we two-第30章

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entences　Raeburn　stirred。　　Erica's　pen　was　thrown　down　at　once；　she　was　at　his　side　absorbed　once　more　in　attending　to　his　wants；　forgetful　quite　of　religious　controversy；　of　the〃Idol…Breaker；〃　of　anything　in　fact　in　the　whole　world　but　her　father。　　Not　till　an　hour　had　passed　was　she　free　to　finish　her　writing；　but　by　the　time　her　aunt　came　to　relieve　guard　at　two　o'clock　the　article　was　finished　and　Erica　stole　noiselessly　into　the　next　room　to　put　it　up。

To　her　surprise　she　found　that　Tom　had　not　gone　to　bed。　　He　was　still　toiling　away　at　his　desk　with　a　towel　round　his　head；　she　could　almost　have　smiled　at　the　ludicrous　mixture　of　grief　and　sleepiness　on　his　face；　had　not　her　own　heart　been　so　loaded　with　care　and　sadness。　　The　post　brought　in　what　Tom　described　as　〃bushels〃　of　letters　every　day；　and　he　was　working　away　at　them　now　with　sleepy　heroism。

〃How　tired　you　look；〃　said　Erica。　　〃See！　　I　have　brought　in　this　for　the　'Idol。'〃

〃You've　been　writing　it　now！　　That　is　good　of　you。　　I　was　afraid　we　should　have　to　make　up　with　some　wretched　padding　of　Blank's。〃

He　took　the　sheets　from　her　and　began　to　read。　Laughter　is　often　only　one　remove　from　grief；　and　Tom；　though　he　was　sad…hearted　enough；　could　not　keep　his　countenance　through　Erica's　article。　　First　his　shoulders　began　to　shake；　then　he　burst　into　such　a　paroxysm　of　noiseless　laughter　that　Erica；　fearing　that　he　could　not　restrain　himself；　and　would　be　heard　in　the　sick…room；　pulled　the　towel　from　his　forehead　over　his　mouth；　then；　conquered　herself　by　the　absurdity　of　his　appearance；　she　was　obliged　to　bury　her　own　face　in　her　hands；　laughing　more　and　more　whenever　the　incongruousness　of　the　laughter　occurred　to　her。　　When　they　had　exhausted　themselves　the　profound　depression　which　had　been　the　real　cause　of　the　violent　reaction　returned　with　double　force。　　Tom　sighed　heavily　and　finished　reading　the　article　with　the　gravest　of　faces。　　He　was　astonished　that　Erica　could　have　written　at　such　a　time　an　article　positively　scintillating　with　mirth。

〃How　did　you　manage　anything　so　witty　tonight　of　all　nights？〃　he　asked。

〃Don't　you　remember　Hans　Andersen's　clown　Punchinello；〃　said　Erica。　　〃He　never　laughed　and　joked　so　gayly　as　the　night　when　his　love　died　and　his　own　heart　was　broken。〃

There　was　a　look　in　her　eyes　which　made　Tom　reply；　quickly：　〃Don't　write　any　more　just　now；　the　professor　has　promised　us　something　for　next　week。　　Don't　write　any　more　till　till　the　chieftain　is　well。〃

After　that　she　wished　him　good　night　rather　hastily；　crept　upstairs　to　her　attic；　and　threw　herself　down　on　her　bed。　　Why　had　he　spoken　of　the　future？　　Why　had　his　voice　hesitated？　　No；　she　would　not　think；　she　would　not。

So　the　article　appeared　in　that　week's　〃Idol…Breaker；　and　thousands　and　thousands　of　people　laughed　over　it。　　It　even　excited　displeased　comment　from　〃the　other　side；〃　and　in　many　ways　did　a　great　deal　of　what　in　Guilford　Terrace　was　considered　〃good　work。〃　　For　Erica　herself；　it　was　long　before　she　had　time　to　give　it　another　thought；　it　was　to　her　only　a　desperately　hard　duty　which　she　had　succeeded　in　doing。　　Nobody　every　guessed　how　much　it　had　cost　her。

The　weary　time　dragged　on；　days　and　weeks　passed　by；　Raeburn　was　growing　weaker；　but　clung　to　life　with　extraordinary　tenacity。　　And　now　very　bitterly　they　felt　the　evils　of　this　voluntarily　embraced　poverty；　for　the　summer　heat　was　for　a　few　days　almost　tropical；　and　the　tiny　little　rooms　in　the　lodging…house　were　stifling。　　Brian　was　very　anxious　to　have　the　patient　moved　across　to　his　father's　house；　but；　though　Charles　Osmond　said　all　he　could　in　favor　of　the　scheme；　the　other　doctors　would　not　consent；　thinking　the　risk　of　removal　too　great。　　And；　besides；　it　would　be　useless；　they　maintained　the　atheist　was　evidently　dying。　　Brian；　who　was　the　youngest；　could　not　carry　out　his　wishes　in　defiance　of　the　others；　but　he　would　not　deny　himself　the　hope　of　even　yet　saving　Erica's　father。　　He　devised　punkahs；　became　almost　nurse　and　doctor　in　one；　and　utterly　refused　to　lose　heart。　　Erica　herself　was　the　only　other　person　who　shared　his　hopefulness；　or　perhaps　her　feeling　could　hardly　be　described　by　that　word；　she　was　not　hopeful；　but　she　had　so　resolutely　set　herself　to　live　in　the　present　that　she　had　managed　altogether　to　crowd　out　the　future；　and　with　it　the　worst　fear。

