we two-第26章
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〃Did you mind it a little；〃 exclaimed Erica。 But directly she had spoken； she felt that the question was absurd； for she saw a look in Charles Osmond's eyes that made the word 〃little〃 a mockery。
〃What makes that man so loving？〃 she thought to herself。 〃He reminded me almost of father； yet I am no child of his。 I am opposed to all that he teaches。 I have spoken my mind out to him in a way which must sometimes have pained him。 Yet he cares for me so much that it pained him exceedingly to give me pain yesterday。〃
His character puzzled her。 The loving breath； the stern condemnation of whatever was not absolutely true； the disregard of what the world said； the hatred of shams； and most puzzling of all； the often apparent struggle with himself； the unceasing effort to conquer his chief fault。 Yet this noble； honest； intellectual man was laboring under a great delusion； a delusion which somehow gave him an extraordinary power of loving！ Ah； no！ It could not be his Christianity； though； which made him loving； for were not most Christians hard and bitter and narrow…minded？
〃I wish；〃 she said； abruptly； 〃you would tell me what makes you willing to be friends with us。 I know well enough that the 'Church Chronicle' has been punishing you for your defense of my father； and that there must be a thousand disagreeables to encounter in your own set just because you visit us。 Why do you come？〃
〃Because I care for you very much。〃
〃But you care； too； perhaps； for other people who will probably cut you for flying in the face of society and visiting social outcasts。〃
〃I don't think I can explain it to you yet； he replied。 〃You would only tell me； as you told me once before； that I was talking riddles to you。 When you have read your Greek Testament and really studied the life of Christ； I think you will understand。 In the meantime； St。 Paul； I think； answers your question better than I could； but you wouldn't understand even his words； I fancy。 There they are in the Greek〃 he opened a Testament and showed her a passage。 〃I believe you would think the English almost as great gibberish as this looks to you in its unknown characters。〃
〃Do you advise every one to learn Greek？〃
〃No； many have neither time nor ability； and those who are not apt at languages would spend their time more usefully over good translations； I think。 But you have time and brains； so I am very glad to teach you。〃
〃I am afraid I would much rather it were for any other purpose！〃 said Erica。 〃I am somehow weary of the very name of Christianity。 I have heard wrangling over the Bible till I am tired to death of it； and discussions about the Atonement and the Incarnation； and the Resurrection； till the very words are hateful to me。 I am afraid I shock you； but just put yourself in my place and imagine how you would feel。 It is not even as if I had to debate the various questions； I have merely to sit and listen to a never…ending dispute。〃
〃You sadden me； but it is quite natural that you should be weary of such debates。 I want you to realize； though； that in the stormy atmosphere of your father's lecture hall； in the din and strife of controversy； it is impossible that you should gain any true idea of Christ's real character。 Put aside all thought of the dogmas you have been wearied with； and study the life of the Man。〃
Then the lesson began。 It proved a treat to both teacher and pupil。 When Charles Osmond had left； Erica still worked on。
〃I should like； at any rate； to spell out his riddle；〃 she thought to herself； turning back to the passage he had shown her。 And letter by letter； and word by word； she made out 〃For the love of Christ〃
The verb baffled her； however； and she lay on the sofa； chafing at her helplessness till； at length； Tom happened to come in； and brought her the English Testament she needed。 Ah！ There it was！ 〃For the love of Christ constraineth us。〃
Was THAT what had made him come？ Why； that was the alleged reason for half the persecutions they met with！ Did the love of Christ constrain Charles Osmond to be their friend； and at the same time constrain the clergy of X______ not many years before to incite the people to stone her father； and offer him every sort of insult？ Was it possible that the love of Christ constrained Mr。 Osmond to endure contempt and censure on their behalf； and constrained Mr。 Randolph to hire a band of roughs to interrupt her father's speeches？
〃He is a grand exception to the general rule；〃 she said to herself。 〃If there were many Christians like him； I should begin to think there must be something more in Christianity than we thought。 Well； if only to please him I must try to study the New Testament over again； and as thoroughly as I can。 No； not to please him； though； but for the sake of being quite honest。 I would much rather be working at that new book of Tyndall's。〃
CHAPTER XV。 An Interval
How can man love but what he yearns to help？ R。 Browning
During the year of Erica's illness； Brian began to realize his true position toward her better than he had hitherto done。
He saw quite well that any intrusion of his love； even any slight manifestation of it； might do untold harm。 She was not ready for it yet why； he could not have told。
The truth was； that his Undine； although in many respects a high…souled woman； was still in some respects a child。 She would have been merely embarrassed by his love； she did not want it。 She liked him very much as an acquaintance； he was to her Tom's friend； or her doctor； or perhaps Mr。 Osmond's son。 In this way she liked him； was even fond of him； but as a lover he would have been a perplexing embarrassment。
