letters to his son, 1750-第2章

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d　in　politeness　of　manners　labor　to　excel　all；　if　you　wish　to　equal　many。　　Adieu。




LETTER　CI

LONDON；　January　11；　O。　S。　　1750

MY　DEAR　FRIEND：　Yesterday　I　received　a　letter　from　Mr。　Harte；　of　the　31st　December；　N。　S。；　which　I　will　answer　soon；　and　for　which　I　desire　you　to　return　him　my　thanks　now。　　He　tells　me　two　things　that　give　me　great　satisfaction：　one　is　that　there　are　very　few　English　at　Rome；　the　other　is；　that　you　frequent　the　best　foreign　companies。　　This　last　is　a　very　good　symptom；　for　a　man　of　sense　is　never　desirous　to　frequent　those　companies；　where　he　is　not　desirous　to　please；　or　where　he　finds　that　he　displeases；　it　will　not　be　expected　in　those　companies；　that；　at　your　age；　you　should　have　the　'Garbo'；　the　'Disinvoltura'；　and　the　'Leggiadria'　of　a　man　of　five…and…twenty；　who　has　been　long　used　to　keep　the　best　companies；　and　therefore　do　not　be　discouraged；　and　think　yourself　either　slighted　or　laughed　at；　because　you　see　others；　older　and　more　used　to　the　world；　easier；　more　familiar；　and　consequently　rather　better　received　in　those　companies　than　yourself。　　In　time　your　turn　will　come；　and　if　you　do　but　show　an　inclination；　a　desire　to　please；　though　you　should　be　embarrassed　or　even　err　in　the　means；　which　must　necessarily　happen　to　you　at　first；　yet　the　will　（to　use　a　vulgar　expression）　will　be　taken　for　the　deed；　and　people；　instead　of　laughing　at　you；　will　be　glad　to　instruct　you。　　Good　sense　can　only　give　you　the　great　outlines　of　good…breeding；　but　observation　and　usage　can　alone　give　you　the　delicate　touches；　and　the　fine　coloring。　　You　will　naturally　endeavor　to　show　the　utmost　respect　to　people　of　certain　ranks　and　characters；　and　consequently　you　will　show　it；　but　the　proper；　the　delicate　manner　of　showing　that　respect；　nothing　but　observation　and　time　can　give。

I　remember　that　when；　with　all　the　awkwardness　and　rust　of　Cambridge　about　me；　I　was　first　introduced　into　good　company；　I　was　frightened　out　of　my　wits。　　I　was　determined　to　be；　what　I　thought；　civil；　I　made　fine　low　bows；　and　placed　myself　below　everybody；　but　when　I　was　spoken　to；　or　attempted　to　speak　myself；　'obstupui；　steteruntque　comae；　et　vox　faucibus　haesit'。　　If　I　saw　people　whisper；　I　was　sure　it　was　at　me；　and　I　thought　myself　the　sole　object　of　either　the　ridicule　or　the　censure　of　the　whole　company；　who；　God　knows；　did　not　trouble　their　heads　about　me。　In　this　way　I　suffered；　for　some　time；　like　a　criminal　at　the　bar；　and　should　certainly　have　renounced　all　polite　company　forever；　if　I　had　not　been　so　convinced　of　the　absolute　necessity　of　forming　my　manners　upon　those　of　the　best　companies；　that　I　determined　to　persevere　and　suffer　anything；　or　everything；　rather　than　not　compass　that　point。　　Insensibly　it　grew　easier　to　me；　and　I　began　not　to　bow　so　ridiculously　low；　and　to　answer　questions　without　great　hesitation　or　stammering：　if；　now　and　then；　some　charitable　people；　seeing　my　embarrassment；　and　being　'desoevre'　themselves；　came　and　spoke　to　me；　I　considered　them　as　angels　sent　to　comfort　me；　and　that　gave　me　a　little　courage。　　I　got　more　soon　afterward；　and　was　intrepid　enough　to　go　up　to　a　fine　woman；　and　tell　her　that　I　thought　it　a　warm　day；　she　answered　me；　very　civilly；　that　she　thought　so　too；　upon　which　the　conversation　ceased；　on　my　part；　for　some　time；　till　she；　good…naturedly　resuming　it；　spoke　to　me　thus：　〃I　see　your　embarrassment；　and　I　am　sure　that　the　few　words　you　said　to　me　cost　you　a　great　deal；　but　do　not　be　discouraged　for　that　reason；　and　avoid　good　company。　　We　see　that　you　desire　to　please；　and　that　is　the　main　point；　you　want　only　the　manner；　and　you　think　that　you　want　it　still　more　than　you　do。　　You　must　go　through　your　noviciate　before　you　can　profess　good…　breeding：　and；　if　you　will　be　my　novice；　I　will　present　you　my　acquaintance　as　such。〃

