letters to his son, 1750-第3章

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are　never　to　say　or　do　any　thing　that　can　be　construed　into　a　slight；　or　a　negligence；　or　that　can；　in　any　degree；　mortify　people's　vanity　and　self…love；　on　the　contrary；　you　will　perceive　that　he　makes　people　pleased　with　him；　by　making　them　first　pleased　with　themselves：　he　shows　respect；　regard；　esteem　and　attention；　where　they　are　severally　proper：　he　sows　them　with　care；　and　he　reaps　them　in　plenty。

These　amiable　accomplishments　are　all　to　be　acquired　by　use　and　imitation；　for　we　are；　in　truth；　more　than　half　what　we　are　by　imitation。　The　great　point　is；　to　choose　good　models　and　to　study　them　with　care。　People　insensibly　contract；　not　only　the　air；　the　manners；　and　the　vices；　of　those　with　whom　they　commonly　converse；　but　their　virtues　too；　and　even　their　way　of　thinking。　　This　is　so　true；　that　I　have　known　very　plain　understandings　catch　a　certain　degree　of　wit；　by　constantly　conversing　with　those　who　had　a　great　deal。　　Persist；　therefore；　in　keeping　the　best　company；　and　you　will　insensibly　become　like　them；　but　if　you　add　attention　and　observation；　you　will　very　soon　become　one　of　them。　　The　inevitable　contagion　of　company　shows　you　the　necessity　of　keeping　the　best；　and　avoiding　all　other；　for　in　everyone；　something　will　stick。　　You　have　hitherto；　I　confess；　had　very　few　opportunities　of　keeping　polite　company。　　Westminster　school　is；　undoubtedly；　the　seat　of　illiberal　manners　and　brutal　behavior。　　Leipsig；　I　suppose；　is　not　the　seat　of　refined　and　elegant　manners。　　Venice；　I　believe；　has　done　something；　Rome；　I　hope；　will　do　a　great　deal　more；　and　Paris　will；　I　dare　say；　do　all　that　you　want；　always　supposing　that　you　frequent　the　best　companies；　and　in　the　intention　of　improving　and　forming　yourself；　for　without　that　intention　nothing　will　do。

I　here　subjoin　a　list　of　all　those　necessary；　ornamental　accomplishments　（without　which；　no　man　living　can　either　please；　or　rise　in　the　world）　which　hitherto　I　fear　you　want；　and　which　only　require　your　care　and　attention　to　possess。

To　speak　elegantly；　whatever　language　you　speak　in；　without　which　nobody　will　hear　you　with　pleasure；　and　consequently　you　will　speak　to　very　little　purpose。

An　agreeable　and　distinct　elocution；　without　which　nobody　will　hear　you　with　patience：　this　everybody　may　acquire；　who　is　not　born　with　some　imperfection　in　the　organs　of　speech。　　You　are　not；　and　therefore　it　is　wholly　in　your　power。　　You　need　take　much　less　pains　for　it　than　Demosthenes　did。

A　distinguished　politeness　of　manners　and　address；　which　common　sense；　observation；　good　company；　and　imitation；　will　infallibly　give　you　if　you　will　accept　it。

A　genteel　carriage　and　graceful　motions；　with　the　air　of　a　man　of　fashion：　a　good　dancing…master；　with　some　care　on　your　part；　and　some　imitation　of　those　who　excel；　will　soon　bring　this　about。

To　be　extremely　clean　in　your　person；　and　perfectly　well　dressed；；　according　to　the　fashion；　be　that　what　it　will：　Your　negligence　of　your　dress　while　you　were　a　schoolboy　was　pardonable；　but　would　not　be　so　now。

Upon　the　whole；　take　it　for　granted；　that　without　these　accomplishments；　all　you　know；　and　all　you　can　do；　will　avail　you　very　little。　　Adieu。




LETTER　CIII

LONDON；　January　25；　O。　S。　　1750

MY　DEAR　FRIEND：　It　is　so　long　since　I　have　heard　from　you；　that　I　suppose　Rome　engrosses　every　moment　of　your　time；　and　if　it　engrosses　it　in　the　manner　I　could　wish；　I　willingly　give　up　my　share　of　it。　　I　would　rather　'prodesse　quam　conspici'。　　Put　out　your　time；　but　to　good　interest；　and　I　do　not　desire　to　borrow　much　of　it。　　Your　studies；　the　respectable　remains　of　antiquity；　and　your　evening　amusements　cannot；　and　indeed　ought　not；　to　leave　you　much　time　to　write。　　You　will；　probably；　never　see　Rome　again；　and　therefore　you　ought　to　see　it　well　now；　by　seeing　it　well；　I　do　not　mean　only　the　buildings；　statues；　and　paintings；　though　they　undoubtedly　deserve　your　attention：　but　I　mean　seeing　into　the　constitution　and　government　of　it。　　But　these　things　certainly　occur　to　your　own　common　sense。

