hemingway, ernest - men without women-第7章
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edals。 I had been wounded； it was true； but we all knew that being wounded； after all； was really an accident。 I was never ashamed of the ribbons； though； and sometimes； after the cocktail hour； I would imagine myself having done all the things they had done to get their medals； but walking home at night through the empty streets with the cold wind and all the shops closed； trying to keep near the street lights； I knew that I would never have done such things； and I was very much afraid to die； and often lay in bed at night by myself； afraid to die and wondering how I would be when I went back to the front again。
The three with the medals were like hunting…hawks； and I was not a hawk； although I might seem a hawk to those who had never hunted； they； the three； knew better and so we drifted apart。 But I stayed good friends with the boy who had been wounded his first day at the front； because he would never know how he would have turned out； so he could never be accepted either； and I liked him because I thought perhaps he would not have turned out to be a hawk either。
The major； who had been the great fencer； did not believe in bravery； and spent much time while we sat in the machines correcting my grammar。 He had complimented me on how I spoke Italian； and we talked together very easily。 One day I had said that Italian seemed such an easy language to me that I could not take a great interest in it； everything was so easy to say。 ¨Ah； yes；〃 the major said。 ¨Why； then； do you not take up the use of grammar？ So we took up the use of grammar； and soon Italian was such a difficult language that I was afraid to talk to him until I had the grammar straight in my mind。
The major came very regularly to the hospital。 I do not think he ever missed a day； although I am sure he did not believe in the machines。 There was a time when none of us believed in the machines； and one day the major said it was all nonsense。 The machines were new then and it was we who were to prove them。 It was an idiotic idea； he said； ¨a theory； like another〃。 I had not learned my grammar； and he said I was a stupid impossible disgrace； and he was a fool to have bothered with me。 He was a small man and he sat straight up in his chair with his right hand thrust into the machine and looked straight ahead at the wall while the straps thumped up and down with his fingers in them。
¨What will you do when the war is over if it is over？〃 he asked me。 ¨Speak grammatically！〃
¨I will go to the States。〃
¨Are you married？〃
¨No； but I hope to be。〃
¨The more of a fool you are；〃 he said。 He seemed very angry。 ¨A man must not marry。〃
¨Why； Signor Maggiore？〃
¨Donˇt call me ˉSignor Maggioreˇ。〃
¨Why must not a man marry？〃
¨He cannot marry。 He cannot marry；〃 he said angrily。 ¨If he is to lose everything； he should not place himself in a position to lose that。 He should not place himself in a position to lose。 He should find things he cannot lose。〃
He spoke very angrily and bitterly； and looked straight ahead while he talked。
¨But why should he necessarily lose it？〃
¨Heˇll lose it；〃 the major said。 He was looking at the wall。 Then he looked down at the machine and jerked his little hand out from between the straps and slapped it hard against his thigh。 ¨Heˇll lose it；〃 he almost shouted。 ¨Donˇt argue with me！〃 Then he called to the attendant who ran the machines。 ¨Come and turn this damned thing off。〃
He went back into the other room for the light treatment and the massage。 Then I heard him ask the doctor if he might use his telephone and he shut the door。 When he came back into the room； I was sitting in another machine。 He was wearing his cape and had his cap on； and he came directly toward my machine and put his arm on my shoulder。
¨I am so sorry；〃 he said； and patted me； on the shoulder with his good hand。 ¨I would not be rude。 My wife has just died。 You must forgive me。〃
¨Oh〃 I said； feeling sick for him。 ¨I am so sorry。〃
He stood there biting his lower lip。 ¨It is very difficult；〃 he said。 ¨I cannot resign myself。〃
He looked straight past me and out through the window。 Then he began to cry。 ¨I am utterly unable to resign myself；〃 he said and choked。 And then crying； his head up； looking at nothing； carrying himself straight and soldierly； with tears on both his cheeks and biting his lips； he walked past the machines and out of the door。
The doctor told me that the majorˇs wife； who was very young and whom he had not married until he was definitely invalided out of the war； had died of pneumonia。 She had been sick only a few days。 No one expected her to die。 The major did not come to the hospital for three days。 Then he came at the usual hour； wearing a black band on the sleeve of his uniform。 When he came back； there were large framed photographs around the wall； of all sorts of wounds before and after they had been cured by the machines。 In front of the machine the major used were three photographs of hands like his that were completely restored。 I do not know where the doctor got them。 I always understood we were the first to use the machines。 The photographs did not make much difference to the major because he only looked out of the window。
HILLS LIKE WHITE ELEPHANTS