He knew well enough that her frank liking boded ill for his future success； but in spite of that he could not help being glad to obtain any footing with her。 It was something even to be 〃Tom's friend Brian。〃 He delighted in hearing his name from her lips； although knowing that it was no good augury。 He lived on from day to day； thinking very little of the doubtful future as long as he could serve her in the present。 A reserved and silent man； devoted to his profession； and to practical science of every kind； few people guessed that he could have any particular story of his own。 He was not at all the sort of man who would be expected to fall hopelessly in love at first sight； nor would any one have selected him as a good modern specimen of the chivalrous knight of olden times； he was so completely a nineteenth…century man； so progressive； so scientific。 But； though his devotion was of the silent order； it was； perhaps for that reason； all the truer。 There was about him a sort of divine patience。 As long as he could serve Erica； he was content to wait any number of years in the hope of winning her love。 He accepted his position readily。 He knew that she had not the slightest love for him。 He was quite secondary to his father； even； who was one of Erica's heroes。 He liked to make her talk of him； her enthusiastic liking was delightful perhaps all the more so because she was far from agreeing with her prophet。 Brian； with the wonderful self…forgetfulness of true love； liked to hear the praises of all those whom she admired； he liked to realize what were her ideals； even when conscious how far he fell short of them。
For it was unfortunately true that his was not the type of character she was most likely to admire。 As a friend she might like him much； but he could hardly be her hero。 His wonderful patience was quite lost upon her； she hardly counted patience as a virtue at all。 His grand humility merely perplexed her； it was at present far beyond her comprehension。 While his willingness to serve every one； even in the most trifling and petty concerns of daily life； she often attributed to mere good nature。 Grand acts of self…sacrifice she admired enthusiastically； but the more really difficult round of small denials and trifling services she did not in the least appreciate。 Absorbed in the contemplation； as it were； of the Hamlets in life； she had no leisure to spare for the Horatios。
She proved a capital patient； her whole mind was set on getting well； and her steady common sense and obedience to rules made her a great favorite with her elder doctor。 Really healthy； and only invalided by the hard work and trouble she had undergone； seven or eight months' rest did wonders for her。 In the enforced quiet； too； she found plenty of time for study。 Charles Osmond had never had a better pupil。 They learned to know each other very well during those lessons； and many were the perplexing questions which Erica started。 But they were not as before； a mere repetition of the difficulties she had been primed with at her father's lecture hall； nor did she bring them forward with the triumphant conviction that they were unanswerable。 They were real； honest questions； desiring and seeking everywhere for the true answer which might be somewhere。
The result of her study of the life of Christ was at first to make her a much better secularist。 She found to her surprise that there was much in His teaching that entirely harmonized with secularism； that； in fact； He spoke a great deal about the improvement of this world； and scarcely at all about that place in the clouds of which Christians made so much。 By the end of a year she had also reached the conviction that； whatever interpolations there might be in the gospels； no untrue writer； no admiring but dishonest narrator COULD have conceived such a character as that of Christ。 For she had dug down to the very root of the matter。 She had left for the present the； to her； perplexing and almost irritating catalogue of miracles； and had begun to perceive the strength and indomitable courage； the grand self…devotion； the all…embracing love of the man。 Very superficial had been her former view。 He had been to her a shadowy； unreal being； soft and gentle； even a little effeminate； speaking sometimes what seemed to her narrow words about only saving the lost sheep of the house of Israel。 A character somehow wanting in that Power and Intellect which she worshipped。
But on a really deep study she saw how greatly she had been mistaken。 Extraordinarily mistaken； both as to the character and the teaching。 Christ was without doubt a grand ideal！ To be as broad…hearted as he was； as universally loving it would be no bad aim。 And； as in daily life Erica realized how hard was the practice of that love； she realized at the same time the loftiness of the ideal； and the weakness of her own powers。
〃But； though I do begin to see why you take this man as your ideal；〃 she said； one day； to Charles Osmond； 〃I can not； of course； accept a great deal that He is said to have taught。 When He speaks of love to men； that is understandable； one can try to obey； but when he speaks about God； then； of course； I can only think that He was deluded。 You may admire Joan of Arc； and see the great beauty of her character； yet at the same time believe that she was acting under a delusion； you may admire the character of Gotama without considering Buddhism the true religion； and so with Christ； I may reverence and admire His character； while believing Him to have been mistaken。〃