How　go；　your　pleasures　at　Rome？　　Are　you　in　fashion　there？　that　is；　do　you　live　with　the　people　who　are？　the　only　way　of　being　so　yourself；　in　time。　　Are　you　domestic　enough　in　any　considerable　house　to　be　called　'le　petit　Stanhope'？　　Has　any　woman　of　fashion　and　good…breeding　taken　the　trouble　of　abusing　and　laughing　at　you　amicably　to　your　face？　　Have　you　found　a　good　'decrotteuse'。　　　For　those　are　the　steps　by　which　you　must　rise　to　politeness。　　I　do　not　presume　to　ask　if　you　have　any　attachment；　because　I　believe　you　will　not　make　me　your　confident；　but　this　I　will　say；　eventually；　that　if　you　have　one；　'il　faut　bien　payer　d'attentions　et　de　petits　soin'；　if　you　would　have　your　sacrifice　propitiously　received。　　Women　are　not　so　much　taken　by　beauty　as　men　are；　but　prefer　those　men　who　show　them　the　most　attention。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Would　you　engage　the　lovely　fair？　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　With　gentlest　manners　treat　her；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　With　tender　looks　and　graceful　air；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　In　softest　accents　greet　her。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Verse　were　but　vain；　the　Muses　fail；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Without　the　Graces'　aid；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The　God　of　Verse　could　not　prevail　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　To　stop　the　flying　maid。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Attention　by　attentions　gain；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　And　merit　care　by　cares；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　So　shall　the　nymph　reward　your　pain；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　And　Venus　crown　your　prayers。　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Probatum　est。


A　man's　address　and　manner　weigh　much　more　with　them　than　his　beauty；　and；　without　them；　the　Abbati　and　Monsignori　will　get　the　better　of　you。　This　address　and　manner　should　be　exceedingly　respectful；　but　at　the　same　time　easy　and　unembarrassed。　　Your　chit…chat　or　'entregent'　with　them　neither　can；　nor　ought　to　be　very　solid；　but　you　should　take　care　to　turn　and　dress　up　your　trifles　prettily；　and　make　them　every　now　and　then　convey　indirectly　some　little　piece　of　flattery。　　A　fan；　a　riband；　or　a　head…dress；　are　great　materials　for　gallant　dissertations；　to　one　who　has　got　'le　ton　leger　et　aimable　de　la　bonne　compagnie'。　　At　all　events；　a　man　had　better　talk　too　much　to　women；　than　too　little；　they　take　silence　for　dullness；　unless　where　they　think　that　the　passion　they　have　inspired　occasions　it；　and　in　that　case　they　adopt　the　notion；　that

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Silence　in　love　betrays　more　woe　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Than　words；　though　ne'er　so　witty；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The　beggar　that　is　dumb；　we　know；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Deserves　a　double　pity。

'A　propos'　of　this　subject：　what　progress　do　you　make　in　that　language；　in　which　Charles　the　Fifth　said　that　he　would　choose　to　speak　to　his　mistress？　　Have　you　got　all　the　tender　diminutives；　in　'etta；　ina'；　and　'ettina'；　which；　I　presume；　he　alluded　to？　　You　already　possess；　and；　I　hope；　take　care　not　to　forget；　that　language　which　he　reserved　for　his　horse。　　You　are　absolutely　master；　too；　of　that　language　in　which　he　said　he　would　converse　with　men；　French。　　But；　in　every　language；　pray　attend　carefully　to　the　choice　of　your　words；　and　to　the　turn　of　your　expression。　　Indeed；　it　is　a　point　of　very　great　consequence。　　To　be　heard　with　success；　you　must　be　heard　with　pleasure：　words　are　the　dress　of　thoughts；　which　should　no　more　be　presented　in　rags；　tatters；　and　dirt；　than　your　person　should。　　By　the　way；　do　you　mind　your　person　and　your　dress　sufficiently？　　Do　you　take　great　care　of　your　teeth？　　Pray　have　them　put　in　order　by　the　best　operator　at　Rome。　　Are　you　be…laced；　bepowdered；　and　be…feathered；　as　other　young　fellows　are；　and　should　be？　At　your　age；　'il　faut　du　brillant；　et　meme　un　peu　de　fracas；　mais　point　de　mediocre；　il　faut　un　air　vif；　aise　et　noble。　　Avec　les　hommes；　un　maintien　respectueux　et　en　meme　tems　respectable；　avec　les　femmes；　un　caquet　leger；　enjoue；　et　badin；　mais　toujours　fort　poli'。