You　will　easily　imagine　how　much　this　speech　pleased　me；　and　how　awkwardly　I　answered　it；　I　hemmed　once　or　twice　（for　it　gave　me　a　bur　in　my　throat）　before　I　could　tell　her　that　I　was　very　much　obliged　to　her；　that　it　was　true；　that　I　had　a　great　deal　of　reason　to　distrust　my　own　behavior；　not　being　used　to　fine　company；　and　that　I　should　be　proud　of　being　her　novice；　and　receiving　her　instructions。

As　soon　as　I　had　fumbled　out　this　answer；　she　called　up　three　or　four　people　to　her；　and　said：　Savez…vous　（for　she　was　a　foreigner；　and　I　was　abroad）　que　j'ai　entrepris　ce　jeune　homme；　et　qu'il　le　faut　rassurer？　Pour　moi；　je　crois　en　avoir　fait　＇Do　you　know　that　I　have　undertaken　this　young　man；　and　he　must　be　encouraged？　　As　for　me；　I　think　I　have　made　a　conquest　of　him；　for　he　just　now　ventured　to　tell　me；　although　tremblingly；　that　it　is　warm。　　You　will　assist　me　in　polishing　him。　　He　must　necessarily　have　a　passion　for　somebody；　if　he　does　not　think　me　worthy　of　being　the　object；　he　will　seek　out　some　other。　　However；　my　novice；　do　not　disgrace　yourself　by　frequenting　opera　girls　and　actresses；　who　will　not　require　of　you　sentiments　and　politeness；　but　will　be　your　ruin　in　every　respect。　　I　repeat　it　to　you；　my；　friend；　if　you　should　get　into　low；　mean　company；　you　will　be　undone。　　Those　creatures　will　destroy　your　fortune　and　your　health；　corrupt　your　morals；　and　you　will　never　acquire　the　style　of　good　company。＇

The　company　laughed　at　this　lecture；　and　I　was　stunned　with　it。　　I　did　not　know　whether　she　was　serious　or　in　jest。　　By　turns　I　was　pleased；　ashamed；　encouraged；　and　dejected。　　But　when　I　found　afterward；　that　both　she；　and　those　to　whom　she　had　presented　me；　countenanced　and　protected　me　in　company；　I　gradually　got　more　assurance；　and　began　not　to　be　ashamed　of　endeavoring　to　be　civil。　　I　copied　the　best　masters；　at　first　servilely；　afterward　more　freely；　and　at　last　I　joined　habit　and　invention。

All　this　will　happen　to　you；　if　you　persevere　in　the　desire　of　pleasing　and　shining　as　a　man　of　the　world；　that　part　of　your　character　is　the　only　one　about　which　I　have　at　present　the　least　doubt。　　I　cannot　entertain　the　least　suspicion　of　your　moral　character；　your　learned　character　is　out　of　question。　　Your　polite　character　is　now　the　only　remaining　object　that　gives　me　the　least　anxiety；　and　you　are　now　in　the　right　way　of　finishing　it。　　Your　constant　collision　with　good　company　will；　of　course；　smooth　and　polish　you。　　I　could　wish　that　you　would　say；　to　the　five　or　six　men　or　women　with　whom　you　are　the　most　acquainted；　that　you　are　sensible　that；　from　youth　and　inexperience；　you　must　make　many　mistakes　in　good…breeding；　that　you　beg　of　them　to　correct　you；　without　reserve；　wherever　they　see　you　fail；　and　that　you　shall　take　such　admonition　as　the　strongest　proofs　of　their　friendship。　　Such　a　confession　and　application　will　be　very　engaging　to　those　to　whom　you　make　them。　　They　will　tell　others　of　them；　who　will　be　pleased　with　that　disposition；　and；　in　a　friendly　manner；　tell　you　of　any　little　slip　or　error。　　The　Duke　de　Nivernois　＇　At　that　time　Ambassador　from　the　Court　of　France　to　Rome。＇　would；　I　am　sure；　be　charmed；　if　you　dropped　such　a　thing　to　him；　adding；　that　you　loved　to　address　yourself　always　to　the　best　masters。　　Observe　also　the　different　modes　of　good…breeding　of　several　nations；　and　conform　yourself　to　them　respectively。　　Use　an　easy　civility　with　the　French；　more　ceremony　with　the　Italians；　and　still　more　with　the　Germans；　but　let　it　be　without　embarrassment　and　with　ease。　Bring　it　by　use　to　be　habitual　to　you；　for；　if　it　seems　unwilling　and　forced；　it　will　never　please。　　'Omnis　Aristippum　decuit　color；　et　res'。　Acquire　an　easiness　and　versatility　of　manners；　as　well　as　of　mind；　and；　like　the　chameleon；　take　the　hue　of　the　company　you　are　with。

