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served¡¡table¡£¡¡¡¡A¡¡36¡­25¡­42¡¡young¡¡lady¡¡was¡¡saying¡¡to

an¡¡eminent¡¡sculptor£º¡¡¡¨Fudge¡¡for¡¡your¡¡Prax¡¡Italys£¡

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a¡¡cloak¡¡model¡£¡¡¡¡Back¡¡to¡¡the¡¡quarries¡¡with¡¡your

Greeks¡¡and¡¡Dagos£¡¡¨



Thus¡¡went¡¡Bohemia¡£



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godly¡¡and¡¡looked¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡wine¡¡both¡¡when¡¡it¡¡was¡¡red

and¡¡effervescent¡£



At¡¡midnight¡¡she¡¡wrote¡¡this¡¡letter£º



¡¨Mr¡£¡¡BERLAH¡¡HOSKINS£»¡¡Harmony£»¡¡Vermont¡£



¡¨Dear¡¡Sir£º¡¡Henceforth£»¡¡consider¡¡me¡¡as¡¡dead¡¡to

you¡¡forever¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡have¡¡loved¡¡you¡¡too¡¡well¡¡to¡¡blight¡¡your

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life¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡have¡¡succumbed¡¡to¡¡the¡¡insidious¡¡wiles¡¡of¡¡this

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iniquity¡¡that¡¡I¡¡have¡¡not¡¡sounded¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡is¡¡hopeless¡¡to

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me¡£¡¡I¡¡am¡¡lost¡¡forever¡¡in¡¡the¡¡fair¡¡but¡¡brutal¡¡maze¡¡of

awful¡¡Bohemia¡£¡¡¡¡Farewell¡£



¡¨ONCE¡¡YOUR¡¡MEDORA¡£¡¨





On¡¡the¡¡next¡¡day¡¡Medora¡¡formed¡¡her¡¡resolutions¡£

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Mary£»¡¡Zaza¡¡¡¡such¡¡a¡¡name¡¡as¡¡one¡¡of¡¡these¡¡would¡¡that

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orders¡¡for¡¡expensive¡¡oil¡¡paintings¡¡coming¡¡in¡¡by¡¡each

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shattered¡¡that¡¡dream¡£



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you¡¡just¡¡ought¡¡to¡¡see¡¡'em£¡



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¡¨Oh£»¡¡Beriah£¡¡¨



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¡¨I¡¡wonder¡¡why¡¡you¡¡came¡¡when¡¡you¡¡got¡¡my¡¡let¡­

ter¡£¡¨



¡¨Oh£»¡¡shucks£¡¡¡¡¨¡¡said¡¡Beriah¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Did¡¡you¡¡think¡¡you

could¡¡fool¡¡me£¿¡¡¡¡How¡¡could¡¡you¡¡be¡¡run¡¡away¡¡to¡¡that

Bohemia¡¡country¡¡like¡¡you¡¡said¡¡when¡¡your¡¡letter¡¡was

postmarked¡¡New¡¡York¡¡as¡¡plain¡¡as¡¡day£¿¡¨











A¡¡PHILISTINE¡¡IN¡¡BOHEMIA





George¡¡Washington£»¡¡with¡¡his¡¡right¡¡arm¡¡up¡­

raised£»¡¡sits¡¡his¡¡iron¡¡horse¡¡at¡¡the¡¡lower¡¡corner¡¡of

Union¡¡Square£»¡¡forever¡¡signaling¡¡the¡¡Broadway¡¡cars

to¡¡stop¡¡as¡¡they¡¡round¡¡the¡¡curve¡¡into¡¡Fourteenth

Street¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡the¡¡cars¡¡buzz¡¡on£»¡¡heedless£»¡¡as¡¡they¡¡do¡¡at

the¡¡beck¡¡of¡¡a¡¡private¡¡citizen£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡great¡¡General

must¡¡feel£»¡¡unless¡¡his¡¡nerves¡¡are¡¡iron£»¡¡that¡¡rapid¡¡tran¡­

sit¡¡gloria¡¡mundi¡£



Should¡¡the¡¡General¡¡raise¡¡his¡¡left¡¡hand¡¡as¡¡he¡¡has

raised¡¡his¡¡right¡¡it¡¡would¡¡point¡¡to¡¡a¡¡quarter¡¡of¡¡the

city¡¡that¡¡forms¡¡a¡¡haven¡¡for¡¡the¡¡oppressed¡¡and¡¡sup¡­

pressed¡¡of¡¡foreign¡¡lands¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡the¡¡cause¡¡of¡¡national

