the uncommercial traveller-第65章

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all　be　under　lock　and　key　at　hard　labour？　　Not　he；　truly　he　would

be　a　wise　man　if　he　did！　　He　only　knows　that　these　are　members　of

the　'notorious　gang；'　which；　according　to　the　newspaper　Police…

office　reports　of　this　last　past　September；　'have　so　long　infested'

the　awful　solitudes　of　the　Waterloo　Road；　and　out　of　which　almost

impregnable　fastnesses　the　Police　have　at　length　dragged　Two；　to

the　unspeakable　admiration　of　all　good　civilians。



The　consequences　of　this　contemplative　habit　on　the　part　of　the

Executive　…　a　habit　to　be　looked　for　in　a　hermit；　but　not　in　a

Police　System　…　are　familiar　to　us　all。　　The　Ruffian　becomes　one　of

the　established　orders　of　the　body　politic。　　Under　the　playful　name

of　Rough　（as　if　he　were　merely　a　practical　joker）　his　movements　and

successes　are　recorded　on　public　occasions。　　Whether　he　mustered　in

large　numbers；　or　small；　whether　he　was　in　good　spirits；　or

depressed；　whether　he　turned　his　generous　exertions　to　very

prosperous　account；　or　Fortune　was　against　him；　whether　he　was　in　a

sanguinary　mood；　or　robbed　with　amiable　horse…play　and　a　gracious

consideration　for　life　and　limb；　all　this　is　chronicled　as　if　he

were　an　Institution。　　Is　there　any　city　in　Europe；　out　of　England；

in　which　these　terms　are　held　with　the　pests　of　Society？　　Or　in

which；　at　this　day；　such　violent　robberies　from　the　person　are

constantly　committed　as　in　London？



The　Preparatory　Schools　of　Ruffianism　are　similarly　borne　with。

The　young　Ruffians　of　London　…　not　Thieves　yet；　but　training　for

scholarships　and　fellowships　in　the　Criminal　Court　Universities　…

molest　quiet　people　and　their　property；　to　an　extent　that　is　hardly

credible。　　The　throwing　of　stones　in　the　streets　has　become　a

dangerous　and　destructive　offence；　which　surely　could　have　got　to

no　greater　height　though　we　had　had　no　Police　but　our　own　riding…

whips　and　walking…sticks　…　the　Police　to　which　I　myself　appeal　on

these　occasions。　　The　throwing　of　stones　at　the　windows　of　railway

carriages　in　motion　…　an　act　of　wanton　wickedness　with　the　very

Arch…Fiend's　hand　in　it　…　had　become　a　crying　evil；　when　the

railway　companies　forced　it　on　Police　notice。　　Constabular

contemplation　had　until　then　been　the　order　of　the　day。



Within　these　twelve　months；　there　arose　among　the　young　gentlemen

of　London　aspiring　to　Ruffianism；　and　cultivating　that　much…

encouraged　social　art；　a　facetious　cry　of　'I'll　have　this！'

accompanied　with　a　clutch　at　some　article　of　a　passing　lady's

dress。　　I　have　known　a　lady's　veil　to　be　thus　humorously　torn　from

her　face　and　carried　off　in　the　open　streets　at　noon；　and　I　have

had　the　honour　of　myself　giving　chase；　on　Westminster　Bridge；　to

another　young　Ruffian；　who；　in　full　daylight　early　on　a　summer

evening；　had　nearly　thrown　a　modest　young　woman　into　a　swoon　of

indignation　and　confusion；　by　his　shameful　manner　of　attacking　her

with　this　cry　as　she　harmlessly　passed　along　before　me。　　MR。

CARLYLE；　some　time　since；　awakened　a　little　pleasantry　by　writing

of　his　own　experience　of　the　Ruffian　of　the　streets。　　I　have　seen

the　Ruffian　act　in　exact　accordance　with　Mr。　Carlyle's　description；

innumerable　times；　and　I　never　saw　him　checked。



The　blaring　use　of　the　very　worst　language　possible；　in　our　public

thoroughfares　…　especially　in　those　set　apart　for　recreation　…　is

another　disgrace　to　us；　and　another　result　of　constabular

contemplation；　the　like　of　which　I　have　never　heard　in　any　other

country　to　which　my　uncommercial　travels　have　extended。　　Years　ago；

when　I　had　a　near　interest　in　certain　children　who　were　sent　with

their　nurses；　for　air　and　exercise；　into　the　Regent's　Park；　I　found

this　evil　to　be　so　abhorrent　and　horrible　there；　that　I　called

public　attention　to　it；　and　also　to　its　contemplative　reception　by

the　Police。　　Looking　afterwards　into　the　newest　Police　Act；　and

finding　that　the　offence　was　punishable　under　it；　I　resolved；　when

striking　occasion　should　arise；　to　try　my　hand　as　prosecutor。　　The

occasion　arose　soon　enough；　and　I　ran　the　following　gauntlet。



The　utterer　of　the　base　coin　in　question　was　a　girl　of　seventeen　or

eighteen；　who；　with　a　suitable　attendance　of　blackguards；　youths；

and　boys；　was　flaunting　along　the　streets；　returning　from　an　Irish

funeral；　in　a　Progress　interspersed　with　singing　and　dancing。　　She

had　turned　round　to　me　and　expressed　herself　in　the　most　audible

manner；　to　the　great　delight　of　that　select　circle。　　I　attended　the

party；　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　way；　for　a　mile　further；　and

then　encountered　a　Police…constable。　　The　party　had　made　themselves

merry　at　my　expense　until　now；　but　seeing　me　speak　to　the

constable；　its　male　members　instantly　took　to　their　heels；　leaving

the　girl　alone。　　I　asked　the　constable　did　he　know　my　name？　　Yes；

he　did。　　'Take　that　girl　into　custody；　on　my　charge；　for　using　bad

language　in　the　streets。'　　He　had　never　heard　of　such　a　charge。　　I

had。　　Would　he　take　my　word　that　he　should　get　into　no　trouble？

Yes；　sir；　he　would　do　that。　　So　he　took　the　girl；　and　I　went　home

for　my　Police　Act。



With　this　potent　instrument　in　my　pocket；　I　literally　as　well　as

figuratively　'returned　to　the　charge；'　and　presented　myself　at　the

Police　Station　of　the　district。　　There；　I　found　on　duty　a　very

intelligent　Inspector　（they　are　all　intelligent　men）；　who；

likewise；　had　never　heard　of　such　a　charge。　　I　showed　him　my

clause；　and　we　went　over　it　together　twice　or　thrice。　　It　was

plain；　and　I　engaged　to　wait　upon　the　suburban　Magistrate　to…morrow

morning　at　ten　o'clock。



In　the　morning　I　put　my　Police　Act　in　my　pocket　again；　and　waited

on　the　suburban　Magistrate。　　I　was　not　quite　so　courteously

received　by　him　as　I　should　have　been　by　The　Lord　Chancellor　or　The

Lord　Chief　Justice；　but　that　was　a　question　of　good　breeding　on　the

suburban　Magistrate's　part；　and　I　had　my　clause　ready　with　its　leaf

turned　down。　　Which　was　enough　for　ME。



Conference　took　place　between　the　Magistrate　and　clerk　respecting

the　charge。　　During　conference　I　was　evidently　regarded　as　a　much

more　objectionable　person　than　the　prisoner；　…　one　giving　trouble

by　coming　there　voluntarily；　which　the　prisoner　could　not　be

accused　of　doing。　　The　prisoner　had　been　got　up；　since　I　last　had

the　pleasure　of　seeing　her；　with　a　great　effect　of　white　apron　and

straw　bonnet。　　She　reminded　me　of　an　elder　sister　of　Red　Riding

Hood；　and　I　seemed　to　remind　the　sympathising　Chimney　Sweep　by　whom

she　was　attended；　of　the　Wolf。



The　Magistrate　was　doubtful；　Mr。　Uncommercial　Traveller；　whether

this　charge　could　be　entertained。　　It　was　not　known。　　Mr。

Uncommercial　Traveller　replied　that　he　wished　it　were　better　known；

and　that；　if　he　could　afford　the　leisure；　he　would　use　his

endeavours　to　make　it　so。　　There　was　no　question　about　it；　however；

he　contended。　　Here　was　the　clause。



The　clause　was　handed　in；　and　more　conference　resulted。　　After

which　I　was　asked　the　extraordinary　question：　　'Mr。　Uncommercial；

do　you　really　wish　this　girl　to　be　sent　to　prison？'　　To　which　I

grimly　answered；　staring：　　'If　I　didn't；　why　should　I　take　the

trouble　to　come　here？'　　Finally；　I　was　sworn；　and　gave　my　agreeable

evidence　in　detail；　and　White　Riding　Hood　was　fined　ten　shillings；

under　the　clause；　or　sent　to　prison　for　so　many　days。　　'Why；　Lord

bless　you；　sir；'　said　the　Police…officer；　who　showed　me　out；　with　a

great　enjoyment　of　the　jest　of　her　having　been　got　up　so

effectively；　and　caused　so　much　hesitation：　　'if　she　goes　to

prison；　that　will　be　nothing　new　to　HER。　　She　comes　from　Charles

Street；　Drury　Lane！'