One　day；　however；　it　broke　upon　her　suddenly。　　Some　one　had　left　a　newspaper　in　the　sick…room；　it　was　weeks　since　she　had　seen　one；　and　in　a　brief　interval；　while　her　father　slept；　or　seemed　to　sleep；　she　took　it　up　half　mechanically。　　How　much　it　would　have　interested　her　a　little　while　ago；　how　meaningless　it　all　seemed　to　her　now。　〃Latest　Telegrams；〃　　〃News　from　the　Seat　of　War；〃　〃Parliamentary　Intelligence〃　a　speech　by　Sir　Michael　Cunningham；　one　of　her　heroes；　on　a　question　in　which　she　was　interested。　　She　could　not　read　it；　all　the　life　seemed　gone　out　of　it；　today　the　paper　was　nothing　to　her　but　a　broad　sheet　with　so　many　columns　of　printed　matter。　　But　as　she　was　putting　it　down　their　own　name　caught　her　eye。　　All　at　once　her　benumbed　faculties　regained　their　power；　her　heart　began　to　beat　wildly；　for　there；　in　clearest　print；　in　short；　choppy；　unequivocal　sentences；　was　the　hideous　fear　which　she　had　contrived　so　long　to　banish。

〃Mr。　Raeburn　is　dying。　　The　bulletins　have　daily　been　growing　less　and　less　hopeful。　　Yesterday　doctor　R______；　who　had　been　called　in；　could　only　confirm　the　unfavorable　opinion　of　the　other　doctors。　　In　all　probability　the　days　of　the　great　apostle　of　atheism　are　numbered。　　It　rests　with　the　Hyde　Park　rioters；　and　those　who　by　word　and　example　have　incited　them；　to　bear　the　responsibility　of　making　a　martyr　of　such　a　man　as　Mr。　Luke　Raeburn。　　Emphatically　disclaiming　the　slightest　sympathy　with　Mr。　Raeburn's　religious　views；　we　yet〃

But　Erica　could　read　no　more。　Whatever　modicum　of　charity　the　writer　ventured　to　put　forth　was　lost　upon　her。　　The　opening　sentence　danced　before　her　eyes　in　letters　of　fire。　　That　morning　she　met　Brian　in　the　passage　and　drew　him　into　the　sitting　room。　　He　saw　at　once　how　it　was　with　her。

〃Look；〃　she　said；　holding　the　newspaper　toward　him；　〃is　that　true？　　Or　is　it　only　a　sensation　trap　or　written　for　party　purposes？〃

Her　delicate　lips　were　closed　with　their　hardest　expression；　her　eyes　only　looked　grave　and　questioning。　　She　watched　his　face　as　he　read；　lost　her　last　hope；　and　with　the　look　of　such　anguish　as　he　had　never　before　seen；　drew　the　paper　from　him；　and　caught　his　hand　in　hers　in　wild　entreaty。

〃Oh；　Brian；　Brian！　　Is　there　no　hope？　　Surely　you　can　do　something　for　him。　　There　MUST　be　hope；　he　is　so　strong；　so　full　of　life。〃

He　struggled　hard　for　voice　and　words　to　answer　her；　but　the　imploring　pressure　of　her　hands　on　his　had　nearly　unnerved　him。　　Already　the　grief　that　kills　lurked　in　her　eyes　he　knew　that　if　her　father　died　she　would　not　long　survive　him。

〃Don't　say　what　is　untrue；〃　she　continued。　〃　Don't　let　me　drive　you　into　telling　a　lie　　but　only　tell　me　if　there　is　indeed　no　hope　no　chance。〃

〃It　may　be；〃　said　Brian。　　〃You　must　not　expect；　for　those　far　wiser　than　I　say　it　can　not　be。　　But　I　hope　yes；　I　still　hope。〃

On　that　crumb　of　comfort　she　lived；　but　it　was　a　weary　day；　and　for　the　first　time　she　noticed　that　her　father；　who　was　free　from　fever；　　followed　her　everywhere　with　his　eyes。　　She　knew　intuitively　that　he　thought　himself　dying。