or¡¡personal¡¡freedom¡¡they¡¡have¡¡found¡¡a¡¡refuge¡¡here£»

and¡¡the¡¡patriot¡¡who¡¡made¡¡it¡¡for¡¡them¡¡sits¡¡his¡¡steed£»

overlooking¡¡their¡¡district£»¡¡while¡¡he¡¡listens¡¡through¡¡his

left¡¡car¡¡to¡¡vaudeville¡¡that¡¡caricatures¡¡the¡¡posterity

of¡¡his¡¡proteges¡£¡¡¡¡Italy£»¡¡Poland£»¡¡the¡¡former¡¡Spanish

possessions¡¡and¡¡the¡¡polyglot¡¡tribes¡¡of¡¡Austria¡­Hun¡­

gary¡¡have¡¡spilled¡¡here¡¡a¡¡thick¡¡lather¡¡of¡¡their¡¡effer¡­

vescent¡¡sons¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡the¡¡eccentric¡¡cafes¡¡and¡¡lodging¡­

houses¡¡of¡¡the¡¡vicinity¡¡they¡¡hover¡¡over¡¡their¡¡native

wines¡¡and¡¡political¡¡secrets¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡colony¡¡changes


with¡¡much¡¡frequency¡£¡¡¡¡Faces¡¡disappear¡¡from¡¡the

haunts¡¡to¡¡be¡¡replaced¡¡by¡¡others¡£¡¡¡¡Whither¡¡do¡¡these

uneasy¡¡birds¡¡flit£¿¡¡¡¡For¡¡half¡¡of¡¡the¡¡answer¡¡observe

carefully¡¡the¡¡suave¡¡foreign¡¡air¡¡and¡¡foreign¡¡courtesy

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tongues¡¡£¨and¡¡who¡¡will¡¡dispute¡¡it£¿£©¡¡they¡¡could¡¡tell

their¡¡share¡£



Titles¡¡are¡¡as¡¡plentiful¡¡as¡¡finger¡¡rings¡¡among¡¡these

transitory¡¡exiles¡£¡¡¡¡For¡¡lack¡¡of¡¡proper¡¡exploitation¡¡a

stock¡¡of¡¡titled¡¡goods¡¡large¡¡enough¡¡to¡¡supply¡¡the¡¡trade

of¡¡upper¡¡Fifth¡¡Avenue¡¡is¡¡here¡¡condemned¡¡to¡¡a¡¡mere

pushcart¡¡traffic¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡new¡­world¡¡landlords¡¡who¡¡en¡­

tertain¡¡these¡¡offshoots¡¡of¡¡nobility¡¡are¡¡not¡¡dazzled

by¡¡coronets¡¡and¡¡crests¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡have¡¡doughnuts¡¡to

sell¡¡instead¡¡of¡¡daughters¡£¡¡¡¡With¡¡them¡¡it¡¡is¡¡a¡¡serious

matter¡¡of¡¡trading¡¡in¡¡flour¡¡and¡¡sugar¡¡instead¡¡of¡¡pearl

powder¡¡and¡¡bonbons¡£



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duction¡¡to¡¡the¡¡tale£»¡¡which¡¡is¡¡of¡¡plebeians¡¡and¡¡contains

no¡¡one¡¡with¡¡even¡¡the¡¡ghost¡¡of¡¡a¡¡title¡£



Katy¡¡Dempsey's¡¡mother¡¡kept¡¡a¡¡furnished¡­room

house¡¡in¡¡this¡¡oasis¡¡of¡¡the¡¡aliens¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡business¡¡was

not¡¡profitable¡£¡¡¡¡If¡¡the¡¡two¡¡scraped¡¡together¡¡enough

to¡¡meet¡¡the¡¡landlord's¡¡agent¡¡on¡¡rent¡¡day¡¡and¡¡nego¡­

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and¡¡potatoes¡£¡¡¡¡Sometimes¡¡it¡¡became¡¡as¡¡bad¡¡as¡¡con¡­

somme'¡¡with¡¡music¡£



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a¡¡tiger¡¡lily¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡was¡¡the¡¡good¡¡fairy¡¡who¡¡was¡¡guilty

of¡¡placing¡¡the¡¡damp¡¡clean¡¡towels¡¡and¡¡cracked¡¡pitchers

of¡¡freshly¡¡laundered¡¡Croton¡¡in¡¡the¡¡lodgers'¡¡rooms¡£



You¡¡are¡¡informed¡¡£¨by¡¡virtue¡¡of¡¡the¡¡privileges¡¡of

astronomical¡¡discovery£©¡¡that¡¡the¡¡star¡¡lodger's¡¡name

was¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Brunelli¡£¡¡¡¡His¡¡wearing¡¡a¡¡yellow¡¡tie¡¡and¡¡pay¡­