The　Police；　all　things　considered；　are　an　excellent　force；　and　I

have　borne　my　small　testimony　to　their　merits。　　Constabular

contemplation　is　the　result　of　a　bad　system；　a　system　which　is

administered；　not　invented；　by　the　man　in　constable's　uniform；

employed　at　twenty　shillings　a　week。　　He　has　his　orders；　and　would

be　marked　for　discouragement　if　he　overstepped　them。　　That　the

system　is　bad；　there　needs　no　lengthened　argument　to　prove；　because

the　fact　is　self…evident。　　If　it　were　anything　else；　the　results

that　have　attended　it　could　not　possibly　have　come　to　pass。　　Who

will　say　that　under　a　good　system；　our　streets　could　have　got　into

their　present　state？



The　objection　to　the　whole　Police　system；　as　concerning　the

Ruffian；　may　be　stated；　and　its　failure　exemplified；　as　follows。

It　is　well　known　that　on　all　great　occasions；　when　they　come

together　in　numbers；　the　mass　of　the　English　people　are　their　own

trustworthy　Police。　　It　is　well　known　that　wheresoever　there　is

collected　together　any　fair　general　representation　of　the　people；　a

respect　for　law　and　order；　and　a　determination　to　discountenance

lawlessness　and　disorder；　may　be　relied　upon。　　As　to　one　another；

the　people　are　a　very　good　Police；　and　yet　are　quite　willing　in

their　good…nature　that　the　stipendiary　Police　should　have　the

credit　of　the　people's　moderation。　　But　we　are　all　of　us　powerless

against　the　Ruffian；　because　we　submit　to　the　law；　and　it　is　his

only　trade；　by　superior　force　and　by　violence；　to　defy　it。

Moreover；　we　are　constantly　admonished　from　high　places　（like　so

many　Sunday…school　children　out　for　a　holiday　of　buns　and　milk…and…

water）　that　we　are　not　to　take　the　law　into　our　own　hands；　but　are

to　hand　our　defence　over　to　it。　　It　is　clear　that　the　common　enemy

to　be　punished　and　exterminated　first　of　all　is　the　Ruffian。　　It　is

clear　that　he　is；　of　all　others；　THE　offender　for　whose　repressal

we　maintain　a　costly　system　of　Police。　　Him；　therefore；　we

expressly　present　to　the　Police　to　deal　with；　conscious　that；　on

the　whole；　we　can；　and　do；　deal　reasonably　well　with　one　another。

Him　the　Police　deal　with　so　inefficiently　and　absurdly　that　he

flourishes；　and　multiplies；　and；　with　all　his　evil　deeds　upon　his

head　as　notoriously　as　his　hat　is；　pervades　the　streets　with　no

more　let　or　hindrance　than　ourselves。







CHAPTER　XXXI　…　ABOARD　SHIP







My　journeys　as　Uncommercial　Traveller　for　the　firm　of　Human…

Interest　Brothers　have　not　slackened　since　I　last　reported　of　them；

but　have　kept　me　continually　on　the　move。　　I　remain　in　the　same

idle　employment。　　I　never　solicit　an　order；　I　never　get　any

commission；　I　am　the　rolling　stone　that　gathers　no　moss；　…　unless

any　should　by　chance　be　found　among　these　samples。



Some　half　a　year　ago；　I　found　myself　in　my　idlest；　dreamiest；　and

least　accountable　condition　altogether；　on　board　ship；　in　the

harbour　of　the　city　of　New　York；　in　the　United　States　of　America。

Of　all　the　good　ships　afloat；　mine　was　the　good　steamship　'RUSSIA；'

CAPT。　COOK；　Cunard　Line；　bound　for　Liverpool。　　What　more　could　I

wish　for？



I　had　nothing　to　wish　for　but　a　prosperous　passage。　　My　salad…days；

when　I　was　green　of　visage　and　sea…sick；　being　gone　with　better

things　（and　no　worse）；　no　coming　event　cast　its　shadow　before。



I　might