THE hills across the valley of the Ebro were long and white。 On this side there was no shade and no trees and the station was between two lines of rails in the sun。 Close against the side of the station there was the warm shadow of the building and a curtain； made of strings of bamboo beads； hung across the open door into the bar； to keep out flies。 The American and the girl with him sat at a table in the shade； outside the building。 It was very hot and the express from Barcelona would come in forty minutes。 It stopped at this junction for two minutes and went on to Madrid。
¨What should we drink？〃 the girl asked。 She had taken off her hat and put it on the table。
¨Itˇs pretty hot；〃 the man said。
¨Letˇs drink beer。〃
¨Dos cervezas；〃 the man said into the curtain。
¨Big ones？〃 a woman asked from the doorway。
¨Yes。 Two big ones。〃
The woman brought two glasses of beer and two felt pads。 She put the felt pads and the beer glasses on the table and looked at the man and the girl。 The girl was looking off at the line of hills。 They were white in the sun and the country was brown and dry。
¨They look like white elephants；〃 she said。
¨Iˇve never seen one。〃 The man drank his beer。
¨No； you wouldnˇt have。〃
¨I might have；〃 the man said。 ¨Just because you say I wouldnˇt have doesnˇt prove anything。〃
The girl looked at the bead curtain。 ¨Theyˇve painted something on it；〃 she said。 ¨What does it say？〃
¨Anis del Toro。 Itˇs a drink。〃
¨Could we try it？〃
The man called ¨Listen〃 through the curtain。
The woman came out from the bar。
¨Four reales。〃
¨We want two Anis del Toros。〃
¨With water？〃
¨Do you want it with water？〃
¨I donˇt know；〃 the girl said。 ¨Is it good with water？〃
¨Itˇs all right。〃
¨You want them with water？〃 asked the woman。
¨Yes； with water。〃
¨It tastes like liquorice；〃 the girl said and put the glass down。
¨Thatˇs the way with everything。〃
¨Yes；〃 said the girl。 ¨Everything tastes of liquorice。 Especially all the things youˇve waited so long for； like absinthe。〃
¨Oh； cut it out。〃
¨You started it；〃 the girl said。 ¨I was being amused。 I was having a fine time。〃
¨Well； letˇs try and have a fine time。〃
¨All right。 I was trying。 I said the mountains looked like white elephants。 Wasnˇt that bright？〃
¨That was bright。〃
¨I wanted to try this new drink。 Thatˇs all we do； isnˇt itlook at things and try new drinks？〃
¨I guess so。〃
The girl looked across at the hills。
¨Theyˇre lovely hills；〃 she said。 ¨They donˇt really look like white elephants。 I just meant the coloring of their skin through the trees。〃
¨Should we have another drink？〃
¨All right。〃
The warm wind blew the bead curtain against the table。
¨The beerˇs nice and cool；〃 the man said。
¨Itˇs lovely；〃 the girl said。
¨Itˇs really an awfully simple operation； Jig；〃 the man said。 ¨Itˇs not really an operation at all。〃
The girl looked at the ground the table legs rested on。
¨I know you wouldnˇt mind it； Jig。 Itˇs really not anything。 Itˇs just to let the air in。〃
The girl did not say anything。
¨Iˇll go with you and Iˇll stay with you all the time。 They just let the air in and then itˇs all perfectly natural。〃
¨Then what will we do afterwards？〃
¨Weˇll be fine afterwards。 Just like we were before。〃
¨What makes you think so？〃
¨Thatˇs the only thing that bothers us。 Itˇs the one thing thatˇs made us unhappy。〃
The girl looked at the bead curtain； put her hand out and took hold of two of the strings of beads。
¨And you think then weˇll be all right and be happy。〃
¨I know we will。 You donˇt have to be afraid。 Iˇve known lots of people that have done it。〃
¨So have I；〃 said the girl。 ¨And afterward they were all so happy。〃
¨Well；〃 the man said； ¨if you donˇt want to you donˇt have to。 I wouldnˇt have you do it if you didnˇt want to。 But I know itˇs perfectly simple。〃
¨And you really want to？〃
¨I think itˇs the best thing to do。 But I donˇt want you to do it if you donˇt really want to。〃
¨And if I do it youˇll be happy and things will be like they were and youˇll love me？〃
¨I love you now。 You know I love you。〃
¨I know。 But if I do it； then it will be nice again if I say things are like white elephants； and youˇll like it？〃
¨Iˇll love it。 I love it now but I just canˇt think about it。 You know how I get when I worry。〃
¨If I do it you wonˇt ever worry？〃
¨I wonˇt worry about that because itˇs perfectly simple。〃
¨Then Iˇll do it。 Because I donˇt care about me。〃
¨What do you mean？〃
¨I donˇt care about me。〃
¨Well； I care about you。〃
¨Oh； yes。 But I donˇt care about me。 And Iˇll do it and then everything will be fine。〃
¨I donˇt want you to do it if you feel that way。〃
The girl stood up and walked to the end of the station。 Across； on the other side； were fields of grain and trees along the banks of the Ebro。 Far away； beyond the river； were mountains。 The shadow of a cloud moved across the field of grain and she saw the river through the trees。
¨And we could have all this；〃 she said。 ¨And we could have everything and every day we make it more impossible。〃
¨What did you say？〃
¨I said we could have everything。〃
¨We can have everything。〃
¨No； we canˇt。〃
¨We can have the whole world。〃
¨No； we canˇt。〃
¨We can go everywhere。〃
¨No； we canˇt。 It isnˇt ours any more。〃
¨Itˇs ours。〃
¨No； it isnˇt。 And once they take it away； you never get it back。〃
¨But they havenˇt taken it away。〃
¨Weˇll wait and see。〃
¨Come on back in the shade；〃 he said。 ¨You mustnˇt feel that way。〃
¨I donˇt feel any way；〃 the girl said。 �
