the lion and the unicorn(狮子与独角兽)-第5章
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she had given these flowers to her hostess to decorate the dinner…table。
She hated to ask this girl of things which she should have known better
than any one else。 But she forced herself to do it。 She felt she must
know certainly and at once。
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〃How do you know this？〃 she asked。 〃Are you sure there is no
mistake？〃
〃He told me himself；〃 said Marion； 〃when he talked of letting the
plays go and returning to America。 He said he must go back； that his
money was gone。〃
〃He is gone to America！〃 Helen said； blankly。
〃No； he wanted to go； but I wouldn't let him；〃 Marion went on。 〃I
told him that some one might take his play any day。 And this third one
he has written； the one he finished this summer in town； is the best of all； I
think。 It's a love…story。 It's quite beautiful。〃 She turned and arranged
her veil at the glass； and as she did so； her eyes fell on the photographs of
herself scattered over the mantelpiece； and she smiled slightly。 But
Helen did not see hershe was sitting down now； pulling at the books on
the table。 She was confused and disturbed by emotions which were quite
strange to her； and when Marion bade her good…by she hardly noticed her
departure。 What impressed her most of all in what Marion had told her；
was； she was surprised to find； that Philip was going away。 That she
herself had frequently urged him to do so； for his own peace of mind；
seemed now of no consequence。 Now that he seriously contemplated it；
she recognized that his absence meant to her a change in everything。 She
felt for the first time the peculiar place he held in her life。 Even if she
had seen him but seldom； the fact that he was within call had been more of
a comfort and a necessity to her than she understood。
That he was poor； concerned her chiefly because she knew that；
although this condition could only be but temporary； it would distress him
not to have his friends around him； and to entertain them as he had been
used to do。 She wondered eagerly if she might offer to help him； but a
second thought assured her that； for a man； that sort of help from a woman
was impossible。
She resented the fact that Marion was deep in his confidence； that it
was Marion who had told her of his changed condition and of his plans。
It annoyed her so acutely that she could not remain in the room where she
had seen her so complacently in possession。 And after leaving a brief
note for Philip； she went away。 She stopped a hansom at the door； and
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told the man to drive along the Embankmentshe wanted to be quite alone；
and she felt she could see no one until she had thought it all out； and had
analyzed the new feelings。
So for several hours she drove slowly up and down； sunk far back in
the cushions of the cab； and staring with unseeing eyes at the white
enamelled tariff and the black dash…board。
She assured herself that she was not jealous of Marion； because； in
order to be jealous； she first would have to care for Philip in the very way
she could not bring herself to do。
She decided that his interest in Marion hurt her； because it showed that
Philip was not capable of remaining true to the one ideal of his life。 She
was sure that this explained her feelingsshe was disappointed that he had
not kept up to his own standard； that he was weak enough to turn aside
from it for the first pretty pair of eyes。 But she was too honest and too
just to accept that diagnosis of her feelings as finalshe knew there had
been many pairs of eyes in America and in London； and that though Philip
had seen them； he had not answered them when they spoke。 No； she
confessed frankly； she was hurt with herself for neglecting her old friend
so selfishly and for so long a time； his love gave him claims on her
consideration； at least； and she had forgotten that and him； and had run
after strange gods and allowed others to come in and take her place； and to
give him the sympathy and help which she should have been the first to
offer； and which would have counted more when coming from her than
from any one else。 She determined to make amends at once for her
thoughtlessness and selfishness； and her brain was pleasantly occupied
with plans and acts of kindness。 It was a new entertainment； and she
found she delighted in it。 She directed the cabman to go to Solomons's；
and from there sent Philip a bunch of flowers and a line saying that on the
following day she was coming to take tea with him。 She had a guilty
feeling that he might consider her friendly advances more seriously than
she meant them； but it was her pleasure to be reckless： her feelings were
running riotously； and the sensation was so new that she refused to be
circumspect or to consider consequences。 Who could tell； she asked
herself with a quick； frightened gasp； but that； after all； it might be that she
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was learning to care？ From Solomons's she bade the man drive to the
shop in Cranbourne Street where she was accustomed to purchase the
materials she used in painting； and Fate； which uses strange agents to work
out its ends； so directed it that the cabman stopped a few doors below this
shop； and opposite one where jewelry and other personal effects were
bought and sold。 At any other time； or had she been in any other mood；
what followed might not have occurred； but Fate； in the person of the
cabman； arranged it so that the hour and the opportunity came together。
There were some old mezzotints in the window of the loan shop； a
string of coins and medals； a row of new French posters； and far down to
the front a tray filled with gold and silver cigarette… cases and watches and
rings。 It occurred to Helen； who was still bent on making restitution for
her neglect； that a cigarette…case would be more appropriate for a man than
flowers； and more lasting。 And she scanned the contents of the window
with the eye of one who now saw in everything only something which
might give Philip pleasure。 The two objects of value in the tray upon
which her eyes first fell were the gold seal…ring with which Philip had
sealed his letters to her； and； lying next to it； his gold watch！ There was
something almost human in the way the ring and watch spoke to her from
the pastin the way they appealed to her to rescue them from the
surroundings to which they had been abandoned。 She did not know what
she meant to do with them nor how she could return them to Philip； but
there was no question of doubt in her manner as she swept with a rush into
the shop。 There was no attempt； either； at bargaining in the way in which
she pointed out to the young woman behind the counter the particular ring
and watch she wanted。 They had not been left as collateral； the young
woman said； they had been sold outright。
〃Then any one can buy them？〃 Helen asked eagerly。 〃They are for
sale to the publicto any one？〃
The young woman made note of the customer's eagerness； but with
an unmoved countenance。
〃Yes； miss； they are for sale。 The ring is four pounds and the watch
twenty…five。〃
〃Twenty…nine pounds！〃 Helen gasped。
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That was more money than she had in the world； but the fact did not
distress her； for she had a true artistic disregard for ready money； and the
absence of it had never disturbed her。 But now it assumed a sudden and
alarming value。 She had ten pounds in her purse and ten pounds at her
studiothese were just enough to pay for a quarter's rent and the rates； and
there was a hat and cloak in Bond Street which she certainly must have。
Her only assets consisted of the possibility that some one might soon order
a miniature； and to her mind that was sufficient。 Some one always had
ordered a miniature； and there was no reasonable doubt but that some one
would do it again。 For a moment she questioned if it would not be
sufficient if she bought the ring and allowed the watch to remain。 But
she recognized that the ring meant more to her than the watch； while the
latter； as an old heirloom which had been passed down to him from a
great…grandfather； meant more to Philip。 It was for Philip she was doing
this； she reminded herself。 She stood holding his possessions； one in
each hand； and looking at the young woman blankly。 She had no doubt
in her mind that at least part of the money he had received for them had
paid for the flowers he had sent to her in Scotland。 The certainty of this
left her no choice。 She laid the ring and watch down and pulled the only
ring she possessed from her own finger。 It was a gift from Lady Gower。
She had no doubt that it was of great value。
〃Can you lend me some money on that？〃 she asked。 It was the first
time she had conducted a business transaction of this nature； and she felt
as though she were engaging in a burglary。
〃We don't lend money； miss；〃 the girl said； 〃we buy outright。 I can
give you twenty…eight shillings for this；〃 she added。
〃Twenty…eight shillings；〃 Helen gasped； 〃why； it is worthoh； ever so
much more than that！〃
〃That is all it is worth to us；〃 the girl answered。 She regarded the
ring
