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d in politeness of manners labor to excel all; if you wish to equal many。  Adieu。




LETTER CI

LONDON; January 11; O。 S。  1750

MY DEAR FRIEND: Yesterday I received a letter from Mr。 Harte; of the 31st December; N。 S。; which I will answer soon; and for which I desire you to return him my thanks now。  He tells me two things that give me great satisfaction: one is that there are very few English at Rome; the other is; that you frequent the best foreign companies。  This last is a very good symptom; for a man of sense is never desirous to frequent those companies; where he is not desirous to please; or where he finds that he displeases; it will not be expected in those companies; that; at your age; you should have the 'Garbo'; the 'Disinvoltura'; and the 'Leggiadria' of a man of five…and…twenty; who has been long used to keep the best companies; and therefore do not be discouraged; and think yourself either slighted or laughed at; because you see others; older and more used to the world; easier; more familiar; and consequently rather better received in those companies than yourself。  In time your turn will come; and if you do but show an inclination; a desire to please; though you should be embarrassed or even err in the means; which must necessarily happen to you at first; yet the will (to use a vulgar expression) will be taken for the deed; and people; instead of laughing at you; will be glad to instruct you。  Good sense can only give you the great outlines of good…breeding; but observation and usage can alone give you the delicate touches; and the fine coloring。  You will naturally endeavor to show the utmost respect to people of certain ranks and characters; and consequently you will show it; but the proper; the delicate manner of showing that respect; nothing but observation and time can give。

I remember that when; with all the awkwardness and rust of Cambridge about me; I was first introduced into good company; I was frightened out of my wits。  I was determined to be; what I thought; civil; I made fine low bows; and placed myself below everybody; but when I was spoken to; or attempted to speak myself; 'obstupui; steteruntque comae; et vox faucibus haesit'。  If I saw people whisper; I was sure it was at me; and I thought myself the sole object of either the ridicule or the censure of the whole company; who; God knows; did not trouble their heads about me。 In this way I suffered; for some time; like a criminal at the bar; and should certainly have renounced all polite company forever; if I had not been so convinced of the absolute necessity of forming my manners upon those of the best companies; that I determined to persevere and suffer anything; or everything; rather than not compass that point。  Insensibly it grew easier to me; and I began not to bow so ridiculously low; and to answer questions without great hesitation or stammering: if; now and then; some charitable people; seeing my embarrassment; and being 'desoevre' themselves; came and spoke to me; I considered them as angels sent to comfort me; and that gave me a little courage。  I got more soon afterward; and was intrepid enough to go up to a fine woman; and tell her that I thought it a warm day; she answered me; very civilly; that she thought so too; upon which the conversation ceased; on my part; for some time; till she; good…naturedly resuming it; spoke to me thus: 〃I see your embarrassment; and I am sure that the few words you said to me cost you a great deal; but do not be discouraged for that reason; and avoid good company。  We see that you desire to please; and that is the main point; you want only the manner; and you think that you want it still more than you do。  You must go through your noviciate before you can profess good… breeding: and; if you will be my novice; I will present you my acquaintance as such。〃

You will easily imagine how much this speech pleased me; and how awkwardly I answered it; I hemmed once or twice (for it gave me a bur in my throat) before I could tell her that I was very much obliged to her; that it was true; that I had a great deal of reason to distrust my own behavior; not being used to fine company; and that I should be proud of being her novice; and receiving her instructions。

As soon as I had fumbled out this answer; she called up three or four people to her; and said: Savez…vous (for she was a foreigner; and I was abroad) que j'ai entrepris ce jeune homme; et qu'il le faut rassurer? Pour moi; je crois en avoir fait 'Do you know that I have undertaken this young man; and he must be encouraged?  As for me; I think I have made a conquest of him; for he just now ventured to tell me; although tremblingly; that it is warm。  You will assist me in polishing him。  He must necessarily have a passion for somebody; if he does not think me worthy of being the object; he will seek out some other。  However; my novice; do not disgrace yourself by frequenting opera girls and actresses; who will not require of you sentiments and politeness; but will be your ruin in every respect。  I repeat it to you; my; friend; if you should get into low; mean company; you will be undone。  Those creatures will destroy your fortune and your health; corrupt your morals; and you will never acquire the style of good company。'

The company laughed at this lecture; and I was stunned with it。  I did not know whether she was serious or in jest。  By turns I was pleased; ashamed; encouraged; and dejected。  But when I found afterward; that both she; and those to whom she had presented me; countenanced and protected me in company; I gradually got more assurance; and began not to be ashamed of endeavoring to be civil。  I copied the best masters; at first servilely; afterward more freely; and at last I joined habit and invention。

