hemingway, ernest - men without women-第21章
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treets I could remember in Chicago； and when I could not remember anything at all any more I would just listen。 And I do not remember a night on which you could not hear things。 If I could have a light I was not afraid to sleep； because I knew my soul would only go out of me if it were dark。 So； of course； many nights I was where I could have a light and then I slept because I was nearly always tired and often very sleepy。 And I am sure many times too that I slept without knowing itbut I never slept knowing it； and on this night I listened to the silk…worms。 You can hear silk…worms eating very clearly in the night and I lay with my eyes open and listened to them。
There was only one other person in the room and he was awake too。 I listened to him being awake； for a long time。 He could not lie as quietly as I could because； perhaps； he had not had so much practice being awake。 We were lying on blankets spread over straw and when he moved the straw was noisy； but the silk…worms were not frightened by any noise we made and ate on steadily。 There were the noises of night seven kilometers behind the lines outside but they were different from the small noises inside the room in the dark。 The other man in the room tried lying quietly。 Then he moved again。 I moved too； so he would know I was awake。 He had lived ten years in Chicago。 They had taken him for a soldier in nineteen fourteen when he had come back to visit his family； and they had given him to me for an orderly because he spoke English。 I heard him listening； so I moved again in the blankets。
¨Canˇt you sleep； Signor Tenente？〃 he asked。
¨No。〃
¨I canˇt sleep； either。〃
¨Whatˇs the matter？〃
¨I donˇt know。 I canˇt sleep。〃
¨You feel all right？〃
¨Sure。 I feel good。 I just canˇt sleep。〃
¨You want to talk a while？〃 I asked。
¨Sure。 What can you talk about in this damn place。〃
¨This place is pretty good；〃 I said。
¨Sure；〃 he said。 ¨Itˇs all right。〃
¨Tell me about out in Chicago；〃 I said。
¨Oh；〃 he said； ¨I told you all that once。〃
¨Tell me about how you got married。〃
¨I told you that。〃
¨Was the letter you got Mondayfrom her？〃
¨Sure。 She writes me all the time。 Sheˇs making good money with the place。〃
¨Youˇll have a nice place when you go back。〃
¨Sure。 She runs it fine。 Sheˇs making a lot of money。〃
¨Donˇt you think weˇll wake them up； talking？〃 I asked。
¨No。 They canˇt hear。 Anyway； they sleep like pigs。 Iˇm different；〃 he said。 ¨Iˇm nervous。〃
¨Talk quiet；〃 I said。 ¨Want a smoke？〃
We smoked skillfully in the dark。
¨You donˇt smoke much； Signor Tenente。〃
¨No。 Iˇve just about cut it out。〃
¨Well；〃 he said； ¨it donˇt do you any good and I suppose you get so you donˇt miss it。 Did you ever hear a blind man wonˇt smoke because he canˇt see the smoke come out？〃
¨I donˇt believe it。〃
¨I think itˇs all bull； myself；〃 he said。 ¨I just heard it somewhere。 You know how you hear things。〃
We were both quiet and I listened to the silk…worms。
¨You hear those damn silk…worms？〃 he asked。 ¨You can hear them chew。〃
¨Itˇs funny；〃 I said。
¨Say； Signor Tenente； is there something really the matter that you canˇt sleep？ I never see you sleep。 You havenˇt slept nights ever since I been with you。〃
¨I donˇt know； John；〃 I said。 ¨I got in pretty bad shape along early last spring and at night it bothers me。〃
¨Just like I am；〃 he said。 ¨I shouldnˇt have ever got in this war。 Iˇm too nervous。〃
¨Maybe it will get better。〃
¨Say； Signor Tenente； what did you get in this war for anyway？〃
¨I donˇt know； John。 I wanted to； then。〃
¨Wanted to；〃 he said。 ¨Thatˇs a hell of a reason。〃
¨We oughtnˇt to talk so loud；〃 I said。
¨They sleep like pigs；〃 he said。 ¨They canˇt understand the English language； anyway。 They donˇt know a damn thing。 What are you going to do when itˇs over and we go back to the States？〃