There　is　a　sort　of　veteran　women　of　condition；　who　having　lived　always　in　the　'grande　monde'；　and　having　possibly　had　some　gallantries；　together　with　the　experience　of　five…and…twenty；　or　thirty　years；　form　a　young　fellow　better　than　all　the　rules　that　can　be　given　him。　　These　women；　being　past　their　bloom；　are　extremely　flattered　by　the　least　attention　from　a　young　fellow；　and　they　will　point　out　to　him　those　manners　and　ATTENTIONS　that　pleased　and　engaged　them；　when　they　were　in　the　pride　of　their　youth　and　beauty。　　Wherever　you　go；　make　some　of　those　women　your　friends；　which　a　very　little　matter　will　do。　　Ask　their　advice；　tell　them　your　doubts　or　difficulties　as　to　your　behavior；　but　take　great　care　not　to　drop　one　word　of　their　experience；　for　experience　implies　age；　and　the　suspicion　of　age；　no　woman；　let　her　be　ever　so　old；　ever　forgives。　　I　long　for　your　picture；　which　Mr。　Harte　tells　me　is　now　drawing。　　I　want　to　see　your　countenance；　your　air；　and　even　your　dress；　the　better　they　all　three　are；　the　better　I　am　not　wise　enough　to　despise　any　one　of　them。　　Your　dress；　at　least；　is　in　your　own　power；　and　I　hope　that　you　mind　it　to　a　proper　degree。　　Yours；　Adieu。




LETTER　CII

LONDON；　January　18；　O。　S。　　1750

MY　DEAR　FRIEND：　I　consider　the　solid　part　of　your　little　edifice　as　so　near　being　finished　and　completed；　that　my　only　remaining　care　is　about　the　embellishments；　and　that　must　now　be　your　principal　care　too。　Adorn　yourself　with　all　those　graces　and　accomplishments；　which；　without　solidity；　are　frivolous；　but　without　which　solidity　is；　to　a　great　degree；　useless。　　Take　one　man；　with　a　very　moderate　degree　of　knowledge；　but　with　a　pleasing　figure；　a　prepossessing　address；　graceful　in　all　that　he　says　and　does；　polite；　'liant'；　and；　in　short；　adorned　with　all　the　lesser　talents：　and　take　another　man；　with　sound　sense　and　profound　knowledge；　but　without　the　above…mentioned　advantages；　the　former　will　not　only　get　the　better　of　the　latter；　in　every　pursuit　of　every　KIND；　but　in　truth　there　will　be　no　sort　of　competition　between　them。　　But　can　every　man　acquire　these　advantages？　　I　say；　Yes；　if　he　please；　suppose　he　is　in　a　situation　and　in　circumstances　to　frequent　good　company。　Attention；　observation；　and　imitation；　will　most　infallibly　do　it。

When　you　see　a　man　whose　first　'abord'　strikes　you；　prepossesses　you　in　his　favor；　and　makes　you　entertain　a　good　opinion　of　him；　you　do　not　know　why；　analyze　that　'abord'；　and　examine；　within　yourself；　the　several　parts　that　composed　it；　and　you　will　generally　find　it　to　be　the　result；　the　happy　assemblage　of　modesty　unembarrassed；　respect　without　timidity；　a　genteel；　but　unaffected　attitude　of　body　and　limbs；　an　open；　cheerful；　but　unsmirking　countenance；　and　a　dress；　by　no　means　negligent；　and　yet　not　foppish。　　Copy　him；　then；　not　servilely；　but　as　some　of　the　greatest　masters　of　painting　have　copied　others；　insomuch　that　their　copies　have　been　equal　to　the　originals；　both　as　to　beauty　and　freedom。　　When　you　see　a　man　who　is　universally　allowed　to　shine　as　an　agreeable；　well…bred　man；　and　a　fine　gentleman　（as；　for　example；　the　Duke　de　Nivernois）；　attend　to　him；　watch　him　carefully；　observe　in　what　manner　he　addresses　himself　to　his　superiors；　how　he　lives　with　his　equals；　and　how　he　treats　his　inferiors。　　Mind　his　turn　of　conversation　in　the　several　situations　of　morning　visits；　the　table；　and　the　evening　amusements。　　Imitate；　without　mimicking　him；　and　be　his　duplicate；　but　not　his　ape。　You　will　find　that　he　takes　care　never　to　say　or　do　any　thing　that　can　be　construed　into　a　slight；　or　a　negligence；　or　that　can；