ing¡¡his¡¡rent¡¡promptly¡¡distinguished¡¡him¡¡from¡¡the

other¡¡lodgers¡£¡¡¡¡His¡¡raiment¡¡was¡¡splendid£»¡¡his¡¡com¡­

plexion¡¡olive£»¡¡his£»¡¡mustache¡¡fierce£»¡¡his¡¡manners¡¡a

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of¡¡a¡¡traveling¡¡dentist¡£



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in¡¡a¡¡red¡¡dressing¡¡gown¡¡with¡¡green¡¡tassels¡£¡¡He¡¡left

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terious¡¡about¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Dempsey's¡¡lodgers¡¡except¡¡the

things¡¡that¡¡were¡¡not¡¡mysterious¡£¡¡¡¡One¡¡of¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Kip¡­

ling's¡¡poems¡¡is¡¡addressed¡¡to¡¡¡¨Ye¡¡who¡¡hold¡¡the¡¡un¡­

written¡¡clue¡¡to¡¡all¡¡save¡¡all¡¡unwritten¡¡thing¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡The

same¡¡¡¨readers¡¨¡¡are¡¡invited¡¡to¡¡tackle¡¡the¡¡foregoing

assertion¡£



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¡¨Sure£»¡¡I¡¡like¡¡him£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Katy¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨He's¡¡more¡¡po¡­

liteness¡¡than¡¡twinty¡¡candidates¡¡for¡¡Alderman£»¡¡and¡¡lie

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marnin'll¡¡coom¡¡whin¡¡he'll¡¡throt¡¡out¡¡the¡¡picture¡¡av¡¡his

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his¡¡spache¡¡for¡¡a¡¡rale¡¡gentleman¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡ye¡¡may¡¡be¡¡mis¡­

judgin'¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡Ye¡¡should¡¡niver¡¡suspect¡¡any¡¡wan¡¡of

bein'¡¡of¡¡noble¡¡descint¡¡that¡¡pays¡¡cash¡¡and¡¡pathronizes

the¡¡laundry¡¡rig'lar¡£¡¨



¡¨He's¡¡the¡¡same¡¡tbricks¡¡of¡¡spakin'¡¡and¡¡blarneyin'

wid¡¡his¡¡hands£»¡¨¡¡sighed¡¡Katy£»¡¡¡¨as¡¡the¡¡Frinch¡¡noble¡­

man¡¡at¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Toole's¡¡that¡¡ran¡¡away¡¡wid¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Toole's

Sunday¡¡pants¡¡and¡¡left¡¡the¡¡photograph¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Bastile£»

his¡¡grandfather's¡¡chat¡­taw£»¡¡as¡¡security¡¡for¡¡tin¡¡weeks'

rint¡£¡¨



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continued¡¡to¡¡hesitate¡£¡¡¡¡One¡¡day¡¡he¡¡asked¡¡her¡¡out¡¡to

dine¡¡and¡¡she¡¡felt¡¡that¡¡a¡¡denouement¡¡was¡¡in¡¡the¡¡air¡£

While¡¡they¡¡are¡¡on¡¡their¡¡way£»¡¡with¡¡Katy¡¡in¡¡her¡¡best

muslin£»¡¡you¡¡must¡¡take¡¡as¡¡an¡¡entr'acte¡¡a¡¡brief¡¡peep¡¡at

New¡¡York's¡¡Bohemia¡£



'Tonio's¡¡restaurant¡¡is¡¡in¡¡Bohemia¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡very¡¡lo¡­

cation¡¡of¡¡it¡¡is¡¡secret¡£¡¡¡¡If¡¡you¡¡wish¡¡to¡¡know¡¡where¡¡it¡¡is

ask¡¡the¡¡first¡¡person¡¡you¡¡meet¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡will¡¡tell¡¡you¡¡in¡¡a

whisper¡£¡¡¡¡'Tonio¡¡discountenances¡¡custom£»¡¡he¡¡keeps

his¡¡house¡­front¡¡black¡¡and¡¡forbidding£»¡¡he¡¡gives¡¡you¡¡a

pretty¡¡bad¡¡dinner£»¡¡he¡¡locks¡¡his¡¡door¡¡at¡¡the¡¡dining

hour£»¡¡but¡¡he¡¡knows¡¡spaghetti¡¡as¡¡the¡¡

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