To　give　you　an　opportunity　of　exerting　your　talents；　I　send　you；　here　inclosed；　a　letter　of　recommendation　from　Monsieur　Villettes　to　Madame　de　Simonetti　at　Milan；　a　woman　of　the　first　fashion　and　consideration　there；　and　I　shall　in　my　next　send　you　another　from　the　same　person　to　Madame　Clerici；　at　the　same　place。　　As　these　two　ladies'　houses　are　the　resort　of　all　the　people　of　fashion　at　Milan；　those　two　recommendations　will　introduce　you　to　them　all。　　Let　me　know；　in　due　time；　if　you　have　received　these　two　letters；　that　I　may　have　them　renewed；　in　case　of　accidents。

Adieu；　my　dear　friend！　Study　hard；　divert　yourself　heartily；　distinguish　carefully　between　the　pleasures　of　a　man　of　fashion；　and　the　vices　of　a　scoundrel；　pursue　the　former；　and　abhor　the　latter；　like　a　man　of　sense。




LETTER　CIV

LONDON；　February　5；　O。　S。　1750

MY　DEAR　FRIEND：　Very　few　people　are　good　economists　of　their　fortune；　and　still　fewer　of　their　time；　and　yet　of　the　two；　the　latter　is　the　most　precious。　　I　heartily　wish　you　to　be　a　good　economist　of　both：　and　you　are　now　of　an　age　to　begin　to　think　seriously　of　those　two　important　articles。　　Young　people　are　apt　to　think　that　they　have　so　much　time　before　them；　that　they　may　squander　what　they　please　of　it；　and　yet　have　enough　left；　as　very　great　fortunes　have　frequently　seduced　people　to　a　ruinous　profusion。　　Fatal　mistakes；　always　repented　of；　but　always　too　late！　　Old　Mr。　Lowndes；　the　famous　Secretary　of　the　Treasury　in　the　reigns　of　King　William；　Queen　Anne；　and　King　George　the　First；　used　to　say；TAKE　CARE　OF　THE　PENCE；　AND　THE　POUNDS　WILL　TAKE　CARE　OF　THEMSELVES。　To　this　maxim；　which　he　not　only　preached　but　practiced；　his　two　grandsons　at　this　time　owe　the　very　considerable　fortunes　that　he　left　them。

This　holds　equally　true　as　to　time；　and　I　most　earnestly　recommend　to　you　the　care　of　those　minutes　and　quarters　of　hours；　in　the　course　of　the　day；　which　people　think　too　short　to　deserve　their　attention；　and　yet；　if　summed　up　at　the　end　of　the　year；　would　amount　to　a　very　considerable　portion　of　time。　　For　example：　you　are　to　be　at　such　a　place　at　twelve；　by　appointment；　you　go　out　at　eleven；　to　make　two　or　three　visits　first；　those　persons　are　not　at　home；　instead　of　sauntering　away　that　intermediate　time　at　a　coffeehouse；　and　possibly　alone；　return　home；　write　a　letter；　beforehand；　for　the　ensuing　post；　or　take　up　a　good　book；　I　do　not　mean　Descartes；　Malebranche；　Locke；　or　Newton；　by　way　of　dipping；　but　some　book　of　rational　amusement　and　detached　pieces；　as　Horace；　Boileau；　Waller；　La　Bruyere；　etc。　　This　will　be　so　much　time　saved；　and　by　no　means　ill　employed。　　Many　people　lose　a　great　deal　of　time　by　reading：　for　they　read　frivolous　and　idle　books；　such　as　the　absurd　romances　of　the　two　last　centuries；　where　characters；　that　never　existed；　are　insipidly　displayed；　and　sentiments　that　were　never　felt；　pompously　described：　the　Oriental　ravings　and　extravagances　of　the　〃Arabian　Nights；〃　and　Mogul　tales；　or；　the　new　flimsy　brochures　that　now　swarm　in　France；　of　fairy　tales；　'Reflections　sur　le　coeur　et　l'esprit；　metaphysique　de　l'amour；　analyse　des　beaux　sentimens'；　and　such　sort　of　idle　frivolous　stuff；　that　nourishes　and　improves　the　mind　just　as　much　as　whipped　cream　would　the　body。　　Stick　to　the　best　established　books　in　every　language；　the　celebrated　poets；　historians；　orators；　or　philosophers。　　By　these　means　（