　was　not　a　moment　to　lose；　that　the

wind　had　that　instant　chopped　round　and　sprung　up　fair；　and　that　we

were　away　on　a　voyage　round　the　world。　　Get　all　sail　upon　her！

With　a　will；　my　lads！　　Lay　out　upon　the　main…yard　there！　　Look

alive　at　the　weather　earring！　　Cheery；　my　boys！　　Let　go　the　sheet；

now！　　Stand　by　at　the　braces；　you！　　With　a　will；　aloft　there！

Belay；　starboard　watch！　　Fifer！　　Come　aft；　fifer；　and　give　'em　a

tune！　　Forthwith；　springs　up　fifer；　fife　in　hand　…　smallest　boy

ever　seen　…　big　lump　on　temple；　having　lately　fallen　down　on　a

paving…stone　…　gives　'em　a　tune　with　all　his　might　and　main。　　Hoo…

roar；　fifer！　　With　a　will；　my　lads！　　Tip　'em　a　livelier　one；　fifer！

Fifer　tips　'em　a　livelier　one；　and　excitement　increases。　　Shake　'em

out；　my　lads！　　Well　done！　　There　you　have　her！　　Pretty；　pretty！

Every　rag　upon　her　she　can　carry；　wind　right　astarn；　and　ship

cutting　through　the　water　fifteen　knots　an　hour！



At　this　favourable　moment　of　her　voyage；　I　gave　the　alarm　'A　man

overboard！'　（on　the　gravel）；　but　he　was　immediately　recovered；　none

the　worse。　　Presently；　I　observed　the　Skipper　overboard；　but

forbore　to　mention　it；　as　he　seemed　in　no　wise　disconcerted　by　the

accident。　　Indeed；　I　soon　came　to　regard　the　Skipper　as　an

amphibious　creature；　for　he　was　so　perpetually　plunging　overboard

to　look　up　at　the　hands　aloft；　that　he　was　oftener　in　the　bosom　of

the　ocean　than　on　deck。　　His　pride　in　his　crew　on　those　occasions

was　delightful；　and　the　conventional　unintelligibility　of　his

orders　in　the　ears　of　uncommercial　landlubbers　and　loblolly　boys；

though　they　were　always　intelligible　to　the　crew；　was　hardly　less

pleasant。　　But　we　couldn't　expect　to　go　on　in　this　way　for　ever；

dirty　weather　came　on；　and　then　worse　weather；　and　when　we　least

expected　it　we　got　into　tremendous　difficulties。　　Screw　loose　in

the　chart　perhaps　…　something　certainly　wrong　somewhere　…　but　here

we　were　with　breakers　ahead；　my　lads；　driving　head　on；　slap　on　a

lee　shore！　　The　Skipper　broached　this　terrific　announcement　in　such

great　agitation；　that　the　small　fifer；　not　fifeing　now；　but

standing　looking　on　near　the　wheel　with　his　fife　under　his　arm；

seemed　for　the　moment　quite　unboyed；　though　he　speedily　recovered

his　presence　of　mind。　　In　the　trying　circumstances　that　ensued；　the

Skipper　and　the　crew　proved　worthy　of　one　another。　　The　Skipper　got

dreadfully　hoarse；　but　otherwise　was　master　of　the　situation。　　The

man　at　the　wheel　did　wonders；　all　hands　（except　the　fifer）　were

turned　up　to　wear　ship；　and　I　observed　the　fifer；　when　we　were　at

our　greatest　extremity；　to　refer　to　some　document　in　his　waistcoat…

pocket；　which　I　conceived　to　be　his　will。　　I　think　she　struck。　　I

was　not　myself　conscious　of　any　collision；　but　I　saw　the　Skipper　so

very　often　washed　overboard　and　back　again；　that　I　could　only

impute　it　to　the　beating　of　the　ship。　　I　am　not　enough　of　a　seaman

to　describe　the　manoeuvres　by　which　we　were　saved；　but　they　made

the　Skipper　very　hot　（French　polishing　his　mahogany　face）　and　the

crew　very　nimble；　and　succeeded　to　a　marvel；　for；　within　a　few

minutes　of　the　first　alarm；　we　had　wore　ship　and　got　her　off；　and

were　all　a…tauto　…　which　I　felt　very　grateful　for：　　not　that　I　knew

what　it　was；　but　that　I　perceived　that　we　had　not　been　all　a…tauto

lately。　　Land　now　appeared　on　our　weather…bow；　and　we　shaped　our

course　for　it；　having　the　wind　abeam；　and　frequently　changing　the

man　at　the　helm；　in　order　that　every　man　might　have　his　spell。　　We

worked　into　harbour　under　prosperous　circumstances；　and　furled　our

sails；　and　squared　our　yards；　and　made　all　ship…shape　and　handsome；

and　so　our　voyage　ended。　　When　I　complimented　the　Skipper　at

parting　on　his　exertions　and　those　of　his　gallant　crew；　he　informed

me　that　the　latter　were　provided　for　the　worst；　all　hands　being

taught　to　swim　and　dive；　and　he　added　that　the　able　seaman　at　the

main…topmast　truck　especially；　could　dive　as　deep　as　he　could　go

high。



The　next　adventure　that　befell　me　in　my　visit　to　the　Short…Time