All this will happen to you; if you persevere in the desire of pleasing and shining as a man of the world; that part of your character is the only one about which I have at present the least doubt。  I cannot entertain the least suspicion of your moral character; your learned character is out of question。  Your polite character is now the only remaining object that gives me the least anxiety; and you are now in the right way of finishing it。  Your constant collision with good company will; of course; smooth and polish you。  I could wish that you would say; to the five or six men or women with whom you are the most acquainted; that you are sensible that; from youth and inexperience; you must make many mistakes in good…breeding; that you beg of them to correct you; without reserve; wherever they see you fail; and that you shall take such admonition as the strongest proofs of their friendship。  Such a confession and application will be very engaging to those to whom you make them。  They will tell others of them; who will be pleased with that disposition; and; in a friendly manner; tell you of any little slip or error。  The Duke de Nivernois ' At that time Ambassador from the Court of France to Rome。' would; I am sure; be charmed; if you dropped such a thing to him; adding; that you loved to address yourself always to the best masters。  Observe also the different modes of good…breeding of several nations; and conform yourself to them respectively。  Use an easy civility with the French; more ceremony with the Italians; and still more with the Germans; but let it be without embarrassment and with ease。 Bring it by use to be habitual to you; for; if it seems unwilling and forced; it will never please。  'Omnis Aristippum decuit color; et res'。 Acquire an easiness and versatility of manners; as well as of mind; and; like the chameleon; take the hue of the company you are with。

There is a sort of veteran women of condition; who having lived always in the 'grande monde'; and having possibly had some gallantries; together with the experience of five…and…twenty; or thirty years; form a young fellow better than all the rules that can be given him。  These women; being past their bloom; are extremely flattered by the least attention from a young fellow; and they will point out to him those manners and ATTENTIONS that pleased and engaged them; when they were in the pride of their youth and beauty。  Wherever you go; make some of those women your friends; which a very little matter will do。  Ask their advice; tell them your doubts or difficulties as to your behavior; but take great care not to drop one word of their experience; for experience implies age; and the suspicion of age; no woman; let her be ever so old; ever forgives。  I long for your picture; which Mr。 Harte tells me is now drawing。  I want to see your countenance; your air; and even your dress; the better they all three are; the better I am not wise enough to despise any one of them。  Your dress; at least; is in your own power; and I hope that you mind it to a proper degree。  Yours; Adieu。




LETTER CII

LONDON; January 18; O。 S。  1750

MY DEAR FRIEND: I consider the solid part of your little edifice as so near being finished and completed; that my only remaining care is about the embellishments; and that must now be your principal care too。 Adorn yourself with all those graces and accomplishments; which; without solidity; are frivolous; but without which solidity is; to a great degree; useless。  Take one man; with a very moderate degree of knowledge; but with a pleasing figure; a prepossessing address; graceful in all that he says and does; polite; 'liant'; and; in short; adorned with all the lesser talents: and take another man; with sound sense and profound knowledge; but without the above…mentioned advantages; the former will not only get the better of the latter; in every pursuit of every KIND; but in truth there will be no sort of competition between them。  But can every man acquire these advantages?  I say; Yes; if he please; suppose he is in a situation and in circumstances to frequent good company。 Attention; observation; and imitation; will most infallibly do it。

When you see a man whose first 'abord' strikes you; prepossesses you in his favor; and makes you entertain a good opinion of him; you do not know why; analyze that 'abord'; and examine; within yourself; the several parts that composed it; and you will generally find it to be the result; the happy assemblage of modesty unembarrassed; respect without timidity; a genteel; but unaffected attitude of body and limbs; an open; cheerful; but unsmirking countenance; and a dress; by no means negligent; and yet not foppish。  Copy him; then; not servilely; but as some of the greatest masters of painting have copied others; insomuch that their copies have been equal to the originals; both as to beauty and freedom。  When you see a man who is universally allowed to shine as an agreeable; well…bred man; and a fine gentleman (as; for example; the Duke de Nivernois); attend to him; watch him carefully; observe in what manner he addresses himself to his superiors; how he lives with his equals; and how he treats his inferiors。  Mind his turn of conversation in the several situations of morning visits; the table; and the evening amusements。  Imitate; without mimicking him; and be his duplicate; but not his ape。 You will find that he takes care never to say or do any thing that can be construed into a slight; or a negligence; or that can; 

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