Toward　evening　she　was　sitting　beside　him；　slowly　drawing　her　fingers　through　his　thick　masses　of　snow…white　hair　in　the　way　he　liked　best；　when　he　looked　suddenly　right　into　her　eyes　with　his　own　strangely　similar　ones；　deep；　earnest　eyes；　full　now　of　a　sort　of　dumb　yearning。

〃Little　son　Eric；〃　he　said；　faintly；　〃you　will　go　on　with　the　work　I　am　leaving。〃

〃Yes；　father；〃　she　replied　firmly；　though　her　heart　felt　as　if　it　would　break。

〃A　harmful　delusion；〃　he　murmured；　half　to　himself；　〃taking　up　our　best　men！　　Swallowing　up　the　money　of　the　people。　　What's　that　singing；　　Erica？〃

〃It　is　the　children　in　the　hospital；〃　she　replied。　　〃I'll　shut　the　window　if　they　disturb　you；　father。〃

〃No；　〃　he　said。　　〃One　can　tolerate　the　delusion　for　them　if　it　makes　their　pain　more　bearable。　　Poor　bairns！　　Poor　bairns！　Pain　is　an　odd　mystery。〃

He　drew　down　her　hand　and　held　it　in　his；　seeming　to　listen　to　the　singing；　which　floated　in　clearly　through　the　open　window　at　right　angles　with　the　back　windows　of　the　hospital。　　Neither　of　them　knew　what　the　hymn　was；　but　the　refrain　which　came　after　every　verse　as　if　even　the　tinies　were　joining　in　it　was　quite　audible　to　Luke　Raeburn　and　his　daughter；

〃Through　life's　long　day；　and　death's　dark　night；　Oh；　gentle　Jesus；　be　our　light。〃

Erica's　breath　came　in　gasps。　　To　be　reminded　then　that　life　was　long　and　that　death　was　dark！

She　thought　she　had　never　prayed；　she　had　never　consciously　prayed；　but　her　whole　life　for　the　past　three　years　had　been　an　unspoken　prayer。　　Never　was　there　a　more　true　desire　entirely　unexpressed　than　the　desire　which　now　seemed　to　possess　her　whole　being。　　The　darkness　would　soon　hide　forever　the　being　she　most　loved。　　Oh；　if　she　could　but　honestly　think　that　He　who　called　Himself　the　Light　of　the　world　was　indeed　still　living；　still　ready　to　help！

But　to　allow　her　distress　to　gain　the　mastery　over　her　would　certainly　disturb　and　grieve　her　father。　　With　a　great　effort　she　stifled　the　sobs　which　would　rise　in　her　throat；　and　waited　in　rigid　stillness。　　When　the　last　notes　of　the　hymn　had　died　away　into　silence；　she　turned　to　look　at　her　father。　　He　had　fallen　asleep。


CHAPTER　XVIII。　Answered　or　Unanswered？

〃Glory　to　God　to　God！〃　he　saith；　〃Knowledge　by　suffering　entereth；　And　life　is　perfected　by　death。〃　　E。　B。　Browning

〃Mr。　Raeburn　is　curiously　like　the　celebrated　dog　of　nursery　lore；　who　appertained　to　the　ancient　and　far…famed　Mother　Hubbard。　　All　the　doctors　gave　him　up；　all　the　secularists　prepared　mourning　garments；　the　printers　were　meditating　black　borders　for　the　'Idol…Breaker；'　the　relative　merits　of　burial　and　cremation　were　already　in　discussion；　when　the　dog　we　beg　pardon　the　leader　of　atheism；　came　to　life　again。

〃'She　went　to　the　joiners　to　buy　him　a　coffin；　But　when　she　came　back　the　dog　was　laughing。'

〃History；〃　as　a　great　man　was　fond　of　remarking；　'repeats　itself。'〃

Raeburn　laughed　heartily　over　the　accounts　of　his　recovery　in　the　comic　papers。　　No　one　better　appreciated　the　very　clever　representation　of　himself　as　a　huge　bull…dog　starting　up　into　life　while　Britannia　in　widow's　weeds　brought　in　a　parish　coffin。　　Erica　would　hardly　look　at　the　thing；　she　had　suffered　too　much　to　be　able　to　endure　any　jokes　on　the　subject；　and　she　felt　hurt　and　angry　that　what　had　given　her　such　anguish　should　be　turned　into　a　foolish　jest。

At　length；　after　many　weeks　of　weary　anxiety；　she　was　able　to　breathe　freely　once　more；　for　her　father　steadily　regained　his　strength。　　The　devotion　of　her　whole　time　and　strength　and　thought　to　another　had　done　wonders　for　her；　her　character　had　strangely　deepened　and　mellowed。　　But　no　sooner　was　she　free　to　begin　her　ordinary　life　than　new　perplexities　beset　her　on　every　side。

During　her　own　long　illness　she　had　of　course　been　debarred　from