¨Iˇll get a job on a paper。〃
¨In Chicago？〃
¨Maybe。〃
¨Do you ever read what this fellow Brisbane writes？ My wife cuts it out for me and sends it to me。〃
¨Sure。〃
¨Did you ever meet him？〃
¨No； but Iˇve seen him。〃
¨Iˇd like to meet that fellow。 Heˇs a fine writer。 My wife donˇt read English but she takes the paper just like when I was home and she cuts out the editorials and the sport page and sends them to me。〃
¨How are your kids？〃
¨Theyˇre fine。 One of the girls is in the fourth grade now。 You know； Signor Tenente； if I didnˇt have the kids I wouldnˇt be your orderly now。 Theyˇd have made me stay in the line all the time。〃
¨Iˇm glad youˇve got them。〃
¨So am I。 Theyˇre fine kids but I want a boy。 Three girls and no boy。 Thatˇs a hell of a note。〃
¨Why donˇt you try and go to sleep。〃
¨No； I canˇt sleep now； Iˇm wide awake now； Signor Tenente。 Say； Iˇm worried about you not sleeping； though。〃
¨Itˇll be all right； John。〃
¨Imagine a young fellow like you not to sleep。〃
¨Iˇll get all right。 It just takes a while。〃
¨You got to get all right。 A man canˇt get along that donˇt sleep。 Do you worry about anything？ You got anything on your mind？〃
¨No； John； I donˇt think so。〃
¨You ought to get married； Signor Tenente。 Then you wouldnˇt worry。〃
¨I donˇt know。〃
¨You ought to get married。 Why donˇt you pick out some nice Italian girl with plenty of money？ You could get any one you want。 Youˇre young and you got good decorations and you look nice。 You been wounded a couple of times。〃
¨I canˇt talk the language well enough。〃
¨You talk it fine。 To hell with talking the language。 You donˇt have to talk to them。 Marry them。〃
¨Iˇll think about it。〃
¨You know some girls； donˇt you？〃
¨Sure。〃
¨Well； you marry the one with the most money。 Over here； the way theyˇre brought up； theyˇll all make you a good wife。〃
¨Iˇll think about it。〃
¨Donˇt think about it； Signor Tenente。 Do it。〃
¨All right。〃
¨A man ought to be married。 Youˇll never regret it。 Every man ought to be married。〃
¨All right；〃 I said。 ¨Letˇs try and sleep a while。〃
¨All right Signor Tenente。 Iˇll try it again。 But you remember what I said。〃
¨Iˇll remember it；〃 I said。 ¨Now letˇs sleep a while； John。〃
¨All right；〃 he said。 ¨I hope you sleep； Signor Tenente。〃
I heard him roll in his blankets on the straw and then he was very quiet and I listened to him breathing regularly。 Then he started to snore。 I listened to him snore for a long time and then I stopped listening to him snore and listened to the silk…worms eating。 They ate steadily； making a dropping in the leaves。 I had a new thing to think about and I lay in the dark with my eyes open and thought of all the girls I had ever known and what kind of wives they would make。 It was a very interesting thing to think about and for a while it killed off trout…fishing and interfered with my prayers。 Finally； though； I went back to trout…fishing； because I found that I could remember all the streams and there was always something new about them； while the girls； after I had thought about them a few times； blurred and I could not call them into my mind and finally they all blurred and all became rather the same and I gave up thinking about them almost altogether。 But I kept on with my prayers and I prayed very often for John in the nights and his class was removed from active service before the October offensive。 I was glad he was not there； because he would have been a great worry to me。 He came to the hospital in Milan to see me several months after and he was very disappointed that I had not yet married； and I know he would feel very badly if he knew that； so far； I have never married。 He was going back to America and he was very certain about marriage and knew it would fix up everything。
THE END。
Ernest Hemingway ？ MEN WITHOUT WOMEN
5
